|
|
|
||||||||
One Night I'll Never Forget
By Stephanie Bennett
It was an average day in Allentown -- sun-kissed skies, hills of grassy acreage that managed to maintain their lovely summer hue, the gentle hustle-bustle of a college community busy about the business of academe.
It was only a month since I'd landed on campus, happy to be free of parental constraints, ready to make my mark in the field of communication, focusing mainly on music, drama, and writing. The world was my oyster!
Early afternoon found me jaunting around campus, pleased-as-punch to have my hometown boyfriend at my side, happy to be young and in love. All was right with the world.
The one glitch was that the program necessitated my taking several seemingly meaningless electives that were outside of my major field of interest. One of these academic 'necessities' was called Philosophy 101, a course that oozed with the heady intellectualism of Frederich Nietzsche and all manor of abstract nothingness. A bit much for a humanist like myself.
The thing I despised about the class, aside from my weekly battle with boredom, was combating my own nagging suspicions that the nihilistic scholars were probably right. Nihilism is distinctive in its outright rejection of moral values. That, coupled with its blatant assertions that nothing exists, is knowable, or can be communicated seemed so fatalistic, so desperate. It was all about futility, and I had such a dark sense that they were right.
Funny, but the course in philosophy turned out to be my saving grace. In it I met a young woman who seemed nonplused by our careening the vast expanse of philosophical terrain. She was unaffected by the worrisome lurking of midterm blue books just around the corner. Although we weren't yet friends, we ended up setting up a study session together. She was willing to help, and I was eager for it. As much as I didn't like the class, I certainly didn't intend to fail.
Heading over to her room on the first designated study night, I remember thinking what an unusually 'together' young woman she was. Could it be she was just my age? No. . . she had to be a senior! She was too intelligent, too together.
When I got there, I was disappointed. Maria was asleep, and instead of our pre-planned study group with seven other students, I was the only one who showed up. No bother. Before I had a chance to leave, she got up, put on some tea and we broke out the books. Just before she opened her notebook I let her know just how much I appreciated her willingness to help me, and blurted out something to the tune of: "What is it about you anyway? You seem so together and mature. You're never thrown but the professor's outlandish questions. You're not even worried about the test. It seems like nothing bothers you. So come on, give it up. What is it about you that's so together?"
I was not prepared for the answer Maria gave me. As a confirmed agnostic I was used to depending on my own abilities and skill to carve out my destiny, and was thoroughly not in need of religion.
"Jesus," Maria replied with a non-apologizing smile.
I grimaced and cocked my head, questioningly.
"It's Jesus Christ," she repeated, "He's what makes the difference."
Well, she could have hit me over the head with a cast-iron skillet, and I don't think I would have felt a thing. How could this bright, pretty, incredibly together young women think that Jesus Christ has ANYTHING to do with her life? Incredulously, I just looked at her. She just kept smiling. I shook my head and finally spoke.
"What do you mean, Jesus? What does Jesus have to do with anything?
My study friend just smiled and shrugged her shoulders. She said He had everything to do with it, and promised to tell me more if I really wanted to know.
Well, certainly I wanted to know. I couldn't imagine how ANYONE even remotely intelligent could think that a dead teacher could have any positive affect on their life. "Ok Maria, let's hear it."
Over the course of the next couple of hours Maria shared about
When she finished, she looked at me and said,
"You've got everything Stephanie. You're smart, beautiful, healthy, you have tons of friends ….along with just about the most gorgeous boyfriend I've ever seen, but I'll bet I know something about you that you may never have told a soul."
I just looked at her.
Then she proceeded. "You're empty inside Stephanie. You've got a big, gaping hole in your heart, and I'll bet that in spite of having all these things that other girls want, . . . I'll bet you're not even happy."
Oh my God.
(That was my favorite thing to say. Even though I didn't believe in Him).
Boy did she have me pegged. How did she do that? How could she have possibly known?
I swallowed hard. Though I didn't believe in God, I did believe in the big Empty inside me. That wasn't difficult to do, for I had lived with myself all my life.
The next hour led us into all the reasons why Jesus Christ could not possibly be the answer for me. For heaven's sake, I was not going to 'put my faith' in something invisible and unproven. I was much smarter than that. Besides, I reasoned, if God made me, and He were truly real, He would undoubtedly understand that this sort of faith was beyond my capacity. I could not believe.
While I admitted that I had never asked God to prove to me the reality of Jesus Christ, I could not get past the fact that if I were to 'come to Jesus,' I would have to deny my intellect, gloss over my questions, and go against my better judgment. I was not ready to do that. However, there were two things I could not reconcile. First, was the apparent authenticity of Marie's faith. It definitely wasn't religion. It was something else. I couldn't put my finger on just what it was, but it was living. It was real. I knew it wasn't a put on. She was actually IN a relationship with someone who gave her NEW LIFE and in that new life, she walked in the ability to be the 'together' person I saw on the outside.
The other thing was the reality of my own inner ache. No one else ever saw my emptiness of soul, but I knew it was there. On the outside people saw a smiling confident young woman, a model student, --everything going for her ---, but on the inside I knew that I lived in a vast, deep pit of emptiness.
If I could just know FOR SURE that God was real. If I could just know FOR SURE that Jesus died for my sins. If I just had more evidence, then I might actually take that leap of faith, and see what this 'new life' had to offer.
I told Maria that I was sorry to have to pass by her Savior, but that until I received something that was a bit more conclusive in the way of evidence, I could not take the plunge into this life of living faith.
Then Maria told me something very interesting. In fact, it would change my life forever. Maria explained that only Jesus Christ could reveal the things my mind needed to know, and that if I would but take a step toward Him, ask Him to show me, that He would reveal more evidence of His reality than I could ever need to continue. She explained that He is "the way, the truth, and the life," and that as I put my life in His hands, He would show me and prove to me every little thing my heart desired to know. It would have to be the simple 'yes,' coming from me, spoken to Him, that would be the very first baby step into my life.
I was uncertain, but something inside told me that if He could take away the ache of nothingness and the BIG EMPTY from my soul to replace it with TRUE LIFE, than this little (BIG) step would be worth it. If it was all a lie, . . . . well, I would have lost nothing. So I asked Jesus to come in to my heart, to make me a new creation, to turn my heart from my own rulership to His Lordship. I asked Him to show me the way, and told Him I would give Him the reigns of my life.
From that night forward my life has NEVER been the same. All things have become new! He filled the big empty void in my gut with overflowing richness that often felt like a fountain, refreshing my heart, bringing me joy, letting me know that HE, in fact, is the true God, my best friend, my loving Lord, and gentle Guide. He is my all, and forever I will be grateful to the loving student who took the time to share the secret of life with me. Forever will I be grateful to my Maker . . . the One who brought me into this Earth so that I might know Him, and enjoy His friendship and love forever.
###
You are the
person to visit this page