Melrose Place
Episode #115 / Season #4
Title: "Sydney, Bothered and Bewildered"
Original Air Date: Monday, January 15, 1996

Synopsis

[Michael's Beach House]
Jane is sitting in her wheelchair, looking like a young Whistler's Mother. Nurse Sydney, dressed in a bright red mini, black top, black stockings, and black knee-high fringed boots, struggles to wheel Jane into the alley where the car is parked. Jane has a doctor's appointment and since Sydney forgot to recharge the wheelchair's battery she finds herself having to push Jane. And *push* she does. In fact, Sydney pushes Jane right in front of a speeding delivery truck that happens to be barreling down the alley at 60 mph. (Note: Now that the U.S. Federal government has removed speed limit regulations, speeds have increased on almost all roads and alleys, including Melrose Place!) Just before impact, Jane yells out at her sister, "What are you doing? What are you doing? Idiot!" We witness the truck slam Jane's body harder than Michael or Richard ever did. But wait! In that brief moment, we notice that the hair is much longer on the *body* that gets crushed by the truck's front grill and soon realize that it is not really Jane, but a mannequin, and the whole sequence is but a figment of Sydney's overworked imagination (Sydney's fantasy?) Jane's irritating voice, whining incessantly about how Michael sucks the life out of relationships, brings Sydney rudely back to reality. When Jane asks, "Sydney, what are you doing? Sydney, are you listening? Whaaat?" Syd replies, "Oh, I'm just thinking -- how lucky you are to have me as your sister." A running sub-theme seems to be "Fantasy Island," considering a majority of the cast seems to be living out their own fantasies. About the only thing missing is that annoying Tattoo, but Alan seems to be irritating enough!

[MP, Amanda's Apartment, Morning]
There's a new body under those leopard sheets in Amanda's bedroom. Since Amanda doesn't smoke, apres sex she likes cutting her conquest's hair a la the biblical Delilah instead, feeling it gives her a sense of control (Amanda's fantasy?) Her latest Samson? Why, Bobby Parezi of course. In fact, he impressed her a couple of times last night, but now he has to screw, I mean impress, his clients now that he's an *executive*. So, she's busy giving him a haircut. Still, she's slightly bothered about dumping Peter, and Mr. Perceptive senses it too. (Maybe it's just an accident.) Amanda says, "Maybe I should talk to Peter." Bobby disagrees, saying "He's smawt. He knows whass goin' on. If youse wants, Ah could tawk tuh him." Amanda immediately rejects that idea, telling Bobby to stay away from Peter and that she'll handle the situation her way, adding, "I'd like to think I learned something from my past mistakes." (Amanda's second fantasy?)

[MP, Courtyard]
Alison and Brooke bump heads in the courtyard when Alison attempts to retrieve her newspaper. Brooke cries out in a frenzy, "Is that my paper? It's the third time this week someone has stolen it. Just like you stole daddy away from me, and almost stole Billy, too." Despite this periodic temper tantrum, Alison holds a hand out for Brooke, like any caring *mother* would do. But being new to motherhood, Alison is unaware of how conniving a bratty step-daughter can be. Brooke whines about how tough life has become since slitting her wrists, and that "...being a bitch has become a reflex action." Alison understands, and offers to help Brooke any way she can. For starters, Alison volunteers to take some of Brooke's workload at D&D, especially since she's going in to work early anyway. So Alison rushes off to work. Billy, returning from his morning jog, arrives just in time to see Alison scurrying away. When he asks Brooke what was going on, she replies, "Oh, Alison, what a sap. You must be hungry. Let's make pancakes, and maybe a baby if we have time. No need to rush into work when our little eager beaver is taking care of things." She turns, throws her hair back and walks toward their apartment. Billy, meanwhile, stands there with that look, as if to say, "I wonder if she means Alison?"

[Michael's Beach House]
A young man and woman are frolicking on the wet sand along the edge of the waves. You hear the man call out, "Come here you vixen!" as he chases her. The camera zooms in revealing it's Michael, and he's chasing Kimberly, of all people! He catches her and they tumble onto the sand, acting out the beach scene in "From Here To Eternity." (Michael's fantasy?) They start kissing passionately, and Michael tells her, "Kimberly, you're the best sex this side of Broad Beach." We don't know if he's describing the type of women who hang out around there or if it's the name of the beach. The scene cuts to Michael making love to his pillow, as he mumbles, "That's it. Hurt me, Kimberly." Suddenly, he wakes up, probably due to the cotton mouth he got from the pillow that is half-way down his throat.

[Peter's House]
Michael has been sleeping in the guest room at Peter's house, the same room that Kimberly used during her expedient and *full* recovery, and he complains to Peter that he thinks the room is haunted. Their conversation is interrupted by Amanda knocking on the front door. Michael answers, surprising Amanda. He explains, saying, "My beach house is unlivable due to unforeseen circumstances. A freak of nature. Actually, a freak of nature and her sister." Amanda and Peter head outside where they can be alone, and she proceeds to rub salt in his wound. "I never meant to hurt you. I'm in love -- with Bobby. With us, I confused love with gratitude." Peter is not amused, saying "Go to hell. Just because I first tried to kill you on the operating table and then tried to force you out of D&D, can't you let bygones be bygones?"

[MP, Matt's Apartment]
Jo stops by but it's not a social visit. She had Matt analyze those red pills she had found. Matt grabs her and pulls her inside. He tells her, "Those pills were *pure* phenobarbital!" (Hey, so Kimberly forgot a decimal point in the prescription and instead of .100 it read 100%!) Jo thanks him and starts to leave but he stops her by accusing Richard and her of conspiring to kill Jane, adding, "Jane was pumping pure phenobarbital (this must be the new word he learned in med school today and his homework was to use it in two sentences) while she was having her stroke." Jo defends herself, comparing her situation with Matt's love fiasco with Paul -- the jealous lover tries to kills his wife. Matt, Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes, has to keep pushing the issue, causing Jo to speak in a loud raspy whisper, "Matt, I have to handle this myself so just stay out of it!"

[Wilshire Memorial Hospital]
Jane wheels herself to her doctor's office. Notice that her wheelchair battery has miraculously recharged! Now, if only a miracle can happen to her leg! Dr. Barf informs her that her situation looks very promising; luckily, she has a small brain so the stroke only affected the outer edge of her right leg. He tells her that her recovery will still require hard work. So Jane, riding her high chair, I mean, horse, bitches and moans to Dr. Barf about her paralysis, and manages to stick her foot in her mouth. Pretty good for a paralyzed woman! You see, Dr. Barf is also a paraplegic. Only he'll *never* walk again. After her visit, Jane rolls to a pay phone, fumbling around more like a quadriplegic. Jake conveniently appears! He just stopped by to see how she was doing, to help her out and to give her some bartenderly-advice, the last thing anyone wants to hear. She tells him that she knows Richard is responsible for her paralysis and she plans to prove it.

[Shooters]
Jo is waiting to meet Richard. In the meantime, she confides in Jake regarding the pill analysis. He recommends that Jo go to the cops so that they can reopen the investigation. Jo won't do it until she talks with Richard first. Then Richard arrives, complaining about Jane's interference at work. This irritates Jake to the point where he confronts Richard about the pills. Jo attempts to diffuse the tension by asking Jake to get Richard a beer. Richard *helps* the situation by adding "Yeah, bar-boy, stick with what you know." So Jake, remembering a recent murder trial in Los Angeles, gets even by serving Richard a glass of OJ! Jo takes Richard aside, explaining that she found pills in his desk drawer and suspects him of attempted murder. This kind of puts a damper on the evening and Richard leaves.

[Wilshire Memorial Hospital]
Michael meets Kimberly in the cafeteria, returning an old undergarment of hers he found in his bed at Peter's. He flirts with her but she passes, so he asks if she'll help him get Sydney and Jane out of his house. She passes again. Then she clarifies Michael's situation, saying, "You're first ex-wife, who's now your mistress moves in with you and your second ex-wife, who's now your girlfriend, and then you come to your present wife to sort this all out. You do remember we're still married?" Syd arrives, wearing her white go-go boots and zebra-striped suit. (Now that's an outfit I *never* saw in "That Girl.") She misses Michael soooo much, but he says he won't return until she gets Jane and her "electric buggy cart" out of his house. Michael leaves, so Syd turns to Kimmy, who's always eager to give advice. Syd feels she needs to get rid of Jane pronto because she's afraid that she's going to spill the beans at any minute. So Kimberly suggests Sydney put Jane in a convalescent home.

[Hart & Mancini Designs]
Jo goes to Richard's office. She apologizes for bringing Jake into the picture. Richard is upset that Jo doesn't believe him, even though he claims he's never lied to her. Then he lays a guilt trip on her, and dares her to call the cops. But before she can make a decision, Richard makes a beeline for the door and escapes.

[D&D Advertising]
Billy tells Alison, "I know I asked you to help out, but enough is enough. Let Brooke do her own work." Alison says "I don't mind because it helps me forget the loss of my husband, you know, what's-his-name." Billy calls her a sucker, which always did drive Alison wild, and she starts fondling him, first caressing his lapels, then stroking his tie. Of course, Brooke, with her wonderful office view, witnesses this tender scene, causing that patented Brooke pout, forehead scrunch and eyebrow jerk.

[Burns-Mancini-Mancini-Burns Medical Office]
Sydney soon learns that convalescent homes are beyond her budget. So she approaches Peter, first asking how life is with Michael. Peter replies, "Wonderful. Everyday I think of new and interesting ways to kill him." Syd feels the same way about her sister. (Oops! Sydney, you almost spilt the beans.) Syd asks Peter if he could help split the cost to ship Jane off, reminding him that if Jane doesn't leave, Michael remains his roommate, permanently. With that, Peter agrees to help, then leaves for the golf course to work on his *slice*.

[Golf Course]
When Peter goes to the golf course, the two things you can count on following him there are his shadow and Bobby Parezi. Bobby's carrying the final settlement papers for Peter to sign, reminding Peter that the malpractice suit would've wiped out Peter's private practice. Now they're even. Peter warns Bobby that Amanda does what she wants, and someday, she may want Peter back. So Bobby warns Peter to stay away, and that he'll do whatever it takes to keep Peter from Amanda. When Bobby tells Peter to sign the papers and return them to his lawyer, Peter realizes that Bobby set him up from the beginning.

[MP, Alison's Apartment]
Alison's apartment is trashed. "Lying Bitch" and "Slut" is scrawled on the walls in red lipstick, and her only photo with Hayley has her head torn off. Billy is so mad that he almost cracks an expression on his face. Alison detects this near-expression (see how in touch they are with each others' feelings!) and when Billy starts to storm out, Alison stops him. Billy turns and asks, "Why are you protecting her?" Alison replies, "Brooke is taunting us, don't you see? Daring you to push her over the edge. We need to help her." Billy steams, "This is so far beyond help. She is out of control. Turn around and walk the other way." "I CAN'T, the room's too messy!" Alison exclaims, "Besides, Hayley would want me to do whatever I can to help Brooke. (Hmmm, is this Alison's fantasy?) Billy, please, for my sake, don't talk to Brooke when you're this angry." To which Billy responds, "Well, you were right about one thing. I definitely married the wrong woman. It should've been you." (Are you Biwwy-Awison fans happy now?!)

[D&D Advertising]
Peter is waiting for Amanda in the parking lot. He asks her why she sent "Mr. Mook" to talk to him, then adds, "I think you got yourself a big dumb dog to keep yourself all safe and protected." Funny, but Amanda neither disagrees nor disputes Peter's description of Bobby.

[MP, Matt's Apartment]
Theatrically-challenged boyfriend, Alan, comes home in a celebratory mood. He just got a part as Dr. Wesley Prescott III, a role that lasts a whole day. He so excited that he finally got a job after weeks of doing nothing, that he immediately *unscrews* a bottle of bubbly and proceeds to spill it all over Matt's study materials. Alan wants to celebrate, but when Matt tells him he needs to study for his quarterly cardiac diagnosis exam, Alan throws a hissy fit oozing of self-pity. So Matt gives in and blows off his studies. Matt's a med student; doesn't he recognize a cancer when he sees one?

[Shooters]
Sydney parks Jane in a corner of the bar and leaves. Jake notices the short skirt that Jane is wearing, and even if those legs don't move, he still comes a sniffing, offering her a beer. She apologizes for her behavior the other day. He asks her for a dance, and she rejects him, but asks for a rain check. This brings a smile to Jake's face, since he knows that most tragedies on MP last only a couple of episodes at most.

[Sunlight Corners Nursing Facility]
Sydney, having dropped Jane off at Shooters, goes to a nursing home to negotiate a deal for Jane's care. This place won the Millikin award for most improved sanitary conditions. Whoopee! She flirts with the manager, Harlan Kingston, and gets a reduced rate of $650/month.

[Peter's House]
Michael is busy giving Peter advice about how to get Amanda back. He explains how he lets 'em go and they come bouncing back better than before, citing Kimberly as an example. Peter responds, "That is not even mildly funny," then adds a little advice of his own, "Stick with Sydney. She adores every ugly thing about you." Speaking of Sydney, she comes busting in, all excited, asking Peter for his *help* for Jane's convalescence. She says she can come up with $400 if he can cover the rest. He agrees as long as she never mention his involvement to Michael and that she get Michael out as soon as possible. So Sydney tells horn dog Michael if he comes home tomorrow night he can start chasing her and she'll let him catch her.

[MP, Brooke and Billy's Apartment]
At dinner, Billy confronts Brooke about wrecking Amanda's apartment. This causes Brooke to go berserk and start trashing their own apartment, throwing dishes, wine glasses, and even the bowl of pasta. At this point, Billy realizes that trashing apartments is simply a bad habit of hers, like biting her nails. The spaghetti is all over the floor. Billy takes a fork and begins to sit down on the tile, reaching for a meatball, when he comes to his senses, saying, "I can't live like this!" He gets up, squishes his eyebrows like Brooke and walks out, destination unknown. Brooke runs after him screaming, "You're my husband Billy. For life. For the rest of my life!"

(Possible spoiler, so don't look if you are weak-hearted or pregnant: Rumor has it that the "rest of her life" may only be a couple of more episodes, if we're lucky! Notice the pool, which seems to be calling out for Brooke!)

[Hart & Mancini Designs]
Richard is loitering in the company parking lot, waiting for Jo to leave. Moments later, she does. He tells Jo that his car battery is dead (it's a lie, Jo!) and asks if she could give him a lift. Jo tells him not to worry because she didn't call the cops. Richard admits he doesn't care much for Jane, but that he would never do anything violent like murder. Jo admits that she was scared after finding the pills, but that she couldn't call the cops because she has fallen deeply in love with Richard. It would've been nicer if she didn't go to the police because she *believed* in him, but I guess love is a good reason too. They kiss.

[Alycia Barnett's Office]
Peter drops off the signed paperwork personally, so that he could thank Alycia for helping him out of his malpractice mess. Alycia says, "Bobby asked me to take care of it, so I did." Then Peter tries to gain some information about why Bobby needs an attorney full-time. She's too smart to divulge anything, so Peter changes his strategy and makes a move on her. She resists, but the smile and twinkle in her eye tells us Peter's a lot luckier than she thinks. By joining the private sector, I guess she's finally admitted getting tired of being a public defender for the good of the people.

[Sunlight Corners Nursing Facility]
Syd wheels Jane over. Jane notices that the place if full of old farts and wonders why they're there. Mr. Kingston greets them and tries to get her Jane Hancock on the admittance papers. Jane is appalled, literally pulls a 180 and rolls away, running over Sydney's foot in the process. Syd, temporarily incapacitated, yells out, "Stop her!" Unfortunately, the nearest person is a ninety-five year old with a walker, barely moving herself. Jane can't believe Sydney did this to her and demands to be taken home. Sydney apologizes.

[Shooters]
Alycia Barnett pops in, sees Matt but is really looking for Jake. Matt introduces her to Jake, saying she's in criminal litigation but she corrects him, saying, "Actually, I'm out of criminal law." (Yeah, now she's just a criminal.) She informs Jake that her client has taken over Jake's loan. When Jake asks who this person is, she says he wishes to remain anonymous. He prefers to be a "silent partner." Jake leaves to see Jane at the beach house.

[Michael's Beach House]
In order to get Michael to come back to the beach house, Syd needs to hide Jane for awhile. So she wheels Jane out to the edge of the shore. The wheelchair battery must be dead again because Syd has to manually wheel her out. At least Syd gives her a blanket.

[Bobby Parezi's Office]
This must be the cable company office. Amanda drops in to confront Bobby about visiting Peter against her wishes. The next thing you know, she's straddling him on his office chair, and as they start kissing, you begin to worry that Amanda's tongue is getting all cut up by Bobby's jagged teeth.

[Michael's Beach House]
Back at the beach house, Sydney tells Michael that she needs help getting Jane to sign the convalescent home papers. Jake arrives to give some loving comfort to Jane, so Sydney directs him towards the sound of the ocean. Jake goes out to the beach, calling for her but not seeing her. Then Jake notices the her wheelchair, half tipped over and in the surf. He begins to wonder if something is amiss. Then he hears her weak call for help, runs into the surf and rescues her. Of course, he has to ruin the moment by asking one of his typically stupid questions: "What were you doing out there?" Jake promises to protect her as long as she grows her hair out, and then the scene fades to black.
[To Be Continued...]

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Last Modified January 16, 1996