Poems

Poems

Poetry

I wrote these poems following Madison's loss. At times I felt as though I would drown from the amount of words floating around in my mind. The only way I could deal with it was to put it on paper. Now, I find that they bring me tremendous comfort. Reading them is like touching her again.

"My Two Sides"

Why did this have to happen to us?
You may never know the answer to that.

Am I being punished?
How could you think of anything so precious as being a punishment?

I feel so empty.
Yes, but this was not always so. Remember how long you had her with you.

I don't know if I can bear this pain.
It is tremendous, but you chose to take your pain - and hers.

Would it have been better if I had not known you at all?
No. You are so blessed to have been touched by this life.

I wanted you so badly.
Oh, but she wanted you, too. You were chosen from all the others.

I had so much love to give.
And you did. She knew nothing but your love.

I would have been a good mother to you.
You were. You made the decision only a good mother could.

I wanted to protect you from the world.
She experienced only the comfort and safety of your womb.

I wanted to have you with me forever.
She will always be with you. To love, time does not exist.

I would give anything to hold you once more.
You will hold her in your heart forever.

"Time"

My daughters are 8 and 5, instead of 7 and 4
Summer has gone to fall
Holidays are coming
but you are not

How dare time move on as if you never were!
Somewhere in my mind I think maybe today
You'll be here with me
Maybe if I do this thing right
I can change time, reality

So I keep doing, and doing, and thinking
This will do the trick
This time it will work
and you'll come home

But, time keeps moving
And everyday I lose you again
Precious moments
Oh, what I would give for just one

For one more look
To hold you again
To see your ears that I didn't see
To steal one more kiss
Take one more picture

For there is not enough to fill this void
where your life was supposed to be
The person I was I am not
But you will never change or grow
Madison, my little one, I miss you so much
Why did time have to stop for you?

Do You Wonder?

From wherever you are now,
are you thinking of me?

Do you wish you were still with me
as I do?

Do you ever wonder what it would
have felt like
To look into your Mommy's eyes
and know you are loved

To snuggle with your Daddy at night
all safe and warm

To play Barbies with your sisters
and be treated like a princess

To nurse until you fall asleep
peaceful and content

To have your boo-boos kissed
"all better now"

To live with your family who will
love you forever

Do your wonder, Madison, do you wonder?

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