Melrose Place
Episode #113 / Season #4
Title: "Holy Strokes"
Original Air Date: Monday, January 01, 1996

Synopsis

[Wilshire Memorial Hospital]
Syd goes to the hospital chapel, praying that she doesn't have to wear any more bows in her hair and for her big sis' life. As she says, "Dear God, I'll do anything, just don't let Jane die," the doors fly open and an angelic being hovers in front of her. This ethereal being, it turns out, is actually the devilish Kimberly Shaw who says, "Is there something you'd like to tell me, Sydney?" Syd replies, "No." So Kimberly, ever so understanding and compassionate, blackmails Syd into a confession by saying, "Tell me everything Syd, and I can protect you under the guise of doctor/patient confidentiality. Otherwise, if the police happen to question me about how drugs I prescribed mysteriously made their way into Jane's drink, I may just have to tell." So Syd breaks down, admits everything, and starts crying. She falls into Kimmy's open arms, who comforts her by saying, "It's all right. I'm here." I guess this is one way to keep your patients.

[MP, Daytime]
Pool boy, who could be mistaken for Billy's twin brother, is busy at work. This has got to be the cleanest pool in Los Angeles! Jake is over at Matt's having a cup o' Jo (No, the other one!) Matt is busy on the phone trying to get an update on Jane's status, but all he's told is that she and her golden bleached hair are still in ICU. The hospital thinks they can save Jane, but her hair is beyond hope. Matt grabs another mug and starts to pour a cup of coffee. Jake says he's already got a cup, but soon realizes the coffee's not for him but rather for Alan, who strolls into the kitchen half-undressed. "It's probably for me," Alan says, catching Jake a little off guard. When Alan adds, "Wait a minute, while I whip this out!" Jake drops his cup and scrams. Alan turns to Matt and says, "I only meant some omelets." Matt proceeds to update Alan on Jane's status, describing her as "the nice girl, but sort of a really mixed-up life." Alan, who at first thought he knew who she was, now can only shake his head, as Matt has just described *every* female character at Melrose Place.

[Burns-Mancini-Mancini-Burns Professional Building]
Peter is on the phone when Amanda arrives with his favorite croissants. He's not in a very good mood however. It seems that one of his patients is suing him for malpractice and the medical board wants to suspend his license immediately. She can't understand what all the fuss is about, after all, doesn't Peter think she looks stunning in her new black mini? And what woman as old as Amanda can strut her stuff sans nylons? When he realizes that she's more worried about their dinner plans and their New Year's Party plans rather than his career plans, he blows up and yells at her. She says, "Listen, Bub. No one yells at Amanda." She drops the croissants, does a 180, and heads out the door, adding, "Because I'm such a nice bitch, I'll pretend we never had this conversation." Peter can only stand there and heave a sigh of relief that she was so understanding as to give him a another chance...

[Wilshire Memorial Hospital, Jane's Private Room]
Jane is laying on her hospital bed in her polka dot designer smock. Michael informs Jane that she suffered a very mild stroke. Then the two of them start to reminisce the fun time they had at the Christmas Party the night before. He starts to run a miniature meat tenderizer across the bottom of her foot, but she can't feel a thing. This worries her somewhat, so she exclaims, "I can't feel that! Am I paralyzed with fear?!? I'm paralyzed with fear, aren't I?!?!" Michael tries to calm her down but to no avail. "Don't touch me!!!" Jane screams. Michael thinks about calling Syd over so that he can get a couple of those tranquilizers to calm Jane down, but before he has a chance to act, one of the nurses enters and manages to restrain Jane.

[Wilshire Memorial Hospital, Kimmy's Office]
Syd confronts Kimberly regarding her prescription, saying, "You should have told me those pills would cause a stroke!" Kimberly defends herself, saying "I really think this is another textbook case of you not taking responsibility for my suggestions. You must accept your mistakes and learn to cover up them up. For example, give me your prescription bottle." Kimberly just happens to have some extra pills of the same prescription as Syd's, so she replaces the three pills missing in Syd's bottle. That way, no one will know the diff'. Then Kimberly continues with more advice for Syd: "Smother your sister with warmth, compassion, kindness, and she won't suspect a thing." Syd again wonders if this is slightly unorthodox therapy, but Kimberly reassures her, feeling it's pretty good advice for someone who was just let out of the loony bin.

[Restaurant, patio table]
Billy and Brooke are engaged in a business luncheon with Norman, the wonder attorney. They finish signing the necessary papers regarding the unborn Billy Jr.'s inheritance fund. Billy leaves for a meeting downtown, telling Brooke she can catch him at the office later that evening. As soon as he's gone, Brooke asks, "About my inheritance, do I still get it if, say, something happens to my pregnancy?" Norman corrects her regarding the specifics of daddy's will -- no baby, no money. This sends Brooke into a state of mourning, so Norman asks her what's wrong. She admits she's not pregnant. He gives her that I'm-so-sorry look that they're taught in law school as he recommends that she find a way to get pregnant pronto.

[D&D Advertising]
Late in the day, Billy returns from his successful downtown meeting. He runs into Alison and proceeds to fill her in. Not that she could care, mind you. She says to him, most lethargically, "Happy New Year, Billy," and leaves. A D&D errand boy then rushes over to Billy and delivers an urgent message from Brooke, who wants Billy to meet her at Wilshire Memorial ASAP. Some kind of emergency or something.

[Wilshire Memorial, Night]
By the time Billy gets to the hospital Brooke is waiting outside, sitting alone on a bench. She comes up with the story that she started bleeding and lost the baby. Billy rolls his eyes as if to say, "How careless of you." Babbling Brooke goes on and on, and when Billy's eyes continue rolling around in his head we're only too glad that it leads to a commercial break.

[MP, Billy & Brooke's Apartment]
Brooke turns to Billy and says, "Let's do it like horses." She's been reading a book on breeding race horses and really liked some of the positions. But bronco Billy really isn't in the mood; he thought they should have some sort of mourning period, at least maybe an episode or two. Alison drops by to offer her condolences and a plant, and Brooke thanks her and says not to worry because they're going to get pregnant again real fast. Billy begins to wonder if Brooke's quick recovery has something to do with the trust fund, thinking aloud so that Alison could hear. Alison turns and leaves, but not before saying, "Happy New Year, Billy." Then we are given another stoic profile from the Campbell kid, and we begin to fear that 1996 is going to treat us to a lot more of these goofy looks.

[D&D Advertising]
Bobby's over checking out Amanda's new short blue skirt. He mumbles something about inviting her and Peter over to his Palm Springs hacienda for New Year's. Amanda says the only way she'll go is if Bobby gets a date himself. Before Bobby has a chance to think, "Duh?," in strolls Alison. So Amanda asks Alison if she would be up to spending a romantic New Year's Eve in the desert with an Italian buffoon, and Alison, who must have momentarily forgotten that her husband died just a few weeks earlier, says, "Why not? What the hell! Oh, and Happy New Year, Billy." (BTW, Billy is nowhere in this scene.)

[Burns-Mancini-Mancini-Burns Professional Building]
Peter has the entire office in shambles. He says to Michael, "Syd's filing system sucks!" Michael adds, "But her nails look great!" -BEEP- A fax of Jane's toxicology report that Michael has been waiting for arrives. Michael exclaims, "According to this report, she should've been knocked senseless!" to which Peter responds, "She was. She woke up with a stroke." Syd arrives in her Nancy Sinatra boots, black vinyl jacket, and sporting another bow on the top of her little red head like a cherry on top of a banana split, which kind of describes her mental state these days. Michael immediately grabs her and throws her into his office. He thinks he's got it all figured out, forgetting that he's really dealing with Kimberly, not poor innocent Sydney. He takes her medication from her only to find that her prescription bottle still has all 30 pills. Not that it would mean anything if a few were missing, considering she was supposed to be taking them anyway.

[Shooters]
Matt and Alan are on another date. Tension is in the air. Alan breaks the news that he wants to start acting again in NYC. Oh no! Poor Matt. First, he loses his friend Sandy (Amy Locane) to New York to act in "Forever and Tomorrow," and now this! Say it isn't so! But Alan hopes Matt will come and visit sometime. Matt is distraught: He can't understand how a jobless, bad actor, could just pick up and go like that.

[MP, Billy and Brooke's Apartment]
Brooke, trying her best to seduce Easter Island-face Billy, woos him into the bedroom, purring, "Honey, I'm ovulating." (Who could resist a line like that?) But despite the temptation, Billy refrains, saying, "You may be, but I'm not!" So Brooke tries one last desperate attempt, saying, "It's tonight, or not for another month." Which seems fine for Billy, because he closes the door and flips on Dick Clark's New Year's Eve Special on TV, drowning out her screaming and whining.

[Wilshire Memorial Hospital, Jane's Private Room]
Jake arrives with a bouquet for Jane. Maybe his New Year's Resolution is to forget brunettes and stick with blondes -- blondes with virtually no hair, that is. She shows him a little scratch pad with a doodle on it, supposedly representing a dress design, which she claims took her an hour to come up with. Jake can only say, "Wow, your brain must've really got paralyzed if you think that looks good!" Not too nice for her ego, but at this point she just wants somebody to hold. He hugs her and she can't help but notice it's like hugging her leather sofa -- how nice, he reminds her of home! Around now, we begin to wonder where the heck Jo and Richard are. But then we regain our senses and say, "Who cares?"

[Wilshire Memorial Hospital, Hallway]
Michael is wheeling Jane to the Day Room. Kimberly passes by, giving Michael the opportunity to shove her aside. He confronts her about the Jane and Sydney incident, insinuating that she must be involved, considering the same drug that Kimberly prescribed to Syd was also in Jane's bloodstream. He threatens her, so she threatens him back. For some reason, his threats pale in comparison to hers -- Kimberly seems downright *scary!* Meanwhile, Billy is wandering the halls, probably looking for somewhere to eat lunch, when he runs into Brooke's OB/GYN, Dr. Fisher. She says she's so sorry for what happened to Brooke, it's so rare. When Billy questions why a miscarriage would be considered rare, she corrects him by explaining that Brooke's pregnancy was a misdiagnosis, and that what Brooke had was really more like a bad case of heartburn. Billy looks like he goes into coma at this point.

[Shooters]
Billy heads directly to Shooters, where naturally, one would to find their grieving spouse. He pulls Brooke aside and goes berserk! Whoa! Look out. This news seems to have sparked new life into Billy Campbell. It was like he became *Underdog*. Hopefully, this is Billy's New Year's Resolution, namely, acting with some emotion! You can almost hear him cry. When he finally catches his breath, he proclaims, "...their marriage, this whole sham, over!!" Then he leaves Brooke, jaw hanging and her one eyebrow twitching up and down.

[Palm Springs, California]
Peter and Bobby are sitting at the kitchen table, pounding down scotch rocks. Bobby, master of conversation, brings up the topic of Peter's legal problems, emphasizing the fact that Amanda told him all about it. Peter finds it odd that for two people trying to get away from each other, Bobby and Amanda sure seem to talk a lot. Bobby suggests Peter lay off the scotch, after all it's still a couple of hours until the new year. "Gee, Bob, thanks for the concern, but I can handle it." He may be able to handle his scotch, but the real question is, can he handle Amanda in a white teddy? She sweeps Peter away, saying, "Show me how big a man you can be." So Bobby, who is supposed to be Alison's date anyway, goes outside and finds her lounging along the pool side, staring up to the stars. Alison turns to him and admits, "I'm terrible at small talk." "Dat's otay. Ah'm terrible at just twying to tawk! But dun't choo woowy, cuz' Ah's only yuse *small* woids." Then he comes on to her saying, "Yur beeutifool. Happy New Year," while pinching her on her left cheek. She responds, saying, "I'm no Amanda." To which he replies, "Ah know, udderwise Ah'd a grabbed yur udda cheek, if youse knows whats Ah means!"

[Michael's Beach House]
Michael decides that it would be best if Jane convalesce at his place. That way, he and Sydney can do whatever it takes to get Jane back on her feet. Michael sends Syd into the other room to get some pillows, then plops Jane on the couch and begins to pamper her as she lay there like an overgrown Barbie doll. Syd reenters, sees this disgusting scenario and calls Michael to the other room for help. Once alone with Michael, Syd informs him that she knows what he's up to, saying, "You're just trying to get her in bed again. Only, she'll just lie there limp. Then again, that's probably all she's ever done."

[Palm Springs, California]
Amanda and Peter, obviously exhausted after their heavy session, are asleep in bed. Amanda stirs, then gets up and puts on a robe. She strolls out to the backyard pool area, only to be surprised by Bobby. "Youse coodn't sleep neitha?" She says she was thinking of her list of resolutions, which is long this year. Bobby says he can only think of one thing at a time, and right now he's thinking that he still loves her. Always has. Right then, fireworks go off overhead, signaling the start of 1996. He reaches over, grabs her, and plants a wet and juicy one on her lips. She doesn't seem to resist, probably intoxicated from Peter's breath earlier in the evening. As the two of them kiss, Peter, who was out like a light moments earlier, is now awake looking out his bedroom window, conveniently overlooking the pool area. Needless to say, he witnesses the entire lip locking scene between beauty and the beast.

[Palm Springs, California]
Next morning, Alison looks out HER window, which has a slightly less romantic view than Peter's as it overlooks the front driveway where all the cars are parked. To her amazement, she sees Billy sleeping in his Fiat. She runs out, saying, "Happy New Year, Billy." Billy is getting pretty tired of hearing this by now, but realizes she must have less lines this week since she's also doing a guest spot on the show "Partners.". It seems Billy found this place in the desert from Amanda's answering machine message, which gives her entire itinerary away. She's just lucky that the crime rate in Hollywood is soooo low. Billy admits that he came to see Alison and that he needs her to lend an ear. He tells her the miscarriage was a fake, and that the marriage is over. She agrees to listen. After all, she was pretty bored anyway, since Peter and Bobby had been tag teaming Amanda the minute they got to Palm Springs.

[Wilshire Memorial Hospital, Kimberly's Office]
Syd doesn't know what to do. "Till now, your advice has been wonderful," she say. Syd still hasn't realized none of Kimberly's advice has worked so far. This is obvious since she keeps taking the advice of the former psychopath, who now seems to be using Syd to get back at those who hurt her in the past. Sydney admits to Kimberly, "I would've been better off if Jane just died," which triggers a violent streak in Kimberly as she jumps up and grabs Syd, shaking her to and fro. "Syd, retract that statement immediately! Don't you ever let anyone hear you say that." Then Kimberly regains her composure and says, "Sorry about that. What you just saw was my weakness. When I go ballistic you better watch out!" Syd explains, "I'm trying to be the good, but when I get flustered, I stop thinking clearly and start wearing these stupid bows."

[L.A. International Airport (LAX)]
Matt drops his lover off at the airport. He wants to walk him to the gate, but Alan says curbside delivery is just fine. Matt is devastated. As Alan starts to walk toward the terminal, Matt comes running after him. "Forget about New York, and move in with me," he says. "I know you got the stage in New York, and all the other opportunities, but what I'm offering is so much more. No, not an on-screen kiss, but at least we can hold hands." With that, Alan comes rushing back, saying, "You don't know how much I wanted to hear that. But I couldn't say anything because it was a decision that you had to make." How sweet!

[Burns-Mancini-Mancini-Burns Professional Building]
Syd never seems to be working these days, so when the phone rings, the answering machine picks up, offering Peter an opportunity to call screen. It's Amanda, who says cheerily, "You left Palm Springs this morning without saying a word. I hope you're not mad about anything. Call me. I love you..." Then, Mr. Timing himself, Bobby Parezi, walks in with a smug look on his face. He's carrying a manila envelope filled with a bunch of legal papers. He starts talking out of the side of his mouth, making it even harder to understand him. "Ah tuk care of dose legal matters you wuz havin' wit dah malpractice suit. Der shouldn't be no mo' problems." Peter, not the least bit grateful, says, "How'd you do it? Made him an offer he couldn't refuse? I suppose you're going to hold this on me, so that I'll have to return the favor to you some day. A favor, like turning Amanda over to you without a fight? Well, you can forget it!" With that, Peter takes the papers and shoves them in Bobby's chest. This doesn't fare too well with Bobby, who says, "Ah'm gonna forget dis evah happened." Then Peter punches him, either out of anger or hoping that this would correct Bobby's speech impediment. "Dat was a mistake doctor. Do it again, and it will be yur last."

[MP, Evening]
Alison says, "Happy New Year, Billy," for the millionth time. They split and head to their respective apartments, which actually used to be each others' apartments until just recently. Billy arrives at his place and finds the phone off the hook. He yells for Brooke but there is no answer. When he goes into the bathroom, he is greeted with Brooke's body on the floor, both wrists slit and blood everywhere. Billy exclaims, "Oh my God!" and gives us that look -- you know, the one that says, "No wonder she couldn't put the phone back properly."
[To Be Continued...]

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