Melrose Place
Episode #111 / Season #4
Title: "Two Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"
Original Air Date: Monday, December 04, 1995

Synopsis

[A Cemetery]
Episode opens at the memorial service for Hayley Armstrong. The casket is closed. Hopefully, Alison took the time to confirm Hayley's blue-green body was actually put inside, rather than simply sign whatever papers were shoved in front of her face *claiming* the body is in the casket. As the service ends, Alison says a few words, "This dead, I mean red, rose is a symbol of Hayley and me -- he the wilting petal and I the "Thorne" in his side. A devoted husband, father, and friend. I will love him for the rest of my sober life." The L.A.P.D. arrive and Hayley's attorney, Norton, explains that they are authorized to seize all of Hayley's assets, casket included. "There's an S.E.C. investigation as well as other questions regarding his finances," he says. Grieving Brooke exclaims, "What? He has no money?" She then turns to Alison and creates a scene, screaming that daddy never would have killed himself and that Alison must be to blame. Another detective arrives just in time to witness this outburst. He could pass for Johnnie Cochran's evil twin brother, the only difference is he's on the side of justice. For a brief moment, we don't know if this means taking Brooke away or hauling off Alison, but in the end the latter occurs. If Hayley had drowned in U.S. waters everything would be honky-dory, but since it took place in international waters, questions must be answered. Billy becomes even more disgusted with Brooke knowing that she must have been the one instigating the questions the detective is referring to.

[Police Station]
Alison, the human punching bag, is now serving #13. (If you want to slap her one, you'll just have to take a number like everyone else!) This time, it's the detective, Ronnie Cochran, who gets to push her around. He has her over the coals and she's at the point of breakdown. She keeps emphasizing the fact that she DOESN'T DRINK, but that Hayley had a few that night and may have had insomnia. When Alison tries to recall the events of that three hour tour, singing, "The mate was a mighty sailing man, the skipper brave and sure... the weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed. If not for the courage of that fearless crew, the Minnow would be lost, the Minnow would be lost!" the detective slaps her and says, "Are you SURE you're not hitting the sauce?!?" Then Alison remembers, the last thing she heard before dozing off that fateful night was Hayley singing, "Do a little dance, Make a little love, Get drowned tonight!" At this point, the detective can't take it anymore and tells her, despite his instincts, she's free to go.

[Wilshire Memorial]
Kimberly is busy setting up office as either a psycho, or psychiatric, intern at the hospital. She feels so official. Peter is there to welcome her and she thanks him for all his help. Michael storms in with a security guard and tries, unsuccessfully, to have her thrown out. Peter describes him as "A thorn in the medical butt of progress." Michael leaves but promises he will be back. Peter hangs out and he and Kimberly start telling each other sociopath and old fashioned narcissicm jokes.

[D&D Advertising]
Bobby comes by to ask Amanda to lunch. Amanda quips, "Hellloooo? Anyone home in that big head of yours? Don't you remember I said I don't want to see you anymore? Duh!" With that, Bobby pauses, then starts talking out of the side of his mouth. "Oh? Did I say lunch? What I meant wuhs, I wanna witdrah mah daddy's cable account. Youse knows, ders a shadow ovah dah company. Duh, I don't wants tah let youse remember Jack whens youse do business wit me. Dats all babe. Oh, I rented a house. Youse can send papahs der." He turns and leaves, and Amanda thanks him for being so professional, even though she had no idea what the hell he just said.

[Wilshire Memorial]
Matt is doing rounds with Michael in the hospital's gay wing. A commotion erupts in an adjoining room between an actor and his agent. It seems the actor broke his limp wrist causing him to lose the part on a new television show and the agent is pissed. So Matt goes over to quiet them down. He falls in love. Matt, somewhat flustered, says to the actor, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." The cry baby actor replies, "I can't leave -- my career is DYING and I NEED ATTENTION! I need pampering. And doctor, where do you think the center of the universe is?" Matt answers with a smile, "Uranus?" and leaves.

[Shooters]
All of a sudden, Shooters doesn't seem to be bringing in any money. Amanda is there complaining that Jake's rent checks keep bouncing. Jo is at the bar and comes over to stick her nose in his business since Richard seems to be off somewhere else, probably drooling over Jane. She asks, "No weekly Halloween night, no waitresses, no Shelly? What's going on?" Jake tells her to get lost, that she doesn't know him, and that's the way he wants to keep it.

[Hayley's Lawyer's Office]
Alison, Brooke, and Billy are present to hear the reading of Hayley's last will and testament. Brooke is to be the executor of the will, and that there is a $1 million trust fund for Brooke's unborn child. (Does that mean if the child is born that the money is lost?) Since the trust is a separate entity from the estate holdings, it can't be frozen with Hayley's other assets. Brooke is puzzled, and asks, "He left nothing for his wife?" The lawyer clarifies, "He wasn't married. He divorced Alison last week." This causes Alison to put on that dumb Billy-boy look, something she picked up while living with Campbell. All Alison can say is, "Maybe the two of you [Hayley and Brooke] were in this together. How else could he have done all of this behind my back?" But Brooke has it all figured out, saying "Very easy, Alison. You're not exactly one of the brightest kids in the class." Then Brooke tries to yank the wedding ring off of Alison's finger, at which point Alison gets a clue and fights back. Meanwhile, Billy just sits there with a grin on his face, loving every minute. It's the cat fight he's been waiting all season to see.

[Jo's Apartment]
Dream scene: Ethereal MP Courtyard, Richard and Jane naked in the pool. Pool-boy busy chlorinating in the background. Longer-haired Jane says, "I want everyone to know how much I love you Richard, Richard, Richard..." Voice blends into Jo's. "Richard, Richard, wake up!" Jo asks him what he was dreaming about, so he lies, saying he was dreaming of her. She boasts, "Yeah, well it doesn't hold a candle to the real thing. I'd say, in the Melrose Place scheme of things, that our relationship is almost perfect. Hey, I mean, we don't love each other, we always get in petty fights, and there is no trust between us, but at least we'll be business partners. It's amazing how Jane can have so many partners and have none of them work out. Just because Jane has been through hell with her past relationships doesn't mean you have to..." Richard interrupts. "Hey, I'd like to think that I have more moral fiber than Jane's former partners." Yes, more fiber, but no backbone.

[D&D Advertising]
Brooke resigns from D&D. It seems she needs more time for manicures, oh, and to grieve. Besides, being both a loving wife, executor of her daddy's will, and impending "mutha" all take their toll. And even though the $1 million is her unborn child's money, she's planning on overseeing the inheritance. Meanwhile, detective Ronnie Cochran pays Alison another visit to inform her that her story checks out and that Hayley's death has been ruled accidental. Since he cashed his insurance policy three weeks ago the police don't really care why he died. "What about suicide?" Alison asks. "Well, in a case like this, you got me. Unless you want to drag this storyline out, to us the case is officially closed." He leaves and Alison seems relieved.

[Wilshire Memorial]
Syd drops off some papers from Peter for Kimberly. Kimberly notes that something must be wrong with Sydney, considering she keeps wearing gay little bows in her hair these days! (When we say "Bow wow wow!!" we don't mean we like it.) Kimberly says "Syd, why don't you sit down. I think you can use someone to talk to. I mean, I don't bite!" (Yeah, just don't ask Vic!) Kimmy continues, "In a way we were both a lot alike. Always in Jane's shadow, misunderstood, bad hair days, disrespected. No one ever believed in me." What's even worse is that Syd actually starts to believe in her. Meanwhile, in another room at the hospital, bad Actor-Boy apologizes to Matt, saying, "You were being the consummate professional, but boy do I have a consummate ass! Thanks for being so understanding." And with that, he gives Matt a quick wink. Actor-Boy confesses that part of his attitude problem stems from his overbearing father, who pushed him into being either a ditch digger or an actor, which Matt can really relate to. Matt reassures Actor-Boy that his concussion is minor, and that his wrist has the loveliest bone alignment Matt has ever seen.

[Hart & Mancini Designs]
Short-haired Jane announces a major sales coup to Richard who could care less. After a month, she finally wants to "be adult" about the friction between them. She admits she was nasty in the beginning, but just wants to say that she was and still is his friend. She misses the talks they used to have. So they set up a meeting for the next night, Richard figuring it would be the opportune time to tell her of his plans to split their professional relationship. As she leaves, Richard comments, "Just one thing, Jane. Baldness really suits you." He gets all gaw-gaw which is not a good sign.

[D&D Advertising, Middle of the Night, in the Dark]
Billy just happens to go to work in the middle of the night, where he literally runs into Alison who is also there. She's boxing up all the Armstrong files. Alison admits that the incident with Brooke at the lawyer's office really upset her, so Billy tries to comfort her by saying, maybe the divorce was just another special surprise Hayley wanted to spring on her since he was into that sort of sick humor. Alison doesn't buy it, though, stating, "Nobody understands that Hayley was my family, least of all someone married to a woman hell-bent on destroying me." Billy replies, "Alison, that's no way to talk about your daughter!!" But Alison doesn't stop there, adding, "Billy, you made your decision, so you live your life and I'll live mine." Billy says, "Fine!", pouts, and leaves.

[Moon Shell Charity Ball Sponsored by The Board of Wilshire Memorial Hospital]
Amanda is draped on Peter's side, while Michael has a pink-laden Sydney hanging on him, wearing yet another weird bow in her hair. Kimberly makes her entrance. Sydney notes, "Pretty scary, huh? Kimberly preaching her sick gospel to defenseless clinic patients." "What's even scarier, is your outfit Syd!" Michael chimes in. Then, a Dr. Robert Davis, Chairman of the Board of Wilshire Memorial, announces, "Please thank mobster Bobby Parezi for the anonymous donation of $100,000 towards the new pediatric A.I.D.S. center. He was brought here by Dr. Peter Burns. Peter, keep bringing in donators like this and you'll be our next Chief-of-Staff in no time." Amanda runs over to Bobby, figuring he did this so that Peter will be in his debt. Bobby explains, "Sum peoples does duh tings fuh dah right reasons. No hiddun motives," "People, not you." "I didn't know I wuz mah own catuhgorie." Then the dullard smiles.

[D&D Advertising]
Amanda confronts Alison regarding her haphazard absences, etc. Amanda is worried that Alison's recent behavior will jeopardize the Colfax Software account. "If you crack, I won't be able to save you." says Amanda, foreshadowing Alison's soon-to-be demise. Alison protests, saying, "Amanda, you're turning my loss into a handicap. I've been through hell -- please don't punish me because of it." So Amanda, flippant as any other character on the show, agrees saying, "OK, what the hell." (Guess she learned that one from her new beau, Peter.)

[Golf Course]
Bobby "accidentally" shows up at Peter's tee time. Peter voices his disapproval of Bobby's puppeteering, but after Bobby spews some gibberish about thanking Peter for rescuing Amanda from his sick brother Jack, Peter accepts him. So they become buddies and engage in their own "fore" play.

[Wilshire Memorial]
Syd pays a visit to Kimberly for psychiatric help. At first, Sydney feels it's better if they use fake names since they know the same people. So she describes living in a beach house with a guy named Bob, who used to be married to her sister named Edna. Kimberly can barely keep from bursting with laughter, so Syd cuts to the chase and says she's positive that Michael and Jane are having an affair. Kimberly has just started her psychiatric internship and thus has only read one psychiatry book so far, but fortunately, it dealt with the topic of borderline personality. Perfect, since this seems to be Sydney's situation. Kimberly says, "What appears desirable, once obtained, becomes undesirable." "Oh, you mean, once I get Michael, I won't want him anymore?" Syd asks. "Well, I was thinking more along the lines of, once Michael gets Jane, he won't want her anymore," corrects Kim. So Syd devices a plan to push Jane and Michael together in order to push them apart, and schedules another session with psycho intern, Kimmy.

[Shooters]
Peter and Bobby engaged in tee time, but never teetotalling. Jake issues last call, even though it's only 8 o'clock. (And he wonders why he's having financial difficulties.) Maybe he suffered more brain damage than originally diagnosed when he fell off that building last season. When Amanda arrives and sees Peter chumming with Bobby, she gets sick. Luckily for her, the FBI arrives and they cart Bobby off for questioning.

[Arturo's Restaurant]
Jane and Richard are having dinner. Richard melts in her arms, becoming too weak to spring the news on her regarding the business breakup he has planned. Just as Richard is starting to have fun, Jane surprises him by saying she's having dinner with Michael at the same restaurant. Michael arrives, Richard departs, then Syd shows up, 60's hairdo and all. She does her part to get Jane and Michael together, but Jane really just wants to leave now that Richard is gone. Jane and Michael have one dance together, Syd freaks out, Jane finds her chance to exit, and Syd also runs out, leaving Michael all alone.

[Santa Barbara Regency Hotel]
It's the evening, and Alison has just finished a dry-run of her presentation for Colfax Software that she is to give the following morning. She glances around the hotel and notices a man with hair sprayed that special Hayley shade of gray. She runs over, thinking it's him. Of course, it's not, and the disappointment causes her to fall into the nearest chair, which just happens to be next to the hotel bar. Her natural instincts take over, and she orders a vodka rocks...

[Bobby's House]
Amanda goes to apologize, only to find his place ransacked by the Feds. He asks, wearing that stupid grin of his and talking out of the side of his mouth again, "Offer me your friendship -- for starters." She replies, "I have nothing but my friendship to offer, but don't ask for more." She leaves.

[Wilshire Memorial]
Actor-Boy with the broken hand is being discharged. His hair hangs down over his forehead just like Matt's, driving Matt wild. Actor-Boy says, "Showing my real feelings isn't really one of my strong suits." Matt agrees, "Mine either, but I'm working on it. So how 'bout Sex On The Beach?" "Sure, I'd love a drink," says Actor-Boy gleefully, and the two leave together.

[Pool & Snooker]
Jake goes to a pool hall to meet with Monte (I hope his last name isn't Hall), who says, "Let's Make A Deal." Jake needs to take out a "loan" from this shark friend of his. Yet another fine move by Jake, the weenie of Wall Street.

[D&D Advertising]
It's the next morning, and a phone call comes in from Santa Barbara. No one can find Alison and she didn't show up for the Colfax Software presentation. Billy intercepts the message so that Amanda won't find out, calls Alison's hotel room, but when no one answers, Billy decides to race up to Santa Barbara himself. Once there, Billy turns on the charm and sweet talks the maid into to letting him into Alison's suite where he finds Alison making love to a Stoli bottle. She throws the vodka bottle at Billy, starts babbling like Bobby Parezi, and finally breaks down in Billy's arms.
[To Be Continued...]

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Last Modified December 11, 1995