Melrose Place
Episode #146 / Season #5
Title: "Escape From L.A."
Original Air Date: Monday, January 13, 1997


Synopsis

[Beach House]
Michael, peering in from the patio of the beach house, sees Kimberly and Megan about to embrace. He bursts into the room in a frenzy, as if one gay on the show is enough. Catching Kimberly and Megan in the act, Megan explains to Michael that she only went to see Kimberly to tell her how true their love for each other was. Kimberly couldn't be luckier, as Michael's rage causes him to fall right into Kimberly's hand. He slams the divorce papers on the table and signs them. "It's done, okay? I'm finished. This, this whole, wigged-out, sad, happy, touch me, don't touch me life." Nice reference to the wig scene, Michael! He grabs Megan and the two bolt out the front door as he tells Kimberly, "Go to Vegas! We're going to hell." What? There's a difference?

[Jane's, the Boutique]
Jane and Sam are "busy" at work. Busy talking, that is, since the shop is empty. Why they work so late is still a mystery to me. Sam can't help but ramble on about how wonderful Billy is, that he really listens to her. The way Jane is staring at the LED display on the cash register, it's obvious she can't fathom the idea of listening to Sam's nonsense. But when Sam mentions how great the sex is, Jane's ears perk up, and she comments on how she had her chance with Jake, but other than that, getting "tied down" in her other relationships just made her feel alone. Billy enters, exchanges some baby-talk with Sam and then the two of them leave. Jane goes to the front door to lock up, but silly her, she forgot it requires a key to do that. So she turns around to head back towards the cash register, but as she does the door jingles and a grungy goatee-clad punk enters. Jane tries to tell him the store is closed, but he insists he's looking for a present for his girlfriend, grabbing some scented soap, something he's obviously never seen before as he brings it up to his mouth as though they're truffles. He looks around to make sure the coast is clear, then whips out a revolver and points it at Jane, demanding she give him the money bag. Of course, being a robber, he's wearing gloves, only they're cycling gloves, which are open at the finger tips! Even O.J. wasn't that DUMB. She begs for him not to hurt her, so he pulls her down behind the counter, grabs a couple of oh-so-soft silk scarves, and uses one to tie her wrists together and the other to gag her. Once he's got her such that she can't make a sound, he THEN asks her if she's got any more cash laying around. She replies, "Mmm. Mmm," so he leaves.

[Billy's Apt]
Billy and Sam are intertwined in bed. Billy was so good that Sam admits she's left speechless. Everybody in the complex will be thanking Billy if she stays this way! Then the phone rings. It's Syd, asking for Sam. "Good morning. I hope your evening was pleasantly carnal" Syd says, and then informs Sam that Jane was robbed after Sam and Billy left early last night. In her most monotone delivery, Sam replies, "Oh my God. Oh no. Is she okay?" Billy couldn't have said it any better! I think sex with him ruined not only her reputation but her acting skills as well.

[Jane's Apt]
After hanging up with Sam, Syd makes some tea for Jane, telling her that everything is under control. Jane, wandering about in her L.L. Bean plaid bathrobe (you know how cold it can get in L.A. in the winter), is only interested in knowing if her new mom had called yet, which she hadn't. Sherri finally does arrive, and learns of the robbery. Syd asks Sherri why no one could get ahold of her last night when Jane needed her the most, but Sherri says it's none of her beeswax. Then she goes to comfort Jane, shutting the bedroom door in Syd's face.

[Jake's Apt]
Alison drags herself to the kitchen table. It's morning. She's feels a sickness. It's morning. She feels a sickness. Alison barfs out to Jake, "I was thinking. You're the first person who's really taken care of me. Like I finally got a family." Hint. Hint. Nudge. Nudge. Then she goes on telling him she was thinking about the rest of the gang, and how they're all part of their "extended family." Hint. Hint. Nudge. Nudge. Jake responds by saying she seems to be thinking an awfully lot lately. "Are you mad?" she asks. "Of course not." After all, someone's got to do the thinking for them! Jake takes off to open the bar, stopping by Matt's apartment to see Matt would cover a shift for the sickly Alison. How convenient that Michael and Megan left for Vegas just when Matt found himself needing his place back. When Jake sees the shiner on Matt's face, Matt explains that it happened while he was helping Dan with one of his patients. They were right when they said this year Melrose will be taking on the real issues. For instance, here they use Matt to address both wife beating and gay relationships using the same storyline. Dan drops by to apologize to Matt. He asks Matt for one more chance, saying "I swear. This will never happen again." He wants to make up, and what better way to do that than to go to what seems like the only restaurant in town, Kyle's. So they schedule a dinner for later.

[D&D Advertising]
In the town that never sleeps, Amanda is working late at the office. So is Peter, for that matter, as a born-again surgeon. He calls her from the hospital to ask if they could meet later to patch up their marriage. She says that tonight is not good; emotionally, she is completely tapped out. She hangs up. Who else is loitering around D&D at this hour, but Craig Field. He's not really working, though, since he has no clue what do around there, but simply stops by to confirm their date for Wednesday night.

[Doctor's Office]
Even later that night, Kimberly is over at her doctor's office for her latest check-up. Now I KNOW I'm in Melroseland. No way are you going to find a doctor scheduling a patient for an office visit this late! Still, the doctor asks Kimberly how she is doing physically. Kimberly tells him that the dizzy spells have lessened, but that "...the hardest thing to get used to, is this complete lack of energy." I know exactly what she means ...kind of like the last scene between Amanda and Peter. Kimberly informs the doctor that it's time to say her good-byes. FINALLY!

[Carter Galavan's Mansion]
Syd drops by, hoping to spend the afternoon alone with Carter, who is busy playing pool in his game room. He's not very good, though, being more familiar with pocket pool than with the big balls. Then, for some reason, he sticks the tip of his cue stick in his mouth, possibly hinting something to Sydney. Lucky for him, he didn't use chalk on the tip. Anyway, Walter interrupts them with an important phone call. So Syd decides to leave, telling Carter to call her when he has an hour of his time that he can devote to her. As she heads towards her car, Walter catches up to her. In his best Greg Morris voice, he informs her that she is good for Carter, and that he can spare some money from the discretionary funds, compensating her for her time. She scoffs at his offer, implying that she would never take money for friendship. Then she leaves in her car, the car "given" to her by them.

[Drug Store]
In this next scene, at first I thought I was watching a commercial, the way a hand is holding an early pregnancy test product in front of the camera for what seems like twenty seconds. The camera then shifts focus from the product to a shopper in the background. The shopper turns out to be Sam, who is picking up some anti-Billy Jr. pills from the pharmacist. The hand holding the pregnancy test is that of Alison Parker. Sick. Sick. Morning. Morning. Hint. Hint. Nudge. Nudge. Yes, with all these hints I'm beginning to feel Spelling has no respect for his audience's intelligence whatsoever. Hey, wait a minute! I thought Josie Bissett was the one who was pregnant?!?! Well, anyway, Sam wants to tell Alison how she found something special in Billy, but feels somewhat uncomfortable, considering that Billy and Alison were once sort of like "Romeo and Juliet." But Alison assures Sam that she's happy for her, saying, "Billy deserves someone like you." Then, in her next breath, Alison adds, "I don't know you very well, so would you not tell anybody about the pregnancy test." Huh? If she doesn't know Sam that well, then why would she be wishing her on Billy? I guess that must be a side effect of morning sickness, or poor continuity, take your pick.

[Shooters]
In this scene, Billy and Sam are frequenting the old watering hole. Jake offers them a beer and a wine, on the house. It's just his way of extending his friendship, by giving them a couple of watered-down drinks. Billy puts on that "Whoopee" look, which was very convincing for a change. Then they talk a little trash about how Dan is taking Fielding's name literally, using him as a door-Matt. They laugh.

[Jane's Apt]
Jane is hold up in her place, still wearing her plaid L.L. Bean bathrobe when Sherri comes banging on her door. Jane says she'll never go to the shop again, but Sherri insists that Jane must go back in order to face her demons. Then Sherri comes up with a stroke of genius, telling Jane to go to the boutique right now and open it up for business. Forget the fact that it's midnight. Jane refuses, so Sherri starts yanking on her to get her going. Syd hears the commotion from outside and lets herself in. At this point, Jane realizes she is nothing like her mother Sherri, so Syd ushers Sherri out. As Syd rambles on about Sherri's worthlessness, all we can do is agree. Yes, yet another cameo appearance gone to waste! Meanwhile, Jane just sits there on her couch, hugging her blanket like it's a "Tickle Me Elmo" doll.

[Kyle's the Restaurant]
For some reason, Dan and Matt invite Billy and Sam to join them for their make-up dinner. When Billy tries to refill Matt's wine glass, Dan quickly jumps in to say that Matt has had enough. Then realizing his mistake, Dan backs off. Matt announces that he's moving in with Dan. Syd drops by for a very sweet and low alcohol drink, and when Kyle asks how she's doing, she really lets him know. Then Taylor pops out from the kitchen and reels her husband back, jealous that he was talking to Syd ...again. He explains that he only went to the bar to get some cognac for the duck sauce, and suggests that she try some too, to bring her down a notch. This is Kyle and Taylor's only appearance this week, forcing fans of the McBride duo to tune into ABC for its Monday night movie, "Close to Danger" (1997) for more lip action.

[D&D Advertising]
Peter drops by to ask Amanda what it will take to get her back. She says that it isn't a good time, pointing to her surroundings and explaining that she is fighting for her life at D&D. After all, she only has two desks, and a "small" office in the corner without a view. But when Peter pursues the matter, she closes the door and tells him that what scared her was that Peter reminded her of her father, a man who could lie as easily as breathe. She tells Peter that he is simply a self-absorbed and weak man, and she feels that she can't count on someone like that. End of conversation. Then she asks him to leave. Somehow, this seems like deja-vu "all over again."

[Las Vegas]
I'm only guessing it's Las Vegas. There's no caption at the bottom of the screen like there was for "Chicago" a few episodes ago. Michael and Megan tumble into their hotel room. Poor Michael. Every time he visits this city, he seems to wind up married. Needless to say, it happens again. Megan proposes to him while they're in the throes of passion, and she gets the response every woman would die for when Michael answers her by saying, "What the hell. Why not?"

[Jane's the Boutique]
The scene opens with Syd just finishing ringing up a sale with a customer, apparently selling a Jane's Boutique paper bag with nothing in it. As the customer leaves, Jane enters, wearing a droopy sweatshirt and stretch pants. Syd tells her she'll close up shop early, and goes into the back, leaving Jane by herself in the showroom. Seconds later, that familiar jingling of the bell sounds, the same sound that rang out the night the burglar surprised Jane. She starts to shake in her boots, but when she turns, much to her relief, she sees her Chicago parents, both of whom must have been hiding out in the bushes until she arrived. Only Ken Howard could lurk undetected in the "white shadows" of West Beverly. It seems that Syd got them to come out from the Midwest to console their other "daughter."

[Shooters]
Amanda is out on her "date" with Craig, managing to get him drunk at Shooters. She then tricks him into revealing the skeleton in Arthur Field's closet, which it turns out, is Craig's grandfather's real skeleton. Craig explains that his mother's father owned the all the monies, companies, everything, and that Arthur worked for him. Only Arthur and his wife were willed everything. So one day, Craig recalls, he saw his father strike his grandfather, causing his grandfather to hit his head and die. Craig didn't say anything, but helped his father put his grandfather into a boat and made his death look like an accidental drowning. Craig admits he never told anyone this story before, because he never had anyone he could trust until now. So it appears as though Amanda is still "working," even after hours. I can hear her now: "Show me the money! Show me the money!"

[Jane's Apt]
Jane finally realizes how bad she's been to Syd. Jane's Chicago mom reassures Jane that they have always loved her. I'll not bore you with any more of the listless details. Suffice it to say, Jane tells her mom that she doesn't want to stay in L.A. one minute more. She asks if she can go back to Chicago, where the streets are so much safer.

[MP Courtyard]
The next morning, biological mother meets Chicago mother. Syd introduces everybody and Sherri states, "Very happy to meet you," with the most solemn face ever featured on Melrose Place. Sherri just dropped by to see her daughter one last time. Actually, it's the same with the viewers, as Jane packs her things to leave Melrose Place forever. Well, see ya Sherri. I'm sure you're glad you did this stint on Melrose. Just ask Julie Newmar and Priscilla Presley how many offers they've received since their cameos...

[Dan's House]
As Billy finishes helping Matt move his belongings over to Dan's, he comments that he and the others are concerned for Matt's well-being. Matt lashes out at Billy, saying sarcastically, that Dan beats him like a punching bag and that he sits there and takes it because he's some wimpy sort of queer. Then he kicks Billy out. Dan, eavesdropping on their conversation, approaches Matt afterward, upset that Matt never denied that Dan battered him. Matt admits that he couldn't because he was embarrassed. Dan flies off the handle, saying that it's his career that's on the line if any of this got out. Then the next thing you know, he and Matt are into round three, and as a result, this time Matt gets thrown into a glass coffee table head first. See, Dan wasn't lying when he said "I swear. This will never happen again." Yeah, last time it was a punch in the eye. Dan says, "Oops. Sorry about that" but that isn't good enough for Matt, who turns around and slugs Dan, sending him reeling. Matt has Dan pinned to a chair, when Dan tells him to go ahead and hit him, that he knows what Matt's feeling. Only Matt refrains, saying the two of them are not alike, and leaves.

[Wilshire Memorial]
Peter visits with Kimberly's doctor. He tells the doctor that Kimberly stopped by the other day and appeared to be saying good-bye. So Peter asks the doctor to extend a little professional courtesy and tell him what's wrong with her exactly. Peter then pulls a sly one by adding that Kimberly showed him her MRI earlier and had asked him for a second opinion. This immediately evokes a response from Kimberly's doctor, who asks "From you? Doc, you're not a neural surgeon. How would you know what to tell a person in such a serious condition?" Well, he's not a psychiatrist either, but that never stopped Peter Burns before. Anyway, once Peter hears this from the doctor, he says, "Thank you doctor, that's all I needed" and leaves.

[Las Vegas]
Michael and Megan are rolling around in bed after having exchanged vows. Now that her name is Megan Mancini, will their monogrammed towels get mixed up? Then Michael receives a wedding gift from Peter in the form of a phone call. From the remark that Kimberly's doctor made earlier, Peter, the excellent physician that he is, was able to deduce just what is wrong with Kimberly and he calls Michael to tell him, saying, "It's Kimberly. I figured out what's going on with her. She's got cancer. She's got a brain tumor. It's bad. It's real bad."

[LAX]
As Jane approaches her gate with her parents and Sydney, she's greeted by a bon voyage troupe consisting of an unusual cast: Amanda, Sam, Billy, Alison, and Jake, all holding a banner saying "We'll Miss You Jane." Jane and Syd exchange good-byes and tears. Jane's parents walk down the long walkway to the plane with Jane in tow. As usual, in a case like this, as she leaves the show forever, she suddenly shifts into slow motion. If this was an episode of M*A*S*H, the next scene wouldbe the announcement that the plane went down in flames on its way back home. But we'll just have to wait 'til next week for that.

[To Be Continued...]

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Last Modified January 14, 1997