"The Christian Love Letter"

Christ died for our sins. Not to give us a new religious lifestyle. His death, burial, and resurrection were for the purpose of giving us a whole new life. Not a retread of our old life but a brand new life. Jesus says in John 10:10, Amplified "I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)." That includes "us'ns."

Most folks reading this have a new lifestyle, including me. The idea now is to integrate Christ into our lifestyle. By and large, it's not possible as far as some over-religious Christians and Pastors are concerned. If you are seeking men's approval or acceptance of your new gender identity, forget it. No one can offer me one good reason why we cannot have a satisfying Spiritual life because of our gender bending. We need something more than ourselves in our life. We need a person to lean on and a shoulder to cry on other then friends who "try" to understand. We need someone who really understands us and knows us like a book and has feelings for us. Someone that loves us in spite of everything.

"Are not 5 sparrows sold for two pennies? and [yet] not one of them forgotten or un-cared for in the presence of God. But [even] the very hairs of your head are numbered." Luke 12:5-6 Amplified.

This is what we need; someone who knows us so well that they know the number of hairs on our head and even knows how many days we will have on earth.

"Since man's days are already determined, and the number of his months is wholly in your control, and he cannot pass the bounds of his allotted time--" Job 14:5

That's how well our Friend knows us.

"The Son of man (Jesus) came eating end drinking, end they (the over-religious Pharisees) say, behold a man, gluttonous, and a winebibber, a friend of tax collectors and sinners." Matthew 11:19

Those of you who feel you are not "clean" enough to embrace our friend, Jesus, read the above passage again. It's the over-religious that have laid that trip on you. Our need is for a Spiritual side to our 1ives. No man is an island unto himself.

The social idea is to go to Church and get a Spiritual 1ife. But Christ didn't die for that means of "getting" a Spiritual life. Christ died for our sins and as soon as we confess to Him that we are sinners in need of a Saviour and invite Him into our lives, then we have the Spiritual life we need. You may ask, "What Church should I go to?" That's the thinking that religious man has fostered. Sort of a Tower of Babel Complex. Let me find a good Church and build my life towards God's approval. Noble idea. But Christ didn't die to foster noble ideas. As previously stated: Christ came to help us enjoy a full and abundant 1ife. Go to church to worship Him.

I well realize that many cannot go to church in the gender of their choice. In 90% of the cases they would simply be invited to leave. So they don't go to church. In the case of married crossdressers, they go to church in the clothes of their gender and are uncomfortable, but what can they do? Being uncomfortable in church doesn't foster a Spiritual attitude.

Back in the very early post crucifixion days there were believers, Christians who had to worship in secret for worship openly meant death. It's hours since I wrote that last sentence. The bottom line is that I want to suggest a private worship life for you. And our Lord is leading me in the direction of telling you how I worked out my private worship life.

I never wanted to offend the Lord with my (then) crossdressing. To compound things He put it in my heart to start a Christian newsletter for us. I was still not clear as to where I stood in His theological economy, and there was no way I'd do that without a full knowledge that my CDing was not an offense to Him. I had to be rid of the bugaboo of Deuteronomy 22:5, or it was no dice. The words of the Bible came to me, "Come now, let us reason together says the Lord. Though your sins be as scarlet they shall be white as snow." Isaiah 1:18. I had come to our Lord Jesus Christ in August 1947 and my sins were forgiven, but I did want to reason with the Lord about crossdressing and publishing a Christian Journal. I asked Him to lead me as I got out my Bible. I set down and started searching and in 45 minutes, through HIS holy word He released me from the bondage of Deuteronomy 22:5 and told me to name the (His) Christian publication, "Grace & Lace." As far as G&L goes, the rest is history.

Now with a clear channel between me and God, I wanted to try my wings. (This whole story takes place in the Winter of '88 and Spring of '89.) So I put my new found freedom to the test. I got dressed up. Nothing fancy, just skirt, blouse and flat shoes, as I was going to the supermarket. BUT before I left, I prayed and told God If this is His will, to bless me and protect me from belong "read." Step #1. Prey to God. He wont smash you down. He w111 hold you up. I went into the supermarket and suddenly felt like a fish out of water. Gone was the protection of my home and it's privacy, but knew I had God's protection and so I proceeded to shop. I didn't need anything in particular but it was wonderful to actually "shop" and to stop and compare brands and prices. No more under the pressures of the male rush to grab a can of beans and loaf of bread and be on my way. I spent a good 45 minutes in that store. Did anyone "read" me? Yup, every woman and clerk in the store, or at least I thought that, but I persevered. God was with me and I rested in Him and enjoyed my shopping. Then I checked out. Surprisingly, the cashier struck up a conversation with me and as the store wasn't crowded (it was 7:30 AM) we talked 3-4 minutes, and when I left she said, "Please come beck again, MA'AM." WOW, I made it and had a song in my heart to the Lord. When I got to the car, I put my groceries in the back seat. Got in the drivers side and inserted the key, turned it and not a whimper from the motor. I had left the lights on, and the battery was dead. NOW what am I going to do!?? I prayed and asked God for the next move. I sure didn't went to have to pay for a tow truck and besides that, I didn't know how much longer I could keep up the "charade." I opened up the car's trunk where I had jumper cables and lifted the hood and then stood by the car with my hands folded in front of me. LORD, PLEASE send somebody. Well! The bag boy from the store brought a cart full of groceries to the car next to me. He loaded them in and then turned to me and said, "Can I help you, ma'am?" I told him I needed a jump-start as my battery was dead. He saw the cables and said, "You're in luck. That's my car ahead of you." We were bumper to bumper, nose to nose, and in no time my car was running. I gave him a good tip, and he said, "Thank you and good luck, ma'am." It was He who steered me into that parking space. Home free! I sang alleluias to the Lord all the way home. I've been going strong ever since.

Now my faith was bolstered, and I wanted, publicly, to give God the glory, but now I knew of no church to go to. But who said you have to go to church and publicly worship? I can't deny myself a spiritual 1ife just because the "church" has a ramrod stuck up their spine shouting sinner at all who don't embrace their doctrine. Those days were the last of the dark ages taking their dying breath in the late 8Os. Anyhow, I found I could foster my relationship with God by reading the Bible and listening to religious tapes by preachers I respected. I could watch a local church service on TV on Sunday. One year I bought an Easter dress and wore it for the TV Easter service! Silly? Nope. There is no way we can be denied access to God.

We are Spiritual beings with a God-given soul, and unless our lives are fed spiritually that soul withers up like unto a withered fig. No wonder you're so bitter. Really, all of us are. We all face rejection in one way or another because of our gender bending. But the bitterness is so much less if God, through Christ, is in our 1ives.

You are fortunate because today there is a much broader spectrum of churches who w111 welcome us. In the meantime. be assured that God loves you and wants to bless your life and bring some joy into it. Never mind what some Christian person has done to you or spoken negatively to you. Your Spiritual life is not in that person's hand. God created you and knows you and will put His life into your soul.

And it shall be that whoever shall ca11 upon the Name of the Lord [invoking, adoring, worshipping the Lord--Christ] shall be saved. Acts 2:21

To draw all of this to a close; let me offer you a Bible, or you can call that 800 number associated with the book, "Power for Living", offered free on TV. I know you've seen the ads. However, I will be happy to send you a Bible at no expense to you. If you don't believe in the Bible, get one anyhow and let God speak to you through it as He did me regarding my TGism.

May the abundance of His blessings be yours as you learn of Him. My Love to you.

Lee Frances Heller

I need writer-authors to write how they have experienced God in their Trans lives for our next issue of Love Letter. REPLY TO: Lee F. Heller, 5330 N. State St. #154, Jackson MS 39206

Over-religious (Pain in the neck Christianity)

People with too much religion in them--including Preachers--are souls polluted by rules, regulations, and religious experiences, which they interpret as norms for everyone. They think they know how every Christian ought to live and what every minister should and shouldn't do. They want to regulate how people ought to think.

Rules kill. Over-religion packs the soul so tight there's no room for the spirit of God. [rules and regulations packed tight like sardines in a sardine can.] Rules and regulations pollute a soul the way silt pollutes a river. They asphyxiate the Spirit. Tightly packed over-religion is what Jesus fought the Pharisees over. It's what hung Him on the Cross.

David Hanson

Little Handbook On Having A Soul (InterVarsity Press)

Cheeks    By Becky Allison

"You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." Matthew 5: 38-39

The e-mail message was from an anonymous source and was titled simply “Stand Before God.” I’ve seen these before, I sighed to myself, and clicked it to open.

"Dear Becky, You have a very interesting Web site. I see that you are interested in spiritual things. How will you feel when one day you stand before God and say, ‘I didn’t like the way you created me, so I changed it to what I wanted’? Have a nice day."

The sarcastic, superficial tone of the note was so irritating, as I’m sure it was intended. I should have deleted it without another thought. If it had been a serious, polite inquiry, I would have given a serious response.

I would have said:

"Thank you for writing. Please understand that this is a subject about which I have spent much time in thought and prayer over many years. I also wondered about the morality of changing my body.

"I thought of other body deformities - birth defects, visible and invisible. Do we say to children with facial deformities or congenital heart disease, ‘God doesn’t make mistakes, so you should remain the way you were created?’ Of course not.

"How, then, is my condition different? Is it because you cannot see my birth defect? Do you simply disbelieve me when I tell you there was a discrepancy between my body and my mind, present from my earliest memory and which I did not choose? Do you think I’m lying or misinformed? I have lived in this body for decades and I can tell you that it was not my choice to have this discrepancy.

"I agree that God does not make mistakes. I believe God allowed this discrepancy in my life for reasons I do not comprehend, but God also gave me the way to resolve the problem. I believe God loves me even though some of those who claim to speak for God do not love or respect me.

"I realize that your life experience is not like mine. I know that you cannot comprehend this birth defect I am describing, any more than I can understand what it is like to be color blind, for example. But that doesn’t make my problem any less real.

"So, let me offer this hope that we can accept one another’s differences and take comfort in our shared faith in a loving God."

That’s what I would have said to a polite inquiry. Instead, I was much more brief.

I sat down and typed:

"When I stand before God, I will give thanks that my life was under the control of a loving God and not an anonymous, superficial, clueless bigot."

And I sat and looked at what I had written. It was a quick, reflexive response and it did not reflect a loving or forgiving spirit. I passed my mouse away from the "send" button and hit “delete” instead.

Jesus gave us many teachings which are not easy or natural to follow. “Turning the other cheek” is surely one of those. It’s natural to react to attacks from others in a defensive way, or even a counterattack. It takes much more strength to accept the blow silently. Indeed I am not sure we can consistently respond to an antagonist with peace and love. I think it was only by allowing Christ’s love to overcome my hostility that I could delete that reply.

Transsexual people have experienced antagonism and hostility from many sources: often from loved family members, close friends, or from well meaning but misinformed fellow Christians. What would it mean to “turn the other cheek” to these people? Often they do not want to engage in dialogue with us. The only response they will honor on our part is a denial of our transsexualism, a return to the previous birth-gender condition. We know that such a return is not going to result in happiness or peace for anyone. This is not, should not be, our response.

I would suggest that we consider what happens physically when we literally "turn the other cheek." We end up looking at the situation from a different perspective - a different point of view. Perhaps “turning the other cheek” is a metaphor for getting a fresh perspective on the situation.

For example, if a dear Christian friend from my past cannot comprehend or accept what has happened in my life, perhaps I can ask God to show me the perspective which my friend sees when he looks at me. I will still know it’s a misinformed position, but at least I will be able to empathize a bit better with him. Then, instead of continuing to plead or argue with my friend, I will realize that the only way I can persuade him of the truth of my life is to go ahead and live my life in a loving way. After time has passed, he may see God’s love still at work in me and may be more accepting.

A different perspective brings balance to our understanding. Love - the love of God as manifest in Christ - can empower us to respond to our antagonists in wisdom and love. By our example we will do more to cause others to accept us than by any argument.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

"We love, because he first loved us." 1 John 4: 18-19

Becky Allison

Visibility     By Dee Dee McKay

The point I am trying to make in this letter is that words are helpful to get people in our community to feel better about themselves. It's going to take action to break free from the suppression imposed upon us by the "over-religious."

I want to convey that we can show ourselves to be a non--threat to those who don't understand who we are, where we're coming from, etc. The only way we are ever going to accomplish this task is to be visible.

It is this major stumbling block the "Trans-" label puts on all of us.

"Hey, look! I may be a male in body, but I am more then just that in spirit end mind-set."

"I am uniquely me."

"Maybe not as men in society defines a men. I am not a female either, but I do relish the feminine. People know I'm a guy so telling them I'm a woman inside is only going to confuse them. In the case of the crossdresser, they go beck to the male in everyday life. All of us, crossdressers, transgendered, transsexual are simply being ourselves."

The above is a pot--pourri of statements made by Dee Dee McKay. She is a dear friend of mine and advances her theory of all of us being "inter-gendered." This is a unique theory that will hold water. Write to her for a sample copy of her 'Traveler's Express" newsletter, "For Unique Dressers." Dee Dee McKay, P.O. Box 150, Fells Creek PA 15840. {814-375-7651.

Amen From The Heart      By Robert J. Sparacin

There used to be a huge, well polished wooden slide in Coney Island's old Steeple Chase. When you got on that thing, down you went! You flew! You could not "half try it'. You could not "rehearse it", and not really do it. Once on, it demanded a commitment to the end! Life can be that way too. Once we are born, we must go the full distance of living, growing and dying, It is a commitment. Being born in the Spirit is also a commitment. Once we open up to the Spirit, an inner fire can take hold. A journey has begun. However, the fire of Faith does not take away personal choice. We can choose to build it into a pillar of fire, or let it become a smoldering ember. I suspect the former is to "ride the Lion" of Faith, which truly fills our hearts. The latter, is more like the ride of sitting on an emaciated cat. It does not fill our needs. It does not do much for the cat, either. It does not "work". What I feel, is that I need to make my Faith grow. The following practice is one way that I have been trying to open my heart, and "ride the Lion". I believe that this is important because we can invite the Holy Spirit into our lives by opening our hearts. The heart is both a physical, and a spiritual organ. The opening of the heart is one of the foundations of effective prayer. Often, prayer has been compared to "an attitude of the heart", and to the "breath of the soul". Was it not said that God has given to us a heart to know Him? So, this is what seems to help me:

In private, which includes NOT driving my neighbors stark raving mad:

I relax and fill my diaphragm with a slow deep breath. Breathing should be comfortable.

As I inhale, I invite the Holy Spirit into me. I use my mind to visualize a dove entering with each breath. I try to fill my lungs with the Holy Spirit.

As I slowly exhale, I create a long drawn out sound of AM ............. en. Most of the sound is of the "AM" part of the word. At the end of the breath, I finish with the "en" sound. I try to keep the voice box relaxed, and the larynx low, so that the voice is not strained. This is not shouting. It is almost whispered, and it should be comfortable to do. As I make the "AM" sound, I FOCUS my mind upon my heart, and feel, and "see" it vibrate with the sound. I try to make my heart vibrate with the Holy Spirit, and open up.

I do this cycle at least ten times.

Then, I breath the "Am...en" cycle in silence. I keep my attention on my heart and use the quiet sound of breath to vibrate my heart. As I vibrate my heart, I use my mind to push the Holy spirit through my heart, expanding an opening in my heart. The idea is to open the heart with the Holy Spirit.

Now that I have used the Holy Spirit to vibrate and open the heart, I change the practice. Now I use each inhalation and exhalation to feel the Holy Spirit enter and leave through my heart. In this part of the practice, I try to feel at one with the Spirit, as a real Presence.

The word "Amen" is a sacred sound, and is used to make prayer valid. Variations of this sound are used in other cultures as well, and are also considered to be sacred. I try to use this practice in the morning and evening of each day, and after I have quieted my mind, We can also use this practice to weave aspects of the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine into the fabric of who we become. This is possible because it is through the Holy Spirit that we become whole, and are remade in the image of the Holy, which contains both of these elements. This is a practice which invites the Holy Spirit into us.

Considering the above, the term "cross dressing" is a description which mostly exists as part of a secular mind flame within our culture, What I am suggesting, is that we come to see things differently. We can see cross dressing as not so much a secular pursuit, but as part of a spiritual path which can give meaning to our commitment to life. I am suggesting that in whatever is the God given expression of our sense of "self", we can sanctify it with prayer, and make our lives holy. This is true because the Holy Spirit is a real and present force. I am also suggesting that it is important to find a practice which works for you, as some practice of some sort of prayer is needed to allow Faith to grow. The above illustration is only one of many paths which I hope may be of help, in some way. We may come to ride the Lion, and know the Lion's heart.

Seminar: Gender Identity And Life's Pilgrimage    By Revd. David Horton
Gender Trust Associate, Chaplain to Gender Trust

One of the basic beliefs of economics is that wants are infinite. In other words, when we have got what we wanted we suddenly discover something else to desire. This doesn't just apply to economics, though. At the basic level we look for food, drink and shelter. It is only when those needs are met that other wants begin to surface. Companionship is a major need we all have, and so on. The need to find ourselves is more subtle and tends to come to fore either when other needs are met, or when the existing stability is threatened. It is unlikely to be in the forefront of people's minds in Ruanda, or in the front line of combat, for example.

The means by which that need to find ourselves is met can also vary. One approach identifies three ways of doing this: by reference to others, by identifying with a cause, or by creating our own inner value system. All of us use all three, but my guess would be that those who are mainly following others, or a cause, are less likely to seek to do something about identity problems, and to push them aside instead.

My understanding is that gender identity is built up in the same way by everyone, but that in a few cases that process leads to different results. In other words, it is not that some people have a wrong gender identity, with its implication that something needs to be corrected. Rather, such people are simply a variation. That variation may be very obvious or latent, but it is not in itself wrong.

From this it seems to me that it then becomes a question of acting for the best for those involved. If there is nothing wrong, then don't fix it! On the other hand, if there are problems that can be resolved then why not? What does seem dangerous is to assume a solution will apply to everyone. I believe in the God of the snowflake, who enjoys our individuality for itself. I also believe in a God who wants and respects our choices, despitethe problems. Our society seems to want to pigeonhole people, with its progress toward a world culture. Our nature is to be ourselves, and so we seek ways to be different through our lifestyle, hobbies, and the like.

Thus I come to pilgrimage, and John Bunyan's hymn:

"Who would true valour see, let him come hither
One here will constant be, come wind, come weather.
There's no discouragement shall make him once relent
His first avowed intent to be a pilgrim."

I think that the idea of making a pilgrimage through life offers much to us all. Firstly, it avoids the trap of thinking that we have somehow "arrived." We are continually changing: our bodies age, we learn and experience, our understanding changes. We are not the same person as we were just a few weeks ago. No situation is so bad that it cannot change for the better. No pinnacle of achievement will allow us to avoid further change and development. Indeed, particular achievements may not cause us satisfaction in the long run: beware of what you ask for -- you may get it! In effect, we are reminded that nothing can keep us from our journey indefinitely.

Secondly, it is a solitary action, although carried out in the company of others. It is our choice, our responsibility. Others may guide and encourage, or be there as an opportunity for us to help. The final decision is ours. Throughout our journey of life we can learn to be individuals and not clones of some other person or persons.

Thirdly, it requires us to hold lightly to things. The pilgrim travels light, and in circumstances the little he has can easily be lost or used for others. There is a great difference between owning things and being owned bt things. The same is true of our bodies and minds. We need to respectthem, not indulge them!

Finally, it looks beyond itself. If nothing in life can satisfy, then we look beyond this life to god. If we lack the maturity and wisdom to act wisely, then we ask for help. If we are tempted to give up, then we can take advantage of the example of others.

Our gender identity is uniquely ours. Our journey throuh life ia also unique. We should not therefore be afraid of being ourselves. Arguably this our reason for existence. In any case, we have no choice.

Pilgrimage is also the response to a fallen world. St Paul speaks of the whole creation groaning. We face challenges to our integrity from within, and from our circumstances: the word, the flesh, and the devil. The word used by Jesus for repentance is metanola, and it implies that we are moving. In fact that we are on the wrong road, and choose to return to the fork where we went wrong and head off in the right direction. Similarly in the Bible, salvation can be one of three ways we have made the change, and one day the change will be complete. Again a process is implied.

Yet, we cannot return to our beginnings. In gender terms there is evidence that that would not be far enough to back away. "Are we to return to the womb and be born a second time?" asked Nicodemus of Jesus. No -- what Jesus required was that we move in the right direction in our life: towards openness and love to ourselves, others, and God. He also promised help to those who wanted it, by God's own activity in our lives through the Comforter, the Advocate, the one like Jesus. A comforter is one who strengthens; an advocate speaks on behalf of his client.

Is gender an area of our pilgrimage that has special problems? It seems unlikely that God regards it as so special. Paradoxically, the Bible (and most other faiths) concentrates on the small things, as the best indication and builder of character. On the other hand, the sheer cultural pressure of being different makes it difficult to come to terms with avarient gender identity, just as similar pressures exist for the very intelligent, or the blind, or any group that stands out. Those who take their cue from others, or who follow a narrow or selfish viewof life, may make life difficult out of fear.

In essence, pilgrimage is a narrow way. As such, many may not find the courage to embrace it. But if it is a narrow and uphill way, it is nonetheless a way that leads to a high and open view of life. At least, that is what I have found from those I know who follow such a path the most firmly.

Discussion.

Several of those attending this seminar started obviously feeling under pressure. The first few minutes of the time available was thus spent remembering the personal significance and importance of each person present. We are people, not clients, or labels, or numbers. I then introduced the concept of pilgrimage as a useful way of looking at our lives. A handout was available and used in summary.

When the seminar was opened a number of people shared both where they felt they had reached on their journey, and importantly, how their view had changed as they had moved along the years. One made the point about the spiritual help she had felt about the way, not in a formal or christian sense. Many agreed with her that the path they were treading would be so very hard without the ability to reach beyond for help.

We then had a period of silence for personal reflection. This was ended by the first verse of John Bunyan's hymn.

It is an unique discipline to bring people into inner calm. I am enormously grateful to all who helped end the session in such a way that many of those present left feeling refreshed, encouraged, and valued. The atmosphere of peace and harmony was very valuable.

Take My Hand

I cannot pray, dear Lord, I cannot find any comfort, hope or peace of mind, My soul is filled with pain and anguish, my past a nightmare; my future filled with fear and doubt, And yet, though in Your cruel death You suffered more than I, this does not help me, no matter how hard I try. So take my hand, and ease my tortured soul, and give me strength and help me bear my pain. And though my future plans may go astray, in all my fears be near; show me the way.

I am so weak; give me the strength. I need to know that with Your help I will succeed. Help me in these long and tiring days to know that someone sings a song of praise. That there is hope where only fear prevails, and there is light where only darkness reigns. So take my hand, and let me cling to Thee and, clinging, know no harm can come to me.

Amen

Hands Across The Table    By Bill Richter

I am writing this article as I reflect on the gospel readings appointed for the second and third Sundays of Epiphany. The focus of both of these readings, one from John (l:43-51) and one from Mark (1:14-20) is on "call." As Jesus calls together his disciples, our Lord calls to us as well. The call of God made known to us by Jesus is multi-layered and multifaceted. First, God's call is a call to return and to believe. We are called to return to God via a change of heart, mind and spirit (i.e. repentance). We are called to believe in the good news of God's unconditional love made known in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.

Our starting place is a call "in." A call into relationship with God; recognizing our belovedness in the eyes of God, and working to remove any and all obstacles to an intimate relationship with God. New Testament scholar, N. T. Wright says that God's call is "to de-center one's life from the artificiality of cultural norms and distinctions, and to re-center one's life in the experience of God."

Follow me! Come and see!

The second part of God's call to us is a call "out." As we are transformed by being immersed in God's love and compassion; as we begin to see the world through the eyes of Christ; we are called to ministry. Each of us has a call that is as unique as we are. Call combines gifts, talent, joy and need. True call is said to occur in the place where a joyful, life-giving use of gifts and talents intersects with a pressing need in the world. Discovering gifts and recognizing the needs of the world requires prayerful intention and discernment. I ask all of us in this season of light and revelation to seek out God's call in our lives. How is God trying to love me this Epiphany? What does God need to be done that I am most uniquely qualified to do?

Follow me! Come and see!

to other Christian articles ...

 God's Infinite Love

 Back To Jesus Alone?

 Why Do I Feel Guilty?

 Inspiration On-Line

 God's Special Gift

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