Tammie

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Tammie

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TAMMIE: TRANSGENDERED or CROSSDRESSER

Let me tell you a little about myself. I was born a male over 55 years ago and at a very early age, I started to try on my mother's clothes and any other femme clothes I could find. It was not until my late teens did I realize that I was a CD. At that point in my life I experienced guilt and tried to rid myself of the affliction. Before getting married, I told my wife of my desire to dress expecting understanding and encouragement. Instead, I was directed to a psychiatrist. Since that was of no use, I went into the closet and appeared whenever I had the chance. Ten years ago, I discovered, TRI ESS, a national crossdressing group for heterosexuals. With this new-found information and support, I told my wife all about my second self. After years of struggling with me and the issue of CD, and with the support of other CD wives, she has come to accept me.

I had always questioned my sexuality and thought that I had wanted to be a woman. It was only recently after joining different CD groups, especially CDM, a local chapter of TRI ESS and getting literature, and having the chance to dress more often and in public, that I realized that I was transgendered.

What does transgendered mean to me? I want to be seen as a woman or live as a woman as my gender. I am not gay and have no wishes to have a sex change. Thus I am not transsexual. I do not get thrills from wearing women's clothes, nor do I have a fixation on one piece of clothing. As you can see there is a continuum, like a time line, from the casual fetish CD all the way to the true transsexual who must have that operation.

Where are you on the continuum? That is what you may be trying do decide. I would fantasize being a woman, vagina and all. I would dream I was miraculously changed into a woman and was living as a woman. but that did not mean I was transsexual. I took it slow, dressing more often and more completely. I started to go out in public dressed. I joined CD groups, and most important, I started to read everything I could on the subject. I then took a realistic look at myself and the world. Could I live as a woman and be accepted as one? Could I go to bed with a man? Could I live without my family, relatives and present friends. I looked from a realistic point of view, the real world view, and not with rose glasses as in a dream world. I came to the conclusion that I could not make any drastic change in my life, and still be happy. I now dress several times a week, go to CD meetings, am treasurer of CDM, shop dressed, go out to restaurants with CD friends, have become politically active, and invite sisters to my house. I have found my place on that continuum, and I am very happy!