Fish, by Land or Sea

My fish cooking days are history now that I am no longer married to a certifiable fishing nut. The man was liable to show up with anything, at any time. What I needed was a generic technique, not propaganda from the Fine Fish Facts department.

I don't even like fish. We worked out a truce. I cooked the day's trophies, after he had beheaded, de-boned de-finned and in some cases de-tailed them into fillets; and he cooked my filet mignon.

It's a shame he bacame confused over other issues, he was a true master of the grilling arts. Men were born to barbecue - it's soooo savage.

The following instructions are all for fillets. Whether you caught them at the grocery store or your fisherperson has performed the ritual, once those gruesome guts are out of the way, fish is about as simple to cook as anything could be.

To broil: Lay fillets in a flat shallow pan and pour melted butter and lemon juice or white wine all over. Cut up an onion (any kind), red or green bell pepper, celery and maybe a little parsley (fresh is nice, all that stuff comes conveniently dried from the spice department) and pile on top of the fish. Season with a little pepper and garlic, paprika looks very nice too.

Broil til lightly browned (about 10 minutes) on one side, flip them over, using a spatula, and broil about five minutes more. When the fish flakes when you poke at it with a fork, it's done.

One benefit of using the veggies is you've got that part of the meal done too.

To bake: Put some of the above vegetation in a layer in a baking dish, add the fish, more veggies and season. Bake til it flakes, about 15 or 20 minutes at 350.

To pan fry: Beat one or two eggs with a little lemon juice in a shallow bowl. If you don't have eggs, you can thin mayonnaise with lemon juice, milk or water to use instead. Dip fillets in that first, then coat with a combination of flour and/or cornmeal seasoned with whatever sounds good. Fry in about a quarter inch of oil until lightly browned on both sides and a piece breaks apart easily.

To deep fry: Mix up some of the same seasoned cornmeal/flour. Beat up egg(s) with a little milk, add the dry stuff until the consistency of the batter is a little runnier than quicksand. You can also use plain pancake or biscuit mix, using less or more liquid (try beer), to appropriately thin for a batter.

To poach: Fix 'em up the same way as for broiling or baking. Cover dish tighly with plastic wrap. Nuke on high for about 10 minutes.

Freeze any uncooked fillets in a sturdy plastic bag or milk carton filled with enough water to cover. The water prevents prevents freezer burn - if the catch is still kicking when it gets home, it will keep a little longer than usual.