Melrose Place Devil in a Wet Dress

Melrose Place
Episode #119 / Season #4
Title: "Devil in a Wet Dress"
Original Air Date: Monday, February 12, 1996

Synopsis

[MP, Curbside]
Jane and Jake and Alison and Billy are about to get into Jane's car to go to the movies, when Alison suddenly feels a twinge of guilt for leaving Brooke behind. Jane tries to offer her two cents about this but before she can even bark one syllable, Jake waves his hand and says, "Just stay out of it!" (He shows her who's *boss* in this relationship, but she'll get even.) Alison decides to go back, only to find Brooke doing laps in the pool. Laps, that is, in the sense a dog *laps* water from a bowl! Alison yells for help and Billy, waiting for his cue, comes running. The other two are noticeably missing. Of course, if Alison had yelled for advice instead of help, Jake would've been there in a flash, always quick to offer his free bartender babble. And don't *even* think of Jane. Billy dives into the shallow end, almost drowning himself in the process. He and Alison pull Brooke's waterlogged body from the pool and Alison calls 4-1-1 to get the number for 9-1-1. Meanwhile, Billy starts moving Brooke's arm in an up-and-down motion as if pumping water from a well. This has little effect, thank God. He's wasted so much time already that even if she does survive she'll probably be a vegetable. Anyway, he rolls her over and starts performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, which looks strikingly similar to their old kissing scenes. A half-dozen commercials later, the same paramedics arrive that showed up at the scene when Brooke went wild with a razor last month. EMT #1 exclaims, "Oh man, not her again! At least this time she did it right!" as he drapes a cloth over her face. Billy, obviously distraught over missing the movie, stands there in his all-to-familiar "Oh-Darn" pose. So Alison tries comforting him with, "Don't worry Billy, I called the theater. They have another showing at 10 pm. Oh, and they're trying to find Jane and Jake." This does little to change Billy's expression so she adds, "It was just a terrible, terrible accident." Billy, always thinking of himself, replies "Maybe she did this on purpose just to haunt me."

[D&D Advertising]
Amanda calls a staff meeting to announce that the wicked witch is dead and that they should pay their respects to Billy with a moment of silence. One *second* later, Amanda's asking Billy to take ownership of Brooke's old account, Lindy Toys. The account is in shambles, and Lindy Toys wants a whole new campaign, pronto. Amanda suggests maybe Billy can use his "grieving-widow-because-wife-finally-died" slant to gain some slack with Lindy Toys. Billy accepts the offer, explaining that since he and Brooke were in the middle of a divorce, he has no feelings towards her. He leaves the room and then Alison, appalled at all the office antics, says to Amanda, "Am I the only one around here with a pulse?" (Subtle reference to it being the "Valentine's" episode.) So Amanda shows she has a heart too, replying "If you feel you need to mourn Brooke, take a personal day. Otherwise, get back to work."

[Emery Studios, Stage 3]
Since one of the perks of medical school is the inordinate amount of free time, Matt finds himself once again hanging out at the studios watching Alan on his soap, "Restless Hearts." He passes by the show's executive producer, Gloria Bryan, who recognizes him, despite his new buzz cut! She compares Matt's dreams of playing doctor with Alan's hopes of stardom as an actor. (After seeing Alan's acting, Matt has a much better chance.) Gloria says she's invested thousands in publicity to raise Alan's profile, and she's not about to sit around and watch Matt destroy her investment. She also suggests Matt visit the set less frequently, adding "Let's not make noon'ers a habit." Why Matt continues to visit the set anyway, is a good question, considering that the only scenes he ever sees are love scenes, complete with lots of wet kissing, which only serve to make Matt more jealous. During a film break, Alan introduces Matt to his co-star and current "love interest," Valerie Madison. Alan leaves the two of them alone for a minute, and Matt wastes no time trying to find out her bra size, if she's married, etc. Much to his dismay, however, he discovers that she looks forward to the steamy sex scenes, and that she is currently unattached. On top of that, Alan drops a bomb by informing Matt that he's invited Valerie over for dinner tomorrow night. Unfortunately for Matt, he has a rotation at the hospital then so he can't be there. Valerie tells Matt not to worry because they plan on rehearsing and she promises not to zap all of Alan's energy -- she likes to leave her leading men "begging for more."

[Jane's Garage]
Jane is busy pinning material on a mannequin, apparently making dresses for armless women. Alison is over, complaining that Billy won't let her help with funeral arrangements. Also, she doesn't understand why people feel no remorse towards Brooke. Jane says to tell it to the dummy. Alison thought she was talking to the dummy. Jane segue ways, mentioning that she has her first solo showing coming up, and would like to try her sales pitch on Alison, as practice. Blah, blah, blah. Her patter is worse than her financial prowess, and she confesses that Richard always handled all the marketing issues; all she had to do was sit around and look complex and artsy. But she has an idea -- why not have Alison go with her and be her spokesperson? After all, advertising and marketing are Alison's forte. Alison balks at this idea at first, but after a minute or two of persuasive coaxing by Jane, she agrees. The question is, if Jane were only half this smooth with the buyer, why bother with Alison?

[Eclipse Restaurant]
Peter and Alycia are having dinner, apparently a liquid diet of brandies, seemingly with nothing to say to each other. So Peter breaks the ice with "I care deeply about you," which is about as comforting as "Get lost, you loser." Peter explains to Alycia that Bobby has made it clear that he doesn't want the two of them together, and that Bobby is convinced that Peter is using her to get to him. Alycia asks if that's true, so Peter admits he was actually using Bobby to get to her. She's not flattered, in fact, she's very disappointed that Bobby doesn't trust her. After all, she signed on to be his counsel, not his hand puppet. When Peter wonders to himself, "If she were a hand puppet, just exactly where would my hand go," it can't help but bring a smile to his face.

[MP, Billy's Apt]
It's the middle of the night, and the Santa Ana's are really howling. (It sounds really good in surround sound.) But wait, you say, the Santa Ana's blow hot dry air, and this wind seems to have an eerie chill to it. You can almost hear Brooke whispering, "Billy. I'm home. Billy." He wakes up and walks around his apartment, his eyes as big as soccer balls. "Billy. I'm cold. I'm cold." And I thought it was supposed to be fiery in hell? Billy's door and window have blown open and when he peers out his doorway into the courtyard, he sees wet footprints, well actually, shoe prints leading from the pool to his front door. He shuts both the door and window, staring out the glass like a deer frozen by car headlights. Suddenly, you hear the most wicked laugh echo through his apartment and Billy turns, hands clasped together as if praying, as he slumps into a cowering ball.

[Michael's Beach House]
Michael and Kimberly awake intertwined in each other's arms, reminding Michael of their post-Jane days together saying, "Just like the ol' days. I only wish you could yank your hair off like you did back then. I loved running my finger over your scar, you little zipper head, you! Kimberly, you know we belong together. C'mon, move back in with me." Kimberly replies, "Right, and prove to the world that I really am crazy." She goes on to tell Michael that he requires very high maintenance and that she can't make that kind of commitment. She was already *committed* once this season and that it wasn't too pleasant. She says they just had sex, why ruin a good thing by making it into a relationship. Hmmm, isn't this the same pattern she exhibited with Vic?

[MP, Billy's Apt]
It's an hour before the funeral. Alison stops by with a paper bag of Brooke's things. He's upset -- Brooke's credit card bills are on his tab since they were still married at the time of her death, but at least he only has 2 more years 'til he's paid off the wedding ring. When Alison tells him he's probably just still in shock, he replies, "No, I'm in hell." Obviously, Billy's somewhat confused; he's got it good compared to where Brooke went. Meanwhile, on the other side of the courtyard, Sydney's moved all of Kimberly's things out onto the balcony. Syd's fed up with Kimberly continually stomping on her turf. Kimberly thinks Syd's behavior is childish, to which Syd replies, "Maybe it just seems that way because you're sooo old!" Sydney informs Kimmy that Brooke drowned in the pool and that she's off to the funeral, adding "Maybe if you were here, instead of whoring around with Michael, you could have saved her."

[Burns-Mancini-Mancini-Burns Medical Office]
Alycia shows up. The office is rather quiet, since Michael's on rounds and Sydney's at the funeral. So Alycia locks the door to the office and struts on over to Peter, as best a toothpick can. But then she breaks the news to Peter that she resigned, which really causes him to go limp. He tries to pretend that he cares for her career, when all he's really worried about is losing his only inside-connection to Bobby. She starts fawning all over him; all the while he's trying to talk her into getting her job back. Finally, she informs Peter that although she quit, Bobby didn't accept her resignation. Peter asks for confirmation, "So you still have your job?" to which Alycia adds, "Yes, and Bobby's promise to stop harassing us!" With that good news, Peter lets her pick his peck of pickled peppers.

[Glen Meadows Cemetery]
Not to outdo Matt's new haircut, or Jane's, for that matter, Jake shows up with a buzz cut of his own, reminiscent of David Silver on "90210". It cost Jake 60 bucks and 2 hours with Jane's hair stylist. I guess this was Jane's way of getting back at Jake for telling her to shut up in the first scene! Moments before the service begins, Amanda gets "beeped" by the Lindy Toys. She asks Billy if he's done any work on their account to which he replies no. Funny, but even the boys of Wilshire Memorial get paged less. Billy gives a eulogy, but starts stuttering midway through. It's difficult to tell if he's choked up, apathetic, or has just forgotten his lines. I vote for the latter. Sydney also informs Amanda that she's moving back into MP, taking her apartment back from Kimberly.

[Wilshire Memorial Hospital]
Ms. Davis, a Realtor hired by Dr. Kimberly Shaw, is busy harassing one of the nurses. Forget about the "Code Blue" barking over the intercom, Ms. Davis has more important things for this nurse to do. Since Kimberly seems to continually miss her real estate appointments, Ms. Davis wants to leave a bunch of rental listings with the nurse. The nurse is quick to point out that she's not a secretary, then proceeds to do some filing and get the doctors their coffee. In any case, we learn that Kimberly's looking for a new place to rent.

[MP, Billy's Apt]
Billy admits that he messed up his eulogy today because every time he looked up, all he could do is see Alison. This brings a smile to her face, and the two of them start flirting and making goo-goo eyes towards each other. So Mr. Smooth tries out the line, "Well, my wife died so I have no one to sleep with. How about it, baby?" Alison almost goes for it, but at the last moment says she has to reevaluate the situation." She feels guilty -- if she hadn't got Brooke the job at D&D in the first place, none of this would have happened. Yeah, right! Alison recommends to Billy to try the "I feel guilty about everything" method of resolving issues. See how well it's worked for her so far?

[MP, Courtyard]
Jane and Jake arrive from a night of celebration, hand-in-hand and lip-in-lip. It seems, with Alison's help, Jane managed to land her first contract, the account with Jordan's. She even beat Richard Hart Designs, who had made a presentation right after hers. Just then, Richard arrives to visit Jo, giving Jane the perfect opportunity to gloat. Richard leaves dejected; Jane and Jake continue to kiss and fondle each other, but now, not only does Jake have a problem running his hands through Jane's hair, but she has just as much difficulty with his.

[MP, Matt's Apt] ***History-Making Scene***
Matt arrives home, only to catch Alan and Valerie engaging in some tongue calisthenics in the form of kissing. This is what they refer to as rehearsing their "lines.". Matt says, "I *hope* I'm interrupting." Then Matt realizes that they're simply working, and he breathes a sigh of relief. Furthermore, Valerie tells Matt not to worry because Alan's not really her type. Now Matt's a little confused: Since Alan's gay, yet he's not her type, does that mean she doesn't like men, or gays? But it turns out that this episode breaks new ground for Melrose Place: TWO GAY CHARACTERS ACTUALLY KISS! No, poor Matt is still out in the cold, but it turns out that Valerie is a lesbian! They talk about how Gloria is keeping them in the closet though, for the good of the show. Then Matt delivers a classic line: "You know, I got a dose of her logic yesterday. What's her problem? It's j-j-just television." Are you listening, Mr. Spelling? Valerie adds that the only reason she's alone right now is because Gloria interfered, and she warns Alan and Matt to be wary of her power.

[MP, Courtyard]
Billy is sitting pool-side, trying to work on the Lindy Toys account. Suddenly, the pool is enveloped in a mist, with Brooke appearing from the pool like the "Swamp Thing" that haunted Heather Locklear earlier in her career. Billy gasps. "Hello Billy," she says. "Did you miss me? Couldn't you admit it was your fault I died?" Billy turns and tries to walk away when she adds, "You can't run away from me. I'll never leave you alone." Billy pleads, "Stop it. I said stop it. Just get out of my life, Brooke!" He is rescued from his nightmare however, when Alison calls out, "Billy, are you all right?" When Billy looks back at the pool, everything is back to normal, and he stutters, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go back to sleep." Please, Elisabeth, Ms. Oscar nominee, give your little bro' some acting tips and I mean fast!

[Parezi Cable Co]
Amanda stops by for a meeting with Bobby. She comments on how cold Alycia appears, forcing him to explain about how he interfered in Alycia's love life and that now she wants things to remain strictly at the business level. Well, Amanda will hear none of that. She tells Bobby that she can get away with being a bitch because she's managing a staff of 30, but that he needs to maintain better rapport with Alycia, considering Alycia *is* his staff. She tells Bobby that he needs Alycia on his side since he doesn't have many allies. So she arranges a dinner meeting with both Peter and Alycia in order to perform a little ego massaging. Bobby is impressed with the ease at which Amanda can manipulate people. Better watch your back!

[Beverly Hilton]
Billy has to close-out Brooke's hotel bill and pick up the rest of her belongings. Among them is actually a memo entitled "Lindy Toys Account Presentation and Potential Slogans": 1. Love it, it's a Lindy!; 2. Can I play with your Lindy?; 3. Stop playing games. Start living them!; 4. For a good time, buy a Lindy; 5. Lindy is for players; 6. Lindy -- Games for winners.... Item #3 is even circled as her fave. Wow! Brooke actually did do some work!

[Restaurant]
Amanda and Bobby and Alycia and Peter are just finishing dinner. There's the usual bickering over who gets to pick up the tab. Alycia and Amanda leave to powder their noses, leaving Bobby and Peter alone. These two continue their bantering like they're the Brady Bunch has-beens. What they need is a good spanking from Alice! Bobby tells Peter he knows Peter only agreed to dinner in order to see Amanda, and that he doesn't trust Peter. Peter replies that "Trust is highly overrated, mostly by losers." Meanwhile, Amanda and Alycia are at it in the ladies room. Amanda is wearing her Wilma Flintstone (albeit, with the body of Bettie Rubble) stegosaurus dress. Amanda claims to have set up the summit meeting to make sure of Alycia's alliance, but Alycia is leery of Amanda's real motives. After the dinner, everyone is back on their best behavior. While Bobby and Alycia go to the coat check room, Peter and Amanda have the chance to chat. Peter says, "It's funny how you can be in love with a person one day, and find the same qualities in someone else the next. After what we went through, I never expected to fall in love again." So Amanda asks, "Have you?" and Peter replies, "Head over heels." With that, he goes over to Alycia and starts kissing her, kind of like the way Billy performed CPR earlier on, an indication that Peter may not care for Alycia as much as he says. Amanda is obviously perturbed by her conversation with Peter, and we see her leaving, appearing somewhat dejected. Peter, continuing his kissing, also witnesses this sadness from the corner of his eye.

[MP, Jane's Apt]
Jane gets a late night phone call from Mr. Jordan, informing her that he has changed his mind and wants to go with Richard Hart Designs instead. Infuriated, Jane storms upstairs to Jo's apartment, wearing nothing more than a blanket, which actually looks better than her regular designs. Richard answers the door in his unbuttoned shirt (The producers have finally figured how to attract more viewers). He admits his underhandedness, and even Jo can't believe he would stoop so low. Richard explains it's not a business to make friends in, and Jo gives him the "squint eyes."

[D&D Advertising]
Billy's in the middle of his Lindy Toys Adult Game Market presentation, and he's drowning faster than Brooke. When Mr. Lindy pleas, "These just aren't toys. I spent millions, developing a line of tools, they should say *something*," Billy quips, "A commercial with talking hardware?" (Now that's the Billy we all know and love!) Mr. Lindy continues, "It doesn't sound like you guys have a clue as to what I want! I'm sorry Amanda. This company's gone to hell in a handbasket lately," and starts to head out the door. (Say the secret word and a Brooke will pop up and give you $50! Today's word: hell.) In a last ditch effort, Billy grabs Brooke's list of slogans and utters, "Stop playing games. Start living them!" Mr. Lindy loves it and has Billy run with the idea. Again, Billy proves to Amanda just how valuable an employee he really is!

[A Beach House]
Kimberly hurries over to a beach house which is for rent. She's a little late as usual, and unfortunately, it cost her. Ms. Davis has already taken a deposit for the property from another client, who was very eager. It turns out to be Michael, who then reasons with Kimberly that their life together is inevitable, and since they've done just about every wrong, stupid, twisted thing a couple can do, all that's left is the good stuff. Being a trained psychiatrist, Kimberly understands the logic here, and the two of them run off, frolicking on the beach.

[Peter's House]
Peter slinks out of bed in the middle of the night, being careful not to wake Alycia, and starts going through her briefs -- no not the one's she's got on, but rather her attache. He starts riffling her legal documents and projected earnings binders, creating just enough of a breeze to wake her. After she sees what he's up to, she feigns like she's sleeping.

[MP, Billy's Apt]
Billy is sleeping soundly when suddenly some slime or something drips on his face. Oh God, it's Brooke again! She seems to have more TV time now than when she was alive. This time she asks Billy at what point in their relationship did he started hating her. He says he never hated her, he just stopped caring. When he asks what she wants from him, she says nothing, because he's already sold his soul to her for using her Lindy Toys slogan. When she leans over and kisses him, even though it's a dream, it's still so revolting that it jolts him from his nightmare. In his best attempt to emote in weeks, Billy brings his hands to his face and starts crying, "Get out of my life, get out of my life. What is happening to me? Can't I just click my heels three times, and say, 'There's no place like MPlace, there's no place like MPlace, there's no place like MPlace.'" Nope, Billy. As the saying goes, "We're not in Kansas, any more!"
[To Be Continued...]

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Last Modified February 13, 1996