Ma Histoire

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I have been sitting on this particular corner of my page for months now with no change. I just didn't know what to write on it. I didn't want the ol' "My name is... I was born..." so I held out. Then I stumbled upon a web page that seemed to be the answer to my prayers. It's ryssa's skin and bones page and I highly recommend it. Within it exists eight layers, each describing different aspects of what denotes the same soul. I snipped a few lines here and there that seemed to sum me up and pasted them up here. Hope they give you some insight into who I really am...

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~ above lyrics by Meridian ~

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Layer One
~ the overachiever ~

"this layer is the first that most people see. she desperately wants to be good at something -- and recognized for it. this layer strives to fulfill her responsibilities, to manage her relationships competently, to throw herself into a task and accomplish it well.

she's the one who's an officer in the band, the drama troupe, and the choir. she carries 21 credit hours and still has a gpa of 3.7, even with the double major in chemistry and math. you know her - the one who never stops to breathe, the one for whom sleep is optional. the one everybody seems to know, and no one has anything bad to say about her. the one who's going to be famous one day, if she doesn't kill herself first."

Layer Two
~ the goth ~

"the only real thing i can say by way of introduction is that she loves all things dark and beautiful. what's dark and what's beautiful is, however, debatable. it doesn't mean you like sunshine and daisies. she certainly doesn't."

Layer Three
~ the friend ~

"she tries to help others through what she does. this is the layer that shows up whenever a person she knows needs a bit of company, cheering up, or advice...

she's always up for a walk in the gardens, a game of spades, anything that the people she's with want to do. you might see her closeted in her room, gleefully preparing a surprise package for her friends down the hall, or maybe baking cookies for people she's met over the internet. and if you need someone to listen to you, layer three is the one to find. she loves being able to offer an ear when times get tough. (she's got comfortable shoulders and a reassuring hug.)

she evidently offers good advice, too - or at least a lot of people say so. she's got that peculiar gift of being able to easily evaluate other's problems, but she's blind when it comes to her own. luckily, she's got plenty of friends to help point the way. and plenty to help with other things, as well."

Layer Four
~ the believer ~

"most people don't see layer four right off. some never see it - or at least, they don't recognize what they're seeing as being a distinct layer. (they tend to mix up a lot of her characteristics with layers one, three, and five.) but she's there, nonetheless. and she's just below the surface, where you can see the glow shining through.

if you really want to know about her beliefs, about her opinions on things such as abortion and homosexuality and the like, you can ask her. she'll gladly share with you. but she usually doesn't volunteer them, and she never forces them on you. (she will, however, stubbornly stick to her beliefs.)"

Layer Five
~ the mystic ~

"and if you speak to her in just the right way, she'll favor you with that quirky half-smile of hers and you can watch her eyes slide from grey to silver."

Layer Six
~ the romantic ~

"the love of the fantastic from layer five and the love of the dark and beautiful from layer two, plus a healthy dash of love from layer three -- all factor into the composition of layer six.

she's a romantic, pure and simple. (well, maybe not simple.) one of the last, so it seems. she's got this optimistic belief in the beauty of love and the fact that one day her prince charming will come waltzing (yes, waltzing, he has to be coordinated) out to sweep her off her feet and carry her and her heart away. she's also managed to temper that with a tiny bit of realism in deciding that things won't always be perfect, but the optimism keeps popping to the surface.

she's a flirt. (what better way to look for the man you know is out there?)
she loves creative romantic roleplay. (if you can't figure out what it is, you'll probably never manage it.)
and she's actually got a pretty good idea of what she wants and needs in a husband. (yes, she's looking for that commitment thing. sorry, boys...)

so what *does* she want? well, that's a secret. actually, if you want to know that badly, you can ask. there is one thing that's worth mentioning, though.

she's looking for a guy that's stronger than she is.
not physically, though most guys are.
mentally. emotionally. spiritually.
you see, she's sick of being the strong one. sick of feeling like she's carrying the relationship. and most of all, sick of feeling like she's manipulating her significant other.

she also has this nasty co-dependent streak that she's only recently discovered. she's trying to deal with it in a healthy way. really.

so what makes a guy stronger? well, as to mental strength, he's got to be able to disagree with her. overrule her. fight her over something and win. emotionally, he has to have a pretty thick skin. she'll always be supportive of him in his times of emotional distress, but she hates having to watch every word she says for fear he'll freak out. (really, really hates it.) spiritually? well, that one's harder to define. but if you can't say what constitutes spiritual strength, you're not yet strong enough.

and, if he happens to be physically stronger too, so much the better. nothing stops an argument faster than being picked up, dropped on the bed, and thoroughly kissed.

but all this strength she's looking for doesn't mean she wants to be totally dominated all the time. as you've probably figured out, she's got a real stubborn streak. and a real independent streak. and a lot of other streaks that don't take kindly to being told what to do with their respective streak-lives and you can just take it and shove it, mister....

she just wants someone who can match that. and best it when he needs to."

Layer Seven
~ the child ~

"picture a young woman with long hair lying on her stomach on the carpet with her bare feet up in the air. now add a coloring book and fifty bazillion crayons in front of her. now add pigtails and ribbons in her hair, and a jar of bubble mix in danger of being overturned near her knees. throw in a lollipop or two, and it's a safe bet your image is close to layer seven.

she's young at heart. she loves child's activities - books, crafts, games, clothes, you name it. she's a wide-eyed innocent who believes the best of everyone she meets. and her laugh is one of the sweetest things you'll ever hear.

she's all the way deep in layer seven because few people actually see her when she doesn't want to be found (which is most of the time). bits of her peek through in other layers, like eyes watching from the foliage in a game of hide and seek.

just watch out when she pouts."

Layer Eight
~ the bitch ~

"layer eight has the nasty quality of not caring about anything.
i mean, seriously, not caring.

she's perpetually weary of life and the way it's treating her.
she picks fights for no other reason than boredom/discontent.
and she has no patience with anything that annoys her (which turns out to be almost everything).

she's the exact opposite of everything good about the other layers. she doesn't try for anything. she throws away friendships left and right. she doubts God. she destroys instead of creating. she laughs bitterly at romance. she's jaded and cynical. in short, she's a bitch - the horrible sides of every layer all rolled into one.

obviously layer eight is darker, a bit more bitter.

this is the layer that gets submerged. buried. hidden. all for fear of what exposure to the outside air would do to her."

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Again, thanks to ryssa, without whom none
of the above snippets would be possible. ;)
skin and bones

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