Melrose Place
Episode #157 / Season #5
Title: "Last Exit To Ohio"
Original Air Date: Monday, March 31, 1997


Synopsis

[MP, Billy & Sam's Apt]
Billy finally gets his chance to meet Sam's daddy, Big Jim, who's as full of bologna as the beef snack he was named after. He was released from the Maryland State Pen just a couple weeks ago. Jim had been serving time for knocking off a liquor store, providing for his family, Maryland style. Sam says to him that he's probably anxious to get back up to the Chesapeake, see mom, and get the crabs. Then Billy goes to bed, allowing the reunited family members some quality time to themselves. Daddy Riley sits Sam down beside him and tells her not to tell her mom about his release but to keep it a secret until he has a chance to tell her himself. Then he tells her to keep what happened in their past a secret from Billy. With Jim, his secret is strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. Then, like any good father, he ends their heart-to-heart with a twist on an old clichˇ, saying "We know that Honesty isn't always the best policy."

[Wilshire Memorial]
Once again, Alison finds herself at Wilshire Memorial, this time with Jake at her bedside. Alison asks the resident doctor if the baby is okay. The doctor answers that the baby is safe for now, but that Alison's blood pressure is abnormally high, and that the tests show that it's toxemia. "Is that like toxic shock?" Jake asks. The doctor humors him by saying not exactly, but at least they both start with the letter "T." Then the doctor turns her attention back to the real person in need, Alison, and tells her that she plans to give Alison some medication that will bring her blood pressure down, at the same time keeping both Alison and the baby out of danger. Alison, after hearing this news, is now completely on edge, and asks "What if it doesn't work? What then?" The doctor looks at her, pauses, then replies that it's better that Alison not know, leaving Alison in suspense. I guess this doctor is still wet behind the ears and hasn't yet learned how to deliver information without worrying the patient even more. Alison blames herself, saying "I did this didn't I? By getting up when they told me not to and going to work. Oh God, I'm so selfish." Jake comforts her, saying that the doctors didn't say for sure that her selfishness had anything to do with it. Alison swears that if she loses this baby that she'll never forgive herself.

[Peter's Marina Condo]
Peter and Taylor are fast asleep in bed. Peter starts calling out, "Beth, why'd you leave me? Why? Why?" Suddenly, a female voice sounds. "Why, Peter Burns, I didn't go anywhere. I'm right here by your side, where I've always been." Peter looks over and sees a woman with nice wavy hair and normal lips. It's Beth, and she's in bed next to him. Peter can't control himself and he leans over her and smothers her with a kiss. Suddenly, the Salon Selectives-curled Beth apparition changes to the woman with the hair of Medusa, Taylor, who gasps, surprised by this sudden burst of passion. Peter apologizes, saying he must've been dreaming. Taylor admits, "Well, I like fooling around in the morning just as much as the next girl, but you could spend a little time warming me up." Remember Peter, lubricate those lips first! Peter promises, "I'll do that next time. I'll do that."

[Sydney's the Boutique]
Syd and Sam are busy folding clothes while Syd rambles on incessantly about the pig who's faking her injuries in order to sue Syd. Is it me, or does Sam look more like a Samantha today? Maybe the Makeup department had a little leftover perm solution after doing Beth's hair in the last scene, but in any case, Sam's, er, Samantha's hair, looks longer, curlier, more full-bodied than ever before! Anyway, Samantha suggests that Syd get a lawyer, but Syd says that she doesn't have enough money for that and has an alternate plan instead. Their conversation is interrupted when papa Riley enters the boutique, wanting to see where his daughter hung her hat during the day. When he meets Syd he says, "Suuuch a bee-yu-tee-full yung lay-dee to be a bahss." Maybe I've been confused all this time, but I thought Sam was from Maryland, and I don't think she meant Maryland, TX. After Syd leaves the room Jim asks Sam, "I was wondering if you could spot me a few bucks. You know, for shaving cream, beer." When Sam asks how much, he replies that a hundred bucks ought to cover it. Wow, I guess that "Beer Lite" that everyone drinks on the show is more expensive than the imported stuff. Sam looks in her purse, but only has fifty. Jim takes it from her, looking at her as if to say, "You can owe me the rest."

[The Beach House]
Michael and Megan are over, waiting to greet Kimberly's mom from Ohio. Seconds later, there's a rapping at the door, and Marion Shaw enters. She's one of those actors whom you've seen before on 90210 or some other Spelling Production, but just can't put your finger on where. Keep an eye out for her to join "Pacific Palisades" real soon. Well, let's just say, as soon as Kimberly dies (which, BTW, has been drawn out for HOW LONG NOW?) Marion is one cold woman, I mean bitch, and she asks that Megan and Michael leave as soon as possible. Then she enters Kimberly's bedroom, where Kimberly lay sans eyeliner and lipstick. One thing's for sure, sexual discrimination is running rampant on MP! When Antonio Sabato Jr. was dying last year, he got to lie around for a month with a tube or two shoved down his trachea, but with Kimberly, she has to keep uttering lines, in a voice just a hair louder than a whisper, week in and week out. Again, she mumbles something totally useless. I need not repeat it here.

[MP Courtyard]
Craig catches Amanda entering the courtyard and invites her to the opening of his friend's club tomorrow night. Amanda tells him to give it up, but when he promises it's just as friends, she agrees to go, saying, "Alright, but you know the rules." She turns and heads toward her apartment as Craig watches, drinking his expensive "Beer Lite," and saying under his breath, "But then again, rules were made to be broken."

[Hilda Morris' House]
Hilda is basking on her front porch, all dolled-up in her leg brace, arm brace, and neck brace. A postman comes by, dropping some mail off in her mailbox. As soon as he's gone, Hilda looks around. With nothing else in her life to look forward to, getting the mail is her one daily joy. She *sprints* (if you can picture Jello sprinting) down her front walkway to the mailbox to retrieve her junk mail. Meanwhile, across the street, Syd is sitting inconspicuously in her bright red Toyota. She is determined to prove Hilda Morris a fake, and has a video camera to record this entire incident. Unfortunately for Syd, she opts to use an American manufacturer's camcorder (RCA) rather than a slick Japanese model (Sony) and the results are just what you'd expect. Snowy picture, bad colors, horrible tracking. Syd starts screaming at her archaic VHS-camcorder, and in her frustration, literally rips the tape out from the camera. Her raucous grabs the attention of Hilda, who, once recognizing Syd, starts screaming in agony and pleading for Syd to stop harassing her. Syd zooms off while yelling, "Fake!"

[Sydney's the Boutique]
Taylor arrives, having been summoned by Peter to meet her at the store. Peter tells Taylor that he had Sam order some outfits that they normally don't carry at the shop and that he wants Taylor to try them on. Huh? First of all, if this store doesn't carry this stuff, then why didn't Peter simply have Taylor meet him in a store that does? Secondly, what's with Sam? She plays along with Peter's request, even though she's one of the "straightest arrows" on the show? Of all people, you'd think she was at least a little disturbe by this sick Burns-McBride relationship. While Sam assists Taylor with the first outfit, Peter stands there and we are graced with a clip of Beth during his first dream sequence, the exact same film footage. This serves double duty as both a cost cutting measure and as a recap for those who missed the earlier scene. When Taylor appears, modeling the first outfit, she can't help but notice that the clothes look more like something that Beth would wear. Peter assures her that she's mistaken, then has Sam wrap up all the other attire that he had ordered.

[MP Courtyard]
Alison and Craig are on their way out to the club opening. They run into Kyle, drinking his share of "Beer Lite" by the side of the pool. Being Amanda, she doesn't have to do much to convince Kyle to join them in the festivities of old town Pasadena. Who could resist Pasadena, especially when you live in West Hollywood?

[MP, Billy & Sam's Apt]
Billy arrives home to Waylon Jennings blasting on the boom box and Jim making a mess in the kitchen. Billy is somewhat perturbed, considering that he mentioned earlier that he was bringing Chinese Take-Out home tonight. But poor Jim, Chinese food gives him "gas like a bastard." Did he ever consider it was that crappy beer he bought with Sam's fifty bucks? Instead, Jim has been slaving in the kitchen making chip beef and biscuits. "American food" as he likes to describe it. Or, was that American Penitentiary food? Meanwhile, Sam is busy in the back room packing her art supplies away so that papa Riley can have his own room. This brings a look of... well, you know, that Billy look. You know the one: same expression, different meaning.

[Creber's Dance Club]
Hmm, with a name like Creber's, how can it miss? Craig and Kyle are having a ball -- if you consider one-upping each other fun. When Kyle gives an overly generous tip to the waitress, Craig asks whether Kyle is trying to impress someone. Kyle replies simply that he's been in the restaurant biz a long time. So Craig makes the crack, "You know, I always thought, that it would be a frustrating business, having to cook people's food, wait on them, running around with an apron. It's kind of like being a servant, or something." Kyle immediately bounces back with, "Well, you get used to it. Of course, it's not as manly as inheriting daddy's company." Amanda finds herself both the tug-rope and the referee. She eventually goes out on the dance floor with Craig, but all the while, keeping a keen eye on Kyle. And Kyle does the same to her.

[MP, Matt's Apt]
Well folks, Matt's time in the spotlight for Season Five seems to have come and gone like a whimper. Now we're back to seeing him for his standard 5 minutes, or 5 lines, whatever comes first. He and Chelsea are starting to bond when Chelsea gets a phone call. She says, "Yeah. Hi. Ummm, okay. Okay, I guess. I mean, yeah, I guess that's okay. Okay, bye." Matt looks at her with that newfound look of a concerned-mother and asks, "Is everything okay?" Geez, Matt, weren't you listening? Chelsea informs him that that was her mother on the phone from Paris, and that she's on her way back to the states to get Chelsea.

[Beach House]
Marion, Kimberly, Megan, and Michael are all sitting strategically around a long dining room table. Where were they hiding that table for all these years is beyond me. Anyway, call this a last supper, if you will. You know, in the spirit of Easter. Kimberly informs Michael and Megan that she is going back to Ohio, ."..even though her city is gone. There is no train station. There is no downtown..." This really infuriates Michael, who feels that Marion convinced Kimberly to leave out of spite for him. A fight breaks out and Michael and Megan leave. Kimberly breaks down and starts crying at the fact that she didn't get to say good-bye to either Michael or Megan. But her mother assures her that it's better this way, and tells Kimmy that she can write to them once she's back home in Cleveland.

[Wilshire Memorial]
Even though it's night out, Jake is still there by Alison's side. He wants to keep her stabilized, just like the doctor ordered. Alison jokes, "If I have to live like this for 7 months, I won't be relaxed, I'll be a raving lunatic." Again, I'm confused as to how many months Alison is pregnant. I guess the writers are sloppy in this area only because they can be, since Spelling has decreed, "There will be no babies on my show. Babes, however, is another story..." Alison asks for Jake to tell her some interesting stories about life around Melrose. To quote Jake, "Ummm." Eventually, Jake starts talking about everything we've seen for the past 30 minutes. Again, for the benefit of those viewers who just tuned in, and as a cheap "out" for the writers this week. For some unknown reason, Alison finds Jake's anecdotes utterly gut-busting funny. And bust a gut she does. Her laughter turns to cries of pain causing Jake to cry for a nurse. The next morning, the doctor informs Alison that her worse fears have come true, and that the only way for Alison to survive is to abort the pregnancy. Alison tells the nurse that she feels better now, hinting that maybe it was just a reaction to the hospital food, or those tubular things growing out of her nostrils. I think she didn't get enough folic acid in her diet (Okay, so I saw it in a Centrum vitamin commercial!) Alison doesn't want to lose the baby, but Jake convinces her to have the operation because he couldn't live without her. Now wouldn't that be a wonderful way out. Jake buys a home in Rancho Santa Fe that just happened to go on the market this past weekend; as part of a new start for them, Alison decides to risk it and opts to keep the baby; she dies in childbirth (after being pregnant either 5 months, 6 months, or 11 months, I lost track along with everyone else); and then Jake commits suicide, figuring there's nothing left for him here on Earth, hoping to join the alien spacecraft hiding behind whatever comet that happens to be passing by during the season finale in May!

[Los Angeles County Courthouse]
Sydney is in the first status conference regarding her lawsuit. The judge recommends that she get a lawyer, warning that it could be a very costly mistake to represent herself. Hilda's lawyer, Harry Dean, requests a restraining order be issued to keep Syd away, which is granted. Afterward, outside the court, Hilda is left in her wheelchair by herself for a moment. Syd seizes the moment by running over and demanding that Hilda stand up and walk. Of course, Hilda knows the real meaning of Carpe diem, and proceeds to stand up, then proceeds to tumble down the court steps. The judge just happens to see the latter part of this incident, leading him to believe that Syd provoked Hilda and pushed her down the stairs.

[MP, Billy & Sam's Apt]
Billy and Sam are having breakfast, when Billy brings up how weird her father acted when he saw some cops the other day, almost as though he was running away from something. Sam starts to defend her father and family, and the two of them get into a little tiff. Sam reveals that she was the one who fingered her father (and you thought this storyline was going to be one of child abuse, didn't you?) and that she feels so bad about it that she isn't going to do anything else that could possibly upset him, including kicking him out onto the street. Lucky for Sam that she's in love with the spineless wonder, who gives in to her ranting by saying, "Alright! I didn't say he had to."

[Burns-Mancini Medical Office]
It's like, the middle of the night, and of course, Megan is still sitting behind her little receptionist's desk, waiting to answer that phone or assist the unexpected late night visitor. The phone rings and it's Kimberly, who asks a favor of the ex-prostitute. Namely, Kimberly would like for Megan to pick her up at the beach house and take her to see Michael one last time. Kimberly feels, that for some strange reason, the jig is up. We can only hope! Megan agrees to come over right away.

[Beach House]
As Megan assists Kimberly to the car, Kimberly admits that she still loves Michael, even though she can't explain it. A sound of a car horn cuts through the sea breeze, and Kimberly's mom zooms up the driveway. Marion tries to stop Megan from helping Kimberly into the car to see Michael but Kimberly shouts, "No! I want to go. I need..." Then Kimberly collapses to the ground. Her mom catches her and cradles her as Kimberly whispers, "I'm sorry. I should've stayed home. I love him." Her mom looks at her and Kimberly's eyes close. Her mom then looks to the sky and screams. I can't really describe it except to say, it would sort of be how Chewbacca would look and sound if his underwear was too tight. And thank God for Megan, who calls 9-1-1 for the umpteenth time this season. On top of that, she almost has the number memorized! Cut to commercial.

[Wilshire Memorial]
Megan pays Michael a visit, telling him that he should pay Kimberly's body a visit at the morgue. Michael refuses, saying that he doesn't feel guilty about anything that happened between the two of them. What! That's it? Months and months of having Kimberly go from good to bad and back to good again, only to have her die during the commercial break? Not fair.

[Los Angeles County Courthouse]
Under advice by the judge, Syd settles out-of-court. Harry Dean tells her that the settlement should be about one million dollars. When Syd says that she doesn't have that kind of money, the judge tells her that the court will need to determine just what assets she does have.

[Wilshire Memorial]
Alison is recovering after successful surgery. But her voice is somewhat reserved when talking to Jake, saying, "Before I went in for surgery, you said that we could try again to have a baby." "Yeah, umm, but we're going to have to wait awhile," Jake quips. Alison continues, "The doctor came in to talk to me after. And, umm, she's almost positive I can never have CHILDREN." Which is perfectly fine for Jake, because he only wants one. Jake then hints at the fact that many children need loving homes, causing me to cringe in anticipation of another one of those "let's deal with real issues, like adoption" storylines. I still think they should've used my storyline above... Oh, BTW, I almost forgot. Alison asks for Jake's hand in marriage, and Jake accepts. Oh, I can hear it now -- the cries from the Billy & Alison Fan Clubs throughout the world.

[Sydney's the Boutique]
The store is seized by order of the municipal court. Sam can't believe that in the blink of an eye, she's out of a job. But Sam doesn't find any sympathy from Syd, who says, "They took everything. My car, my percentage of Burns-Mancini, my porno royalties, every penny of my savings..." Sam leaves in disgust. Then Harry Dean drops by, gloating in his victory and admitting that the whole thing was a scam. Then he gives her his card, and tells her that if she's ever interested in pulling off some insurance fraud, that he's the man to contact.

[MP Courtyard]
Kyle is on his way out when he runs into Amanda on her way in. He mentions that he heard about Alison's baby dying, and then Amanda mentions Kimberly's death. Well, enough small talk, so Kyle asks if Amanda wants to go bowling. She takes a rain check.

[Grand Central Station]
As the porters are wheeling Kimberly's casket onto the train, Michael comes running up telling them to wait. He makes his peace with Marion, telling her that he truly did love Kimberly. Then Marion asks if he would like to see Kimberly one last time. He hesitates, but Marion tells him that Kimberly would've wanted it that way. So they open the casket up right there on the platform. Kimberly hasn't looked this good in a long time. Michael gives her one last peck on the cheek and then they close the lid and roll the coffin through one of the cargo doors. "All aboard, Amtrak!" The train takes off as Michael watches with a tear in his eye and a tremble to his lip. Which makes me wonder, is it cheaper to go by train as freight or as a passenger?

[To Be Continued...]

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Last Modified April 1, 1997