It took me longer to work my Eleventh Step than any of the others. During the two years that I worked it, I acquired an irresistible urge to learn everything I could about meditation. Meditation has helped me find serenity more than any other practice that I have undertaken in my recovery. It sounds crazy, until you try it. Being still and observing what’s going on in your mind pays lifelong benefits, every moment of your life. You lose all fear of those “unknowns” inside of you. You lose your fear of being alone, of not being constantly “connected” to someone else.
The book that started me on the path is “How to Meditate: A Practical Guide” by Kathleen McDonald. It is by far my favorite book on the subject. Click here to see it.
For the first six months that I pursued meditation, I thought that I was really meditating. Then, it happened. I was sitting with my legs crossed on my living room couch, as I always had, but this time I reached a deeper level of meditation than I ever had before. When it ended, I felt as if the room was full of an almost liquid-like peace, that saturated every thought and feeling within me. Everything around me looked, and sounded, as if all was totally at peace. It seemed like I had meditated for about 20 minutes, but the clock said an hour and a half had gone by. I had never felt anything like that in my life. It felt so good that it actually scared me so badly that I couldn’t meditate again for three months. I would try to meditate, but was totally unable, for fear of being “out of control” again.
I always start with a breathing meditation. I sit comfortably and concentrate on the sensation of the air passing in and out of my nostrils with each breath. If any thought comes to my mind, I just let it pass and bring my attention back to the sensation at the tip of my nostrils. Then, after five or ten minutes, when my mind has ceased racing continuously, I try to concentrate on the love that God has for me. I just sit there and feel it, and it usually always presents Itself. If not, it’s usually because I am preoccupied with some care in my life, and am not able to let it go for that moment. Sometimes the Love comes as a light within me, that grows to completely fill my body, until that light becomes my body. At the height of this meditation, the feeling I get is a thousand times better than any buzz I’ve ever had...
When I am preoccupied with a problem and am unable to concentrate on anything else, I try to meditate on possible solutions to that problem. A favorite technique is borrowed from a childhood memory I have from watching the Wizard of Oz. In it, Dorothy and her friends are on a hill, looking at the Emerald City. But to get to it, they must pass through a forest that is full of problems that must be successfully overcome. I visualize the Emerald City in my meditation as the goal that I want to achieve; that being the solution to the problem that’s bugging me. I then start through the forest, and visualize myself facing possible problems that could hinder me from reaching that goal. As different problems present themselves, I deal with them, and then go on until I face the next problem. Eventually, all the problems are solved, and I’m at the gate of the Emerald City. Then, when I’m trying to reach that goal in real life, whatever problems that actually do present themselves are easier to deal with, because I’ve already “been there” and “done that” in meditation.
For some reason, some of my best meditations come when I travel. One of the best occurred when I was meditating in Montana with my very good friend Rose, and her friend Sue. We sat in Rose’s living room, and said prayers aloud and slowly to begin the session. I meditated on the end of my life, and saw myself die in a hospital. I saw my funeral, and watched as people above threw dirt on me. Then, as I became completely covered, I saw black shadowy figures coming for me, to take me to hell. This scared me intensely, and I thought to myself, “How could this be? I got saved on October 27, 1991!”. Then, a bright light filled everything, and there before me was Jesus Christ. He was barefoot, and floating about a foot off the ground. He was dressed in a white robe, that seemed to be flowing in a gentle breeze. His arms were slightly outstretched toward me. The instant he appeared, the “demons” scattered like roaches when you turn the light on, but a lot faster.
At that very moment, I felt an overwhelming realization of what the word “Savior” meant. I understood that word intuitively and to the bottom of my heart, in an instinctive and non-intellectual way. Before then I had a conception of what the word meant, but had no “conviction” of what it meant. Heaven was too mind boggling for me to contemplate, so my relationship with my Higher Power had focused mainly on asking for enough strength to get me through the day without using, having faith that I would receive it, then actually receiving it, and giving thanks for that strength that night.
Another excellent meditation came in early September 1997, on the Island of Oahu. A friend that I had met at an NA meeting invited me to her home to meditate. Her home was on a mountain top, behind the inactive volcano “Diamond Head”. We sat on a mattress on the floor facing each other, with our knees touching. We meditated for more than two hours, after which we laid together and overdosed on peace. We fell asleep there, and never had any sexual contact whatsoever. That’s because sex would have lessened the feeling between us that night, because good meditation is better than sex. A lot better.
Last week, while waiting in my car for my daughters to rent a movie, I decided to meditate in the parking lot. They were gone about fifteen minutes, but I was able to attain a level of meditation that usually takes many times longer than that. When they opened the door and I opened my eyes, I enjoyed a very thick and satisfying peace that usually follows one of my better meditation sessions. I had to wait a full minute before I could drive back home. Since then I have meditated at night in my car outside my home, and have had excellent results. Maybe it’s because the seat is already formed perfectly to my butt; or it could be due to some similar psychic phenomenon. But what the heck, it works for me. I’ll take my serenity where ever I can get it...
If you pursue meditation, you will come across many references to Buddhism. That’s because the Buddhists have studied meditation and practiced it more than anyone else. If that turns you off, you can substitute any religious references you run into with whatever you feel comfortable with, such as “God”, or “Higher Power”, or “God, as I understand him”, etc. And no, I don’t understand Him very much. Good thing He doesn’t require me to...
Without question, my most beneficial meditations have been my meditations
on death. I start with a breathing meditation, to quiet my mind. I then meditate
on myself lying on my deathbed. I observe myself lying there, and contemplate
questions like:
1- What’s going through my mind as I lay there dying?
2- What’s really important to me as I lay there?
3- What “unfinished business” do I wish I would have attended
to?
This meditation has taught me to be very careful about what I do while I’m still alive. It helps me to set priorities in my life; having taught me that the most important things in my life are my relationship with God, my recovery, and my children. It keeps me from worrying about things that aren’t as important as my mind tends to tell me they are .
Here are a few websites to check out...
A.R.E -
Meditation
Meditation
FAQ
Read more about meditation in
"Physical Pain and
Prescription Drugs in Recovery"
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