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When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded - another fine example of e-mail wisdom. In my case, what's left would be more to the point. I was explaining the not-suffering-from-insanity, but enjoying-it-state to several OLD friends recently (little reunion in KC). One of the girls said she was going to use the "You were talking to ... " multiple personality thing on her daughters the next time they pull the "But Mom we told you" trick. I did that on purpose to my parents. Who knew - no wonder it worked! Insanity is hereditary you know ... you get it from your children.
Snowman Poop Gift Recipe
Microwave several minature marshmallows to the semi-melty stage. Kind of roll them together to form little balls. (You can add small amounts of coconut for "roughage.") Place in a small, transparent gift bag with a bow. Attach the following on a tag: From the Dysfunctional Holiday Kitchen of (Your Name Here) sung to the tune of "Jolly Old Saint Nicholas":
"Jolly dear sweet friend of mine, lean your ear this way!
Don't you tell a single soul what I'm going to say!
For all those friends who've made you mad, hurt you or were rude,
I have found the perfect gift - one that's made of food.
Instead of giving lumps of coal, darlings, here's the scoop:
Here is something right for them - a bag of snowman poop!"
Forwarded by Jag.
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Holiday Diet Rules.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.
Cookie pieces contain no calories. The breakage process causes calorie leakage.
Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
Example: spinach and pistachio ice cream.
Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)
Forwarded by Rex.
Now you can enjoy the following goodies ;-)
Hot Broccoli Dip
1/2 c. mayonnaise
1/2 c. sour cream
1/3 c. grated Parmesan cheese
1 pkg (10oz) frozen chopped broccoli, thawed, drained
1/4 c. chopped roasted red pepper (optional)
1/8 t. hot pepper sauce
Combine all ingredients; stir to mix well. Spoon into small ovenproof dish. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes or until bubbly. Makes 2 cups.
Cucumber Dill Dip
1 pkg (8oz) cream cheese, softened
1 c. mayonnaise
2 medium cucumbers, peeled, seeded, chopped
2 T. sliced green onion
1 T. lemon juice
2 t. snipped fresh dill or 1/2 t. dried dill weed
1/2 t. hot pepper sauce
Beat cream cheese until smooth. Add remaining ingredients. Mix well. Cover; chill. Makes 2 1/2 cups.
Bacon Horseradish Dip
1 c. mayonnaise
1 c. sour cream
1/4 c. bacon bits
1/4 c. prepared horseradish
Combine all ingredients; mix well. Cover; chill. Makes 2 cups.
Shrimp Dip
1 pkg (8oz) cream cheese
1 small can shrimp, drained
can milk
spices to taste (optional)
Blend well. Cover; chill. Makes approx. 1 cup.
Cool 'N Easy Pie
2/3 cup boiling water
1 pkg. (4-serving size) Jell-o, any flavor
1/2 cup cold water
ice cubes
8 ounces whipped topping, thawed
1 (6 oz.) prepared graham cracker crumb crust
additional whipped topping
assorted fresh fruit
Stir boiling water into gelatin in a large bowl 2 minutes or until completely dissolved. Mix cold water and ice to make 1 1/4 cups. Gradually add to gelatin, stirring until slightly thickened (consistency of unbeaten egg whites). Remove any remaining ice. Stir in 1 tub whipped topping with wire whisk until smooth. Refrigerate 10 to 15 minutes or until mixture is very thick and will mound. Spoon into crust. Refrigerate 4 hours or until firm. Garnish with additional whipped topping and fruit just before serving.
Cheesecake Bars
24 ounces cream cheese, softened
3/4 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 eggs
1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1/3 cup butter or margarine, melted
3 tabelspoons sugar
Mix cream cheese, 3/4 cup sugar and vanilla with electric mixer on medium speed until well blended. Add eggs; mix until blended. Mix crumbs, butter and 3 tablespoons sugar; press into 13 x 9 inch baking pan. Pour batter over crust. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes or until center is almost set. Cool. Refrigerate 3 hours or overnight. Cut into bars. Makes 24.
Some nifty hints from J:
To make an ice ball for your party punch bowl, fill a round ballon with water and freeze it. Remove the ballon.
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When frying, turn a metal colander upside down over the skillet. This allows steam to escape, but keeps the fat from splattering.
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Vinegar brought to a boil in a new frying pan will prevent food from sticking.
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Once an onion has been cut in half, rub the leftover side with butter and it will stay fresh longer.
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Throw-a-way cake-plate: Save bottom cardboards from pizza and cover with aluminum foil. Great if you are donating a cake or pie to a sale. Or taking one to a friend ...
To determine whether an egg is fresh, without breaking the shell, immerse the egg in a pan of cool salted water. If it sinks to the bottom, it is fresh. If it rises to the surface, throw it away.
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That'll have to do it for now - back to the "reunion" - gotta party while we still can ... don't forget to write. I Love E-Mail
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