If a husband and wife cannot live together harmoniously because they have developed irreconcilable differences, traditional Judaism allows them to divorce. Divorce is not taken lightly among Jews, and it is even considered a tragedy. It is said that when a man divorces his wife, "the altar of G-d sheds tears [for him]" (Malachi 2:13).
Since marriage is a unilateral contract that is initiated by a husband, as discussed in Section I, so too must a husband be the one to initiate its dissolution. According to the Bible, a husband is permitted to divorce his wife at will and send her out from his home:
"When a man taketh a wife and marrieth her, then it cometh to pass, if she finds no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some unseemly thing in her, he writeth her a bill of divorcement, giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; and she departeth out of his house, and goeth and becometh another man's wife" (Deuteronomy 24:1-2).
The reciprocal, however, does not hold; a wife has no leverage to prevent divorce proceedings initiated by her husband, nor does she have the power to initiate divorce proceedings against her husband. This difference in power certainly has abusive overtones. However, as simple and cruel as this sounds, there are a few qualifications: (1) a husband must first give his wife a bill of divorcement, known as a get, and present it to her before sending her from his home (i.e., divorcing her); (2) he must give her some type of alimony settlement (as outlined in the ketubah); (3) he can only divorce her if he has not falsely accused her of having premarital sex after their betrothal nor has been forced to marry her originally because he had raped her prior to the marriage [these are the only two Biblical instances in which a husband is forbidden to divorce his wife]; and (4) according to Talmudic law, he may not divorce her if she is insane or else so mentally incompetent that she cannot care for herself. All four of these qualifications are meant to protect wives from husbands who might otherwise, during a fit of rage, simply pronounce a declaration of divorce and sever all ties with them, thus leaving them financially bankrupt and unable to remarry [due to the stigma attached to divorced women]. Moreover, although a husband initiates a divorce, it is only acceptable if his wife accepts it; if a wife does not accept a divorce, a husband is forbidden to divorce her, unless there exist mitigating circumstances in which a bet din ["Jewish court of law"] forces a wife to divorce her husband. A wife's unwillingness to accept a divorce is about the only power that a woman really has in Jewish divorce proceedings, since she cannot initiate divorce proceedings. This restriction was decreed about a thousand years ago to further protect wives from being divorced at whim. The problem of Jewish divorce, and where the potential for abuse to develop lies, is in the unilateral nature of Jewish marital and divorce law, namely men's sole power to effect a divorce. This point will become clear in the following discussion.
When an American Jewish couple marries in a Jewish wedding ceremony, two distinct legal systems recognize the marriage: (1) American civil law; and (2) Jewish law. If a marital relationship dissolves and one or both parties want a divorce, American civil law requires that the moving party bring an action into an American court of law. Assuming proper grounds exist for a divorce, the court will order a divorce and American civil law will consider the marriage terminated. Case closed, right?
Wrong. A secular, or civil, divorce has no religious validity in dissolving the marital ties of the Jewish couple. In other words, a civilly divorced couple is still married according to Jewish law until a Jewish divorce has been granted; that is, Jewish law will consider the parties still married until such time as distinct Jewish religious legal proceedings are performed. In order for a divorce to be complete, thus severing all marital ties of a couple, a Jewish husband must issue his wife a get. [I would like to see a translation of the get].
Since the writing of a get is a complex and delicate matter, a Jewish divorce must be conducted by experts. "Those [rabbis] who are not well-versed in the intricacies of marriage and divorce may not participate in divorce proceedings" (Kiddushin 6a). The get proceedings may roughly be broken down into the following nine steps: (1) The parties appear before a rabbi learned in the laws of divorce, a scribe, and two witnesses; (2) The husband requests that the scribe write the get for his wife, which the scribe then proceeds to do using a special quill pen; (3) The husband declares that he is giving the get of his own free will, and a similar declaration is made by the wife concerning its receipt; (4) At this point, the get is then signed by the two witnesses; (5) The parties are again questioned as to whether they are giving and accepting the get voluntarily. The husband must state that he will never in the future cast any doubt on the validity of the get; (6) the husband takes the get and drops it directly into his wife's cupped hands, stating: "This is your get and you are divorced from me, and are permitted to marry any man"; (7) She then places the get under her arm and symbolically leaves by turning and moving several steps away; (8) the divorcée then returns and the get is taken from her by the officiating rabbi who tears the get crosswise; and (9) finally, the divorced woman is given a receipt to prove her divorced status, and the process is over. The reason that the get is destroyed right before the end of the ceremony and not given to the divorcée to keep is so that no other man may use the get to claim that he has divorced his wife; it is always possible that another man will try to change the names on a get to meet his own ends, so the rabbis instituted this practice and instead give the woman a receipt of her divorcement from her ex-husband. From the Jewish religious standpoint, once a husband issues his wife a get, it completely severs his marital relationship, even if they are not civilly divorced. This is a rather simple process, but the fact that only a husband may issue a get may lead to all types of conflict between a divorcing couple.