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Title: Man! I Feel Like A Woman (#8 in the Radio Series)
Author: OXBastetXO
Category: Humor, Smarm, Drama
Spoilers: Emancipation, Brocca Divide, and Hathor
Sequel/Season Info: Second
Rating: PG-13
Content Warning: Chick Flick
Summary: In search of a place to hide out for while, Sam and Janet do some reminiscing about the last couple of years.
Showtime and MGM/UA owns Stargate: SG-1 and all there in. I'm just borrowing them for a bit, and I promise to give them right back when I'm done. Well, most of them, I might just keep Jack and Daniel for a bit longer.
Man! I Feel Like a Woman belongs to Shania Twain, I'm just borrowing it for background music
Man! I Feel Like A Woman!
by
OXBastetXO
Sam walked into the break room. This had to be the worst day. First, the mission to PX2981 had been a total bust. Nothing ,but rocks, dirt and more rocks. Even Daniel waw bored. Then, they had come back and someone had the bright idea to recalibrate the internal sensor system, only they got it wrong and guess who had to fix it.
She signed and ran hand thought her short hair.
"Long day?"
She looked up to see Janet Frazier walk in. "You look about as tired as I feel," Sam said.
Janet gave her a tired smile and headed for the coffee machine. "SG-3 came back with nearly everyone of them needing stitches. They got tangled in some kind of brambles that had be a cross with concertina wire. Then SG-6 came back with some kind rash. It took seven hours just to determine it was some kind of alien strain of poison ivy. I'm just glad you guys had an uneventful mission. I would just hate to think the kind of trouble Daniel and Jack could get into if it had been exciting."
Sam had to laugh. "That's our boys, got to love them."
Janet walked over to the radio and flicked it on. She fiddle with it for a moment and then music started to play.
Sam quirked an eye brow up. "I never would have thought you one for country music."
"I'm just full of surprises," Janet said with a wink. The two women started to giggle as another song started to play.
I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright
Gonna let it all hang out
Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout
Sam couldn't believe this. Be the anthropologist...right..sure, Daniel. I'd like to see you in this outfit. Sam looked down at herself and frowned.
The dress was beautiful, but this just wasn't her.
She looked up as the she heard the flap to the tent open. Daniel, Teal'c, the Colonel, and the chief's son walked it.
Sam put her hands on her hips and started. "Daniel, find me an anthropologist that dresses like this and I'll eat this headdress."
The men froze. Daniel and the chief's son stared at her with their mouths hanging open. Even Teal'c seemed taken back. The colonel just a dopey grin plastered on his face.
The chief's son looked stunned. He started forward. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen," he said. Then he seemed to come to himself and quickly left.
Sam blushed and cleared her throat. "The kid mustn't get out much." She moved and dress cut into her again. The veil flopped back into her face. "Look I will not wear this thing over my face," she said grabbing the veil. "I don’t' care how much embroidery it has on it, and this dress." She turned around so they could see it. "Or whatever it's called. I can't move, I can't breathe, I can't walk."
"I like it," the colonel said stepping out around Daniel and Teal'c who seemed to have become permanently rooted to the floor of the tent. She wasn't even sure Daniel was breathing. "Whoa," the colonel said slowly. "It kind of works for me." He waved his hand in front of Daniel's face snapping him out of his stupor. "It's you."
Daniel nodded like an idiot. "Yes, you. Very you."
Sam rolled her eyes.
No inhibitions-make no conditions
Get a little outta line
I ain't gonna act politically correct
I only wanna have a good time
Sam had to have him. She had to have him now. Steam boiled up around her, but it couldn't contend with the heat burning with in her. Then she saw him.
Jack looked up and jumped a little. "Carter! Uh...sorry, didn't know you were in here."
She lunged forward and grabbed him kissing him hard on the mouth.
Jack pushed her away. "No," he tried to say, but her mouth against his muffled it. He pushed her back. "What the heck is going on?"
"I want you," she hissed and kissed him again.
Jack pushed her back. "Why? I mean, no!" He tried to maneuver away from here. "Carter this is out of line. Don't ya think?" he started but suddenly she shoved him down on the bench. She started to kiss him again.
"Don't you want me?" she asked.
"Well, no," he tried to fender her off. "I mean, not like this. For crying out-" he was muffled again by a hard kiss. He pushed her back again. "Carter! What's gotten into you!" He shifted his weight sending them both to the floor, him on top. "It's time you saw a Doctor, Doctor."
The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!
Sam looked at the door to the holding cell and sighed. "Well, Mama said there would be days like this."
"Actually, my ex-husband said that," Janet looked up at her from where she sat on the edge of one of the bunks. "You out of your mind, Honey-bun? here's a reason it's call 'this *man's* army.'"
"'This man's army?" Sam stared at her. "You're husband actually said that?"
"Yeah," Janet laughed. "So of course I explained to him it was the Air Force and they've had woman for decades."
Sam crossed her arm and started to pace. "I don't know, but maybe it's just me. But I just can't figure out how to be one of the guys with the guys. You know what I mean? I always feel like I'm the 'girl'."
"That's it. You just gave me an idea on how to get us out of here," Janet said glancing a the door for a moment. "If Hathor's control drug is hormone driven like I think it is, that means she's making the men libidinous." Janet said with a smirk.
Sam frowned, "Why do I feel like I don't like where this is heading?"
The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take
The chance to get out on the town
We don't need romance-we only wanna dance
We're gonna let our hair hang down
"So you're saying this is making the men," Sam hesitated over the word.
"Libations,"
"You know, using seduction wasn't in any of the AF training manuals I've ever read," Sam said with uncomfortably.
Janet cocked an eyebrow at her. "Do you think the pentagon ever anticipated a four thousand year old alien drugging all the men to make them-"
"Libidinous," Sam interjected.
"Yeah," Janet agreed.
"Well," Sam said after a moment. "I do suppose they did train to take advantage of the enemies weakness."
"Exactly," Janet said with a smile.
Sam shook her head. Janet was enjoying this entirely too much.
The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!
"Ok, let's do it," Sam said taking a deep breath she stepped back from the door to the holding cell.
Janet gave her a sly smile and walked up to the door. She paused a moment and then she pounded on the door. "Airman." She gave the door a couple more good solid whacks. "Airman, open up. We got something for you."
Out in the corridor they could here the sound of boots. "What?"
Janet fought not to smile. "Why don't you come in here to see for yourself?"
The airman hesitated at the door. "No, can do. We can only take orders from Hathor."
"Airman, there are five women in here. Very alone," Janet drawled out.
Suddenly, the lock on the door clanked as the guards worked to open it. Janet leaned back up against a bunk languidly. One of the other women slipped off her jacket. Sam rolled her eyes. Sam sighted. "Why do I feel like I'm in a women behind bars movie?" she mumbled as the door finally came open.
"What are you suggesting, ladies?" the guard asked coming into the holding cell.
"Whatever you want, Airman," Janet said in a low husky voice. Sam could swear she sounded just like Mae West.
The airman took Janet into his arms and she planted a kiss on him. Sam reached out and pulled the other one towards her. He had the dopiest look on his face right before she jammed her elbow into his jaw dropping him like a ton of bricks. One of the other women pulled the Janet was..distracting..around and knocked him out.
Sam shook her head and looked over at Janet. "Feel like a woman, Doc?"
Janet rubbed her mouth with the back of her hand. "Oh, yeah."
"Lets tie him up," Sam said and then they headed out into the corridor and after Hathor.
The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!
Janet glanced over at Sam. "You're right it has been a wild ride, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world."
Sam nodded. "No kidding."
"But where would they be without us?" Janet asked, a twinkle in her eye.
"Well, the Touched do come to mine," Sam said with a wicked grin.
"Or a certain red-headed she-demon who shall remain nameless."
Sam crossed her arms and looked at Janet. "Man, we are good, aren't we?"
Janet just laughed.
I get totally crazy
Can you feel it
Come, come, come on baby
I feel like a woman
"Doctor Frazier?" a head poked into the break room.
"What is it, Jenkins?"
"SG-9 is coming back. From the sound of it, they had a pretty hairy mission."
Janet shot Sam a look. "Duty calls." She hurried off after Jenkins, the door swinging shut behind her.
Another head poked in. "Captain Carter?"
"Yes?"
"Colonel O'Neill is looking for you."
Sam smiled. "Back into the fray."
*fin*