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The Simpson Family-

Homer J. Simpson

My thoughts: Homer is by far the most popular character on "The Simpsons". He is my favorite character and is also the favorite of all "Simpsons" fans I know. What makes him so popular? Well, for one thing his stupidity. Most of the jokes involving Homer focus on his stupidity. Another thing is the voice job that Dan Castellanta does. Dan reads every line as it was written to sound, and he really adds to Homer's humor. This is why Homer J. Simpson is our favorite.

According to "The Simpsons Uncensored Family Album", Homer Simpson's phone number is
555-8707.

These are my links to the best Homer profiles on the web:

View Homer's profile at
The Simpson's Archives
Brian's Tribute to the Simpsons
Omar's Simpsons Site
simpsons.html at members.tripod.com
Springfield Visitor Center
Homer Sounds
Thano's Simpsons Webpage

Or just go to
The Homer Archive
Homer Haven

Marjorie Bouvier Simpson

My thoughts: Marge is the string that holds the Simpson clan together. Although she is featured in every episode, there aren't enough episodes revolving around her. She is the one who helps every other Simpson. Julie Kavner's voice has not changed that much in 9 seasons and neither has the way Marge is drawn. Marge is the most responsible Simpson.

These are my links to the best Marge profiles on the web:

View Marge's Profile at
The Simpson's Archives
Brian's Tribute to the Simpsons
Omar's Simpsons Site
Springfield Visitor Center
Thano's Simpsons Webpage

Or just go to
Picks' Tribute to the Simpsons | Dear Marge ...

Bartholemew Jo-Jo Simpson

My thoughts: Bart Simpson is the character on "The Simpsons" marketed the most. He is the character about whom the most episodes are centered. Although Nancy Cartwright is female she does the voice of male characters such as Bart, Nelson Muntz, Todd Flanders, Ralph Wiggum, Kearny and Database. He is chock-full of catch phrases such as "Don't have a cow, man", "Aye-Curumba", and "I didn't do it". His prank calls to Moe can be viewed at The Simpsons Archive . His blackboard punishments are as follows:

I will not waste chalk

I will not skateboard in the halls

I will not burp in class

I will not instigate revolution

I did not see Elvis

I will not draw naked ladies in class

I will not call my teacher `Hot Cakes'

They are laughing at me, not with me

Garlic gum is not funny

I will not encourage others to fly

Tar is not a plaything

I will not Xerox my butt

I will not trade pants with others

I will not drive the principal's car

I will not do that thing with my tongue

I am not a 32 year old woman

I will not pledge allegiance to Bart

I will not sell school property

I will not cut corners

I will not get very far with this attitude

I will not make flatulent noises in class

I will not belch the National Anthem

I will not sell land in Florida

I will not grease the monkey bars

I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment

I will not do anything bad ever again

I will not sleep through my education

Nobody likes sunburn slappers

I am not a dentist

Spitwads are not free speech

High explosives and school don't mix

I will not squeak chalk

I will finish what I sta...(rt)

"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender

Hamsters cannot fly

Underwear should be worn on the inside

The Christmas pageant does not stink

I will not torment the emotionally frail

I will not carve gods

I will not aim for the head

I will not spank others

I will not barf unless I'm sick

I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge

I will not conduct my own fire drills

Funny noises are not funny

I will not spin the turtle

I will not snap bras

I will not fake seizures

This punishment is not boring and meaningless

My name is not Dr. Death

I will not defame New Orleans

I will not prescribe medication

I will not bury the new kid

I will not teach others to fly

I will not bring sheep to class

A burp is not an answer

Teacher is not a leper

Coffee is not for kids. (The writing gets progressively more scrawly toward the bottom of the blackboard.)

I will not eat things for money

I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call

The principal's toupee is not a frisbee

I will not squeak chalk. (accompanied by squeaking noises)

Goldfish don't bounce

Mud is not one of the 4 food groups

I will not sell miracle cures

No one is interested in my underpants

I will return the seeing-eye dog

I will not charge admission to the bathroom

I do not have diplomatic immunity

I will never win an Emmy

The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy

All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy

I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause

I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers

I will not go near the kindergarten turtle

My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man

I am not delightfully saucy

Organ transplants are best left to the professionals

The pledge of allegiance does not end with hail Satan

I will not celebrate meaningless milestones

There are plenty of businesses like show business

I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball

Five days is not too long to wait for a gun

Beans are neither fruit nor musical

No one is interested in my underpants

I will not use abbrev.

I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.

I will not send lard through the mail

I will not dissect things unless instructed

I will not whittle hall passes out of soap

My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man

Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough

Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal

"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice

Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does

Next time it could be me on the scaffolding

I will not hang donuts on my person

I will remember to take my medication

I will not strut around like I own the place

The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far

I do not have power of attorney over first graders

Nerve gas is not a toy

I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface

The first amendment does not cover burping

This is not a clue...or is it?

I will not complain about the solution when I hear it

"Bewitched" does not promote satanism

No one wants to hear from my armpits

I am not a lean mean spitting machine

The boys room is not a water park

Indian burns are not our cultural heritage

Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things

I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist

I am not certified to remove asbestos

I did not learn every thing I need to know in Kindergarden

The truth is not out there

I am not licened to do anything

I will not hide the teacher's prozac

A fire drill does not demand a fire


These are my links to the best Bart profiles on the web:

View Bart's Profile at:
The Simpson's Archives
Brian's Tribute to the Simpsons
Omar's Simpsons Site
simpsons.html at members.tripod.com
Springfield Visitor Center
Thano's Simpsons Webpage

Lisa Marie Simpson

My thoughts: Lisa is by far the smartest of the Simpson five. She is a vegetarian and loves animals and would be classifed as a "tree-hugger". There are fewer episodes devoted to her than to Marge. Yeardly Smith's real life voice is identical to Lisa's. Also Yeardly is the only Simpsons voice-actor who doesn't provide the voice of another character. Lisa is somewhat popular, but not as popular as Homer and Bart.

These are my links to the best Lisa profiles on the web:

View Lisa's Profile at:
The Simpson's Archives
Brian's Tribute to the Simpsons
Omar's Simpsons Site
simpson.html at members.tripod.com
Spingfield Visitor Center
Thano's Simpsons Webpage

Margaret Simpson

My thoughts: As the baby of the family, Maggie seems not to be featured that much on the show. As I watch "Who shot Mr. Burns (Part 1) even more, I see all the clues leading to Maggie: such as Mr. Burns's empty gun holdster, the "MS" on the sundial, and when Mr. Burns says who has the guts to stop him, Maggie is the only person who does not change her angry facial expression. Maggie has spoken in "Bart vs Thanksgiving", "Flaming Moe's", "Lisa's First Word", Home Sweet Homediddly- Dum-Doodily". Although Liz Taylor provided her voice in "Lisa's First Word", I am not certain who provided her voice in "Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily". I do know that Gabor Csupo, Yeardly Smith and James Earl Jones have also provided her voice in the previously mentioned episodes.

These are my links to the best Maggie profiles on the web:

View Maggie's Profile at:
The Simpson's Archives
Brian's Tribute to the Simpsons
Omar's Simpsons Site
Springfield Visitor Center
Thano's Simpsons Webpage

Or just go to:
The Maggie Simpson Web Page

Santa's Little Helper

My thoughts: Santa's Little Helper is an under-rated character. Although he is a dog, there are several episodes in which he plays an important role. He is voiced by Frank Welker. He was adopted from the Springfield Downs dog race track where he was number eight.

Check out:
Santa's Little Helper

The Snowballs

My thoughts: Snowball I is rarely shown and Snowball II is rarely featured. That's all I have to say.

Check out:
The Snowballs

Princess

My thoughts: I case you are wondering who this is, Princess is the pony that Lisa gets in (appropriatly titled) "Lisa Gets a Pony". Although she is only in one episode I decieded to feature her anyway.

Check out:
Princess


Other Characters (in alphabetical order)

Akira

My thoughts: Often refered to as "The guy from the Japanese restaurant", Akira is only in four episodes. He is a waiter at the Happy Sumo Japanese restaurant. He is also the owner/operator/teacher at the Springfield Martial Arts Academy. He teaches karate so we need never use it. His specialty is that he knows when to suggest raw quail egg with a dish. He is in search of a pair of left-handed nunchucks to make his life complete. He is voiced by Hank Azaria and George Takei.

Check out:
The Infinite Wisdom of Akira

Blinky

My thoughts: Blinky is the three-eyed fish in the stream outside the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. His third eye formed by water polluted by nuclear waste. Mr. Burns's theory is that Blinky is the next step on the fish evolutionary scale. Only Mr. Burns knows what Blinky tastes like. Blinky is featured in:

7F01 "Two Cars in Every Garage, Three Eyes on Every Fish"
Part: First introduced and episode most featured in.

8F01 "Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington"
Part: Blinky is seen in the corner of the state map that features Springfield.

2F15 "Lisa's Wedding"
Part: In the future he has six eyes and shares the stream with a cow-fish and a Frink-fish.

3F19 "Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in 'The Curse of the Flying Hellfish'"
Part: A school of three-eyed fish swims in Lake Springfield.

Check out:
Blinky's Simpsons Page

Bo-Bo

My thoughts: Bo-Bo is Mr. Burns beloved and long-lost teddy bear. You might ask why I am featuring Bo-Bo being that he has only been in one episode. Well, you have some nerve questioning me like that! Plus, you're wrong. In "Homer the Smithers", Smithers says "I've got Bo-Bo, hot from the dryer! Careful not to burn yourself on his eye." Bo-Bo is featured in:

1F01 "Rosebud"
Part: Episode that he is intoduced and is most about him.

3F14 "Homer the Smithers"
Part: Mentioned above.

Mr. Bouvier

My thoughts: He is Marge's father who's first name is never given. He ied in a freak roller coaster accident. He was a professional baby photographer after leaving the Navy. He is voiced by Harry Shearer. He may be in more episodes but the ones I remember are:

7F12 "The Way We Was"
Part:

2F08 "Fear of Flying"
Part:

Mrs. Jacqueline Bouvier

My thoughts: In case you didn't know she is the mother of Marge, Patty and Selma. She lives in the Hal Roach Apatments, "Retirement Living in the Heart of the Cemetery District". She wears dentures; sports a grey bouffant resembling daughter Marge's blue one. She is the originator of the Bouvier family grumble. She was friends at one time with Zelda Fitzgerald, Frances Farmer, and little Sylvia Plath. Her favorite song is Glenn Miller's "Moonlight Serenade". Her biggest regret is having Homer as a son-in-law. She is voiced by Julie Kavner. Mrs. Jacqueline Bouvier is featured in:

7F07 "Bart vs. Thanksgiving"
Part: Episode first introduced as a guest to the Simpsons Thankgiving dinner.

7F12 "The Way We Was"
Part: Helps Marge prepare for the prom.

1F21 "Lady Bouvier's Lover"
Part: Episode centered around her.

Patty Bouvier

My thoughts: Patty is Selma's twin sister. Selma is featured more than she is. She is a DMV clerk with Selma. Julie Kavner provides her deep, graveled and scratchy voice. She loves cigarettes, MacGyver, and having her feet rubbed by her niece and nephew. She bores people with detailed slide shows from vacations.

Patty's Profile at:
The Simpson's Archives
Springfield Visitor Center

Selma Bouvier

My thoughts: Selma is Patty's sister. Selma is featured in more episodes than Patty. Her pet iguanna's name is Jub-Jub. She smokes Laramie cigarettes. Her hair is frizzy, greyish, and with a part in the middle distiguishing her from her twin sister. Her full name is Selma Bouvier Terwilliger Hutz McClure. She is also voiced by Julie Kavner.

Selma's Profile at:
The Simpson's Archives
Springfield Vistitor Center

Brandine

My thoughts: First of all Bradine is Clatus the slack-jawed yokel's "woman". She shops at Steppen' Out Fashion Mart in Ogdenville. She works at Dairy Queen to support her 26 children. She has orange hair that is pushed up so that it is vertical. She is voiced by Tress Macneille. She appeared in the following episodes:

3F11 "Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield"
Part: First introduced browsing in the Ogdenville Outlet Mall.

3F18 "22 Short Films About Springfield"
Part: Rejects the boots that Cletus finds.

Check out:
Spotlight on Cletus

Kent Brockman

My thoughts: Kent Brockman is Springfield's Emmy-winning news anchor. He hosts "Springfield Action News", "Eye on Springfield", "Smartline", and "My Two Cents". His biggest windfall was when he won the lottery and annoucing it on the air. He is married to Stephanie the weather-lady and has a least on child. His daughter is about Lisa's age, name is never given, and hair looks exactly like her father's. He absolutely hates being interrupted, being questioned, and having his Danish stolen. Today he works for channel six, in 2010 he works for CNNBCBS. He is voiced by Harry Shearer.

Check out:
The Kent Brockman Page

Bumblebee Man

My thoughts: Bumblebee Man is the the stereo-type of Spanish television. His real name is Chespirito. He is an international comedic sensation. His country of origin is Mexico. His talent is getting hit, stuck, pinched, caught, and shocked by various objects and making it look funny. In "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming", he works for the television channel "ocho" (eight). But, in "Team Homer", he bowls for channel six. He has a pet chihuahua whose head is the size of a burn out comet. He is voiced by Hank Azaria.

View Bumblebee Man's Profile at:
The Simpson's Archives

Mr. Charles Montgomery "Monty" Burns

My thoughts: Mr. Burns is not really a villian in the Simpsons, but can be used as one in some cases. He is the rich and ancient owner of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. He is the most powerful man in Springfield. His favorite lunch is a pillow of shredded wheat, steamed toast, and a dodo egg. He is physically weaker than an infant. According to "Lisa's Date with Destiny", Mr. Burns's phone number is 555-0001. He said to be 104 years old in "Who shot Mr. Burns (Part 1)" and in "Homer the Smithers". But in "Simpson and Delilah" he calls himself 81. He is voiced by Harry Shearer. Harry Shearer also did the voice of Dr. J. Loren Pryor in "Bart the Genius". If you listen to Dr. Pryor he sounds exactly like Mr. Burns! He even say "excellant".

Check out:
The Monty Burns Page
Mr. Burns

The Capital City Goofball

My thoughts: This baseball mascot is the idle of Homer Simpson. His 197 pound costume has number 0 on the uniform. Come the fifth inning he wishes the costume had a zipper in the front. The Capital City Goofball is featured in three episode that I can remember:

7F05 "Dancin' Homer"
Part: This episode is his premere and when he is most featured.

8F11 "Radio Bart"

3F18 "22 Short Films About Springfield"
Part: When everyone comes to give Lisa advice on how to get gum out of her hair, the C.C. Goofball walks across the kitchen and blows his horn.

Carl

My thoughts: Carl is Homer's supervisor at Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. He is friends with Lenny and Homer. For some illusive reason I think Lenny and Carl are very funny. I know it has something to do with thier voices, but I just can't put my finger on it. Getting back to Carl, in "Principal Charming" he is considered by Homer too handsome to fix up with Selma. He enjoys the occasional donut, but not as occasional as Homer. He likes to beat Homer in poker, but defended Homer in "Secrets of a Seccessful Marriage". He hates it when someone (Homer) takes the last donut. He is voiced by Hank Azaria. I think that the first episode with Carl in it is 8F08 "Flaming Moe's

Superintentant Chalmers

My thoughts: Superintentant Chalmers is the superintentant of Springfield schools. He is as threating as a school official can be. He hates visiting Springfield Elementry School and Principal Skinner. He shouts "Skinner" in every episode featuring him. He sometimes believes Skinner's lame exuses (used to end that scene, instead of resolving it). He is voiced by Hank Azaria. He is first featured in 9F18 "Whacking Day"

Scott Christian

My thoughts: In case you didn't remember Scott Christian is Springfield's TV news reporter with nice black hair and a serious face. He is the host of the "Laugh and a Half" segment on the news. As I mentioned earlier his apperance is clean-cut. His demeanor is earnest. He is voiced by Harry Shearer. He is first featured in 8F04 "Homer Defined"

Cletus the Slack-jawed Yokel

My thoughts: Cletus is used on the Simpsons for jokes involving someone dumber the Homer and Ralph. He speaks with a pronounced Southern drawl. His "woman" is Bradine (see above). He is the father of 26 children. His dog's (R.I.P.) name was Geech a "smellhound". He bowls for the Stereo-types along with Luigi, Groundskeeper Willie, and Captain McCallister. He has a tatoo of a snake and skull on his left arm which was not there in "Bart Gets an Elephant". He is voiced by Hank Azaria.

Check out:
Spotlight on Cletus
Cletus

The Comic Book Guy

My thoughts: The Comic Book Guy is my second favorite character if not my favorite character. I enjoy his sacastic, surly, insulting, and rude demeanor. He is an overweight man stuffed into a blue T-shirt and red shorts. He has a masters degree in folklore and mythology. He loves eating, profiteering, and not having to get off his stool for anything but a cash transaction. His prized possesion is a "rare 'Mary Worth', in which Mary advises a friend to commit suicide.

Check out:
The Android's Dungeon Comic Book Guy Page
The Android's Dungeon


{site in progress, more to be added each day}

If this list of 108 characters isn't enough for you visit The Simpsons Cast List v2.1b .

My Drawing of Bart

Last up-dated April 12, 1998

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