Back to Basics - Session 1

Back to Basics - AA's 12 Steps

New hope through working the 12 steps of AA

Hi. Think you might have a problem with alcohol? Have you tried to do something about it? Are you willing to try to do something different?

Then there are a few things about alcoholics that might interest you. We invite you to see if you can relate to some of these:

Some of us got to the point where we became very impatient with ourselves and the world. Just getting caught in traffic could send us through the roof.

Some of us felt we had to manipulate others to get what we needed.

Some of us thought we were real important but found out we were living a lie.

Some of us thought we really had no problem with alcohol -- that our troubles were caused by those around us.

Some of us seemed like Jekyll and Hyde, kind one moment and mean the next.

Some of us were successful at licking other problems alone, so we thought we could lick our alcohol problem alone. We found out we couldn't.

Some of us kept trying to drink like normal drinkers, even long after our experience showed we could not.

Some of us were inwardly unhappy most of the time, thinking: "You'd drink, too, if you had my problems."

Some of us had grown-up brains but childish emotions.

Some of us were hurt by those we loved, and we came to believe that if we never let go and loved anyone completely, we'd never be hurt again. We thought it best to be self-sufficient.

Some of us became acutely sensitive to criticism. We hurt deeply.

Can you relate to any of those alcoholic behaviors?

Well, let's consider the three types of drinkers identified in our book entitled Alcoholics Anonymous and see which type you are. On pages 20 and 21, the authors identify the three types of drinkers:

1. Moderate drinkers

2. Hard drinkers.

Both of those types, if they have a good reason, can quit on their own. Did you ever have good reasons to quit? Did you, permanently? Then you're not one of those.

3. The third type is the real alcoholic -- he or she may have had a lot of good reasons to quit, but did not. The real alcoholic may have been a moderate or hard drinker in the past, but at some point, all that changed. The real alcoholic somewhere along the way lost all control of liquor consumption, once he/she starts to drink. Everyday activities as well as stressful or tense situations could trigger a need for a drink. We developed an overwhelming urge to repeat the experience of being high. At times, the urge went beyond the strength of our self-will to do otherwise.

Which of those sounds most like you?

So, yes or no: Based on that definition, do you concede to your innermost self that you are not a moderate or hard drinker but that you are a real alcoholic?

There are also some things you need to know about alcoholism:

(1) It is a fatal disease;

(2) It has three parts, and all three must be treated for you to survive;

(3) You cannot treat it yourself;

(4) There are some actions you will have to take to get better;

(5) It cannot be treated by sitting around a table and talking about it.

So I am not an alcoholic because of (A) the frequency with which I drink; nor (B) the amount I drink; nor (C) whether I do crazy things when I drink; nor (D) whether I get very quiet when I drink.

Only two things make me a Real Alcoholic:

1. I lost the power of choice over alcohol.

2. I lost control over the amount I drank.

Question: Did you ever stop for a while? Did you start again, despite vows not to?

So you lost power of choice. We may be able to quit for a period of time, but we never -- on our own power -- have been able to quit for good. You can't choose whether to drink or not drink. You drink.

Question: Did you ever plan to have just 1 or 2 drinks, but had more?

Then you have lost the power of control. That means that we may go for periods of time without a drink, but once we take that first drink, we cannot control the amount we take after that one.

Want to know why?

One of our members is allergic to penicillin. He would never let a doctor give him a shot of penicillin. It makes him sick. That's what most people would call a sane and normal reaction--to avoid something that has a history of making us feel worse in the long run.

Are you allergic to anything--foods, medicines, etc.? What happens when you take it? So do you take it? Of course not--it makes you sick.

In the introduction to Alcoholics Anonymous, there's a section written by a Dr. Silkworth, who describes alcoholics as having an allergy to alcohol. In the years since he wrote that, in 1934, we've learned a lot about alcohol and how it operates in the body. We know that the body of the alcoholic is physically different. Something in the way the body metabolizes alcohol triggers a craving for alcohol once we take the first drink.

In a normal drinker, alcohol moves through the body quickly, breaks down (metabolizes) and leaves the body. That doesn't happen with us--one drink triggers a craving for a second drink. We have a second drink, which we also can't process normally. The craving cycle has begun and we have no control. Once the alcohol accumulates in your body, and that begins to happen with only ONE drink, you will crave another. And how many times did we think it'd be nice to have JUST ONE drink to relax, but had more? Now you see why--and this can NEVER change. Your body and mine are different from normal drinkers.

Many of us couldn't understand why we couldn't go back to the way it had been. Our drinking careers were characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people and like the way we were able to drink in the past. The persistence of the illusion is astonishing. Normal drinkers, moderate drinkers, and hard drinkers all have the willpower to stop because they do not suffer the phenomenon of craving to the extent we do. They can do it--we can't. Another thing they can do is decide to go get smashed, like on New Year's Eve. But then they might not do that for the rest of the year.

So have you experienced the phenomenon of craving? Then let me ask you: Yes or no: do you concede to your innermost self that--because of the differences in your body--your willpower, your own power, cannot stop your body's craving, that you are physically powerless over alcohol?

You cannot change your body--it will always react abnormally to alcohol, and as you get older, it will only get worse as the organs age and eventually function even less effectively than they do now. All of this would mean nothing if you could just not drink. You'd never trigger the craving. But we cannot "just not drink."

Why? Because there's a second part to our problem. When we have been drinking and stop, the physical craving goes away after a week or so. If this were just a physical addiction we're fighting here, that'd be the end of it, once you stopped for a week. Well, we can ALL stop for a week. But we can't stop for good, not on our own. Even after craving leaves, something else begins trying to convince us to take another drink (really just one or two is what we usually plan) and then that sets off the phenomenon of craving again and there goes the insane cycle again.

Do you know what it is that takes us back to the booze, even after craving has disappeared? It has a name--it's called the "alcoholic mind." The reason it wants us to take a drink again is because of the way we feel AFTER we lose physical craving but BEFORE we work the Steps of AA to get rid of the alcoholic, obsessive mind. Let's see what our alcoholic minds do to us.

Say you're allergic to penicillin. You have an effective mental defense against it that works every time. It makes you sick, you know that, so you never touched it again. Your willpower, your will, around penicillin is strong enough to keep you away from it.

But has alcohol ever had the same effect on you as what you are allergic to?

But you drank it again anyway?

Does that make sense to you, really?

Does that seem like a normal, sane reaction on your part? To drink something that ends up making you feel worse?

That is the same abnormal and insane reaction I had to alcohol. I drank something (booze) repeatedly that made me sick--that's abnormal and insane. Alcohol and its effects are etched into our subconscious minds, and the urge can return at any time. But our book says when we get to Step Ten, "we react sanely and normally" to alcohol. That means I will not want to put things in my body that ultimately make me feel worse or behave worse.

Now, let me ask you this: didn't you say earlier that you have had good reasons to quit drinking? Did you ever try to change your mind about drinking--saying to yourself or others, "I'm gonna quit" or "I'm gonna drink less next time"? But did you?

We suffer what is called the "obsession of the mind." That's in the subconscious part of our mind, the part we can't get at by willpower alone. Our book says that if you have a subconscious, alcoholic mind that obsesses over alcohol, "the time and place will come -- you will drink again." That means if you DON'T have an alcoholic mind, the time and place will never come again that you will drink.

How do you determine if your subconscious mind is an alcoholic mind? See if it has told you one or more of these 3 lies that keeps taking you back to the drink, even as the conscious mind says you're going to drink less. The subconscious mind, if it is an alcoholic mind, says:

1. If restless, irritable, discontented, or bored--your mind says "a drink would help." The subconscious, alcoholic mind makes you forget that you reached a point where it no longer helped.

2. The alcoholic's subconscious mind also says: "This time, things are gonna be different." Now we had that thought a thousand times and it was NOT different a thousand times. Why do we keep thinking it will be different when our experience keeps showing us that it's not? We tried switching from beer to wine, wine to liquor, liquor to beer. Now we know why none of that helped. Alcohol is alcohol, whether it's in beer or wine or liquor, and our bodies don't react normally to alcohol.

3. The alcoholic mind also says: "This time you will enjoy it--it's gonna be OK--and it'll produce the effect you want--relief from being restless, irritable, discontented or bored."

So craving takes place after the drink, obsession takes place before. BOTH make you drink. You think you can take it or leave it, but you have a body that cannot take it, and a part of your mind that cannot leave it alone.

Think back in your memory--doesn't your history shows that to be your truth? So do you see that you are different mentally too? You have wanted to change your mind about booze but you couldn't change your mind.

So, yes or no: do you concede to your innermost self that you are mentally powerless over alcohol as well as physically?

Here's your truth:

1. You're powerless over alcohol, both physically and mentally.

2. Your behavior is insane--you want to drink something that you don't want to drink and you want to drink something that makes you sick.

3. Your history, your past experience shows you that

Your body has an allergy to alcohol.
You have an effective mental defense against other things, but not against alcohol.
You can't change your mind--your experience shows that.
You are, in short, between a rock and a hard place--you have a dilemma.

The bottom line is that with your body and your mind, you're hopeless, unless you can change your alcoholic mind--and you can't.

But we have a process that can. The work we can do in the steps will get rid of that type mind. All we have to do is get to Step 10 and we'll stop having this abnormal and insane reaction to alcohol.

There was another reason to work these steps besides making me better physically and mentally.

For me, it got to where my way of living was not working--things got unmanageable. Alcohol had become my master. Here are 8 traits of an unmanageable life. Let's see if any of them apply to you:

We were having trouble with personal relationships (and we include ourselves here).
We couldn't control our emotional natures (ever have "up and down" days?).
We were prey to misery and depression.
We couldn't make a living (or a decent life).
We had a feeling of uselessness.
We were full of fear (ever worry about things?).
We were unhappy.
We couldn't seem to be of real help to other people.

Several of these probably apply to you--your life really is unmanageable.

So, yes or no: do you concede to your innermost self that your way of life could stand improvement and that you need to find a new design for living?

OK--then according to the authors of our book you have completed Step One, which says,

"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable."

Let's go on. We drink because we can't handle life the way it is, but our life is not the way it is because we drink. There is no connection between being powerless over alcohol and having an unmanageable life. How do we know that? Because we see many alcoholics quit drinking for periods of time, but their life does not get better. They have quit drinking but have not worked all the steps, and they are miserable.

So something else besides alcohol is making our lives miserable, and we have to find an answer to what is causing our lives so much trouble if we are going to put an end to the trouble, and then we have to find some power to change all that.

Well, by taking Step Two of our program, we can address two things:

Getting that power, and
Getting rid of that crazy, alcoholic thinking that results from our mind lying to us.

Step Two says:

"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves (greater than we have had so far) could restore us to sanity." That is, could get rid of that lying alcoholic mind and leaves us with a mind that tells us the truth.

We all had to find some power that is greater than we have had so far in order to do any of that.

You have a multi-part disease, and you have to have a power greater than you to get over it. Now only a blasted egotistical drunk would even THINK about the question: "Let's see -- is there something more powerful than me?!! I'll get back to you on that!"

So I need to know: yes or no, can you accept the fact that there is a Power greater than you, that you are not the greatest power that exists?

Yes or no, do you concede to your innermost self that you need to find that Power?

Yes or no: do you concede to your innermost self that your alcoholic mind has led you to behave insanely around alcohol?

Good. You have just completed Step Two and we can go on. Let's see what we've learned so far:

Step One taught us that we have no power and that our lives are unmanageable (especially because of our crazy, alcoholic minds).

Step Two gives us hope when we figure out two things:

That there is some Power greater than we've had so far that's available to lick this problem, and that it has worked for millions who got over the same problems you have; and
That with that Power we can change the alcoholic mind and can become normal in our reaction to alcohol.

That leaves one more element of our problem to address: our unmanageable lives described in those 8 traits, which are really the "Eight Traits of a Life Run on Self Will." Running a life on self-will did not work for us, and it doesn't seem to be working for you either.

So we have to somehow replace self-will with some other will. All the philosophies and social systems throughout history have taught that mankind lives according to one of three wills:

Free will;
self-will; or
The Will of the Universe.

We thought for a long time that we were living by free will. We thought we could pretty much do anything we wanted, and we pretty much did! But somewhere during our drinking careers, we lost free will. How do we know? Because we got up many mornings after and said, "I'll NEVER do that again," but soon we were doing it again. So we had no free will, not really. Not if we are honest with ourselves. And so we came to be driven by self-will. How do you know if you were trying to run your life on self-will? Here's what it looks like:

A. We thought all the world would be better off if everyone would just think the way we think and do things our way.

B. We judged people and then classified everyone: "He's a jerk; she's an idiot; he's a wimp; she's a fool, etc."

C. We had great expectations of others, and if they didn't meet our expectations automatically, we thought we had to exert our self-will and DEMAND that they do what we wanted. Other times, we'd try to manipulate them to do what we wanted, by giving or withholding or tricking.

D. We became angry and resentful when they did not meet our demands.

E. We tried to change, or control, or direct people, being kind or mean--depending on which we thought would work better to get what we wanted.

F. We never had enough of anything, so we often overdid many things and worried about never having enough for the future.

G. In a state of being led by self-will, we got restless, irritable and discontented and therefore had to constantly seek ease and comfort.

H. For a period of time, alcohol provided that ease and comfort. Later, the alcohol became a source of dis-ease and discomfort.

Some of us came to realize that if we didn't start trouble, we wouldn't have nearly as much trouble. Thus, we realized that WE were causing all our own troubles. We had thought our problems were a result of external forces. Now we see that all of our problems originate from within us. Why? Because our resentments dominate our thoughts, causing us, in effect, to turn our lives over to the very people we resent. In letting others dominate our thoughts, consciously and subconsciously, we are allowing them to direct our lives.

So we all reached a point where we realized that we no longer had free will and where we realized that a life run on self-will doesn't work either. We finally see that alcohol is not our problem. Our problem is trying to run a life on self will. That never results in anything in the long run except anger, resentment, self-pity, worry, dishonesty, conflict and no peace for us or for those around us. That was our experience.

In that miserable condition, we used alcohol to treat the misery we caused ourselves by our own self-will. But eventually, even the alcohol stopped working for us, so we found that we had no other option: we lost free will, and we saw that we have to get rid of self-will because it wasn't working any longer either.

The good news is that our experience shows that if people get rid of self-will, they'll get rid of the problems it caused, and then they won't need to try to treat their miserable existence with alcohol.

Do you see now that you have not been enslaved by the world, by external forces, by other people, nor by alcohol--but that you have really been held in bondage by your SELF, by trying to live a life of self-will?

So hopefully you now see that this is your truth:

Free will is not an option;
Self-will brings nothing but trouble;
You have to get rid of self.

And if you do, then you shall automatically move into living a life based on the Will of the Universe. In AA, we call that God's will. And what does that offer?

Once we abandon self, we are

free of difficulty
free of making ourselves unlovable
free of powerlessness
free of insanity
free of hopelessness
free of self-pity
free of conflict.

Sound like something you might want?

Either we kill self-will or self-will kills us. How do we get rid of self-will? By doing Steps Four to Twelve in our program of 12 steps.

Ultimately, how do we get rid of the self? We work the steps so we can quit playing God. How do we quit playing God? By seeing what God's job is, and then giving up doing those things, like judging people--that inspire them to attack us back; like making hell for them--which inspires them to retaliate; like demanding that people follow us, answer to us--which makes them rebel; like trying to control people and make them believe the way we believe, and see things the way we see things, and behave the way we want--which only drives them further away from us.

We AA's have admitted that self-will caused our troubles and in admitting that, we were led by the rest of the steps to the Power we did not have. That Power did for us what we could not do for ourselves. And we choose to call that Power God, as we each in our own way conceive of God.

Now at this point, a lot of alcoholics get resistant to what we are saying. That's OK.

Of course that sounded pretty mystical to most of us starting this new journey as you are. But then we came to understand better when we heard a football announcer described the people in a stadium as "a spirit-filled crowd" or he might have said: "Boy, you can feel the spirit in this crowd." All that means is that they are having an experience that is simply outside their normal, everyday human activity. Well, we who have recovered from alcoholism--like that football crowd--got out of ourselves for a moment and really got into something else.

We first tried to quit drinking on our own, and we tried to change on our own. But we failed. However, if we follow these steps exactly, we are GUARANTEED to have a spiritual experience, and through THAT experience, we are also guaranteed to have a psychic change that allows us to do something we've not been able to do: namely, react sanely and normally to alcohol and come up with a new way of living. That is our experience. Y ou don't have to believe at this point that the same will happen for you, but on the other hand, what have you got to lose by TRYING the steps we took that solved all our problems and has left us free of the bondage we were in?

As easy as that really proved to be, why does it sound like it might be hard at this point? Because most real alcoholics coming into AA have one of two ideas about God:

1. There's no such thing; or

2. There may be a God, but She/He/It abandoned me long ago.

Do either of those come close to your view?

If I believe there is no God, I think there is no one to control people and to run things. Then guess what that inspires me to do? To play God--to try to control people, to judge and criticize people, to try to run things.

If I believe God abandoned me, I feel empty. I then try to fill myself, with booze, or relationships, with activities, with going, with doing, with searching.

So, let's summarize our real problem: we were running our lives on self-will instead of God's will, doing just what we wanted and trying to make everyone conform to our desires. So we ended up with no real power because we weren't seeking the source of all power. We were living in the delusion that we were the most powerful thing around.

No one is comfortable around people who are bossing them around, trying to control and direct them, acting like they're the greatest power in the world, so we ended up in collision with everyone. Thus we now know that we have to let God be God. I have to settle for being me, a human--not better than anyone else, not appointed to rule over anyone else. We're the kind of people who think we can solve our own problems--we don't seek help from anyone. But now I see that I was the problem, so I can't solve it. I have to seek help. That is why, today, that I am a regular seeker of power. But if I have a negative concept of God, I won't seek God's help. So let's look at our concept of God and see where that concept comes from.

Many churches teach very different concepts of God: some loving, some mean. They cannot all be right. Somebody's concept is wrong.

What would you like God to be like? Think about a God who is forgiving, loving, kind, nonjudgmental, a God of mercy, not justice (thank goodness!), a God who allows me to be totally divine and totally human, and in recognizing my humanness, forgives so that I don't have to bear guilt any longer. Does that appeal to you?

Then so be it. THAT is your new concept.

Right now, I don't care whether you believe or not; I don't care if you think it'll work for you or not, because you are up to the Third Step, which is just a decision to do the rest of the steps and see if it might work for you, based on the fact that it worked for me and millions of others.

If you are willing to just do that much, I guarantee you it'll work. Remember: you do not have to believe that right now.

Here's the way it was explained to me:

In Step One, I realize I've been in a war all my life--with others, with God, with myself. I have to answer the question, "Am I ready to declare that the war is over?" I realized that I had fought the war of life, and lost.

In Step Two, I had to look at my sanity, "Isn't it crazy to keep fighting a war that I've already lost? In fact, lost time and again?

And in Step Three, all I have to do is say to this new God of my new conception, "God, I surrender. I give up. I'm done fighting a war I've already lost. It would be nuts to go on. I think I'm ready to try to be a peacemaker instead of a peace-breaker."

The Third Step in the Book has some words that are implied, so I'm going to tell you what it says by adding those words that are understood:

"(We) made a decision to turn our (self) will and our (unmanageable) lives over to the care of God as we (now) understand (or conceive of this new) God (the God of our new conception)."

Notice it says "made a decision" to do this. Since Steps 4-12 guide us to that turning over of our self-will if we do the rest of the steps, we get rid of that self-will that has not worked for us, and (in doing that) we got rid of the unmanageability in our lives.

So the question is: Are you willing to go through a series of 9 more steps that will take only three or four more hours and just see if you get the power and the manageability and the peace we got after doing those steps? If so, then we are going to say what we call the Third Step Prayer together, just to affirm that decision, because you have a need for power; you have a need for love, it seems; you have a need for a new way of life. The prayer offers those. Would you like to have power, and love, and a new way of life?

OK--before we say the prayer, we'll sit in the silence for a few moments, and in that silence we are going to consider this decision before affirming it. In the silence I invite you to think what it would be like from this moment--until the moment that you leave this body--to have a relationship, to have an ongoing, never-ending experience with that kind of God, directing your life.

[Moment of silence]

Now, if you are ready, let's do the Third Step Prayer together. We do this on our knees, to make physically clear to ourselves that we really mean the surrender we are about to make. I invite you, if you want to, to join me. Please repeat the words after me:

"God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thy wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always!"

Great! You have completed Steps One, Two, and Three of the 12 steps that will be necessary for you to overcome the effects of your disease and recover fully. Next time we'll go on to Steps 4 and 5. Please be prepared to spend an hour alone after doing those steps. In that hour, you'll do some work that we'll tell you about next time.

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Session 2