Melrose Place
Episode #110 / Season #4
Title: "Hook, Line and Hayley"
Original Air Date: Monday, November 27, 1995

Synopsis

[MP, Amanda's Apartment]
Amanda and Bobby Parezi are locked in a tight embrace. She feels something long and hard pressing against her, evoking memories of the days when they were fools in love. "I see you still have that old handgun." Then she realizes, maybe he's come to impregnate her not with a tadpole but rather a slug. Bobby tries to comfort her, saying "I couldn't hurt you; I love you." With that, Amanda slaps him so hard that Bobby has troubles articulating for the remainder of the episode. "We wuh tahk!" he promises, if not mumbles, to her. "No we won't!" Amanda counters.

[Vic's Bachelor Pad]
"I FEEL GOOD!" Vic is dancing about his earthquake-condemned apartment room, having just finished his latest conquest, a famous talk show host from the radio who others know as Kimberly. Normally, he's the one on the attack but this time he had trouble fighting her off. I mean, hey, she did rip his buttons off. She tries to psycho-talk her way out of her bindings, but he still wants to have fun. He promises to let her live -- One Day At A Time! This causes her to cringe since that phrase evokes images of her "No More Victims" nemesis, Mackenzie Philips.

[Hayley's Yacht]
Hayley and Alison are laying in bed together. Hayley leans over, saying, "I'm sorry, but lately, things are building up inside." "Hayley, if it's any consolation, I haven't had an orgasm yet either. But seriously, Hayley, if something's going on, I want to know. You promised. No more secrets. After all, I AM your WIFE!" "That's what you think -- I mean, I know -- and I meant it," Hayley says, wearing a Cheshire cat grin. Then he adds, "I'll stop telling you lies as long as you do your part, too, by stop asking questions!"

[Bobby Parezi's Hotel Room]
Even Bobby is getting sick and tired of the ever-annoying lawyer, Nick Diamond. Nick can't believe Bobby wimped out and didn't kill Amanda, saying, "Maybe you just don't give a damn about your father or your brother!" With that, Bobby grabs the sleaze ball by the neck and says, "Yous tell mah fahduh dat once I straightun out Jack's mess, dat I got opportunity make great deal legitimit money out dis area, and I not skwew it up wit dis woman. I luv mah fahduh, and mah brutha, but I don't care much about yous." (Why did Amanda have to slap him so hard in the face?)

[D&D Advertising
Billy receives a call from Alison, who is radioing in from the yacht, located somewhere near Mazatlan, Mexico. "Billy, if anybody asks, tell them I'm in the ladies room; I'll be back within a week!" then hangs up before Billy has the chance to say, "But."

[Police Station]
The police are going to hold Shelly on suspicion of assault, even though she holds by her story that Jake attacked her. Jake cries, "I want my money!" The cop asks Jake, "Well, did you provoke her?" Jake replies, "Yes, I provoked her. She stole all my money. I want my money!!" "Calm down, sir," the cop continues. "She says she didn't do anything with your money, that you mismanaged it, blamed her, then beat her." This really sets Jake off. "I want my mommy!!" "Sir, we found a key to a safe deposit box at her place. We'll get a court order for it tomorrow." "I want my mommy!" "Sir, why don't you go home and get some rest and I will call you when we get the order." "I want my mommy! I'm sick of being the only man in this, screwed up, dirty city, who still believes in an honest life, right and wrong and the American way, and all that crap. I'm tired of being stepped on, and I want my mommy!"

[MP, Amanda's Apartment]
Amanda invites Peter over to apologize for working hard to keep the two of them apart, holding on to old fears in her life, blah, blah, blah. She admits she cares for him, wants to put the past in the past and take hold of the future -- with him. Now that their relationship sounds like it's getting off to a healthy start, Peter can go from being a civilized, caring adult to a pouting, insecure, jealous lover.

[Michael's Beach House]
Sydney looks pathetic playing master-and-servant with Michael. She goes to take a shower as the phone rings. It's Jane, who engages Michael in a little phone sex. Jane leaves him so hot and bothered that he runs into the bathroom to douse himself in a cold shower. Fortunately for him, though, he runs into a wet and waiting Syd.

[Vic's Apartment, Nighttime]
After already losing one sock to Kimberly's vulgar mouth, Vic doesn't take a chance losing the other and so this time he uses a necktie instead to gag Kimberly. He's contemplating killing her but she manages to seduce him into one more romp. With a little coaxing she gets him to untie one limb, her leg, so at least she can flop around a little. As he starts slithering up her body, she kicks him unconscious and he falls to the floor, the knife dropping by his wayside. Recalling her college days, when, for kicks, she and her roommates used to flip scalpels towards their heads using only their feet, she stretches out and manages to get Vic's switchblade. However, to make it more exciting, she waits all the way until morning before demonstrating this digital dexterity, giving Vic a chance to regain consciousness. Needless to say, she gets the knife, cuts herself free, subdues Vic, and makes him squeal like a pig.

[MP, Amanda's Apartment]
There's a lump under the leopard sheets -- it's none other than Peter and Amanda. The phone rings and it's Bobby, who wants to meet with her ONE, LAST time to explain everything. So she agrees and hangs up. When Peter demands to know who was on the phone, Amanda tells him it's Parezi son #1. "There's another one!?!?" Peter's jaw drops. Amanda explains that she and Bobby once had "a thing" but are now history, Peter is devastated and the camera has to cut away before he starts to cry.

[Hayley's Yacht]
Hayley is busy filing all of his financial dealings for the past couple of years in a nice waterproof leather case. He explains that the SEC will have his hide if they ever get hold of these records, and that was the real reason he swept her away in the middle of the night. "Oh, Hayley, how romantic!" Alison exudes. He says he apologizes for all the surprises he's dealt Alison in the past, then admits to her that he's penniless. Surprise! All that he has left is this measly yacht. He throws the leather case overboard saying, "Out with the old life, and it's time to get another. I'm leaving everything behind, Alison. I can never go back. Surprise! I may be selfish but I was afraid of losing you. You were the one good thing in my life." "I can't believe you haven't told me the truth about ANYTHING!" she says. "Just remember, I love you, and that's why I've never told you the truth." She accepts this reasoning and they hug.

[Prison Holding Cell]
Jake visits with Shelly, dressed in prison blues. The safe deposit box Shelly had is now empty and Jake wants to know where the money is. "It's gone. I buried it, like you buried your brother." Shelly replies. "Well, OK then, but why?" Jake wants to know. "It's because you're a chump and it was a means of revenge for all the pain you caused Jess and me!" she laughs and as she is taken away, you realize this is the first outfit she's worn that hasn't bared her navel.

[Hart & Mancini Designs]
Jane totes Michael around on one of her new designer leashes. They loiter outside in the parking lot just long enough to catch Richard and Jo leaving together. Jane grabs Michael and starts to kiss him, sending Richard into a state of frenzy. Of all people, Jo says to Richard, "For God's sake, grow up!"

[Police Department]
Kimberly drops off Victor Munson at the police station, complete with his signed confession covering the fact that he abducted and held prisoner a talk radio host, along with committing a handful of rapes and assaults. Kimberly says she'll be back later to make a statement, but for right now she has to go -- maybe grab a quickie at Shooters or something! She tells the cop Vic's a psychiatric patient of hers and will make sure he gets the best shock therapy treatment in prison.

[Puerto Vallarta, Mexico]
Hayley is refueling the yacht, despite the warning that the only thing worse than the water in Mexico is the fuel. And they need a lot, since they plan on sailing across the Pacific to Bali or wherever. Alison's bags are packed just in case she wants to fly home, but she decides to give up her career and everything she's earned in life to run away with an empty pocket, beachcombing fugitive who's never once told the truth. Isn't love romantic?

[Bay Beach Bar, Evening]
Amanda and Bobby are strolling along the pier. He claims that the reason he came to California was to keep a real hit man from taking Amanda out. Making small talk, Amanda says she blames herself for Jack's death. (Gag!) Bobby reminisces how he met Amanda. He remembers when Jack first introduced Amanda to the Parezi family and how he couldn't believe such a smart chick was with his sick brother. Then Amanda experiences a flashback herself, back to the old days on "Dynasty" when she wore that Farrah Fawcett layered look. She hears the words, "I'll never love anyone else," echo over and over, and sees Bobby in the haze. She's sooo confused. Oh wait. Now she's in the present. Hmmm, so it seems as though she was seeing Jack, he introduced her to his family, at which point sleazy big brother Bobby moved in and took Amanda for his own. What a guy!

[D&D Advertising]
Peter confronts Amanda regarding her whereabouts the previous night. (Didn't we just finish this whole jealousy-thing with Jo-Richard-Jane-Michael?) "Pardon me for being concerned, but when the woman that I love goes out to meet a war hero, I'm going to be a little worried about it." "He's not a war hero, he's a mobster, for God's sake. He works for the government!" Just then, Bobby pops in saying, "Did I herr sumbuddie sayin' mah praysus in heah?" carrying a dozen roses for Amanda. Peter runs out enraged. Bobby just stands there with the Billy Campbell "Duh" look, until Amanda finally tells him to get out.

[Hayley's Yacht]
Hayley's pounding the vodka in celebration of his new life. They're talking about their destination. "You never said where we're going. New Zealand, right?" Alison inquires. "No, my days with sheep are over now that I've found you." With that, Alison says, "I'm going to show you how to really celebrate," and the two of them go below to rock to the motion of the ocean. Later that night, Alison awakes but Hayley is no where to be found. She runs up on deck and asks the captain, who remembers Hayley mentioning something about wanting to take a stroll. So they immediately turn around and start trolling.

[Burns-Mancini Mancini-Burns Medical Office]
Sydney's busy answering phones while wearing one of her left-over hot pink outfits, complete with go-go boots, from the '60s birthday bash she threw for Michael last week. Poor Syd. The only people who seem to be calling are Amanda for Peter, who is ignoring her, or Jane for Michael, who keeps calling to initiate phone sex.

[MP, Apartment #6]
Richard drops by Jo's place. He wants to discuss the friction that's developed between them lately. Jo starts pouting, and hates herself for falling for a lying, childish brat. (Is she talking about herself or Richard?) Richard tries to calm matters by waving a document in front of her. He explains that he plans to dissolve the Hart - Mancini partnership and that he wants to start a new business without Jane. In fact, he wants Jo to join him in his new venture. "Wow," Jo thinks, "Richard must really want us to work out." If Jo sat back and thought for a minute, she would realize that his two previous relationships were also with business partners (first Mackenzie and then Jane), and look how successful they were! I guess Jo and Richard are doomed.

[Cucina Restaurant]
Peter and Kimmy are having dinner together. She tells Peter her stint as a radio talk show personality is over. He can't believe it, wondering what she'll do if she quits. Seems he forgot she did study to be a doctor, and that's just what she wants to do, be a physician again. Actually, she has already applied for an internship in psychiatry and Peter's recommendation would really help smooth things out. Peter is completely beside himself, saying, "You? A shrink? This can only happen in the world we know as Melrose!! Kimberly, get real. Three months ago you were a deranged psycho. Oh well, what the hell. You did seem to have a special way with Vic."

[MP, Apartment #5]
First, Sydney, wearing an outfit reminiscent of Amanda's bed sheets, visits Jane for some wise, sisterly advice. Syd describes her happy, sexually intense life with Michael lately, which leads her to believe he's having an affair. She just hopes it's not with a former wife. Jane tells her to cool down and try a new deodorant, if necessary. Sydney says she's pissed and not as dumb as she looks. As Syd leaves, she passes Peter in the courtyard and says, "House call, doctor?" (Yes! She still has it, even under duress!) Peter is there to see Amanda, who quips, "Oh, were you tired of ignoring all my calls, so you decided to come by to ignore me in person?" Moments later, they kiss and make up, all the while Bobby Parezi plays Peeping Tom in the bushes. Does a good eyebrow motion!

[Acapulco, Mexico]
The authorities have found a body, floating about thirty miles down the shore. It might be Hayley, although it could be Luke Perry -- he did surf these waters and no one's seen him since he left "90210." Still, they want Alison to see if she can identify the body and even Brooke and Billy are on their way down. Alison arrives at the morgue first, and they slide the body out of the fridge. It's a Perry all right -- Perry King, that is. His hair doesn't seem to be as gray (must be the kelp), but the purple tinge doesn't do too much for his complexion. Alison covers her mouth in horror, confirming the corpse's identity. Just then, Brooke runs in and Alison informs her of the news. Brooke goes crazy, blaming Alison for "killing daddy," and starts swinging wildly at her. As a good husband, Billy steps in and slaps his wife silly, telling her to "Get a grip!" It's enough to cause a miscarriage, don't you think?

[To Be Continued...]

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Last Modified November 28, 1995