You can't imagine the fear in your heart
When the contractions won't stop, even with meds
And to hold off delivery
You'll be confined to a bed.
Can you imagine just what it's like
When plans for your new life
Are sliced from your heart
With the sharpest of knives?
And what does it feel like,
You wonder aloud,
To feel like your world
Is under a black cloud?
In your wildest of dreams
This would never occur.
Did I cause this to happen?
Something you'll never know.
As you're raced across town
By maternity transport
You search in their eyes for some kind of support.
And every last person says they will pray,
But not even your OB knows what to say.
Taken so quickly,
Moved through so fast,
Who knew that this pregnancy
Was just not meant to last?
In a rush of bright lights
The OR doctors a swirl,
In the darkest of nights,
Comes my babe to the world.
You give out a loud cry
And you're rushed through the door.
I guess we're too stunned
For our tears just don't come.
The next several hours
Are just a big blur.
For all of my troubles,
I have nothing to show.
In the wee hours
They push me upstairs,
To see my mere tot,
That was born on a prayer.
You can't imagine
The joy that I feel
To look into your face
And know you are real.
Your dad and I both
Approach your new bed,
And look at our fighter
With wires from foot up to head.
As I reach out my finger
To give yours a test,
I ask - will you make it?
You squeeze back - I'll do my best.
Can you imagine just what it is like
To lay in your bed clutching only a photo,
Able to do
Absolutely nothing at all?
I wish I could help you
My poor little sprite
To give you the ability
To last through the night.
But then at that moment
I see it's not true.
I can pray to my Lord.
He'll know just what to do.
For I know in His plans
He sees what is best.
He knows what you can handle
And will give you no less.
Try to imagine
Your heart as it breaks.
When you leave to go home
Your son in his warmer, fragile and alone.
Having held him just once,
But that once was enough
To know that his fight
Would be strengthened with love.
And so the day starts,
But seems never to end.
Until you are with him
Near your babe once again.
The days grow in number
And closer you grow.
As your baby progresses,
Faith you do know.
But still there are the days
With the setbacks so large.
You wonder if this babe
Will ever be home in your arms.
You must trust that there's always
A plan that we follow.
So you celebrate the success
And weep at the sorrow.
And you watch "normal" moms
Your heart feels like lead.
As they hold their newborns
Just like you had read.
But for you it is different.
It can't be the same.
Instead call it a blessing,
"Miracle" is his name.
What must it be like?
Just think for a minute,
When the days number months.
This life - how do you live it?
Somewhere deep inside
You grow stronger, too.
Gathering strength from your baby,
Who longs to be with you.
Slowly you come to accept
All you could not change.
You spirit, it heals.
Your heart no longer is drained.
It's all right this new life
Started differently than most.
You entered a new world,
With your child as the host.
And these days, they will fade,
Just good feelings remain.
Like the love you received
On those darkest of days.
Consider yourself blessed,
For a gift was your babe.
Who brightened those walls
In his earliest of days.
He brought you to friends
You would never have met.
And gave you a family,
You can't ever forget.
You can never imagine
The heartbeats I feel
When I look at my son,
And know he is real.
The chills that run through me,
With each breath he can breathe.
The warmth in my arms
When he cuddles and feeds.
The tears in my eyes
Because you stayed with me,
My sweet little Ty.
And though words try to express
All we've been through,
Imagination just doesn't come close,
To experiencing a true miracle - or two.
-Kerry Bone, mom to Tyler, 31 weeks, 10/23/96
Go back to Preemie Parent Page