"Thespis"

(The control room just before airtime)

Voice:  Studio A, this is Master Control.  You're up on router 7.  Have a good show.

Dana:  Thank you.

Dave:  Stand by, audio.  Stand by, VTR.

Natalie:  Four minutes out.  Janie, I need you standing by for a possible comeback after five.

Chris: (to Will) "Andruw Jones" is spelled with a "u."

Will:  And Cris Collinsworth doesn't have an "h."

Chris:  It doesn't have an "h."

Will:  Doesn't have an "h."

Kim:  Why doesn't "Collinsworth" have an "h"?

Natalie:  It never had an "h."

Kim:  It has an "h" at the end.

Chris:  He's saying "Cris" doesn't have an "h."

Elliot: (walking through studio) Anybody know why there's a 20-pound frozen turkey up in the light grid?

Dan: (coming into control room) Elliot wants to know why there's a 20-pound frozen turkey in the light grid.

Dana:  Twenty-four pound.

Dan:  (going back out) I'll tell him that, but then he'll probably just want to know why there's a 24-pound frozen turkey in the light grid.

Elliot: (coming into control room)  Why is there a 24-pound turkey up in the light grid?

Dana:  I'm thawing it out.

Elliot: You're thawing out a turkey on the light grid?

Dana:  Anybody here got a problem with that?

Dave/Chris/Will: Not me/Cool with me.

Natalie: (softly to Dana) It's like a week before Thanksgiving.

Dana:  This is just a dry run.

Natalie: A dry run on the turkey.

Dana:  My whole family's coming to New York -- eighteen people.

Natalie:  And this is your first time making the dinner.

Dana:  Yes.

Natalie:  It's a rite of passage into adulthood.

Dana:  Yes.

Kim:  It's a time for giving thanks.  A time for sharing in the warm embrace of family.

Dana:  Right.

Natalie:  You don't wanna take any crap from your mother.

Dana:  I really don't.

Natalie:  You're doing the right thing.

Dana:  I need to see how long it takes to thaw.

Dave:  Three minutes in.

Dan: (at desk -- to Casey) By the way... you know what today is?

Casey: It's Monday.

Dan:  What else?

Casey:  Uh, it's November 23rd.

Dan:  And what does that mean? (Casey shakes his head in confusion)  Come on.

Casey:  November 23rd....

Dan:  What happened on this date?

Casey:  Boston College upsets Notre Dame.

Dan:  Wrong.

Casey:  Gretzky's 500th goal.

Dan:  Think.

Casey: Alberto Salazar wins his fourth New York Marathon.

Dan:  No.

Casey:  Alberto Salazar wins his third New York Marathon.

Dan: (upset) Casey, you're not--

Casey:  Does it have anything to do with Alberto Salazar or the New York Marathon?

Dan:  No.

Casey: Let me take one more stab at it.

Dan:  Go.

Casey:  Alberto Salazar wins his second New York Marathon.

Dan:  Casey--

Casey:  Well, what?  Come on, what is it?

Dan:  Forget about it.

Casey: (coaxingly) Come on.

Dan: No.

Casey:  Come on.

Dan:  Forget about it.

Casey: Come on.

Isaac: (writing on paper) Kim, this is my daughter's number in San Francisco.  Would you keep trying her for me, please?

Kim: Sure.

Dana: (to Isaac)  Is there a problem with Kathy?

Isaac: (going over to Dana as Kim leaves)  There's no problem.  But she is due in ten days.  Esther flew out there this morning to be with her.  She should have landed by now, but I haven't heard from either of them yet.

Dave:  Thirty seconds to VTR.

Dana:  (into mike) Have a good show, everybody.  (to Isaac) Isaac, Esther and Kathy are fine.  You're going to be a grandfather in ten days, so try not to make everybody crazy.

Isaac:  Esther and I had a fight this morning before she left.

Dana:  What about?

Isaac: Nothing.  (walks out)  Kim, keep calling!

Casey: (from studio, into camera)  Jeremy.  November 23rd.  Does that date ring a bell?  And don't go into the computer.

Jeremy: (into mike) Don't have to.

Casey: (into camera) What is it?

Jeremy: (into mike) It was on this day in 534 BC that Thespis stepped out onto the stage of the Theater Dionysus during a choral song and dance and became the first man to speak words as an actor in a play.  (silence as everyone stares at him)

Casey: (to Dan) Tell me I was supposed to know that.

Dan:  I don't wanna talk about it.

Dave:  Sixty, and roll VTR.

Dana: (to Jeremy) Thespis?

Jeremy:  The first actor.  Now a mischievous ghost.  He likes to wreak havoc on performances of any kind.  I'd brace yourself for a strange show tonight.

Dana:  It's not gonna be a strange show.

Jeremy:  He might wreak havoc.

Dana:  He's not gonna wreak havoc.

Jeremy:  He might.

Dana: (walking down to the lower console) This show's locked up tight as a drum.

Jeremy: Thespis likes a challenge.

Dana:  Thespis has been dead for twenty-five hundred years.

Jeremy:  Do you really think you should be baiting him like this?

Dana: (chanting) I fear not ghosts, I fear them not!

Jeremy:  Your courage is an inspiration.

Dana:  You're just messing with me, right?

Jeremy:  Sure.

Dana:  Show's gonna be fine tonight.

Jeremy:  Yes.

Dana:  Tight as a drum.

Jeremy:  You betcha.

Dana:  Yes--(trips and falls with a gasp)  All right.  (picks herself up off floor)  Why wasn't I briefed about this Thespis thing before?

Natalie:  Dana, I--

Dana:  (to Natalie) Did you know about this Thespis thing?

Jeremy:  It's bad to panic, Dana.  Thespis can smell fear a mile away.

Dana:  All right.  We just need to get through the top half hour.

Natalie:  That's right.

Dana:  Anything that ever goes wrong with the show goes wrong during the top half hour.

Natalie:  Nothing's going wrong.

Dana:  Not if we can get through the top half hour.

Jeremy:  Mortals.

Dana: Jeremy-- (smacks him on the arm)

Jeremy:  Thespis likes to play the full sixty minutes.

Casey: (to Dan) Give me one more hint.

Dan:  Forget about it.

Casey:  Danny--

Dan:  It's not important.

Dave:  In three, two....

Dan: (on air)  Good evening from New York City.  I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall.  Those stories plus we're gonna take a swing through the NFL, where there were more than a few upsets yesterday.

Casey: (on air)  We'll take you out to Pauley Pavilion for a Pac-10 match-up you won't believe.  And we'll take you out to Watkins Glen for a NASCAR rules explanation we can't understand.  All that coming up after this.  You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so stick around.

Dave:  We're out.

Natalie:  We're in commercial.

Dana:  Two minutes back.

Natalie:  28 minutes to go. (Dana nods and crosses her fingers.)

(Later in the show)

Dan: (on air)  The MLS.  Major League Soccer.  And if you know me, you know I eat, drink and breathe soccer.  Without delay: the Miami Fusion... the DC United.  Let's go to the action.  Blake kicks the ball with high hopes that it'll enter the goal, but it does not....

Dave:  Stand by 22.

Dana:  Give me a preview of FX-7, VO-9 and show me the board.

Isaac: (standing behind Dana)  He doesn't know the route.

Will:  Here's 7.

Chris:  Here's 9.

Dana:  Show me the board.

Dave:  Board's up.

Isaac: I asked him to rehearse the route, but he wouldn't listen.

Dana:  You're babbling, Isaac.

Isaac:  He hasn't rehearsed the route.

Dana:  Who?

Isaac:  Douglas, my son-in-law.  How can he find the hospital if he hasn't rehearsed the route?

Dana:  Isn't Douglas a radar officer in the Navy?

Isaac:  Yes, and if we were scrambling F-16s, I'd trust him to find the flight deck of the USS Coral Sea, but we're having a baby, and he can't find Berkeley General unless you rehearse the route.  You think that's crazy?

Elliot:  No crazier than thawing out a turkey on the light grid.

Isaac:  What are you doing on the light grid?

Dana:  (nervous laugh)  It's not important.

Kim: (entering control room)  Isaac, it's your wife.

Isaac:  Oh, finally. (rushes out)

Dana: (calling after Isaac)  You see?

Dave:  Stand by FX-7, VO-12.

Dan: (on air)  With the NHL season well under way, one of the big questions on the minds of fans is if the defending champion Red Wings will pull off a three-peat and drink from Lord Stanley's cup once again.

Dave:  Ready five.

Dan:  (on air)  For more on that, we go to Tracy Heller who's standing outside the Detroit Wed Wings rocker room. (pauses as Casey looks up abruptly and stares at him) Red Wings rocker room.

Dana:  Oh, man.

Dan: (on air, laughing)  Or possibly, the Detroit Red Wings locker room.  Tracy?

Dave:  Take five.

Natalie:  Two and a half minutes back.

Dana:  (to Jeremy)  Thespis?

Jeremy:  It's his special day.

Casey: (to Dan, while eating a sandwich)  Let me take one more shot at it.  Is it, um--

Dan:  Our anniversary.

Casey: (dubiously) Our anniversary?

Dan:  Our anniversary.  Today is our anniversary.

Casey:  Jeez, Danny, that night in Minneapolis with the Jaegermeister, we didn't do anything untoward, did we?

Dan:  You mean did we get married?

Casey:  Yeah.

Dan:  No.

Casey:  (getting up and going backstage)  Good.

Dan: (following) You recited the St. Crispin's Day speech from the lobby of the St. Paul Radisson.

Casey: (examining himself in the mirror)  Well, was it untoward?

Dan:  No, it was just embarrassing.

Casey:  So, how is it our anniversary?

Dan:  It's the anniversary of our first show.  November 23rd, five years ago.

Casey: (smoothing hair and heading back to desk) We went on the air two years ago last July.

Dan:  I'm not talking about Sports Night.  I'm talking about our first broadcast.

Casey: (with sudden realization) Lone Star.

Dan: Lone Star Sports.

Casey:  November 23rd?

Dan:  That's right.

Casey: (pause, then belligerently)  What do you want from me?

Dan: (sitting back down) Nothing, Casey.  I'm just going to sit over here and do my show.

Casey:  Impersonating my ex-wife never won anyone a place in my heart.

Dan:  It's an important day to me.

Casey:  It's an important day to me, too.

Dan:  (laughs bitterly) Oh, I don't think it is.

Casey:  How do I prove it to you?

Dan:  Remembering it would be a step in the right direction.

Chris:  One minute back.

Natalie: (to Jeremy)  So Thespis is the Roman god of theatre?

Jeremy:  That's exactly right.  Except he's not Roman and he's not a god.

Natalie:  What is he?

Jeremy:  He's Greek and he's a ghost.

Dana:  Who's Artemis?

Jeremy:  Artemis?

Dana:  Yes.

Jeremy: Artemis is goddess of the moon, the hunt, chastity and fertility.  (everyone ooohs)

Dana: (to Natalie)  Your boy knows his mythology.

Natalie:  Give him another one.

Kim:  Athena.

Dave:  Thirty seconds.

Jeremy:  Goddess of wisdom, the arts and war.

Casey:  (from the studio into the camera) Mercury.

Jeremy:  God of commerce, wrestling, gymnastics, thieving, good luck, sleep, wealth and dreams.

Casey: (into camera) Wow.

Natalie:  There's a god of thieving?

Casey:  (into camera)  There's a god of gymnastics?

Jeremy:  Yes, indeed.

Will:  Ten seconds back.

Dave:  Ready four.

Dan: (to Casey)  I remember what you were wearing.  Do you remember what I was wearing?

Casey:  I remember not thinking at the time that you were a woman.

Dave:  In three, two....

Dan:  (on air)  Thanks, Tracy.  You can see the Red Wings take on the Maple Leafs tomorrow night at 7:30 right here on CSC as Bob Lowry and Steve Capps bring you all the action from Toronto.  Casey?

Casey: (on air)  The PGA Tour was in Scottsdale yesterday for the final round of the Kingsbridge Open....

Dana: (as Isaac bursts into the control room)  You and Esther make up?

Isaac: (ignoring Dana)  Kim, get me on the next flight to San Francisco.

Kim:  Why do you need me to--

Isaac: (rushing back out)  Just do it.

Dana: (stares after him for a moment in indecision, then hands her clipboard to Natalie)  Uh, take over. (heading out after Isaac)  Natalie's got the wheel, everybody.

Natalie: (stunned pause)  Put up 20, 21 and 22 on a preview screen.  Casey, heads up, I need you to stretch a 20 blind roll into a 30.

Jeremy: (to Natalie) You all right?

Natalie: (still stunned)  Yeah.

Isaac:  (in his office, into the phone)  I'm gonna fly out tonight, honey.  I'll meet Mom and your sister at the hospital.  I'll have Carmen stay there tonight.  Honey, don't argue with me.  (Dana appears in doorway)  I'll call you back in a few minutes.  I'll call you back.  (hangs up phone and turns to Dana)  Get back to the control room.

Dana:  What's going on?

Isaac:  Dana, get back to the damn control room.

Dana:  Natalie's fine for a couple of minutes.

Isaac: (pause)  She's having an emergency C-section.  They're doing it right now.

Dana:  What happened?

Isaac:  She was cleaning the kitchen when Esther got there.  Esther said she doubled over in pain and started screaming.  The OB said there was massive internal bleeding.  She was unconscious when she got the the ER.  Is Kim working on the plane tickets?

Dana: (sitting down)  Yes.  Why don't you sit down?

Isaac: (slowly sits next to Dana)  She's nine months pregnant.  What's she doing cleaning the kitchen?

Dana:  She's hoping to make a good impression on her mother.  But that's not why she was bleeding.  Did they say anything to you about something called placenta previa?

Isaac:  That's what it is.

Dana:  It happened to my brother's wife, Shelly.  Two weeks before she was due, massive hemmoraghing, rushed to the hospital--

Isaac:  What happened?

Dana:  Shelly was fine.

Isaac:  What about the baby?

Dana: (pause) They lost the baby.  But Shelly was fine.

Isaac: (long pause) You should get back to the show.

Dana:  Yeah. (gets up) I'll be back in a few minutes.  You all right?

Isaac:  Yeah.

(Dana leaves him alone and goes back to the control room)

Casey: (on air as Dana reenters control room)  Miami of Ohio and Bowling Green State aren't two teams that are usually in the national spotlight, unless you're speaking of their departments of physics and Native American studies, respectively...

Natalie: (seeing Dana)  Thank God.

Dana:  What's going on?

Natalie:  We blew the cue at 44.

Dana:  Well, that's not so bad.  Anything else?

Natalie:  We had the wrong VO at 42, the wrong chyron at 50, and we would have had 20 seconds of dead air at 55 if Casey hadn't been thinking on his feet.

Dana:  Well, what'd he do?

Natalie:  I think it was the St. Cripin's Day speech; I'm not sure.

Jeremy:  She did fine.

Chris:  There's water dripping on the desk.

Dana:  What desk?

Chris:  The anchor desk.

Dana:  Natalie, get someone up there and find out what's going on.  I was gone three minutes, is there anything that didn't get screwed up?

Jeremy:  We spelled "Cris Collinsworth" right.

Dana: (sarcastically)  Good.

Dave:  In three, two...

Casey: (on air, still swallowing food and trying to rewire himself.  Dan is catching the dripping water in a paper cup.)  Thank you, Matt.  We're gonna take a break for two and a half minutes and pay some bills.  But when we come back, we're going to have college hoops, bowl predictions and a steeplechase that got out of hand.

Dan: (on air) You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so don't go far.

Dave:  We're out.

Natalie:  Two and a half back.

Dan: (from studio) Dana, what the hell is going on?

Dana: (into mike)  Listen to me, Isaac's having a family emergency, but there's nothing we can do about it from here.  Everybody got that? (gets up)  Get your heads in the game. (starts to head out to studio)  We are going to get through the top half hour.  I am not going to be beaten by a six thousand year old Roman god.

Jeremy:  He's a three thousand year old Greek ghost.

Dana: (stops and turns back to Jeremy)  Well, I'm a thirty-three year old television producer. (goes out into studio) And for one hour every night, this is my little corner of the world, and nothing screws up here unless I screw it up. (shouts at ceiling)  You got that?!  (walks over and looks at anchor desk)  Why is there still water dripping on this desk?

(A 24-pound frozen turkey thuds down onto the desk right in front of Dana.  She, Casey and Dan all stare at it for a long moment)

Dan:  Say, Dana.  This wouldn't happen to be your frozen turkey by any chance, now would it?

Dana: (lifts turkey with an attempt at dignity and walks off)  Well, clearly I'm going to be taking crap from my mother.

Dave: (from control room) Two minutes back.

(Still later in the show)

Dan: (on air) To the NCAA, there ain't no such thing as free lunches, much less free sky box tickets or free hotel rooms.  That's why Southern University wideout Marcus Ryan will sit out two games.  Ryan's suspension comes to a grand total of five games.

Dave: Ready SOT.

Dan: (on air) ... and he apologized to SU and his family.

Dave:  Go 90.

Dan: (to Casey) Just answer me this.

Casey:  What are you, the Riddler?

Dan:  What was wrong with you that day?

Casey:  There was nothing wrong.

Dan:  Why won't you tell me?

Casey:  I was nervous, it was our first show.

Dan:  You weren't nervous.  There was something wrong.

Casey:  Why are we still talking about this?

Dan:  Was it because of what happened with Conan O'Brien's show?

Casey: (heatedly)  It had nothing to do with Conan's show.  You've made way too much out of that.  My name was mentioned a couple of times, I was never seriously considered for the show.

Dave: (over him) In three, two...

Casey: (on air with instant plastic smile)  In this week's police blotter, a judge in New York has issued a court order for the arrest of former defensive end Mark Gastin for... violating a court order.  While in a Houston courtroom, Sacramento back-up power forward Jayson Grissom was pleading no contest to charges he hit a fan over the head with a bottle of fine cognac.  For more psychotic behavior, here's Jack Jankowitz.

Dan:  Yes, you were.

Casey:  Yes, I was what?

Dan:  Being seriously considered for Conan's show.

Casey:  No, I wasn't.

Dan:  Yes, you were.  And when you didn't get it, you were stuck doing a little sports show with me in Dallas.

Casey:  It was a good show, Danny.

Dan:  It wasn't good enough for Lisa.

Casey: (angrily) Yeah, what was good enough for Lisa?

Dan:  What haven't you told me?

Casey: (sighs in frustration) There's no mystery here.

Dan:  Casey, I've known you for ten years.  We've been working together for five of them.  What haven't you told me?

Casey:  Natalie, how much time do I have?

Natalie: (into mike)  Uh, another fifteen seconds on this, then Dan has two minutes, then a two minute c-break.

Casey: I'm gonna stretch my legs. (gets up and walks angrily out of the studio)

Dave:  We're back in three, two...

Dan: (on air, but still rattled)  We'll come back to Jack Jankowitz later in our show.  In women's college hoops (Dan appears on Isaac's television in his office) the Pac-10's been having a good season with four teams in the top 25.  On Sunday, the Bruins were in the Valley of the Sun for a conference match-up against Arizona State-- (Isaac turns off the sound just as Casey appears in the doorway)

Casey:  Any news?

Isaac:  No.

Casey:  Well, do you want some company? (sits)

Isaac: No. (sits anyway)

Casey:  Tough.

Isaac: (pause)  Did a big frozen turkey fall down onto the anchor desk during the last commercial?

Casey:  Yes.

Isaac:  And why?

Casey:  Ah, Isaac, is there really an answer I can give to that question that will satisfy you?

Isaac:  I don't think so.

Casey:  Then don't worry about it.

Isaac:  Esther and I had an argument this morning before she left for the airport.

Casey:  About what?

Isaac:  She said I wasn't showing enough enthusiasm about the baby.

Casey:  Ah, that's ridiculous.

Isaac:  No, it's not.  I've been feeling my age. I was rude to my son-in-law, I said to my daughter, Kathy, that I was too young to be a grandfather.  What the hell kind of thing is that to say to your daughter?

Casey: (thoughtfully) Huh.

Isaac: Anyway... (gets up and moves to his desk chair)  I'm sorry we fought this morning.

Casey:  In a funny way, Danny and I are having the same fight right now.  Only he doesn't know it's about a fight Lisa and I had five years ago.

Isaac:  You've never told him, have you?

Casey:  No.

Isaac:  Why?

Casey: (uncomfortably) I don't know....

Isaac:  You gotta learn to show people how you feel aobut them, Casey.

Casey:  Why do I have to prove it to him?

Isaac:  'Cause he feels like a consolation prize.

Casey:  He's not.

Isaac:  Tell him.  So you say a few words.  You make a gesture.  You remember an important date.  A small price to pay for what you get in return.  For what you get in return, it's a steal.  (gets up and goes to liquor shelf)  The rest is all vanity. (Casey gets up and stands very close to Isaac until he turns around)  What?

Casey:  I was going to hug you.

Isaac:  Oh, please don't.

Casey:  It was a gesture.

Isaac:  Oh. (chuckles) Okay. (they hug)

Casey:  Call the studio when you get some news. (leaves)

(Back in the control room, Dana stands in front of monitors, ranting)

Dana:  I've named this Thanksgiving.  I'm calling it "The Thanksgiving of Mom's Disapproval."  Included on the two-record set are the hit songs "Why Aren't You Married?" and "Sports Is No Place For An Educated Woman," and "Didn't Anyone Ever Tell You How To Cook A Turkey?"

Jeremy: Well, on the turkey front, she may have a reasonable point.

Dana: (sitting back down) Tell me the mission of Thespis.  What's his M.O.?

Jeremy:  Well, by and large the mission of any ghost is to offer humility.  They point out what's important by mocking what is not.

Dana:  I'm not sold.  I'm not sold.

Dave:  Stand by.  In three, two...

Casey: (on air)  Welcome back.  If you're joining us late....

Elliot: (hanging up phone)  Dana, Broadcast Center says we should expect some trouble with our transmission in the next couple minutes.

Dana:  What kind of trouble?

(Elliot shrugs; an instant later, all the monitors go to static, then to a technical difficulties message)

Dana:  Well, that was certainly uncalled for. (smacks Jeremy on the arm)  No, I mean it.

Jeremy:  Why are you looking at me?

Dana:  Elliot, get someone on the phone and find out what's going on and how long we can expect it to be going on for. (to Jeremy)  How am I bothering Thespis?  What have I done?  What have I done to this ghost, who, by the way, no one has ever heard of but you.  What have I done that he should choose, like Jacob Marley, to spend an entire night in the studio just slapping us around?

Jeremy:  You're not bothering Thespis.

Dana:  I'm obviously bothering Thespis.

Jeremy:  He's fine.

Elliot:  It's the power grid upstate.  They should have us back on in a couple minutes.

Dana: (whining) I just wanted to make a nice Thanksgiving dinner.

Jeremy:  Well, not exactly.

Dana:  What do you mean, not exactly?

Jeremy: (taking off headphones and getting up)  It's none of my business.

Dana: (taking off headphones and following him into the sound room)  Well, I'm making it your business.

Jeremy:  You can't just make it my business.

Dana:  Well, I just did.

Jeremy:  You're underestimating your mother.  You get to see your family, what, twice a year?  Savor it.  Your mother's gonna love you whether or not you screw up the turkey.

Dana:  My mother's gonna annoy me whether or not I screw up the turkey.

Jeremy:  Which leads us to the conclusion that your mother loves you even though she annoys you.  And it's Thanksgiving, so which do you want to focus on?

Dana:  For a guy who's read The Hobbit fourteen times, you're not so dumb.

(Jeremy smiles and leaves, just as Casey walks in)

Casey: Hi.

Dana: (cheerfully) Hey, Casey.

Casey:  I was on television for a little while there and then I wasn't anymore.

Dana:  That's gotta be pretty disturbing for someone like you. (goes back into the control room and sits down)

Casey: (following)  I'd think it'd be pretty disturbing for someone like you, too.

Dana:  It's a television show, Casey.  I'm not thinking of wordly things at the moment.

Casey: (sarcastically) Okay. (shouting to the whole room)  Is anyone?!

Natalie:  A power grid's down.  We'll be up in a few minutes.  You should stay at the desk.

Casey: (turning to leave) There's not going to be anymore poultry falling down?

Natalie:  Who can say?

Dana: (calling after him)  Stay at your desk.

Dan:  What's going on in there?

Casey: (sitting) Ah, a power grid's down.  We're supposed to stand by.

Dan: Thank you.

Casey:  I was gonna buy us some flowers on the way back from the control room, but--

Dan:  I don't know if you've noticed, but I dropped that like fifteen minutes ago.

Casey:  Good.

Dan:  I just think that--

Casey:  Danny.  They offered me Conan's show.

Dan: (pause)  They did?

Casey: Yeah.

Dan:  They offered it to you?

Casey:  They made-- there was an offer, they offered me the show.

Dan:  And you passed?

Casey:  Yeah.

Dan:  You passed on your own network show?

Casey:  Yeah.

Dan:  To work with me in Dallas.

Casey:  It was clear we were going national.

Dan:  No, it wasn't.

Casey:  Look, I passed on the show.  What does it matter why?

Dan:  And if you passed on the show, Lisa must've gone thermal.

Casey: (looking away) She wasn't happy.

Dan: (pause)  Case... was that the beginning of the end?  For you and Lisa?

Casey:  Yeah.

Dan: (long pause)  Casey.  Casey, Casey, Casey....

Casey: (uncomfortably) Look, I appreciate your fond wishes, all right?  But can we just move on--

Dan:  Are you stupid?

Casey:  What happened to the fond wishes?

Dan:  You turned down Late Night?

Casey:  I wouldn't have been any good on it.

Dan:  Yes, you would've.

Casey:  No, I wouldn't have.

Dan:  You would've been great.

Casey:  Danny--

Dan:  You would've been great.

Casey:  I would've been embarrassing.

Dan:  That is flat out not true. (pause)  What did that woman do to your confidence?  How many hits did you have to take to your ego?

Dana: (approaching desk)  Guys, this is a 60 seconds heads up.  Apologize for technical difficulties and we'll start right back up with 101.  (Casey nods, still shaken, and Dana walks off to talk to camera guys)  Fellas, can I talk to you a second?

Dan:  You would've been great.  You would have been very good.

Casey: (pause)  Thank you.

Dan:  You're very good on this show.

Casey: (smiles) Oh, yeah, I know. (pause)  But thanks for saying so.  I appreciate the gesture. (Casey holds up his hand and they high-five)

Dana: (to camera guys) ... so we're gonna be three minutes long. (turns and sees Isaac coming towards her)  Tell me what happened.

Isaac: (solemn, then grinning and pulling out a cigar)  I got a 6 pound 8 ounce grandson named Matthew and his mother's doing just fine.

Dana: (gasps in relief and hugs him)  Oh, that's the best news I've ever heard.

Dave:  We got the studio back.

Dana:  Oh! (pulls Isaac into studio)  Um, hey, guys?  Isaac's a grandfather.

(Everyone cheers and claps, and Dan and Casey come over)

Casey:  Hey, congratulations, Isaac!

Dan:  Mazel tov!

Isaac:  Healthy baby boy.  Have a cigar. (Isaac hands Dan and Casey cigars and they stick them in their mouths, grinning at each other goofily)  Say, quick question.

Dana: (from control room) Yeah?

Isaac:  How come we're not on the air?

Dana:  (taking her seat)  We've had our share of technical problems tonight, as well as paranormal interference, but we think once we get done with the top half hour, we should be out of the mythological penalty box, if you will.

Isaac:  Anybody know what the hell she's talking about?

Dave:  Thirty seconds back.  We're back in thirty.

Chris:  Stand by FX-22.

Will: (as Isaac passes out cigars)  Stand by SOT/VO 19, 20 and 21.

Dana:  Make sure Janie's there for the flat five.

Elliot: (walking in)  Listen to this phone call I just got.  Frank and Kathie Lee Gifford were accepting a humanitarian award over at the Sheraton.  Kathie Lee got up to the podium, slipped and fell face-first into a plate of tapioca.

Dana:  At the Sheraton?

Elliot:  Yeah.

Dana: All the way across town?

Elliot: Yeah.

Dana:  (pounds desk with hands) Ladies and gentlemen, Thespis has left the building!

Everyone:  Yes! All right!

Dave:  In three, two...

Casey: (on air)  Good evening again.  Still here in New York City, I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell and you can't get rid of us that easily.  Let's get right to it with a preview of tomorrow's big ACC contest between the Blue Devils of Duke and the Tar Heels of North Carolina.  For more on that, I give you my partner, Dan Rydell.

Dan: (on air)  Thanks, Casey.

(fade out)