What if Mr. Spock had written the song "Muskrat Love"?

Muskrat Susan, Muskrat Samuel

Perform the ancient dance known colloquially as the jitterbug

Out in their native habitat most often referred to as “muskrat land”

And, despite the apparent lack of logic associated with such an act, they shimmy

And Samuel is so skinny, perhaps indicating some sort of nutritional deficiency

And they engage in vigorous whirling, then begin an odd twirling, finally culminating in a demonstration of the robust dance style ship’s records were able to identify as “tango”

Vocalizing and ringing a strange device they called “the jango”

They suddenly exhibit the power to negate gravity

In spite of my unfamiliarity with such emotional exhibitions, I can only characterize the display as “muskrat love”

At this point, a distasteful display of carnivorous behavior ensues as they consume the flesh of porcine animal species, as well as cultured dairy products

Samuel says to Susan

"My mate, would you possibly be amenable to consummating our relationship?"

And she responds in the affirmative with a plethora of enthusiastic oral contact

And now he is performing the requisite mating rituals

Involving generous amounts of physical contact

Up to and including a peculiar proboscis to proboscis touching

Indeed, a general lack of decorum is observed

during their gyrations

and Susan begins to manifest an unfortunate tendency to giggle

Hmmm, it loses something in the translation, doesn’t it?

Back to the Titanic Tower of Top Tens!

(Note-- OK,  I admit it...this story was written by me.  You are more than welcome to quote it or link to it at your discretion, but please credit me when you do.  Trust me, I'm one big, mean, bad ass dude, and you do NOT want to cross me, Pally!)