Disclaimer: Paramount owns the universe and everything in it. The story is mine.

Description: Non-cannon. What would happen if Janeway encountered a bit of twentieth century entertainment. Don't beat me up. This is just a silly little story I dreamed up one night after some sitcom girls went to a male dance review. I hope you like it. At least it's new reading!

Rated R

Chippendales

by Cathrine Lang

Captain Janeway tossed aside the last padd. "2300 hours, not too late for a drink at Sandrine's and maybe beat Tom at a game of pool." she thought. "Things should still be hopping on the holodeck."

She stepped out of the turbolift and met a noticeably upset B'Elanna Torres. "Captain, did you know this is 'Boys Night Out'?" she huffed. "No women allowed! Of all the nerve! And in this day and age! I can just imagine what must be happening in there!"

"Lieutenant- no, I didn't know this was 'Boys Night Out'. Come with me. Let's see what's going on in there." She strode to the door of holodeck two and was met by a doorman.

"Sorry, Captain, you can't come in. Men only tonight. See you tomorrow night?"

"Lt. Torres - in the morning we access the holodeck recorders and find out what's going on in there," said Captain Janeway, "See you tomorrow."

"I can't wait" seethed B'Elanna.

Janeway went to her quarters more than curious about the goings on in the holodeck.  "Computer, where is Commander Chakotay?"

"Commander Chakotay is in holodeck two."

Kathryn was first on the bridge the next morning. Tuvak had taken Delta shift and was getting off shortly. The Captain already knew Tuvak had not participated last night's festivities. The turbolift opened and Harry Kim and Tom Paris stepped out grinning from ear to ear. Seeing her they averted their eyes and silently took their positions. Moments later Chakotay exited the lift, saw her and blushed. He busied himself out of the captain's gaze. *What happened last night?*

"Lt. Torres to Captain Janeway."

"Go ahead Lieutenant" said Janeway.

"Captain, may I see you in engineering please?"

"Now Lieutenant?"

"Yes, Captain."

"Be right there, B'Elanna."

"What is it Lieutenant?"

"Look at this!" B'Elanna was seething. She had already downloaded the holodeck record.  In fact, she had done it as soon as the holodeck emptied out last night before anyone got the idea to erase the program record.

Captain Janeway noted the number of crew crowded into Sandrines- every male not on duty last night by the looks of it. On stage was B'Elanna Torres doing a strip tease.

"B'Elanna! You didn't!"

"No, I didn't! Someone on this ship wrote this bloody program and used my face without my permission! But wait, that's not all! Keep watching."

"I don't like this B'Elanna." The next performer was Seven of Nine or rather, someone's imagination of what was under the slim uniform she wore. "Well, at least Seven won't know enough to be insulted by this."

"Oh, the best is yet to come, Captain. You'd better sit down."

"Oh no!" Captain Janeway saw herself strutting across the stage in shear stockings and lacy underwear. A moment later pieces of clothing flew through the air and were caught by scrambling crewmen. "Oh my God! I'm naked! Or rather - she's naked!" Only a G-string remained and it was enthusiastically being stuffed with Sandrine's currency- lots of it. "I've seen enough of this. Anyone else on that record?"

"A few others. They're all being smirked at this morning just like you and I."

"Oh, you've noticed that too have you?

"Yes, and I'm going to kill Tom Paris, that pig. How could he do something like this?"

*How could Chakotay be involved in this?* thought Kathryn. "So how do I handle this?  B'Elanna, can you keep this to yourself for awhile? I think we're going to write a bit of entertainment of our own. What do you think?" said Janeway.

"B'Elanna smiled. "To get even with Tom? Sure I can keep a secret. If we get some of the others to help with the program we could have it finished by next week and have a little 'Girls Night Out' of our own. Even Seven will be insulted when I explain it to her correctly. She'll want to help us, I'm sure."

"Let's get to work right away then. I'll see you after dinner, partner." Captain Janeway returned to the bridge and studied her senior officers. They seemed to be concentrating very hard on their work stations.

"Everything okay in engineering Captain?" Chakotay asked. He was relieved when she'd left. It gave him a chance to erase the holodeck record before anyone else saw it.

"Fine, just fine Commander," she said smiling. Chakotay wondered if she suspected anything. *Nah, she couldn't*

That night six angry females began their revenge.

[Next week:]

Sandrine's was very crowded. Every woman on Voyager knew what had happened at 'Boys Night Out'. Every man thought they'd gotten away with it. The ladies anxiously waited for the evenings 'special' entertainment.

Kathryn, B'Elanna and Seven (as the unofficial hosts) were there early. They had decided to dress for the big sting and each had taken great pain with their costumes. They looked so ravishing that some of the crewmen actually thought they were holograms. Kathryn, completely out of character, wore a medium blue oriental cut dress, thigh-high with the back completely out and the highest heals she owned. She'd piled her hair loosely on top looking as if it could tumble from the slightest touch. When Chakotay saw it that's just what he had in mind. Although Seven protested she allowed B'Elanna to dress her in a short red spaghetti strap dress with a slit up the leg. No one had ever seen her in real clothes before and Harry couldn't take his eyes off her. B'Elanna wore skin tight black leather pants, ankle length with little slits at the back of the ankles and high black heals.  The top was simply a black leather vest laced up the front and covering just so much.

The ladies sat together at the bar watching the crowd gather. They knew they were being watched. "B'Elanna looks gorgeous tonight" said Paris. "Where did she get those leather pants! And I can't believe how good Seven looks in clothes, Harry. And Chakotay, did you notice Janeway's got legs!"

"Hey, that's the Captain you're talking about, Lieutenant," said Chakotay. *Yeah, gorgeous legs, that go all the way to-* Chakotay noticed the ladies whispering a lot.

Unusual for the captain. He watched her sip a martini. Absent-mindedly she stirred the olive around the glass. She brought the pick to her mouth and gently sucked at the fruit on the end. Her tongue darted over it, tasting it's saltiness. She dipped it back into the drink and sucked at it again. She knew she had their attention. They watched as she ran her tongue over it again, grasped it in her teeth and slowly drew the pick away. She rolled the olive between her lips and sucked it into her mouth. Slowly she chewed the olive and swallowed it.

"Watch this," said B'Elanna. She plucked the pineapple stick from her drink and brought it to her mouth..

"Oh my God!" gasped Paris as he watched B'Elanna suck on the pineapple stick. She licked it's entire length slurping the juice. Kathryn nearly laughed out loud at the expression on Tom's face. B'Elanna nibbled the entire slice sucking and slurping it until it was gone then licking each finger clean.

Janeway ordered another martini and got some Sandrine currency for each of them.

B'Elanna made her way through the crowd to the stage. "Gentlemen and ladies, especially ladies. As you all know the gentlemen, and I use the term loosely, on board had a 'Boys Night Out' last week."

"Uh-oh" thought Chakotay. He looked at the captain. Their eyes met. *She knows!*   "Tom, they know!" was all he could get out. Tom already knew he was busted.

B'Elanna continued, "We know all about what happened that night don't we ladies? It is my pleasure to offer you equal time and so I present to the ladies of Voyager- The Chippendales!"

The dance music began and the women screamed as twelve healthy young men in various shapes and sizes strutted out to the dance floor. The women whistled and tossed script at the men as they danced around the holodeck removing their costumes piece by piece.  The dancers gyrated towards their audience and thrust their way around the room.  

One muscular dancer stopped in front of Kathryn and stripped off the remainder of his costume. She felt Chakotay's eyes on her but did not look back. She kept her gaze on the man in front her, smiled slyly and allowed her gaze to drift to his pelvis. B'Elanna made sure these beefcake's were particularly beefy both coming and going. *Her* revenge.   Kathryn waited for the right moment. The whole room watched her sip her martini then pick up the Sandrine's script and fold it. She gestured with it for the man to come closer.  The crowd roared as she slipped her hand under his G-string and stuffed it into his waistband tugging it out a bit as if taking a peek. She grinned and waved him away then settled back to watch the rest of the show, which went on and on.

When they'd finished B'Elanna was up again. I can see you all enjoyed Act I- but it ain't over yet! Ladies & gentlemen - it is my *pleasure* to present the 'Men of Voyager'!"   The women howled as holographic images of Tom Paris, Harry Kim, Chakotay and a several others came out in "full" uniform. The dancers strutted across the floor peeling off pieces of their uniforms and tossing them into the crowd. Their real counterparts sat mouths opened, faces reddened. The women went wild.

"Ooohhh Tom! Take it off, taaaaake it off!"

"Harry, Harry come to me Harry!"

"Ensign Richards, niiiicce uh- legs!"

Yooooo, Chakotay, great butt!"

Finally, they'd pealed down to their G-strings and the show was over. Janeway had drawn the line at removing the G-strings. It just wouldn't be proper. The lights dimmed to black and the dancers disappeared into smoke. The ladies cheered and screamed for more. They called for the author.

B'Elanna got up again. "I want to thank everyone who helped make this evening a huge and I doooo mean huge, success especially Seven of Nine and Captain Janeway."

Janeway still sitting on the barstool grinned and gave a little salute.

Seven turned to her. "B'Elanna was correct. Revenge is-satisfying. I believe I will say good night now, Captain. And thank you for including me. I feel like 'one of the girls'."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it Seven, it was - stimulating don't you think? Goodnight Seven."

Chakotay crept to her side. "I guess we deserved that. I am so sorry."

"What were you thinking, Chakotay?"

"Kathryn, I didn't know what was going on. I showed up after it started and well- I just got caught up in it. I should have stopped it but, I would have had a riot on my hands. I had no idea *you* were in it until it was too late. I erased the program the next day but not soon enough I guess. Please forgive me?"

"I hope you've all learned your lesson. Next time we erase those G-strings." she said grinning.

"Yes, Captain. I don't think you need to worry about a next time. Can I buy you a drink?"

"Martini with olives"

"I know, you've been teasing me with those damned things all night."

Just then B'Elanna came over with Paris. "Tom has something to say to you, Captain."

"Captain, I'm-very-sorry-and-I-won't-do-it-again," he looked sheepishly at B'Elanna, "Okay?"

"Good boy," said Torres.

"Lt. Paris, did you make anything off "Boys Night Out"?" asked the Captain.

"I--," his face drained. *Oh no, here it comes.*

"You will transfer any replicator rations you received from that night and distribute to the women you insulted, do you understand?"

"Yes, Captain. Thank you." What more could he say? She could have put him in the brig, should have.

"Good night partner," Torres said grinning to the Captain.

"Good night B'Elanna. Goodnight Tom. Great show!"

Kathrine turned to Chakotay, "Well, Commander, are you going to walk me home?"

"I'd be delighted, Captain." he said. "Just don't expect me to do any dancing."

THE END

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