Melrose Place
Episode #122 / Season #4
Title: "Ruthless People"
Original Air Date: Monday, March 04, 1996

Synopsis

[Beach House]
Michael and Kimberly are busy getting ready for work. Michael, looking in the closet rather than the dresser drawers, is surprised that he can't find any underwear. Kimberly suggests that maybe they're still in the washer, and volunteers to look. She proceeds to the kitchen with a look of consternation as she notices a pile of underwear on the otherwise spotless kitchen counter. Her first thought: "Gee, I hope those aren't the soiled pile!" She sighs in relief as when she notices the boxers are all neatly folded, implying they're washed, yet now Kimberly's attention turns to wondering who ironed them and when? Her thoughts are quickly interrupted, however, when a towel-clad Michael says "Wow, you ironed my underwear." Gives her a peck. "That's the sweetest thing I ever heard of." Next, Sydney enters, despite the front door having been locked.Since Syd still has keys, Kim deduces she must be the one rearranging furniture and ironing clothes. Syd removes her shiny black vinyl jacket to unveil yet another gawd-awful outfit, a black blouse with an orange and lemon slices pattern, making my mouth water for a Starburst fruit chew. Sydney states she's Michael's office manager, not his maid, and that she has no idea what Kimmy's blabbering about. Kim figures Sydney's still after Michael. Syd, getting a little nervous says "Okay...this is all sounding a little too nostalgic for me. It makes me think, bombs are tick-tocking nearby." Kimmy defends herself saying, "I am perfectly sane, and I am perfectly capable of satisfying all of Michael's needs." Syd replies, "Mmm-hmm. We both know that would take an army of very sick women. And for the record, I would rather drink bleach, than touch that man's briefs." Judging by Syd's outfits, she has to include herself in that army of *sick* women!

[D&D Advertising]
First, Billy tries to move in on one of Amanda's accounts, namely, 3-Point Shoes (which must cater to women with chicken feet and scrawny legs?), saying he would like to 'rep' them. But Amanda informs him that 3-Point Shoes is hers exclusively and she plans to keep it that way. Instead, she wants Billy and Alison to court the owner of Midnight Sun Vodka, in the U.S. for the first time, and to lure him to D&D. Alison feels she shouldn't work on the account, either due to her preference for Stoli and a conflict of interest, or because she realizes a product with the lame name "Midnight Sun" is beyond hope. Billy, on the other hand, is all gung-ho as long as he can cut another salary deal. But Amanda momentarily shows she's still boss by telling them there will be no negotiation, and that she expects a deal "Signed, sealed, and delivered by week's end." Alison quickly points out to Billy that although they are working together, she won't stand for any unethical behavior, but Billy replies, "I don't remember Amanda mentioning anything about ethics at all." He walks away with that grin on his face, hoping that he'll get another chance at a quick score with a client before this episode is history. He promised last week, "If you snooze, you lose," but now I'm thinking, maybe I should stop now and get some sleep -- that some might actually consider that "winning!"

[Fashion Show, Volcano Runway]
The day after Dick's fashion foibles, Richard is back at the scene that "ruined" him. Jo shows up to ask how he's handling failure, so Dick reads her the reviews, all of which seemed to focus on the sprinkler accident rather than on his designs, which is probably a good thing considering how pathetic his outfits looked. Richard sunk everything into this show, and now he's worthless. Jo tries to dispel his negativity saying that she captured everything on film, but her attempts are futile as Dick spouts, "Every time I look at your face, I'll remember that it was your stupid volcano that ruined me." Jo manages a smile and a "You know, you can't keep blaming me and expect to have much of a relationship." "Maybe I'm not expecting to," he snickers. Even Jo, a little slow due to excessive inhalation of developer in the darkroom, gets the point, so she informs Dick that after she delivers the rest of the show photos that he doesn't have to worry about seeing her volcano face again 'cuz she's OUTTA HERE!

[MP, Matt's Apt]
Valerie and Alan are busy finalizing flower arrangements with their wedding coordinator, Dina. Alan seems to be much more involved than Valerie, who appears more interested in the coordinator, as witnessed by her close proximity. Matt is busy studying in the background, something he hasn't done for several episodes. When the topic turns to lilies and mums, Matt can't keep mum anymore and calls Alan aside. Matt is upset that Alan's having so much fun while he's struggling to understand the subtleties of stet and stat. But Matt soon forgives Alan after Alan reveals that Gloria agreed to let Matt pinch hit for Valerie on the honeymoon. Matt and Alan embrace, bordering on the edge of good taste, Spelling-style, so of course they're immediately interrupted by a knocking on the front door. It's Mr. and Mrs. Ross, Alan's parents, here for the wedding! They figured they would save Alan a trip to the airport and surprise everyone a little, to which Matt quips, "Well, you certainly did." Everyone looks at Matt strangely and Alan stammers while attempting to introduce Matt as his roommate. The parents welcome Valerie to the family and Mr. Ross comments how Valerie's one of the most beautiful brides he's ever seen and for her to call him "Dad." Meanwhile, a jealous Matt looks on, always the best man, never the bride! His eyes cry out, "I should be the one calling you Dad."

[Beach House]
Despite witnessing Michael and Kimberly dressing for work earlier that morning, it's now the middle of the afternoon and we find these two back in bed doin' the horizontal mambo. Kimberly's a little worried that she won't live up to Michael's expectations considering he's been with so many women (You call Mandy and the Andrews sisters a lot?), So he mentions a fantasy of his, where she plays an apron-clad housewife with a plumbing problem (sick!) and he's a plumber, as he starts singing "Call Rotor-Rooter, that's my name, and away her troubles, get down on my drain!" She wants to act it out now but Michael actually has surgery soon and hops out of bed and into the bathroom. Kimberly decides to rest awhile longer, but moments later, her eyes pop open and she mumbles, somewhat trance-like, "I'm late for the beautician. Betsy, you're soooo forgetful." With that, she jumps out of bed and races off to her appointment so fast she obviously forgot to get dressed, too!

[Limo on Sunset Blvd., Night]
Billy and Alison are trying to conduct business in a limo with Lik, the owner of Midnight Sun Vodka. He offers Alison some of his vodka, saying it's "so smooth you never get drunk." Billy's ineptitude with male clients forces Alison to find out what Lik's looking for in an advertiser. Their plan is to take Lik to a fancy restaurant, the type of market D&D would be targeting. Billy chimes in, describing the restaurant as "one that caters to the discerning crowd, the kind that would spend $20 bucks on a shot of olive oil, and even more for real liquor like his vodka!" Did Billy say discerning or disturbing? Lik is disappointed; he wants to experience the American lifestyle but all anyone does is take him to restaurants and "chew the fat," naturally of red meat. In a desperate move to keep from losing him, Billy tells the driver to take them to the Tropicana. Alison's appalled, considering they're just minutes away from The Body Shop while the Tropicana is *all* the way across Hollywood! But I guess Billy felt, since Alison was there for the ride, a "high class" strip club was more appropriate. Lik likes the idea and says he and Billy think alike, and I don't know about that but I can attest that their acting skills are on par! At the Tropicana, Alison is repulsed while Billy and Lik are in heaven; Lik liking licking the ladies. Lik getting to grope Alison's left knee is yet another bonus. She leaves to see if the place has a ladies room and while she's gone, Lik admits that this is the most fun he's had in years, and that fun is what his "wodka" stands for. He agrees to sign on with D&D if Alison will wrestle with him in the mud pit. Billy runs off to look for Alison who rebuffs the offer. Instead, she proceeds to push not only Lik into the mud but also Billy when he tries to give Lik a hand. Nice place for a mud sucker like Billy!

[MP, Amanda's Apt, Nighttime]
Bobby knocks on the door, but Amanda opens it, keeping the chain lock on. Bobby wants to come in but she just says, "No." Bobby, not a quick learner, still thinks this means yes, so when she closes the door he proceeds to bust it down as if it were made of balsa wood. Thank goodness Amanda skimped on the reconstruction costs, otherwise Bobby might have gotten hurt. He screams, "Why can't choo beweeve in me? Afta all we's been truu tahgetha!" Then he throws a punch at her but his fist passes her head and finds its way into the recently replaced drywall above her faux fireplace. Not one punch but two! She compares him to his evil brother Jack, and he says that's not true. Then the Jake-man flies in to save the day. Bobby leaves, but not before promising, "I'll fix things. Make them just the way they were before," starting with his broken knuckles and then maybe her wall.

[MP, Amanda's Apt, Next Morning]
Alison drops by Amanda's, requesting she fire Billy for his work ethics, or lack thereof, suggesting that if Amanda keep him on, D&D will eventually earn a bad name. Amanda agrees, except for the fact that a contract from Midnight Sun Vodka was just messenger'd over earlier that morning, so in this case she'll condone his methods. She goes as far as to say "He's my most effective sales rep. I'm not about to cramp his style." And she probably thinks "Scruples" is just the name of a Milton-Bradley game, too!

[Wilshire Memorial Hospital]
David, who seems to sniff out Matt whenever he wants, applies the old "I'm concerned for your relationship but why don't you give me a call" trick, and Matt falls for it. When Matt admits that with all the turmoil going on, "I could barely see straight, so to speak," David, one of the more perceptive of the cast, knows this is his chance so he gives Matt his phone number AND address, just in case Matt needs someone who will listen and care. Then he pats Matt on the shoulder and leaves, and by now, all Melrosians know to equate this with a peck on the cheek.

[MP, Billy's Apt]
Amanda drops by to congratulate Billy on getting the vodka contract. Amanda then tries to provide a little friendly advice about how she's seen people like Billy succumb to their own ruthlessness. "You can't stop having a heart, Billy, just because Brooke's stopped beating." Billy claims his ambition is to seek more out of life than some lousy senior ad job like Amanda's. He's better than that, adding, "In fact, I'm better than you Amanda. I'll see you at work." Then he shuts the door in her face, and despite the shoddy work at the apartment complex, the door manages to slam with some authority, causing Amanda to flinch.

[Richard Hart Designs]
Jo drops by to give Richard the remaining photos from the show, but gets harassed by her boyfriend, who has really become a total Dick these days. Somehow, Dick found out that Jo also gave Jane the use of some of his cutters. She admits to giving Jake some names, so Dick wants her to name the employees who betrayed him. She refuses, saying she didn't come to be interrogated, so Dick turns around and makes a general statement that even though he's clueless, whoever worked for a competitor should 'fess up, pack their things and leave. Of course, his workers are even less bright than he is, because a bunch of them immediately drop whatever they're doing and immediately head towards the door. Then Dick goes overboard, firing everybody since they might have had some knowledge about anything! He focuses on Jo and tells her she's trespassing and to get out. Jo turns and leaves, but not before delivering her usual snappy reply: "" (Yup, she says nothing.)

[Wedding Chapel]
Gloria is busy bossing everyone around at the wedding rehearsal. Matt is moping around in his usual manner, and Alan makes the mistake of asking what's wrong (Get a clue, Alan!) Matt explains the problem is everyone involved in this wedding is filled with false hopes, which doesn't seem too unusual considering 1/2 the married couples in America feel this way! Alan's parents give Alan and his bride a year's lease on a cozy canyon home. Matt has to storm off in a huff, his method of exiting a scene lately.

[Eclipse Restaurant]
Peter and Alycia are having dinner. Amanda, shows up, surprising Peter although as it turns out, she has hired Alycia as her new attorney. Alycia has a check for Amanda, offering to buy her shares in the cable company. Alycia explains that if Amanda accepts the offer, her name will most likely be clear of all criminal charges; if she doesn't she'll solely be on the hook. This fancy lawyer jargon is too much for Amanda, who turns to Peter for interpretation. Peter explains, saying Bobby divested earlier that day, leaving Amanda alone on the board of the directors. Peter recommends she get out fast, so Amanda accepts Alycia's offer even though it's only one-half the price she originally invested. Amanda notes, "He really got me on both ends, didn't he?" This has Peter cringing, as he remembers the days when he was the one she'd be referring to when making a comment like that!

[David's Apt, Night]
A drunken Matt visits David, the social services worker not only at the hospital but at his apartment, too. Matt needs some social services, or to quote him, "I need some company tonight, David. Some real company." I'm sorry, but all I could notice was how the front door to David's apartment opened *outward* (with the hinges on the outside) rather than inward, the normal way. I knew there was something strange about this guy!

[A Living Room]
Kimberly is attending a Tupperware party, where it seems the only attendance prerequisite is that you wear bangs and pull your hair back behind your ears. Dressed in a blue frilly frock, she decides on the coral-colored set, but when she attempts to pay by credit card, one of the other bang-cut Stepford wives says, "Sorry, Betsy, but you gave me a credit card with the name Kimberly Shaw on it. Betsy? Did you hear me?" It seems our Henry-less Kimberly now has a new recurring personality, Betsy Jones. Fortunately, the waving of the credit card or something jolts Betsy back into Kimberly. Quickly recovering, she explains that Shaw is her maiden name and Betsy is a pet name, asks to be sent an invoice, then runs out to her car, where she asks herself, "What's happening to me? Why am I talking to myself?" The Stepford wives, meanwhile, also think she's crazy because she didn't even stick around for the crust-removed sandwiches, which is the best part of the party.

[Peter's House]
Amanda drives up in her XJS to visit Peter. Peter says, "Well, this is a surprise," knowing how unreliable Jaguars are. She just wanted to come by to thank Peter in person for his advice regarding sleazy Parezi and the deal he worked out for her. She is so grateful. Alycia then slides up behind Peter, catching Amanda off-guard. Feeling out-of-place, Amanda excuses herself and leaves. Alycia reiterates the fact that the only time Peter will ever get to see Amanda again is in his dreams because she owns him NOW!

[Wilshire Memorial Hospital]
David, wearing the same shirt, tie, and pants as he did in the scene the day before, confronts Matt about sneaking off so early without so much as a good-bye pat on the shoulder. Matt tries to make up an excuse but David quickly cuts him off saying "C'mon, Matt, don't snow me. What's going on?" So Matt confesses, saying that he was upset at Alan, had a few too many drinks, got more mad at Alan, and ended up at David's. And even though it felt great, it felt wrong. Matt says it can't happen again. He's had his fun, but now it's time to go back to his boyfriend.

[MP, Matt & Alan's Apt]
Alan has his producer, Gloria come by. He tells her he wants to call off the wedding because of the strife it's causing in his relationship and in fact, Matt didn't even come home the night before. The compassionate Gloria responds, "And because of that, you're calling the whole thing off?" Then the phone rings, and when Alan answers, David, calling anonymously, says "You better ask your boyfriend where he was last night, because he wasn't alone."

[D&D Advertising]
Billy is sitting in a conference room waiting for Amanda, amidst a stack of his current account portfolios he hopes to dump in order to make room for more lucrative contracts. Alison stops by first, however, to inform him that she is deferring the Midnight Sun Vodka account to him because Lik is a pig and so the account should also be run by a pig. Billy had similar plans in mind, hoping to defer the account to Alison. As Alison is leaving, she runs into Amanda, who asks her to call 3-Point Shoes and reschedule her meeting with them for later in the week due to a scheduling conflict. Of course, even pigs have ears, and Billy had just got the mud out of his, making it much easier to eavesdrop on the conversation.

[Jo's Apt]
Jo, out of a job, has nothing better to do than mope around her apt admiring her latest slides with a loupe, when she notices something interesting in one of them. She takes it into her darkroom and magnifies the slide, where she clearly sees Jane in the background playing Statue of Liberty with one of the tiki torches. She exclaims, "It wasn't an accident, it was Jane!" although some may argue that "Jane" and "accident" are synonymous.

[Burns-Mancini-Mancini-Burns Medical Office]
In the office where people issue commands to each other like they were dogs (heel, shoo, speak, door...), Kimberly drops by. It's rather late at night, and why anyone is at the office in the first place is somewhat puzzling. Of course, Michael, the one she supposedly stopped by to visit, is *not* there. So she begins to tell Peter that she's been doing all sorts of domesticities for Michael, and then forgetting that she'd even done them at all. When she divulges that she's ironing Michael's underwear, Peter is somewhat concerned. He wants to be honest with her saying, "I've always felt that your remarrying Michael, could bring out the worst in you. Now, you're not having unusual episodes, are you?" Kimberly responds that everything is fine, couldn't be better. The TV viewers all know, however, that not only have her episodes been unusual, if not downright ridiculous, but so have everyone else's. Does that make them crazy, too? Or us for watching? When Sydney comments on Kimmy, saying "Once a lunatic, always a lunatic," Peter replies, "Been abusing the intercom button, again, have we?"

[D&D Advertising]
Amanda confronts Billy for taking possession of her 3-Point Shoe files the night before. It seems that Billy snuck in a morning meeting and became their exclusive handler. Amanda asks why she shouldn't fire him on the spot, so he says because "They agreed to *D*ouble (and I emphasize the "D") their advertising budget," now $4 million per year. Obviously, the writers have us believe this happened during the commercial break because it would've been even too ridiculous for Melrose to pull-off! In any case, Amanda backs down and gives him an "Atta boy" instead. Billy skips off and Amanda feels Alison's "You're Screwed Now" look burning a hole in her but is helpless from doing anything about it.

[Jane's Garage]
Dick drops by to apologize (sort of) to Jane, attempting to become less of a Dick and more of a Richard. Jo, seeing his car out front, comes over to try and show him the new evidence she has on Jane, but he simply will not listen. He apologizes to Jo, thinking that he brought it all on himself. Now he wants to step back, figure out who he is, and to stop hurting her. Then he mumbles something but by the look on Jo's face it must not have been too important.

[Parezi Cable]
Alycia has Bobby sign over the company to her. She informs Bobby that Amanda already did the same thing, and that the DA is planning on dropping all charges after the paperwork has been completed. Then she breaks the bad news to him, namely that he's broke. But Mr. Potato Head, who never really did have a mind for business, says "Duh, Ah don't care if Ah'm broke. It'll prooove tuh Amanduh that Ah'm innocent. Dat's all Ah care about." Alycia shakes her head, wondering what kind of spell this Amanda chick has on these big dumb galoots.

[Church]
Moments before the wedding, Matt shows up. He and Alan start bickering while waiting for Valerie to stroll down the aisle. The minister shushes them. Alan asks if Matt slept with David, and Matt admits to it, apologizing rather flippantly. Alan accuses Matt of never really being committed to the relationship so Matt has to remind Alan of who's getting married in the first place. As the minister begins the ceremony, Matt does his normal exit-in-a-huff routine, storming down the aisle towards the church doors. The guests all stand and gasp in unison! Valerie tells Alan to go after his man; this wedding isn't worth it. But on Alan's other shoulder pops up old morning Gloria, telling him his career is more important than a short term affair with a guy who's cheated on him already. With that news, the crowd seems to gather their composure and they sit back down. Alan thinks for a brief second, then says, "What are you waiting for, let's do it!" The ceremony continues and the camera zooms into Mr. Infidelity himself, wrapped up in his sea of self-pity.

[Beach House]
Michael arrives home to Suzy Homemaker, aka Stepford Wife, aka Betsy Jones. Michael thinks Kimberly's living out one of their fantasies, but when he pinches her she jumps back saying, "Please, we're in the kitchen." When he continues, she runs and locks herself in the bathroom. I have a suggestion: If he ever does get Betsy into bed, and he videos it, he could name his little X-rated flick "The Kimmy in Miss Jones"!

[MP, Night]
Jake and Jane return from dinner. He walks her to her door. Due to the wonderful acoustics of courtyard, Jo can hear Jane and Jake kissing and so she comes out to confront Jane. Jane has to make a snide comment in keeping with her bitch personas by saying, "Is that what you've been reduced to, since you and Richard split up -- voyeurism?" Jo takes it in stride, knowing in a few moments the bomb she plans to drop on Jane. When Jane sees the photo Jo has of her committing arson, Jo blackmails Jane into fixing what she broke, i.e., she wants Jane to hire Richard as a consultant and resurrect his name in the fashion world, adding "This *is* fun!"

[MP, Amanda's Apt]
Amanda arrives with a bag of groceries, greeted by Bobby lurking in the recesses of her entry. He explains that he gave up the company and is broke and that he gave it all up for her, saying "Why would I have given it all up if I was a criminal?" (Duh, maybe because you're a *dumb* criminal!) She tries to enter her apartment so he grabs her by the arm, saying he lost his temper before but it won't happen again. Peter arrives and tries to bully Bobby, who proceeds to shove Peter off the second floor railing, doing a somersault with a half-twist. Difficulty of dive: 6.3. Amanda runs to his side, calling for help but of course, no one seems to be around nowwwww!
[To Be Continued...]

The MelroseTV Home Page

Melrose Place TV (MelroseTV@aol.com)

Last Modified March 05, 1996