The 4th Step - Suggestions...

The inventory is described as a "fact-finding and fact-facing process." We are said to be seeking the truth about ourselves and to honestly be taking stock of our lives. We are to search "out the flaws in our makeup which caused our failure." Throughout the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, it is stated that self, selfishness, and self-centeredness lay at the base of our
troubles. "Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations." These common manifestations are grouped into three categories: resentment, fear, and relationships. From these thoughts and mental attitudes, "stems all forms of spiritual disease...." We are instructed to list all people, institutions, or principles with whom we were angry or had resentments. What is a resentment?

Webster's Dictionary defines "resentment" as "indignation or ill-
will felt as a result of a real or imagined offense." Webster's
then refers the reader to the word "anger" and gives other examples
of this thought or feeling, which includes rage, fury, wrath,
resentment, and indignation. These words denote varying degrees of
displeasure from anger (strong, intense, and explosive) to the
longer lasting resentment (ill-will and suppressed anger generated
by a sense of being wronged by another or being wrong).

EXAMPLES OF RESENTMENTS

PEOPLE:
Wife, husband, boyfriends, girlfriends, mother, father, siblings, offspring, grandchildren, yourself, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, bosses, fellow workers, employees, business partners, lovers, neighbors, cops, judges, teachers, classmates, attorneys, celebrities, landlords, preachers, God, politicians, counselors.
INSTITUTIONS:
Government, schools, businesses, hospitals, prisons, workplaces, religions, churches, cultures, marriage, organizations, societies.
PRINCIPLES:
Religions, laws, beliefs, practices, codes, doctrines.

If you can remember the resentment, you should write it down, even though you think that you are over it. Go back through your life; "thoroughness and honesty" ar of utmost importance.
A review of family albums, school annuals, old pictures, etc. may be useful in being thorough. Do not concern yourself with whether you should or should not have the anger or resentment, just make the list. Throughout the taking of Step Four and at times thereafter, you may recall other people, institutions, or principles which have caused these negative thoughts and feelings. You can add to this list at any time, but do not spend too much time worrying about how complete this list is. Simply do the best that you can do over a reasonable period of time.

You work with four columns. The first column will be the person, place or thing in which you have a resentment against. The second column will be for why you have the resentment. The third column is for entering what was affected as a result of the resentment. Specifically ask yourself:
Did it affect my self-esteem? How ?
Did it affect my pocketbook? How ?
Did it affect my ambition? How ?
Was one of my personal relationships affected or
threatened? How?

Look back on the work that you have done thus far. Is it now apparent that these resentments have led you to unhappiness and futility? Have you squandered away many hours reliving these events? Did you drank over these injustices to you? Do you realize that you may drink again if you continue to harbor such feelings? Do you now realize the power over your life that you had given this hate, anger, and resentment? Is it worth it?

Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we looked for our own mistakes." The fourth column is for entering in what your part in the deal was...fill in the answers to the follow questions:

Where have I been selfish ?
Where have I been dishonest ?
Where have I been self-seeking ?
Where have I been frightened ?
Where was I to blame ?
What was my part in this event ?
Where and how was I at fault ?
What did I do wrong ?
What should I have done ?

Concerning the fears list....fear "Touches every aspect of our lives. Here are some examples of fears to help jog your memory...failure, the future, financial insecurity, rejection, injury, success, height, water, fire, flying, cockroaches, germs, relationships or lack of, death, sex, war, losing something, not getting something, getting caught for wrongdoings, crowds, public speaking, relapsing, being wrong, the opposite sex, the same sex, the unknown, health problems, any phobias , etc.

It is said that our driving force may be classified as self-centered fear that we will lose something that we already have or not get something that we want or need. Write down each fear that you have experienced. The Big Book says that fear "set in motion chains of circumstances which brought us misfortunes we felt that we didn't deserve." Was it because reliance on self failed ? Was lack of power your dilemma ?

Now for the Sex List: "We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out the past if we can." Make a list of those you may have harmed. We list those whom we have harmed in this area, asking ourselves the following questions...

Was I selfish in this relationship?
Was I dishonest in this relationship?
Was I inconsiderate in this relationship?
Whom did I hurt?
Did I arouse jealousy?
Did I arouse suspicion?
Did I arouse bitterness?
Where was I at fault?
What should I have done?

This exercise is trying to help us see ourselves as we are and help us see how we can improve and be better people in the future. We attempt this by studying our past and praying that God will help us"we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future". "Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, and make the amend as long as it doesn't cause harm to others or yourself. Do this step when your sponsor tells you that you are ready. Be totally honest and thorough. Above all, do it and get it behind you, don't sit on it and stew over it. Do it, and enjoy a new freedom.