Melrose Place
Episode #121 / Season #4
Title: "Run Billy Run"
Original Air Date: Monday, February 26, 1996

Synopsis

[MP, Morning]
Alison awakes to a "charming" Billy, flower in hand, dancing about to the song, "Hernando's Hideaway," who has a hard time acting as himself let alone a suave Rudolph Valentino. Alison crawls out of bed, only to discover the time and that she's late for work. She phones Amanda, yelling over the music rather than turning down the stereo. Billy grabs the phone away from her and informs Amanda that he and Alison are taking the day off to celebrate landing the old hag ice cream account and hangs up. Alison thinks he's nuts, and leaves to go back to her apartment. Billy follows her into the courtyard, proclaiming how he's the guy who is in love with her, the guy who asked her to move in with him, the guy who made love to her over and over and over the night before, although Alison is quick to point out that the first time didn't even count, possibly because he finished before she even got there. Jake and Jo, the designated looky-loos, get to see another free Billy-Alison sideshow, a continuation from the antics at the beach house the day before. Alison continues towards her place saying it's too early to move in together, so in a moment of brilliance, Billy says, "Oh, and with your sacred Hayley, ahhh, what'd you move in in 3 seconds?" With that, both their doors slam shut, and Jake proclaims that "Things are back to normal."

[Peter's House]
Alycia and Peter are in bed. Items on the night table: Phone, photo, and a gigantic round-headed hammer-type of apparatus? Next to Peter's bed is a photograph of Bobby and senator Wilcox handshaking. Alycia feels uneasy about setting Bobby up. Peter says she'll get her cable co. and he'll get sweet revenge. So she admits she's afraid that once it's all over, they, too, will be over. He asks her what it'll take to convince her of his love, so she says the only way is if he'll marry her,. He says he'll do it. Then they get really kinky and each lick half of an envelope, and then kiss, exchanging saliva and that minty envelope glue taste.

[Jane's Grunge Shop (Garage)]
For some reason, Alison's always over in Jane's garage, hanging out for "a minute or two," just enough time for Jane to unload her current "Me! Me! Me!" problems. This time, it's in regards to the upcoming fashion show. Jane complains that even if she did come up with a half-decent idea, she would never have the time to cut and sew, probably because it would take her so long just to come up with a decent idea. Alison volunteers to help, maybe hoping it'll keep her away from Billy. Being a transplant from America's agricultural heartland, Alison figures she can sow the cotton. She leaves all giddy, as Jake arrives, hungry for more than just his Wheaties. But Jane says to him, "I don't think I'm going to be much fun for the next couple of days," meaning NO SEX!. She knows every time he comes by, it's either to play broom & dustpan and "sweep" the floor, or to sweep her off her feet directly onto a mattress, and she just can't afford to do that right now. She's got to focus all her energy towards fashion design instead. He hides his disappointment nicely by saying he wished there was something he could do. Jane thinks that's so sweet of Jake that she hugs him and assures him that he's doing his part by just believing in her. As she says this, the camera zooms in on his face and you can see him biting his lip in dismay, as he settles for copping a feel by hugging her tightly against his chest.

[D&D Advertising]
Scene opens with the obligatory shot of Amanda's stocking-less pair of legs as she descends a circular iron-wrought staircase. With the skirts getting shorter every week, you'd think all the male hormones of D&D would be hanging out at the bottom of these stairs rather than at the water cooler, but not even Billy is found loitering. Well, I take it back. Just as Amanda reaches the bottom step, it just so happens that one male, the philanthropic or philandering (you take your pick) Peter is there to greet her. How so many non-employees can be allowed to wander freely about an advertising firm like D&D is beyond me. Peter comes up with the old "was just in the neighborhood" line, but Amanda doesn't buy it. Funny, but Amanda is oblivious to his lies when he says he loves Alycia even though he kisses her like his sister, yet she can easily see through him when he says he's visiting his accountant, who happens to share the same office park as D&D? Amanda says she can always tell when he's lying because whenever he lies, she can feel something of his grow -- yup, you guessed it, his nose. Then Peter admits that every now and then, his sixth sense, a little voice inside him, says "Have you checked on Amanda lately? Do you think she's okay?" Peter, if you're hearing little voices, it may be time for a visit with Kimmy. An office boy interrupts, handing Amanda some very important papers, obvious by the way they're smashed together in a flimsy manila folder. She lets out an orgasmic, "Ahhhhhh" as she mentions that they are the executed contracts from Bobby. "Did I mention that he's made me the first member of the board of his company? So now we'll be working together, sharing everything. Oh, I'm sorry. Does that sound like I'm rubbing it in?" Upon hearing this news, Peter gets this sullen look on his face, and whatever had been growing earlier has now definitely shriveled up. He stammers, "No, no, no, no, no, ummm, Amanda. That's great." As he's leaving, Amanda quips, "Careful, doc. It's growing again," as Peter turns and "high tails" it, walking as best one can while wearing a nose erection.

[The Waterfront Hotel]
Kimberly and Michael are still fast asleep, choosing, of all places, this hotel for their honeymoon. It seems that the producers must have received some kind of group deal, where if they film a couple of different events here, they get to shoot one scene free. After all, isn't this the place where Bobby and Amanda were held at gunpoint; Amanda, Bobby, Alycia, and Peter had dinner together; etc.? This seems to be the hotel of the month, Melrose style. But I digress. Back to Kimberly and her nightmares. Yet again, we are invited into character's psyche. Images flash before us, and we know it's not "real" because it's in black-and-white, and everybody who watches Melrose, watches in color. Otherwise, what would be the point of Sydney's chromatically confused wardrobe? In her dreams, Kimberly is having a series of hot flashes: first, Michael's car crash and resulting *flash* that "killed" her in the first season and the resulting zipper that was installed along her hairline; and culminating in the little *flash* that often accompanies the boom of explosives planted in an apartment complex! Remembering the destruction of MP, she wakes up, panting and moaning and body shaking. Michael asks her what her dream was about, and Kimmy, the Freudian that she is, quotes Sigmund: "I could draw it, a dreamer often says to us, but I don't know how to say it." Has she ever considered art therapy? On second thought, has she ever *heard* of art therapy? Michael looks at her like she's crazy -- all he really wanted to know was if he was in the dream and if it was erotic. She explains her uneasiness with, "Oh, it's been such a whirlwind. I mean, we're back, and a couple, and married... and all within what, a couple of weeks?" Hey, if they can cure cancer in 3 episodes, blindness in 2, and mental instability just as fast, why should this be any more surprising? In fact, the pace may actually be a little slow. Their honeymoon is interrupted when the phone rings. It's Sydney, calling for no reason other than to hear Michael's voice. She makes up the excuse that one of Michael's patients, Mrs. DuPree, is in terrible distress. Unfortunately for Syd, she chose the wrong name from her rolodex. It seems that Mrs. DuPree died a couple of months ago, which really isn't too surprising, considering what little time these doctors spend practicing medicine.

[Burns-Mancini-Mancini-Burns Medical Office]
Peter storms in, finding Sydney on the phone doing nothing (now that she's a new partner, she can do as much nothing-ness as the other two), but has more important things on his mind and proceeds directly to his office. He calls up Channel 3, KRW News, and asks for Don Pierce. It seems that Peter had sent the reporter an envelope "detailing a relationship between senator Wilcox and a local mobster, Bobby Parezi," but now wants the reporter to forget everything he's read because it may hurt innocent parties, namely Amanda. Peter, covering the mouthpiece of his phone with a hanky to disguise his voice, probably forgot that modern technology has brought about caller ID. In any case, he was lucky enough to send the envelope to a cheesy station like Channel 3, one channel that doesn't even come in over broadcast TV in Los Angeles, so it's safe to assume their budget is so low they can barely afford basic phone service, let alone call waiting or caller ID! Despite Peter's pleas, Pierce promises to air the story on the 11 o'clock news that night.

[Richard Hart Designs]
Jo is busy with a group of other designers, trying to come up with the perfect runway for the upcoming fashion show. She shows Dick her idea: a jungle motif for his jungle prints, complete with a working volcano, smoke, and fire, when what Richard really needs is smoke and mirrors. Dick is surprised by Jo's involvement. After all, she had just accused him of fashion theft last episode. Jo admits she had to do it for both herself and for the two of them, adding, "I'm really lousy at just sitting around doing nothing." Finally, she admits it, since she's been doing nothing all season and her character has been pretty lousy. See Dick run. Dick runs fast, but not before he says "Yes" to Jo's idea regarding the volcano. After Richard leaves, Jake pops out from the shadows and in his rudest voice, asks Jo to give him the names of some cutters and sewers to help Jane out, as a favor to him. So Jo agrees, adding "You always were a sucker for the underdog," inadvertently describing herself again in the process.

[Bobby's House]
It's late evening, and Billy drops by Bobby's place to discuss D&D business with Amanda. Sure, during the day he takes time off, so now that everyone's nicely settled in at home, Billy comes by to disturb them. He waves a folder in front of her, claiming that it's his Midline Airways account ideas, but if she wants to see them, she's got to first make him a deal. Billy demands that she double his salary if he lands the Midline account. Only after she agrees does he give her the folder and leaves. Amanda hungrily opens the folder, only to find a bunch of blank sheets of paper. The scary part is this is probably the entire contents of Billy's head. Amanda tosses the papers aside and runs back to Bobby saying, "I can't believe that jerk conned me." Then she proceeds to let a con jerk her, as Bobby engages her in a little couch calisthenics. The TV's on in the background, and she and Bobby stop and stare at the screen in disbelief, when they hear reporter Pierce break the story of a cable scandal involving known mobster Bobby Parezi and senator Wilcox and something about illegal campaign donations in exchange for cable licenses.

[D&D Advertising]
The next morning, the hallways are overflowing with reporters from all the big news stations, like Channel 6 (Who are they!?) They want a statement from Parezi Cable's one and only board member, but Amanda claims ignorance. Seconds later, a big dude who, if not for the suit, could pass as Sinbad, parts the sea of reporters so that Peter can slip by and console Amanda. She starts ranting about how she'll lose her job once her bosses catch wind of this fiasco, so Peter suggests they slip out the secret back exit, labeled "Stairs".

[Wilshire Memorial Hospital]
Matt and Alan are discussing Alan's soon-to-be marriage, Alan calling it just another brouhaha. Alan promises things can get back to normal, well, right after the honeymoon, that is. Of course, it's time for David to appear. These three guys always seem to be together, like a "bundle of sticks." David, always carrying this smug look on his face and touting snide remarks, is making it a close race with Alan for the biggest jerk award. Before Alan leaves, he invites Matt to the bachelor party. David suggests that Matt jump out of the cake like Ethel Merman, and they all laugh, which will surely result in many complaints from the Ethel Merman Fan Club.

[D&D Advertising]
As soon as I saw Billy in the title of this episode, I got scared. And sure enough, Billy has morphed into yet another unbelievable form. This week he's become a-MAN-duh?, the new Bastard of D&D ("B" is not just for Bitch anymore!) He cracks the whip on his staff, wanting Midline Airway campaign ideas cranked out within the hour. He's even managed to scrounge up employee files for Brookes & Enright (B&E), D&D's main competition. Seems we can't shake "Brooke" no matter how hard we try. Billy lets Alison in on a little secret of his, i.e., he's got someone on the inside of B&E, so-to-speak.

[Jane's Garage]
It's late in the night as the whir of sewing machines finally dies down. The handful of immigrants locked in Jane's sweat shop finally finish up on her most recent designs. She thanks them and pays them their five bucks -- CASH! Jake, caught fondling one of the mannequins, says, "I don't know a hymn from a him." Alison, also there, tells him the word is "hem." Jane looks at the mess she's made, and decides that she would be better off canceling her presentation rather than display this haphazard collection of "half-baked notions." She's so frustrated that she shoves and knocks down a few of her mannequins.

[Mardi Gras Party]
Billy seeks out one of B&E's execs, Evy Wainright, at a local party. He casually brings up the fact that B&E and D&D are competing head-to-head on the Midline account, admitting that D&D will probably lose since they're small potatoes compared to D&E. Evy licks her lips and suggests he join their firm, saying "We're always looking for ballsy, good-looking, young reps, you know." The next thing you know, Billy's back at her place showing her just how "ballsy" he can be. He pumps her for all she's worth, and she soon climaxes into disclosing information regarding her company's presentation. She freely admits that B&E's ad campaign for Midline is simply retreaded material. Her company secret: Once you're big and successful you can simply rehash campaign material and people will accept it (kind of like old storylines we've been putting up with lately!) She tells Campbell he has a job at B&E if he wants, then kicks him out of bed much to his pleasure. Question of the week: As he runs his fingers through her hair, I noticed his wedding band still prominently displayed on his ring finger. Is this thing stuck or what?

[Remote Roadside, Night]
Peter and Amanda are parked overlooking the glittering lights of L.A. Amanda is clueless as to why they're there since they're not making out but are just sitting there. Suddenly, a car approaches, and a college buddy of Peter's named Lou Chandler, who received a Bachelor of Arts in Cable, with an emphasis on coax, and is now part of the cable commission (supposedly), joins them in the back seat. Lou informs Amanda that the commission has been monitoring Parezi, waiting for him to make a wrong move. But he can keep her name out of the scandal as long as she testifies against Bobby in front of the commission regarding his business as well as love affairs. Bobby assures Lou that Amanda will be more than happy to cooperate in order to preserve her reputation. Peter plants the seeds that Bobby lied about his dealings with his family in order to sway Amanda to his side, and Amanda admits that being lied to is one thing she won't tolerate. Then she asks the rhetorical question, "What am I going to do?" to which Peter replies, most rhetorically, "Leave it to me."

[Beach House]
Sydney, still caught in her 60's time warp, is dressed as Mary Poppins, complete with umbrella, waiting on Michael's driveway to greet the newlyweds as they return from their honeymoon. Sydney is worried about the office going to shambles, especially now that she's supposed to get 10%. But Michael and Kimberly seem oblivious to her as Michael carries Kimmy across the threshold. The excitement appears too much for poor Kim, however, who suddenly buckles over and grabs at her head. It may be time for that plate replacement.

[Bobby's House]
Outside, investigative KRW News is setting up their van crew. Inside, Bobby is talking to Alycia, saying "Evuh-ree day Ah stay kwi-et, dah woild tinks Ah'm moh cwazy." Yeah, and as soon as they hear you speak, they'll think you're dumb as a stump! Alycia informs Bobby that his cable licenses are on hold, and that it's rumored that Amanda is talking to the FCC. Just then, Amanda shows up, sneaking in the back way. It seems Amanda has become pretty good at finding these secret passages lately. When Bobby confronts her about the rumor, she tells him that she hasn't yet, but promises that she will unless he 'fesses up. So he tells her it must be his father's doing. Then she asks why he appointed her to the board, saying "Did you just want a pretty cellmate for when the truth hit the fan?" Bobby cries, "Ah'm innocent, Ahmanduh. Ah didn't doo a ting. Yah gotta beeleeve me." Amanda replies, "I wish I could believe you, I really wish I could, but I can't even understand you." She turns and walks out the secret way she came in, as Bobby watches intently, eyes wide open, trying to figure out where that darn secret entrance is.

[Midway Airlines Headquarters]
Billy makes his presentation, using all the words he learned from Evy Wainright during their throes of passion the night before, spewing out "This is what we're not going to give you. A tired, retread of an already established campaign." His voice climbs several octaves so it's a good thing Alison takes over at this point. She presents their campaign, which sounds about as stupid as the old Madge and Mabel campaign she threw together last week. Only, this old fart at Midway seems to like it, "We'll let you know. But it's a damn good idea." The only thing I liked was the sound effect of the jet screaming through my TV stereo speakers. As the crackerjack D&D team are leaving, the B&E staff arrives and Billy and Evy exchange salutations while Alison goes, "Huh?"

[Burns-Mancini-Mancini-Burns Medical Office]
It's later that evening. Peter is alone in his office. The door to his office is ajar just enough that he can get a partial view of the reception area. He is completely engaged in a game of chess against himself. His hands are pressed to his temples, as he realizes that victory is impossible -- even if he wins he loses. Just then, someone is heard entering. For several seconds you begin to wonder, maybe it's Peter's invisible friend coming to move his pawn and that Peter is just as crazy as everyone else on the show. Instead, the door swings open and it's Amanda. She now realizes that Bobby lied to her, she could tell by those certain body parts growing again. She asks Peter to hold her, despite her aversion to the idea. So he does, and of course, Alycia pops in to witness the hug. Hmmm, looks like the old rehash trick mentioned earlier: the old Matt/David/Alan bowling alley scene of last week as the Amanda/Peter/Alycia medical office scene this week!

[Fashion Show]
The place is a buzz. Richard is a little concerned about the volcano, especially if lava starts flowing down on the guests. Jo tells him to stop being a Dick, and to worry about his dresses. Jane and Jake arrive, only there to save face. Jane wants to show them she's down but not out. She also wants to model the ugly blouse she whipped up from leftover shower curtain material. She immediately starts pounding the champagne, and asks Jake to stay real close, probably to refrain her from toppling down the models like she's been doing to coat racks and mannequins lately. Dick's presentation, "Animal Instinct," is well receive by all but Jane. All she can say is "Mine. Mine. Mine." Finally, she can't take it anymore and walks out to a side area. Jake meanwhile, doesn't even seem to notice she's gone, mesmerized by all the leopard and zebra skin strutting before him. Jane soon finds a way to put a *damper* on the festivities by introducing a nearby tiki torch to the room's fire sprinkler system. As the water comes raining down, all Jane can do is open her mouth, taste the stale water, and laugh.

[Burns-Mancini-Mancini-Burns Medical Office]
Peter arrives to find Alycia waiting in his office. She yells, "You lying, stinking pig," and throws a paper weight at his head. At first, you wonder if this is some new kinky office sex-capade, until she screams that she did some more investigating and found that Peter's father died, but that the Parezi's had nothing to do with it. "No suicide. No vendetta. You just wanted Amanda back and you used me to do it." She suggests the following: As soon as Bobby collapses, she gets the entire cable company. She'll need immediate investors, and orders Peter to handle that. Furthermore, she demands that he continue the full service treatment, socially and in the bedroom. And one more thing -- he must stay away from Amanda. If he doesn't, Alycia promises to tell Amanda that Bobby is innocent and that Peter set the whole thing up. Seems Alycia was very careful to point all paper trails to Peter. She seals the deal with a kiss.

[MP, Daytime]
Bliss is amiss at the Jo and Richard household, Dick blaming Jo for the fashion show fiasco. As a consolation, Jane happens to be outside at the time and listens in on their argument.

[D&D Advertising]
Midline Airways calls to announce that they're going with D&D. Amanda congratulates Billy and tells him the raise is his. Alison overhears this and asks Billy what Amanda is talking about, to which Billy replies, "I don't really like discussing my salary with co-workers." Moments later, Evy, shows up to slap Billy for sleeping with her in order to steal their strategy. Alison is flabbergasted, but Billy says, "I don't really like discussing my account strategies with co-workers." Actually, he says, "Anything for the account" but same diff.

[MP, Nighttime]
Peter surprises Amanda by showing up at her door. He explains that he thinks Alycia is the one setting up Bobby in order to get the cable account for herself. Then he tells Amanda that he thinks he knows of a way to expose Alycia, but until then, he suggests that the two of them not be seen together. Amanda's a little confused at this point and asks, "I thought you were in love with her." Peter says he never was and approaches Amanda but she says, "Peter, don't." Peter tells her that he loves her and leaves. Unfortunately for him, he didn't know that when Amanda says "Don't" like that, it's a sign that the drawbridge is down at castle Amanda's. Oh well. On his way out, Peter runs into a drunk, audacious Billy carrying a bottle of bubbly, who proceeds to pound on Alison's door, but she keeps from answering. Finally he says, "You snooze you lose... okay, you lose." He leaves, goes to his place, gulps some champagne and then has a 10-second hallucination of his own, a black-and-white "kissing Alison" clip. What kind of jerk will Billy become next week? You'll just have to wait and see.
[To Be Continued...]

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Last Modified February 27, 1996