Star Trek Voyager Reviews Written by Someone Who Actually LIKES the Show! -- The Year of Hell, Part 1

This Wednesday I was having my friend Susan over. She's getting married soon and had just spent a few days with the in-laws. Not long into the visit, we were both a little...hmm...happy with beer.

"Hey, I said. "Stay and watch Voyager."

She agreed, and then we...hmm...consumed a bit more beer.

When the show finally came on, I was aware that it was really, really good. But it didn't make much sense. I wondered later whether this were, in fact, the fault of the beer or maybe the fault of the writing, which I hadn't noticed in my...hmm...happy state because so many cool-looking things were happening on the screen. So, the next day, watched it again.

Definitely the fault of the beer. Wow. This one is so good I feel sorta superfluous writing the review.

But that's never stopped me before!

So, welcome, friends and time-traveling lovers of all kinds to the latest Julia Houston spoiler-filled, opinion-crammed review, this time of Star Trek: Voyager's "The Year of Hell, Part I." This is pretty much just a way for me to tell the cyber world what I thought of the show, so if time paradoxes and a bunch of really beautiful people looking scruffy does nothing for you, save your frustrations and go to:

The National Gallery of Art.

Still with me, gang? Let's go!

INITIAL VIEWER RESPONSE
Hey, what's with Janeway's hair? Neat explosion!...Susan, would you like some more beer?...Ooh, when will the commercial come on, I have to go to the ladies...What's happening? This is great but I'm confused!...We ate all my popcorn...Is this your beer or mine or did I drink the beer already and now am existing in a temporal causality loop?

PLOT
A lovely alien city.

A huge friggin' death ray.

City gone. Lakes and forests and trees and wild deer instead.

Greenpeace people applaud.

A Krenim officer, Obrist, on board a time ship tells his superior officer, Annorax, that the "temporal incursion is complete. All organisms and man-made objects have been eradicated."

Smells like trouble. The smell gets worse when the Krenim realize that destroying just this one Zahl Colony wasn't enough to achieve their "target event."

Next stop, the Zahl homeworld.

Says Annorax: "We must erase the entire species from time every life-form, every molecule."

No question about it. We're never inviting these people to our party again.

Back on Voyager, we get to see the new Borg/Starfleet technology astrometrics lab, and it turns out to be worth the wait. The entire command staff, including Seven, watch great 3-D effects on the huge viewscreen and a nice shot of the galaxy and Voyager's new, more accurate, course, which will shave five whole years off their journey home.

Now they check ahead into the new region of space and see that they're about to enter Zahl territory. Janeway asks for information about the species and gets it from Seven Borg-style:

"Technologically advanced but nonconfrontational. Their resistant quotient is quite low."

Suddenly I have this vision of the Borg evaluating my apartment:

"Technologically advanced but filthy. Beer in fridge is running quite low."

Janeway thanks everyone for showing up at this little inauguration, and the Doctor promptly launches into a speech. Best line:

"Who would have thought that this eclectic group of Voyagers could actually become a family? Starfleet, Maquis, Human, Talaxian, hologram, Borg--even Mr. Paris."

The others are rescued from the Doctor's reminiscing by an announcement from the bridge that a ship has hailed them. Everyone except the Doctor exits quickly.

Janeway gets to the bridge to find that the ship, a small Krenim vessel, is firing on Voyager, doing little damage. She gets the captain on screen.

Krenim Captain Number Two (I'm going to call him Captain #2, okay?) orders her belligerently: You will reverse course immediately. This region is in dispute."

When Janeway mentions the Zahl, Captain #2 pooh-poohs her and says he'll destroy her. Janeway isn't impressed with his puny little ship and offers to talk.

Captain #2 shouts: "No discussion! No compromise!"

I swear, those Greenpeace people.

The Krenim ship retreats, and Janeway goes to a rather indulgent yellow alert and heads deeper into Zahl territory.

Well, it turns out the Zahl guy we meet really is quite friendly, and chats with Janeway and company in the conference room. He tells us that the Krenim used to be the big bad conquerors with their time-based weapons, but that the Zahl fought back and dismantled the Krenim military complex. Their pathetic little ships still bother people, jumping in front of other ships at stop lights and washing their windows with little squeegees.

The Zahl guy is really interested in Voyager's little tale, but before we can hear about the Caretaker and his array again, the Krenim ship returns. They all go to the bridge.

Captain #2 accuses Janeway of consorting with the enemy. Janeway tries to soothe him, but then the alarm sounds and it turns out a spacial distortion is headings towards them from a ship near the Zahl homeworld.

Voyager can't outrun it, especially when they lose their engines, and shields are pretty useless.

In a REALLY COOL sequence, the shock wave simply erases the Zahl ships -- and the Zahl guy from the Voyager's bridge. In fact, the entire bridge gets darker and more sinister. The shock wave also beefs up the Krenim ship, turning it into a tough little puppy.

On the bridge, Chakotay confirms a dead crewman, and we learn that shields are almost gone. The Krenim fire again (?) and Captain #2 appears again on the viewscreen.

Something has happened to Captain #2. He's no longer belligerent, but smug, no longer demanding, but quietly contemptuous as he tells Janeway she must prepare to be boarded.

It's not an improvement.

Janeway calls for battlestations (You GO, girl!) and then tells Chakotay, "This is turning into the week of hell."

Time passes, and Voyager's in the middle of another battle. The bridge does not look good.

We learn (though some of us already know, don't we?) that the torpedoes are penetrating the shields because they are chronoton-based and in temporal flux.

They zip out of the fight, and Janeway makes a comment that doesn't speak well of their past few weeks:

"Mr. Kim, do we have any sensors left?"

Janeway prepares for more battles ahead.

Remember that shock wave from the Zahl homeworld? Well, Obrist reports to Annorax that the erasure of the Zahl homeworld has "produced a complete temporal restoration."

Well, the captain is enough of a pompous behind that he thinks we all want to hear a lecture on how tasks are never really "complete," and gives it to us. I guess he thinks he's Captain Picard.

Hey, Annorax. I've met Captain Picard. I knew Captain Picard. And you are no Captain Picard.

Besides, it turns out that they really only restored the Krenim Imperium 98%. That means that when Annorax asks about the colony at Kyana Prime, he's told that the imperium doesn't quite make it out that far.

Well, then the mission is a bust, says Annorax. "Begin calculations for the next incursion."

Obrist doesn't like that much, and points out that this is the closest they've come to a success in two hundred years of manipulating time. But Annorax says they will keep manipulating time until they've got 100% of the imperium back. Then, in a good bit of exposition, he says that as long as they stay on the ship, they are protected from time and have all eternity to accomplish their mission.

Hmm. As long as they stay on the ship. Got it.

Voyager has been taking some pounding, their attempts to modify the shields haven't worked. The Doctor reports there's going to be an explosion. While he evacuates, Janeway deploys four of their last eleven torpedoes as mines and blows up the Krenim ship.

The Doctor gets people into the Jeffries tube, but doesn't have time to wait for two officers down the hall. He closes the hatch at the last possible second, and then in a REALLY COOL shot, we see the rippling explosion of the Deck 5 going bye-bye.

Janeway hears about the causalities and dispiritedly gives Chakotay what's left of the bridge and goes to her ready room. He follows her soon after.

"Come in," Janeway tells her first officer as she gathers up trash and shoves things off her desk. "Sorry about the mess."

Chakotay replies, "You should see my place. They haven't looked as bad since my old academy days."

Hey, Tattoo Boy, I'll do the messy apartment jokes around here, thank you very much!

Chakotay points out that their current plans aren't working, and that they should consider breaking up the crew and regrouping on the other side of Krenim space.

Janeway says, "I'm not breaking up the family, Chakotay. We're stronger as a team. One crew, one ship. The moment we split apart we lose the ability to pool our talents. We become vulnerable. We'll get picked off one by one. Now, I say we make our stand together."

And Chakotay tells her he wasn't too fond of the idea himself. They both agree to stay with the ship as long as it's in one piece.

Chakotay finds Janeway's lucky teacup, but before she can put it back where it belongs, the ship rocks from another round of fire from two new Krenim warships, and she sets the cup down. Inevitably, it falls and breaks.

And injured Torres and Kim play trivia games in the broken turbo-lift, having waited already six hours for a rescue. Movies, sports, and then a fun reference to First Contact while everyone in the audience shouts "The Phoenix!" at the screen.

Seven pries her way through the doors and explains that the last attack took out all the turbo-lifts. Torres wants to fix things, but the others take her to the Doctor. Seven mentions the Phoenix and the Borg's involvement in that part of Earth's history without going into detail.

Paris shows off his transverse bulkhead idea to the captain and Chakotay: a series of emergency force fields which will engage in the event of a cataclysmic breach to protect the interior of the ship. He got the idea from the Titanic, but assures the captain he's improved on the old system.

"I knew your fixation with history would come in handy someday," Janeway applauds.

The Doctor calls Paris down to the Mess Hall to help him with the wounded.

Seven calls Tuvok about an undetonated and still active chronoton torpedo lodged in the starboard Jeffries tube on deck 11, section two. He says to meet her there.

Paris treat Torres and stops the bleeding, their eyes saying a lot about how they feel. She's in pain from a ruptured vertebra, and he wants to help her pain, but the Doctor calls him away, lecturing him on triage. He's to see the patient won't die, then move on. If Paris can't handle it, he'll get someone who can.

Paris does not do what I would: namely, point out that the Doctor's options are limited and that he can kiss my behind. But he does say something sort of like the Trek version:

"Physician, heal thyself."

"What's that supposed to mean?" the Doctor wants to know.

Paris points out that the Doctor is the emotional one, and the Doctor responds with a brief account of having to slam the hatch on those crewmen several weeks ago. When Paris tries to sympathize, the Doctor snaps that his point is that he didn't let emotionalism get in the way, and everyone survived because of it.

Paris knows there's more on the Doc's mind than that.

Seven and Tuvok are checking out that unexploded torpedo. They can't prevent it from blowing up, so Tuvok wants to get out of there and erect a force field. Seven delays their exit, wanting the exact temporal variance of the torpedo to help them work on temporal shielding for the ship.

Tuvok orders her out, but she continues to delay, announcing in triumph that the temporal variance is 1.47 microseconds.

As they are leaving, the torpedo explodes, and Tuvok throws his body in front of Seven's.

Time passes.

Janeway's extremely grim log entry lets us know they've lost their replicator system for a while, and are on emergency rations. We watch an extremely gloomy crew eat little ration bars and sleep in bunk beds and dirty uniforms. Seven decks are uninhabitable and morale is rock-bottom.

Janeway herself is working on some equipment on the bridge when Chakotay hands her an old-fashioned watch. Turns out it's her birthday, May 20. She replies that she thought it was still April.

"Guess I've lost track of the time," she says.

Jees, writers, hit us over the head, why don't ya?

She also says the watch is beautiful, and he tells a little story (no angry warrior this time, though):

"It's a replica of the chronometer worn by Captain Cray of the British navy. His ship was hit by a typhoon in the pacific. Everyone back in England thought they were killed but eight months later Cray sailed his ship into London harbor. There wasn't much left of it -- a few planks, half a sail -- but he got his crew home."

Janeway coldly refuses the gift, saying that he needs to recycle it and preserve replicator energy.

He protests that he made it a months ago and has been saving it for her.

"That watch represents a meal," she says, "a hypospray or a pair of boots. It could mean the difference between life and death one day."

Disappointed, Chakotay takes the watch and leaves.

Using an old-fashioned razor, Tuvok shaves in front of a broken mirror. We see quickly that he's blind.

Seven enters to report for duty, and fusses at him Borg style for not letting her help him, as she has offered to before, with his grooming.

"Shaving is futile. Your razor stubble will be assimilated."

She announces that she's got a new idea about that temporal shielding. She's got the initial part of her new plan set up, but they need to test it.

While Seven helps him with his boots, Tuvok says they should test the shielding immediately.

Ensign Brooks (played by Janeway's stand-in, Sue Henly, and new recurrent character until she gets killed because she's spoken) says hello to Seven in the corridor. Seven complains a little about living with a messy human.

Right on cue and wearing a security uniform [Hey! At least Tuvok doesn't have to see it! HAHAHAHAHA!], Neelix enters and asks about the aesthetics of the intruder alert system. When he leaves, Tuvok says wryly to Seven, "And you believe you have difficulties."

There's another attack, and Tuvok orders Seven to get the new shields on line. They'll test them in battle.

Tuvok gets to the bridge and activates the tactile interface on his panel. Janeway looks at him in painful sympathy.

Voyager has phasers but no torpedoes. Paris goes into evasive maneuvers. Janeway tells him to get out of there and fly the ship. Tuvok orders Seven to get those shields in place. Seven says she's working on it.

"Seven," Janeway says, "we could use a little Borg efficiency right about now."

She gets the shields in place and the Krenim fire.

The shields hold. No damage is done to the ship, and Janeway stands up and sneers at the Krenim, giving them the Janeway version of "kiss my behind," before ordering Voyager on into Krenim space.

Obrist and Annorax fire their temporal weapon at the Gareonor Homeworld. All is going well so far.

Voyager is tooling along with the Krenim warship in pursuit but not firing. Janeway sneers that they don't know what to do again Voyager's nifty new shields.

Kim reports a spacial distortion coming at them. Relying on her new shields, Janeway calls on the crew to brace for impact. The wave passes, and while Voyager is, in fact, unaffected, but that Krenim warship is half the size it was.

Moreover, Chakotay reveals that the entire region of space has changed, with the Krenim Imperium now nothing but a few planets and a handful of ships.

Janeway gets all the data and Seven sent to the astrometrics lab, even though it means she'll have to repair it before she can use it. In a good touch, she exits the bridge through the turbo-lift door, but there's no turbo-lift there. I guess they're using the ladders these days.

Back on the Krenim temporal mess-up ship, it's major boo-boo time.

Obrist reports that the entire imperium has reverted to a pre-warp state. Naturally, when they scan for anything unusual, they find Voyager and its temporal shielding. They set a course.

Janeway makes some smart deductions in the astrometrics lab, realizing that the Krenim Imperium shrank after the spacial disruption. Someone with temporal powers is re-writing history, erasing species like the Garenor along the way.

"This sounds to me like a causality paradox," she breathes, eyes sparkling as some questions are finally getting answered.

"Well," says Seven, "this sounds to me like a job for...Causality Paradoctrix!" As the music soars, she jumps into a nearby Borgbooth and emerges dressed in a rap cape and even higher heels.

"No," Janeway says, "it doesn't."

"Oh," Seven says, disappointed. She returns to the booth and emerges dressed in her usual catsuit.

[It's not much of a moment, true, but it does allow Playmates to come out with another version of the Seven action figure.]

Seven then suggests that the Krenim may be the ones changing history, as they are known to have temporal technology. Janeway objects that the Krenim wouldn't ruin their own imperium. Something doesn't fit here.

Unfortunately, she's about to learn that that "something" is Voyager.

Before she can proceed with her investigation, the alarm sounds.

Annorax orders Obrist to collect samples from Voyager: two lifeforms and ten square meters of the hull. They disable Voyager's shields and get ready to erase them from time.

On Voyager's bridge, Chakotay stands behind Paris, and they are both beamed off the ship. Voyager can't retrieve them.

Annorax contacts Janeway and she asks him about the shenanigans with time. He tells her that he bears her no hostility, but she's in his way. Janeway realizes he's responsible for the temporal changes, and he tells her that her sacrifice will restore a lot of lives.

Janeway figures out quickly what all this means, especially when the Krenim time weapon fires on her ship. The big Krenim ship can only go warp six, and she's going to get the ship out of there. Tuvok warns that the structural integrity is not good. Janeway promises to come back for Paris and Chakotay. She activates the transverse bulkheads and gets the ship going at warp seven.

They escape, but in a REALLY COOL shot, the outer laying Voyager is simply stripped away.

It's day 73 in Krenim space.

The battered crew have assembled in the battered Mess Hall. Janeway tells them that the time has come to give the order she swore she'd never give. The ship cannot sustain the crew any longer. They are to take the escape pods and make their way towards the Alpha Quadrant. She and the senior staff are going to stay on the ship and (she gives Torres a slight hug) attempt to rescue Paris and Chakotay. They'll keep track of the escape pods sub-space beacons and when they do find each other again, they'll all have interesting stories to tell.

As the escape pods leave the ship, we're told to tune in next week!