Steely Dan's Most Wanted

Name: Clas (Clown)
Aliases: cLaS, "The Swede", Howard, Gaucho, Zelig, THIJS, Teresa, kinki, Yortek, JOSIE, BobTedde, Liz, "The Greek", Chris, c@e, Amanda, Sergio, StAl, Doc Kelly, Vernon James, Pete Vogel, clas5, Mock Turtle, James, edd cote, Amadeus, maj., Walter Becker, moron, and others.
Date of Birth: 4/1/37
Sex: None
M.O.: Suspect makes unsolicited phone calls at all hours of the day and night to persons of female gender in the United States of America. Suspect assumes numerous false (yet existing) identities and publicly posts obscene or embarrassing messages under said aliases.
Additional Information: Suspect alledgedly resides in a Scandinavian monarchy and is married with child/ren. Suspect may be armed with vodka bottle, and in which case, is considered dangerous. Suspect has low self image and tends to lose control when not receiving full attention. Thus, suspect tends to prey upon unsuspecting, vulnerable female sojourners of the Banyan Tree Guestbook. It is highly suggested that all potential female victims abstain from any correspondence with a suspect fitting this description.
Remarks: Suspect is under warrant for numerous minor offences, including, but not confined to the current demise of the Banyan Tree Guestbook.

If you have any information regarding this case take no action yourself. Contact KinkySoNSo@aol.com, your local Consulate, or a Steely Dan Field Office.