"Ways the U.S. Would Be Different If the Next President Were a Dog"

• 10) Doggy door on oval office
• 9) At press conferences, instead of "Mr. President," reporters would shout, "Here fella!"
• 8) Goodbye Whitewater scandal, hello toilet bowl water scandal
• 7) Washington Monument replaced with hundred-story fire hydrant
• 6) U.S. might have more coherent foreign policy
• 5) Public enemy #1: That neutering bastard Bob Barker
• 4) Secret service and CIA dispatched to catch that little chuck wagon
• 3) Country really run by dog's smarter poodle wife
• 2) Here's your new national anthem: (videotape of dog barking x-mas jingle)
• 1) One word: sausage-gate

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