The Lost Episodes of the Brady Bunch

"Feelin' groovy"

filmed October, 1971

The Brady household is out of milk, because Carol ended her affair with the milkman, and Mike is testing out a batch of homemade wine, and discovers it to be as potent as everclear. Sounds pretty mundane, but what happens come lunchtime, when there is no milk, and Alice naively finds a big jug of "grape juice" on the counter, and serves it to the kids? The kids discover her error right away, but decide to take advantage of the situation, and Alice is none the wiser. Later Mike and Carol come home find the kids in a drunken stupor, and for punishment each Brady kid has to chug a fifth of vodka.

Quote:

Alice: Why on earth would we have this much grape juice?
Cindy: Maybe mommy's sleeping with the grape juice man

"Peter the Palmer"

filmed Summer 1972

Nobody can figure out why Peter is spending so much time in the bathroom, until Alice accidently walks in on Peter masturbating. Alice warns Peter that he's going to go blind if he keeps doing that, but he shrugs it off. A couple of days later, Peter notices that he has trouble reading the blackboard at school, and remembering Alice's warning, he panics and is convinced that masturbating is making him blind. In desperation Peter confesses to Mike and Carol, and after setting him straight, they take Peter to get some glasses. In the tag, Mike gives Peter access to his vast collection of pornography.

Contrary to what one might think, this episode was never aired not because it was too explicit by early 1970s standards, but because Christopher Knight did not want his charecter to wear glasses, and for continuity's sake, it was not aired.

Quote:
Bobby: We don't have a monkey. How can he be spanking it?

"Crimson Tide"

Filmed January 1973

Just when she needed another reason to feel insecure, Jan gets her first period. She goes to extreme measure to try and hide it, but when her siblings find out, they ridicule her, sending her into even deeper dispair. But as only the Brady's can do in just a half hour, Mike reprimands the kids, Carol tells her everything is okay, Alice bakes a cake decorated with red icing and a Kotex,and the kids invite Jan's schoolmates over for a "Happy Menstruation" party, and all is groovy.

As a subplot, Cindy learns the F word and uses it every chance she gets, and out of context.

Quote:
Alice: Who spilled tomato juice on the floor?

"Bobby had a little lamb"

Filmed: January 1974

Bobby pesters Mike and Carol to buy him a sheep. They can't figure out why, but they get him one anyway. I could tell you what happens next, but I don't want to get kicked off of AOL....

Quote:

Bobby: But dad, I was only helping him over the fence...

By 1974, The Brady Bunch, and other television programs of the genre, were becoming passe, as irreverent shows such as "All in the Family" dominated the ratings. In an attempt to adapt to the changing times, the producers of the "Brady Bunch" decided it was time to change the direction of the show, to reflect the trend. What resulted were scripts that would have revolutionized the industry years before shows such as "Married....with children" and "South Park" were the norm. But, several weeks into production of the 1974-75 season of the Brady Bunch, it was decided that changing direction would destroy the integrity of the show, and would be bad for continuity. So the plug was pulled, but not before the following episodes were taped............

"Killing the hand that feeds you"

With six able bodied kids and a shiftless housewife, Mike decides that Alice isn't needed anymore, and with Greg in college, he can't afford to pay her. But the Bradys don't have the heart to fire Alice, who has been like a family member. So after a brainstorming session, they decide that they would hire someone to kill Alice, but make it look like the Bradys try (unsuccessfully) to save her from the killer, to cover themselves. Greg's pal Tony (John Travolta in one of his earliest roles) is willing to do it in exchange for a date with Marcia, so they concoct a plan to bump off Alice. But at the last moment, the Bradys have a change of heart, but the message doesn't get to Tony in time, and all hilarity ensues as they try to save Alice.

Quote:
(after Greg informs Tony that the plan is called off)
Tony: I still get to do your sistah, right?

"The Brady bordello"

Mike loses his job at the architectural firm, and money is tight. The resourceful Bradys pull together and try to think up a way out of this fix. Selling cousin Oliver to a band of gypsies helps ease the pressure for a little while, but it's only a temporary solution. After taking a trip to a Nevada brothel, Mike has an idea. He decides to pimp his wife and daughters out, and run a house of ill repute. The girls do not like the plan at first, but after Mike lectures them on the importance of pulling together and making sacrifices in times of need, the girls agree to it, and are even enthusiastic about it at first, but decide they don't like it. The girls are about to tell Mike so, when Mike's former boss Mr. Phillips visits the Brady Brothel, and has such a good time, he gives Mike his job back, and offers Marcia a job as secretary (in exchange for some "favors" of course.)

Quote:
Sam: Now this is my kind of meat market!

"Cindy gets Busted"

Cindy is distraught because Marcia has breasts, Jan has breasts, but Cindy does not. Carol explains to her that it will all happen in time, but she is not consoled. She wants boobs and she wants them now! So finally Mike and Carol give in, and get cindy some implants, which leave her, shall we say, well rounded? At first Cindy loves her implants, which are considerably larger than Jan and Marcia, but she soon finds that she had more than she bargained for. The last straw comes when Mike invites an important client home for dinner, and he can't stop staring at Cindy. This incedent creeps Cindy out, and she decides that she can wait a year or two, and asks to have the implants removed.

Quote:
Alice: Mrs. Brady, I'm back from the Supermarket (enter Cindy) Oh, darn it, that reminds me, I forgot the cantaloupes.

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