(Footnotes containing translation for the Spanish follow the text.)

JULIA

Julia lay in bed listening to the rain, unable to sleep. Without looking at the clock, she knew it was about 1:30 in the morning. Soon, Alonzo would stagger in the back door, waking the children, demanding to be fed after drinking at El Encanto all night long.

The thunder began a few minutes after two. Julia prepared to get up and help her husband get into dry clothes. He was sure to have been caught in the sudden downpour on his four block walk from the bar. She readied his clothes and took them to the kitchen along with the mop so she could clean the mud he'd track into the house.

Julia was not surprised to hear Alonzo curse her as he fell against the door. "¡Julia! ¡Abreme la puerta, cabrona!"

She quickly opened the door so he'd be quiet and not wake the children. When she tried to help him walk into the kitchen, he pushed her away with such force that she was thrown across the kitchen, smashing her hip against the counter. Alonzo staggered to the table, sat down, and yelled at her to feed him. He was hungry and he wanted his dinner. He didn't care that it was almost 2:30 in the morning.

"Andale pronto. Ya sabes qué siempre llego con hambre. ¿Porqué no me tienes la cena lista? ¡mensa!"1

Julia hurried to the refrigerator and took out last night's dinner. Alonzo, seeing that she was going to heat something already cold, jumped up from his chair and knocked the food out of her hand, scattering orange grains of arroz, morsels of cold pollo along with congealed fat and pieces of the cazuela Julia's dead mother had given her that last
Christmas she was alive. As the debris spread, it covered Julia, the table, the wall and the kitchen floor.

As Julia rushed to clean the mess, Alonzo struck her hard across the face. "Now see what you did? Que cochinada has hecho. Pero no te vas a salir tan fácil. Dame de comer. ¡Te digo qué tengo hambre! ¡Dame de comer! ¡Ahorita!"2

Julia rushed to the refrigerator to see what else she might have to satisfy her demanding husband. As she did so, Alonzo continued to chastise her for not being fast enough. She hurried and as she did so, she tried to hide her tears from Alonzo so he wouldn't have yet another reason to criticize her.

She located some chorizo con huevos and some frijoles. Hurriedly Julia made Alonzo four burritos. As she rolled the last of the tortillas, Alonzo yelled at her that he'd have to go feed himself because she was so slow.

With this, he again jumped from his chair and rushed to the refrigerator where he proceeded to turn everything inside of it upside down. When he'd done that, he took his right arm and swiftly emptied the refrigerator of its contents. "No hay nada que comer. Pura cochinada y comida podrida. ¿Porque no traes comida buena? Yo gano buen dinero...muy bueno para que me des esta mierda que siempre me das."3

Julia placed the plate of burritos on the table and began to clean the mess Alonzo had made. She silently prayed that he'd leave her alone. She prayed that he'd eat his food and pass out quickly.

"Mira que marranero. No puedes darme de comer cuando tengo hambre. No puedes mantener la casa limpia. Mira nomas que marranero has hecho. ¿Pa'qué me sirves sí no puedes darme lo que te pido?"4

With this,he grabbed Julia by her long, dark braids and pulled her up to him. As she tried to balance herself, Alonzo sneered at her "¿Qué pasa, no quieres darme lo que quiero? Andale, haber sí para eso sirves!" 5

He held her hair tightly in his left hand as his right fist grabbed her flannel nightgown and tore it from her body, revealing her breasts.

Above his laughter, Julia heard one of her children crying. She looked and saw Alma, only three years old, watching in horror what her father was doing to her mother. Julia called out to Alma that it was okay. She should go back to bed. Julia told her she'd be in to see her soon.

When Alonzo heard Julia calling out to Alma, he turned to the terrified child and lunged at her. "¡Andale, vete, desgraciada o te voy a dar como a tu mama!" 6

Fearing that Alonzo would beat the innocent child, Julia grabbed Alonzo's arm yelling, "¡Dejala! ¡Ella no te ha hecho nada! ¡Dejala! ¡Pegame a mi!"7

She was not fast enough or strong enough. Alonzo's muscular arm had already struck the child, sending her across the room, screaming, her mouth red with blood.

Julia, fearing for her child's safety, grabbed themop and began to hit Alonzo with its handle. Alonzo grabbed it from her and broke it in half, flinging it at her once again turning toward Alma who lay in the corner, crying and wiping at the blood on her mouth. Julia, desperate to spare her baby any further injury and maddened by the child's anguished cries, reached for whatever she could find to use against Alonzo in her daughter's defense.

She reached for a cast iron skillet but lost her grip on it because of its weight. The next thing she grabbed a hold of she was able to hang on to. It was the handle of a knife she'd used to prepare dinner last night. It sat in the drainboard on the counter next to the sink. She yelled at Alonzo to leave the child alone.

"¡Dejala! ¡Dejala o te voy a matar!"8

Alonzo looked over his shoulder in disgust at his wife. But when he saw the knife in her hands and the look in her eyes, he realized that she meant it. He slowly let go of Alma. He turned his body toward his wife and tried to reach for the knife.

"¡No! ¡No me lo vas a quitar! ¡Vete de esta casa! Ya no más. ¡Basta! El marrano eres tu, no yo...ya no te agüanto más. Vete ahorita. Vete para siempre. ¡Vete o te mato! ¡Largate!"9

Somehow Alonzo knew that she meant it. The look in her eyes. The determination of her stance. The force of her words. The absence of tears. The strength. She meant it. Alonzo feared that if he didn't leave, Julia would make him pay for all the nights he'd come home late and drunk...for all the times he'd beaten her...for all the times he'd humiliated her in front of the kids...for all the times he'd beaten the children...for all the years he had made her suffer...

Slowly, Alonzo backed away from Julia. He kept backing up until he reached the door. He turned the doorknob, knowing that there was no turning back now, he opened the door. With sudden sobriety and alertness, Alonzo didn't dare take his eyes off of this woman who was suddenly a stranger. He didn't know this woman. This woman was not his woman. His woman was weak; this woman was strong. His woman was obedient; this woman was defiant. His woman was childlike; this woman was independent. His woman was worn and tired; this woman was strong, renewed and determined.

Alonzo kept on walking backwards in disbelief and shock. He walked out of the house...out of the yard...down the driveway...into the rain soaked street...out of Julia's life...never to return.

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1 "Hurry up. You know I'm always hungry when I get home. Why don't you have my dinner ready for me, idiot!"
2 "...What a mess you've made. But you won't get away so easily. Feed me. I tell you I'm hungry! Feed me! Now!"
3 "There's nothing to eat. Only pig slop and rotten food. Why don't you buy good food? I earn good money...too good for you to feed me this shit!"
4 "Look! What a mess. You can't give me food when I'm hungry. You can't keep the house clean. Look at this mess you've made. What good do you do me if you can't give me what I want?"
5 "What's the matter? You don't want to give me what I want? Come on! Let's see if you're good for that!"
6 "Go on you little wretch or I'll give you some of the same!"
7 "Leave her alone! She hasn't done anything to you! Leave her alone! Hit ME!"
8 "Leave her alone or I'll kill you!"
9 "No! You won't take it from me! Get out of this house! No more. Enough! You are a pig, not me...I won't take any more! Go now! Leave forever. Go or I will kill you! Get out!"

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CORINA CARRASCO writes whenever she can find time between her family, full-time teaching, part-time student and community volunteer duties. She lives in Glendale with her three children. It is her hope that, someday soon, women all over the world, will be able to focus their strength on other problems that plague our communities instead of having to focus on protecting themselves against the men who "love" them.

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Comments on this story? E-mail me by clicking below.

(This story may bring up thoughts on how we tell our children to do one thing, then we model another. Enjoy!)

LA SEGUNDA

Anna woke up early on Friday morning. She got up, washed her face, and got ready for school in record time. She ate breakfast and got her coat on without having to be hurried. She was waiting at the front door before the others were ready.

"Venganse. Vamonos. Hurry up!" she called to her older brother and sister. Anna was usually the last one ready for school but this morning was different. She was excited and wanted to get there early, before the bell rang.

"Why are you in such a hurry today?" asked her brother, David. David was in sixth grade and liked to get to school just as the bell rang so he wouldn't have to talk to or play with any of the other boys. David didn't get along with the boys, only with the girls.

"I want to show Lydia and Denise my new dress. It's so pretty. They're really gonna like it." Anna's two best friends always had pretty clothes — new clothes. They bought clothes at stores Anna had never heard of. Lydia's parents took her to a store called GEMCO. When Anna asked her mother if she could go to GEMCO, her mother said that everything was too expensive there and you had to pay for a special card before you could even get inside the store. Denise's parents took her to Sears and Penney's. Anna's mother said those stores were too expensive. She told Anna that Denise and Lydia didn't have a lot of brothers and sisters and their fathers had better jobs than Anna's father so they could afford to shop at those stores.

Anna's father worked in a cannery. Her mother did not work. Anna had three olderbrothers, one older sister, and two younger sisters. They didn't shop at GEMCO. They didn't shop at Sears or at Penney's. When they went downtown, they shopped at Woolworth and Newberry's, but most of the time, they shopped at the Segunda. Sometimes they went to a little one far away, past the downtown area. Her mother called it St. Vincent's. Sometimes they shopped at a real big one not too far away that her parents called el Salvation Army. But most of the time they went to a big one that had an upstairs and a downstairs. That one was called The Goodwill. Anna knew that they were all segundas because when they were going to go there, her parents said "let's go to the segunda."

Last night, after dinner, her mother told Anna to get ready because they were going shopping. Thursday was payday for her father so they were going to go to the segunda to get her some clothes. Her mother said she needed a bigger size because she was already too big for her older sister's clothes.

When they got there, Anna and her mother went upstairs to where they had the clothes for little girls. They looked through all of the racks till they found her size—size 10. Her mother said Anna shouldn't wear such a big size because her sister Sara, who was older and in third grade, only wore a size 8. They found a pretty brown dress. It was real soft. Her mother said it was called velvet.

Anna liked the full skirt and the long shiny white ribbon that tied in the back. There was a really pretty white shiny collar too. Anna's mother said it was too fancy. But Anna had cried and told her about how Lydia and Denise and all the other girls wore dresses like this to school. When she tried it on, her mother had smiled at her. She nodded and said, " okay, it's $3.50 but if your father doesn't find out, it's okay." Anna hugged her mother! She couldn't believe that this dress was really going to be her's. It was the most beautiful dress she'd ever seen, prettier than the white lace dress her sister had worn last year when she made her first holy communion.

When they got home, Anna's mother had agreed to let her wear the dress to school on Friday. She had found some white socks with ruffles on them at the segunda and had told her to polish her Christmas shoes—the pretty, shiny black ones her nino and nina had given her for her birthday. She was so excited, she could hardly get to sleep that night, thinking about how much her friends would like her beautiful dress.

When they got to school, Lydia and Denise were playing hopscotch, as usual. Anna walked over to the two and said hello. The girls said hello and kept on playing. They didn't notice Anna's dress until Lydia lost her balance at the end when she tried to turn around to come back. When it was Denise's turn, Lydia noticed Anna's dress.

"Anna, what a pretty dress. Is it new? " Lydia asked.

"Yes, it's new. My sister's clothes doesn't fit me any more so I had to get a new dress. I just got it last night."

"It's really pretty. Where did you get it? What store did you get it at?" Lydia asked Anna.

" I got it where I get all my clothes. You probably don't know about it. It's a store with a name in Spanish. It's called the segunda."

"Where is it at? Maybe my mother can take me there."

"It's real far away. I think it's some place called Race Street."

"I never went there. I'll have to ask my parents if we can go there. What did you say it was called?" Lydia asked.

"The segunda but I think in English it's the 'Goodwill'. I'll ask my mother and I'll tell you tomorrow." The bell rang and the girls lined up to go inside.

All day long, Anna smiled. She was so happy. Everyone liked her dress. She felt so pretty when people looked at her or asked her about her dress. Several other kids asked her where she got it and Anna told them.

When she got home, Anna ran up the stairs and in the front door. "Mami, everyone liked my dress. You should have heard what they said. I got to go in front of the class for sharing. Everyone asked me where I got it. They all want to know how to get to the store."

Anna's mother smiled. "I'm glad they liked it. You look so pretty in it, mi hijita."

"Even Lydia liked it. She said she was going to ask her mother to call you and ask you how to get to the segunda."

"Where did you tell her you had gotten it? You didn't tell them where you got it, did you?"

"Yes. But they didn't know what it meant so I told them that was the name of the store in Spanish but in English I thought it was the Goodwill. They all want to know where it's at and how to get there. I told them that's where I get all of my clothes because everything is so cheap there."

"Oh no! You didn't really tell them that, did you? How could you say that? What am I going to tell Lydia's mother if she calls me? I can't tell her we shop at the Goodwill. What will she think? Why did you tell them?"

Anna did not understand why her mother was so upset. She had only told them because they had asked her. They really wanted to know. She had told the truth. Anna just couldn't understand why her mother was so upset.

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©1995 by Corina Carrasco. Not to be copied in part or whole without written consent of author. Comments on this short story? E-mail by clicking below.