Melrose Place
Episode #117 & #118 (2 -Hour Special) / Season #4
Title: "No Lifeguard on Duty"
Original Air Date: Monday, February 05, 1996

Synopsis

[Waterfront Hotel]
At gunpoint, Amanda takes a stand, saying to Don "Papa" Vince Parezi, "Bobby is more of a son than Jack ever was. Jack was no golden boy. He was an abuser, an adulterer, an opportunist. He couldn't wait for you to die so he could take over your business." "That's my boy!" Vince says proudly. Then he glares over at Bobby, saying "He didn't take off, for his own selfish reasons!" (If you could call defending one's country a selfish reason!) Papa Parezi is so angry at this point that he almost bursts a vessel, yelling, "YOU ARE DEAD!" Bobby, remembering a scene from a Pee Wee Herman movie, replies "I know you are, but what am I?" "YOU ARE DEAD!" "I know you are, but what am I?" This continues for a couple of minutes, when, a teary-eyed Bobby surprises everyone by looking at his Pop and saying, "I love ya, man." But Vince realizes what Bobby's up to, and says, stone-faced, "Bobby, you're not going to get my Bud Light!" Vince then disowns his son and walks out.

[The Beverly Hilton]
Obviously, Brooke has chosen this hotel since it so closely resembles her luxurious living quarters when she lived at Melrose Place! Business *must* be slow because the front desk is using an obsolete 68k Mac to manage their guest bookings. Brooke has been locked out of her room, however, because her credit cards have been rejected by the bank. The hotel immediately seizes all of her possessions until she can pay off her balance.

[Wilshire Memorial, Kimberly's Office]
Kimberly returns to her office to an anxiously awaiting Michael. Detecting his hunger, she enlightens him with, "Keep it in your pants, it's not going to happen," and adds, "Michael, my seminar ran long and my patients are running low." (Does she even have any patients these days?) Unfazed, Michael presents her with a handful of phone messages he had taken for her while waiting, including one from Vic. This really gets her attention but Michael mistakes it for an orgasm. He gets jealous, wondering what Vic has that he doesn't, so Kimberly explains that Vic is "a psychopath, a real homicidal maniac." "That really hurts," a whipped Michael admits, as he starts to leave. But before he does, he takes one more stab at winning her over by inviting her to take refuge at his house; she rebuffs his offer.

[Bobby's Mansion]
Amanda wants to discuss the previous night's incident. She feels horrible because Vince was about to kill Bobby. He assures her everything is fine. "You gotta understand my fahdda. While some parents spank their kids -- mine put guns to our heads. Don't worry. We're blood." On cue, Alycia Barnett then barges in, informing Bobby that there's a problem. Papa Parezi is selling his shares in the cable company. If he finds a buyer before they can come up with $2 million, they'll lose control of the company. Alycia asks Bobby what he wants her to do, and when he answers with, "Let me think," she reminds him, "We don't have time, remember, this episode's only two hours long!"

[D&D Advertising]
Brooke confronts Billy about the credit card problem. It seems, he canceled them; she calls him "a heartless bastard," and leaves to call her bank, where she is currently overdrawn. (Could this have been due to a typo in this week's script, where all references to Billy read Bully instead?) Billy smirks; he sort of likes the new title. However, angel Alison, floats over to Billy's shoulder, warning him that he is too cruel. Billy premonitorily retorts, "Brooke's a survivor. She'll find some way to stay *afloat*." Later on, Amanda asks Billy if everything's all right. Billy admits, "I can't work with Brooke." Amanda is beside herself, saying "Are you kidding? First you force me to hire her back, now you want me to fire her?" Billy smirks and snorts, "I can't work with her, but *you* do what's best for the office." That way he'll get what he wants but Amanda will look like the bad guy. For such a sly bastard, you can't help but wonder why he's the only senior staff member still working in a cubicle rather than in an office.

[Alycia's Office]
Peter pops in on Alycia, trying to find out if there's anything going on between her and Bobby. Alycia informs him that she's not Bobby's type -- he's always preferred red heads. (Was Amanda's hair red in those flashbacks?) Witty Peter replies, "Really? Well, I like my women brunet (no, not her hair!); he doesn't know what he's missing." Peter explains he's there because he wants to see her again, but she can't right now due to the workload. Still, she's definitely interested. Then the intercom buzzes, Alycia's secretary announcing Mr. Parezi's arrival. "Bobby's on his way up, and I don't know how he'll feel about me mixing business with pleasure," says Alycia. "No problem, no one has to know about us," Peter responds, "we can keep things -- entre nous!" Alycia says, "I hate to ask this, but, HUH?" She has Peter leave through the back way. As he exits, Bobby enters, his mouth in its normal contorted pucker. Peter, hiding behind the door, eavesdrops on their conversation. Bobby, now talking from the side of his mouth, still hasn't made a decision regarding the stock purchase, but decides he wants to make a donation to Wilshire Memorial instead. Duh!

[MP Garage]
Jake seems to own the only garage at MP, which looks even bigger than his apartment. Jane wants to use the space for her new company. He says that Jo uses it for her car, but he'll talk to her about moving it. Under one condition, that she stop pretending like they didn't kiss the other night, in the pool. She explains she figured it was one of those "I'm happy you can walk again" kisses. So Jake pulls her close and gives her one of his patented "I'm glad you're renting my garage" kisses, complete with slobber. He starts to run his hands through her hair, but soon realizes she has no hair!

[Bobby's Mansion]
Bobby lays in front of a raging fireplace, oblivious to the fact that winters are warm in Southern California. Amanda arrives, offering Bobby a record of all her financial holdings and assets, figuring he could use it to buy some of his father's shares. He pulls her close, mumbling something about losing the company and kismet, but he's really only interested in holding her other *ass*ets.

[County Jail]
Kimberly pays Vic a visit to tell him to stop wasting his phone calls on her, all the while experiencing flashbacks of her kinky night of S&M when Vic shoved one of his dirty socks in her mouth. When he reminds her that she promised to help him, her warped sense of reasoning kicks in as she says to him, "You're a sick, violent, man, and I got you off the streets, and for that you should be grateful." He says she should be grateful because if he were on the outside, he'd have to hurt her. She says he should forget her, but he says he can't because she's in his dreams, then starts into the "I had a dream..." speech when Kimberly hangs up the phone. He promises that when he gets out, he's going after her. She says he'll be in jail 'till he's a very old man. She runs out as he sings "Only You."

[Burns-Mancini-Mancini-Burns Medical Office]
Syd arrives, complete with new locks! When Peter explains he wants to hire her to focus her feminine charms on Bobby Parezi, she assumes he means sleep with him. So she says, "What makes you think I would sleep with somebody for money -- anymore, anyway?" Peter explains he is willing to pay $1k per base, to which Syd responds, "Seems to me, a homer ought to pay a lot more than a base hit. Say, $7500, if he slides across my plate?" They strike a deal. Peter wants her to be at a hospital fund raiser that Amanda and Bobby plan to attend and agrees to buy her a new slinky outfit for the affair. Then she adds, "Oh, and in case you hadn't noticed, I look best in expensive clothes." But how could anybody have noticed, considering all this season she's been living life as a red-headed Marlo Thomas?

[MP, Jo's Apt.]
Jake drops by to tell Jo she can't use his garage space for her car anymore. Richard pops out in his "Hawaii outfit" which won rave reviews as Richard's best outfit this season. With his chest, no one really pays much attention to his lack of wit, including Jo, when he remarks, "What's she going to design, spark plug belts?" Off with the towel, end of the scene.

[Wilshire Memorial]
The social services dude, David, approaches Matt about doing the Dance-A-Thon with him later on that week, but Matt informs him that he is already going with Alan. For an uninterested party, David sure seems interested. He asks, "Is everything OK?" So Matt lays it all on the table saying, "Alan got a job *acting* on a soap opera." "Alan? Acting? That must be hard to watch!" David says, cringing. Matt continues, "Yeah, and on top of that, he's playing a heterosex-machine with a different female each day." Then David gives Matt some food-for-thought, suggesting "Maybe Alan's just displaying his sexual ambiguity. Personally, I couldn't handle that in a relationship." The thought that this could be true has Matt reeling. "Well, have a nice day," Greg says, and skips off.

[D&D Advertising]
Amanda, in a rare scene where she wears a dress with an ankle-length hem, waits for Brooke to arrive so that she can fire her before lunch, claiming Brooke has gone off the *deep end* (Hint. Hint.) Amanda explains, "We all have unseen pressures; guns pointed at our heads. Not all of us let it affect our work." Alison begs Amanda to reconsider. "Is this some newfound maternal instinct? I mean, Alison, you were only her step-mom for 10 minutes," Amanda says. Alison feels there must be a part of Brooke that is good, like Hayley (Was Alison blind back then?!?) In any event, Amanda agrees to give Brooke another chance, but adds, "In her case, the fruit fell a looooong way from the tree."

[Montezino's Restaurant]
The restaurant with the motto: "Our lighting is guaranteed to keep you from seeing your hand in front of your face." Alan wants to treat Matt to a romantic dinner, and to reassure him that he doesn't enjoy kissing all those women. At first, all Matt can do is whine, but eventually he states, "I love you, Alan." Alan responds with "I love you, too." Thank God they don't start singing a Barney the Dinosaur song at this point. Instead, they let their hands do the kissing for the remainder of the scene, in the traditional Aaron Spelling fashion. Maybe Alan was all puckered out from his day job anyway.

[MP, Amanda's Apt.]
Amanda is lying on her couch watching TV, posing like one of her throw pillows. Bobby comes over, informing her that in the past 24 hours he's managed to scrape up almost all the money required to regain control of his company, but that he is still short. "How much?" you ask. Exactly the amount that Amanda's portfolio is worth. Did I hear the Church Lady? "How conveeeeenient!!!" He swears he'll make it up to her.

[Shooters]
Billy is deep-throating his 3rd beer. Alison arrives, wondering where he's been all day. He admits that didn't want to be there when Amanda fired Brooke even though it was his idea. Billy takes her by the arm and asks her for a dance, employing his self-pity routine. (Billy is actually better at this game than Brooke.) Just as they hit the dance floor, Brooke arrives, and orders the best tequila in the house. Jake the bartender, gives her his fortune cookie advice, telling her to "Sink your drink, then leave." But before she goes, she has to cause a major scene with Billy, forcing him to ask, "Why do you keep following me?" This is a stupid question, considering these misfits can't help but end up at Shooters since they don't know where any of the other bars are in L.A. Brooke runs off, stiffing Jake for the tequila in the process, and soon finds herself strutting her crinkled forehead, beady eyes, and pouting lips down Hollywood Blvd. But everyone ignores her here, too, where even Divine Brown has a better chance of meeting that *someone* special.

[MP Garage]
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I park in the middle of your company?" Jo asks Jane, who appears to be busy at work in her new "office." Nice B'mr, Jo. Jane and Jo get in a little verbal cat fight. Jane's increased bitchiness must stem from the repressed anger she feels towards her hair stylist. Jake witnesses this character flaw and is finds it appalling, so he reminds Jane that Jo gave up the space without any notice and leaves before Jane can stick her foot too far in her mouth.

[Rodeo Drive, Beverly Hills]
Peter runs into Amanda, both are shopping for new dresses. Peter quips, "Now that you and Bobby are a couple, you probably want to look your best for those FBI surveillance tapes." After Amanda walks away in a huff, the sales person comes to assist Peter, who readily points towards Amanda and says, "I'll take one of those, size 2." She chuckles, knowing he'll never fit in a dress that small, and remarks, "And I suppose monsieur will be trying on those size 4 pumps?"

[Wilshire Memorial]
Michael informs a curt Kimberly that Vic got 15 years without possibility of parole. This changes her demeanor, albeit briefly, as she heaves a sigh of relief, followed by a heave of hate toward Michael "I don't even want you in my life," she exclaims. Michael, not one to let a little thing like disdainfulness get in the way, asks her what it will take to prove himself to her, and she answers, "A miracle." Hey, no problem! After all, they're at Wilshire Memorial, where they consider any patient discharged whose heart is still beating a miracle!

[MP, Alison's Apt.]
Brooke pays Alison a visit. She wants to apologize to Alison for being a real pain, but blames Billy's erratic behavior for pushing her buttons. Brooke admits some of it is her fault, and she realizes she needs to reclaim her life. When Brooke tells Alison that she has a date with Lowell, her ex-fiance, Alison is shocked. This is a little too quick, even by Melrose standards! Brooke asks if she can borrow something fancy. After all, Alison's the only one Brooke knows that has clothes that will hold her thunder thighs!

[Evening Cocktail Party]
Later that night, Brooke pulls a Loni Anderson (during her days as a struggling actress) by hanging out at the hors d'oeuvre bar, stopping her pouting just long enough to shovel food down her throat. She approaches her old beau Lowell and attempts a reconciliation, but he says to her, "Brooke, your father's dead, the estate's gone -- what would be the point?"

[Wilshire Memorial Children's Wing Fund Raiser]
Amanda and Sydney are appalled that they are wearing the same dress. Syd whispers to Peter that this embarrassment will cost him an extra grand. Amanda's ego forces her to storm out, and as she passes Alycia she gives her a once-over, just to make sure she's not wearing the same outfit, too. Alycia hooks up with Peter. Meanwhile, Syd sneaks off to the bar after Bobby, asking him to get her a pink lady, which sounds more like the way Syd normally dresses than the name of a drink. Syd tries to get Bobby alone but he says he's not interested. By now, Amanda has returned and *accidentally* and spills her red wine all over Syd. "You're still a $2 hooker; you just have a new pimp," Amanda informs her and leaves. Syd tries to remove the stain with a towel. What she really needs to get that stain out is some peroxide / bleach that Jane uses on her hair.

[Hotel Bedroom]
It's the morning after the Fund Raiser, and Peter is on the phone with Syd, disappointed that she hasn't even gotten to first base yet with Bobby. Alycia then enters, in her robe, so Peter has to hang up. She wonders if he was talking to Amanda because she can sense something about his demeanor. She tells him he better not have any ulterior motives for sleeping with her. He assures her it's simply lust, as good a foundation as any for a lasting relationship in the Land of the Melrosians.

[MP, Matt's Apt.]
Matt arrives home only to find a camera crew interviewing Alan. A typical best boy is blocking the front door and won't let Matt in. So Matt pulls one of those "Hey, lookee over there" which the best boy falls for, and Matt slips in, interrupting the session. Alan introduces Matt as a roommate. Then the interviewer asks Alan if he's in a relationship and Alan replies, "No, as a matter of fact I'm single, and loving it!" That's it! Matt tells Alan this is the last straw and to pack up.

[D&D Advertising]
Brooke, dangling her extremities some call legs for the camera one last time, waits for Billy to call a truce. Billy constantly looks away as if he's reading cue cards this whole episode. She carries on about her relationship with Lowell, hoping it would stir some jealously in Billy. Alison overhears this conversation, and finds Brooke's story a little hard to believe, describing Brooke as not "having a friend in the world." At the end of the work day, Billy tries to show Brooke some compassion, first offering her the apartment, then he tries to write her a check, but she refuses both, saying "Everybody knows, the entire time I was with you I was slumming." Her stubbornness could kill that girl one of these days!

[MP Garage]
Richard comes by to check out Jane's new company and to wish her luck, but after seeing the place, can't believe she's serious. His honest opinion is she'll never be successful as a one woman sweat shop, saying, "I don't think too many buyers will be knocking down your garage door." The two of them continue where she and Jo left off a few scenes earlier, and Richard realizes they've come down to becoming a couple of ruthless competitors. Richard leaves, but not before promising that her career in the industry is kaput.

[Wilshire Memorial]
Michael finds out that Vic *accidentally* got released for 15 years rather than jailed for that long. Normally, we would think this was some sort of screw-up, but hey, we're talking the Los Angeles Police Department. Michael runs to Kimmy's office but there is no answer. When Michael asks a nearby janitor, he has trouble, but manages to spit out his one line saying she left a minute earlier. Meanwhile, Kimmy gets in her car where Vic is hiding in the back seat. He holds a knife to her throat and wants her to drive. Michael flags down the nearest car, a little Ford Escort wagon with the power of a Porsche, and he *miraculously* (Aha!) catches up to Kim's car . They bang each other repeatedly (No, I'm talking about their cars here) and they go out of control and crash into some sort of dingy trailer park. Michael's car hits a parked truck, whereas Kimberly's vehicle continues until it meets up with the biggest BBQ propane tank ever seen on network television. Michael pulls Kimberly out while Vic is less fortunate. He banged around like the crash test dummy that he is, and falls unconscious, just like the last time he and Kimberly were intimate together. Once Kimberly is dragged a safe distance away, we are entertained by yet another explosion (seems to happen a lot when Kimberly's around!) No one really cares that Vic is now char-broiled, or in fact, that someone else may have died in the small trailer that *was* adjacent to the propane tank. (1 dead; 1 to go.)

[Wilshire Memorial]
Kimberly comes to in a hospital bed with Michael draped over her. The first thing she asks about is Vic. Michael reassures her, "Don't worry about him. And as soon as you can remember your name, you can be discharged! I did you the first accident. Maybe now we're even." "Thanks for saving my life, Michael." A real tear jerker. Not!

[MP, Matt's Apt.]
Weekly shot of Pool Boy. Then cut to Matt's apartment, where Alan is getting the silent treatment. Matt doesn't want an apology, he wants acceptance. Matt wants Alan to come to the Dance-a-Thon, but flaccid Alan is not sure about much these days.

[Richard Hart Designs]
Hey, they finally changed the company name, but they kept the same ugly logo. Richard is cracking the whip. The company is on a deadline to get a line out so Richard wants them working there 'till 9 o'clock. Then he clarifies, 9 o'clock P.M. What? Are his employees that dumb? Amidst the turmoil, rather than provide support, Jo fall back into that "Me! Me! Me" routine. Richard asks what he more he should do. She suggests things like jumping in pools with his clothes on, singing love songs, saying, "I love you" in French, but Richard says he can't do that because he barely knows English. Jo gets fed up and quits. As she leaves, Richard shrugs his shoulders and mumbles, "C'est la vie!"

[Bobby's Cable Co.]
Syd shows up with one of her bows from her collection, but it's having a hard time holding any of her hair now that she cut most of it off. She tries her best at small talk, at first saying she hasn't been able to stop thinking about him since the benefit function. Then she compares Bobby's family to "The Godfather" movie. She tries her best to come-on to him, but he is definitely not interested. So Sydney apologizes, saying that nice guys always make her nervous, saying "And you're a nice guy. Polite, too. You're like a freak of nature." At least she got the last one right.

[D&D Advertising Parking Structure]
Earlier in the day, we are privy to Brooke's dire financial woes. Alison finds Brooke sleeping in her car. Unfortunately, Brooke didn't leave the motor running. Alison realizes Brooke is sleeping in her car so she offers her apartment to Brooke. At first, Brooke is concerned about *him* but soon succumbs to Alison's compassion. They hug, and Brooke brings her left hand to her face to keep us from the agony of her facial contortions, at which point we notice that she still has her wedding ring. Ever here of a pawn shop, Brooke?

[Wilshire Memorial]
Michael is spoon-feeding Kimberly. She realizes that it's taken more energy to hate him than to have just accepted him the way he is. She wants to be "friends " -- he wonders if that means, "S-E-X?" She says they must have different dictionaries.

[MP, Alison's Apt.]
Brooke and Alison are chumming it up over coffee, when there's a familiar knock on the door. Yup, it sounds like the force of Billy. Billy tells Alison that she is either on his side or Brooke's side, and that she has to make a decision.

[Burns-Mancini-Mancini-Burns Medical Office]
Peter fires Sydney as his "Mata Hari." But she wants to stay on. Then he realizes that Syd has fallen for him, too. "What is it with this Parezi guy? It's not like he's some rocket scientist. He's not even that good-looking." Syd explains, "Hey, he is the genuine article. Which, in this town, is as rare as fresh air! Unlike you, Bobby is strong, courageous, and down-to-earth. In fact, he's the kind of man who makes a woman like me want to change her ways. Amanda was right to choose Bobby over a meanie like you." "I'm not a meanie."

[Parezi Cable Company]
Amanda drops by, sees Alycia going through his files, and begins to wonder if there's something more than just a business relationship between Alycia and Bobby. Alycia hints that Bobby's a playboy and a heart-breaker. Amanda admits that Bobby's not really the type she usually goes for. Alycia inquires about what her usual type is, so Amanda describes her previous beau, saying that although he helped her through some tough times, she was never really sure about his motives. "As slick with his word as he was with his scalpel."

[Shooters]
Jo makes the mistake of discussing her hasty move at work to Jake "Free Advice" Hanson, who says, "I think he's bad news, but you don't leave one thing until you get another one lined up!" So Jo comments, "And I suppose Miss Ruthless Ambition taught you that." With that, Jane walks up to the bar and Jo exits, stage left. Jane wants to go into the back office, where she says "Let's stop playing games. I know you want me as much as I want you. You're just letting something you think you heard (like BITCH?) get in the way." "Look. You like your career. There isn't anything you wouldn't do for it (read BITCH?) That kind of lifestyle and mine don't mix." She denies that's what she's about, then she kisses him, and he says, "Don't, don't, don't stop." They immediately assume the "Shelly-on-Top" position on the infamous desktop. (Hey, did Jake dis' the computer?)

[MP Courtyard, Night time]
Richard is there, waiting for Jo. He sings some stupid song while she's reading her junk mail. Then he falls in the pool (lucky he didn't hit his head); starts mumbling about french fries, Euro Disney, and Jerry Lewis (that's about the extent of his French); they kiss and make up; and some 60's music reminiscent of "The Dating Game" starts playing in the background.

[Dance-A-Thon]
David seems to want to make his move on Matt when Alan shows up. Matt is so thrilled that he and Alan give each other one of the biggest hugs in Melrose history. A paparazzi snaps a photo of the two of them, but they are so engrossed that the photographer goes unnoticed, despite the flash of bulbs directly in their faces.

[MP, Billy's Apt.]
Alison goes over to tell Billy that it's not as easy for her as it is for him to throw someone out on the street. Billy acts like a jerk to Alison just like he has been to Brooke, but Alison sets him straight. So the next thing you know, Billy and Alison suck face and Alison agrees to have Brooke move out by week's end. Billy gives Alison his keys, including the soccer ball key chain, just in case Brooke freaks out. Of course, Brooke just happens to look out and witnesses the whole kissing scene, causing those wrinkles to form one more time. She feigns having the flu, so Alison decides to postpone the eviction notice until morning. The next day, before Alison wakes up, Brooke takes the keys, sneaks over to Billy's, disrobes, and starts kissing him, hoping it will rekindle their relationship. She knows she's in trouble when he starts moaning Alison's name, and as soon as he tastes the sour tongue of Brooke he jumps back.

[Bobby's Mansion]
Sydney meets with Bobby, informing him that someone is out to break up his relationship with Amanda. When he guesses it's Peter, she confirms it. Bobby asks if there is anybody else helping him, but Syd doesn't know the answer to that question.

[MP, Alison's Apt.]
Amanda stops by to get Alison, discovers Brooke is living there, Brooke tells Amanda to "Kiss my ass" and Amanda fires her. Short and *sweeeeet*!

[Wilshire Memorial]
The photo of Matt and Alan hugging has reached the tabloids. Alan is worried that this spells the end of his career. Matt says, "You think the fans are homophobic, just look at our boss, Spelling!" and leaves.

[Parezi Cable Co.]
Alycia admits that she and Peter are an item, and that she has a 7 o'clock dinner date. Bobby says Peter is a good man, but then sends Alycia on an errand to Palm Springs, forcing her to break her date with Peter. Bobby says since he's responsible for breaking the date, he'll square it with Peter. So instead of Alycia arriving as Peter's guest, Bobby shows up. He threatens Peter and then demands Peter to cut Alycia loose or else. Peter, smugly replies, "Because you said it so nice, I don't think so."

[Michael's Beach House]
Michael and Kimberly are playing Scrabble. It must be the foreplay edition, because somehow, they are able to spell all the right words. Michael soon woos Kimberly into a night of unbridled passion.

[Bobby's Mansion]
Alycia phones Bobby's house from her car, with an update regarding her meeting. He's not home so Amanda takes a message. But when Bobby finally arrives, asking if there were any calls, Amanda says, "Nope." In the back of her mind, she can't help think about what Alycia said earlier.

[MP, Evening]
Billy, Alison, Jane, and Jake are all ready to go to a Joanne Woodward Film Festival when Brooke arrives in a drunken stupor. Alison tries to be cordial, saying "Tonight we're all going out to see a wonderfully funny Joanne Woodward film called 'The Drowning Pool.' C'mon Brooke, go with us. I know it'll cheer you up." Being hard-headed throughout this episode, Brooke isn't about to change now. Instead of accepting their gesture of friendship Brooke barks "While you losers live your lives *through* movies, I LIVE my life for real! Go ahead and have fun, you two pea brains and a couple of sluts." As they leave, they pass by a sign which was never noticeable before: NO LIFEGUARD ON DUTY. They exit, Billy mumbling for Brooke to shut up. But Brooke keeps spewing out about how no one loves her. Then she accidentally trips and pirouettes into the pool, her hard head smacking the concrete edge of the pool. But her head was just not hard enough, and she muddies the once tranquil blue water with blood. Her last words reflecting what most viewers felt, "Nobody's home. Nobody cares." (Unless you count "gargle gargle gargle" as words.) But really, everybody cares, for now they are freed from seeing that pouting, raisin-eyed, scrunched eyebrow face ever again! (2 dead, 0 to go.)
[To Be Continued... Next Week: "Devil in a Wet Dress"]

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Last Modified February 06, 1996