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My name is Sandra and I live in Upstate New York, near Albany. I'm a Computer Consultant specializing in Accounting Applications...but that's only what I do to pay the bills!
My hobbies include jogging, computers, comedy clubs, roller blading, music, vampires, full moons and AOL.
(Yes this is me...and where else but standing in front of my computer. You can almost see AOL running in the background! Oh wait...did you hear that IM chime?)
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To check out a few of my favorite places, simply click on the underlined word(s):
A great place to send free greeting cards on-line. Blue Mountain Arts' Electronic Greeting Cards
It's fun...it's exciting...(and it passes the time when none of your buds are on...it's Slingo Welcome to Slingo!
Try an on line IQ Test Mind Games @ Online Psych
Tired of sitting at your computer trying to get on line? Tired of getting logged off because you walk away from your computer? Tired of those annoying "you've been on line xxx minutes" messages? Then download this AOL Autodialer and your troubles are over. It's not only an autodialer, but also overrides the AOL idle messages. I've been using it for about a year now and it's GREAT!!! And best of all, it's only $5 for a lifetime registration plus all upgrades are FREE! TPA Software
Looking for directions but can't read a map? Or just can't figure out how to refold one once you've looked at it? I've used this site on numerous occasions and find it to be very useful. DeLorme: CyberRouter
Now you can buy all your concert or special event tickets on-line (or at least see who's playing...as well as seating diagrams). Welcome to Ticketmaster Online
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A few samples of the music I enjoy:
Check out Jeff Carson's homepage... Jeff Carson His new album titled Butterfly Kisses has just been released. His debut album, self titled Jeff Carson is one of my personal favorites.
Ray Stevens is an oldie but definitely a goodie. He has been recording music longer than I have been alive. From what I can gather, his first success was Jerimiah Peabody's Poly Unsaturated Quick Dissolving Fast Acting Pleasant Tasting Green and Purple Pills (betcha can't say THAT 10 times real fast!) in 1961. And now his newest album Hum It was just released in March of 1997...with many in between. Pretty impressive I must say. Ray Stevens - Official Home Page of the Count...
And for a change of pace...country music it ain't. Take a peak at Blue Law.
Joke(s) of the Day (or maybe week...depending on when I decide to add or subtract)
FROM: THE TREES
StoP tHE LogGINg oR wE WiLl coNtInUE To KIll oNe CeleBrITY EacH WeEK.
theRe ARe nO SkIinG "aCciDenTS".
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A man phones home from his office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week. Its the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off.
A week later he returns. His wife asks: "Did you have a good trip, Dear?"
He says: "Oh yes, the fishing was great, but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas.
His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't, I put them in your tackle box."
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50 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator
1. Make race car noises when people get on and off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up dammit, all of you just SHUT UP!"
4. Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a Wet Willy?"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on."
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.
25. Holler, "Chutes away!!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, then say, "Mmmmm.....tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers "through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Play the accordion.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say, "I wonder what all these do?" and then push ALL the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf??"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket a clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting bigger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH!"
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CORPORATE MANAGEMENT IN AMERICA
The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a boat race. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance levels. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action.
The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were
rowing on the American team.
So as race day neared again the following year, the America team's management structure was completely reorganized.
The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive. The next year, the Japanese won by TWO miles!!!
Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.
If you would like to be added to my joke mailing list, send me an email with subject "I want 'em, I want 'em, I want 'em"
Thanks for visiting and come again real soon! You never know what the Dragon Lady has in store for you!
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