Bubba's Turkey

The Thanksgiving cooking plans have taken a deranged turn, Bubba getting into high weirdness mode and threatening to stuff the turkey with fruits, nuts, shrimps, sausages, and/or nopalitos. There's a suspicious quart jar of olives in there, too. I keep giving my opinion, which is probably a bad idea, as this is just one of those things that's crept up his skirt and bit him on the butt and the more I protest, the more willfully eccentric he's gonna get; I think he envisions me tucking into it and saying, "Ah, how wrong I was! This brandy bacon pistachio maple syrup prune stuffing makes the turkey so moist and delectable!" The real danger, of course, is that it will taste just fine, and then everyone he knows will have to listen to a month's serenade every year about his famous recipe for jamming 30 bucks worth of groceries into a turkey and slow-cooking for 24 hours to get a vaguely interesting flavor. Really he should just shove in some cilantro on top of the whole ball of wax and peddle it to some yuppie magazine as Southwestern cuisine.