When you're not blond and thin, you come up with a personality real quick.

--Kathy Najimy

One day I said to myself: "I'm forty!" By the time I recovered from the shock of that discovery, I had reached fifty."

--Simone deBeauvoir

"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself."

--Ethel Barrymore

Gravity always wins.

--Erma Bombeck

"Age is just a number - and mine is unlisted"

--Message on a
needlepoint pillow

"I married beneath me. All women do."

--Nancy Astor

"After 40 a woman has to choose between losing her figure or her face. My advice is to keep the face and stay sitting down."

Barbara Cartland

It’s hard to be devil-may-care When there are pleats in your derriere. It’s hard to surrender to sin while trying to hold your stomach in.

Judith Viorst

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

- Ellen DeGeneres

"If you rest, you rust."

--Helen Hayes

"One of my greatest delights is that I have outlived most of my opposition"

--Maggie Kuhn

"I've got everything I've always had. Only it's six inches lower."

--Gypsy Rose Lee

"The only options open for girls then were, of course, mother, secretary, or teacher...I must say how lucky we are, as women, to live in an age where "Dental Hygienist" has been added to the list."

Roseanne

They say that women talk too much. If you have worked in congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men.

--Clare Booth Luce

 We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."

--Elayne Boosler

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

- Carol Leifer

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

--Maryon Pearson

I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is improving.

--Debbie Marsh

"I'm at an age where my back goes out more often than I do"

Phyllis Diller

Nobody's last words have ever been, "I wish I had eaten more rice cakes."

--Amy Krouse Rosenthal

Women want men, career, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love and cheap stockings that don't run.

--Phyllis Diller

If you're sure everything will be okay, you've overlooked something.

--Ann Landers

I'm going to marry again because I'm more mature now and I need some kitchen stuff.

--Wendy Liebman

I don't know anything about being a millionaire, but I'm sure I'd be darling at it.

--Dorothy Parker

An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

--AgathaChristie 

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde.

--Dolly Parton

"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."

- Erma Bombeck

I think, therefore I'm single.

--Liz Winston