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This is Just Some Fun Stuff I've Found Around The Web
A prayer for the stressed:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
Also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow. Help me to always give 100% at work---12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Friday.
And help me remember that when I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.
* When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
* If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
* Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
* You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
* Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
* Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
* Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
* Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
* Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
* A pencil without an eraser may as well just be a pen.
* Don't say that the "Last One is a Rotten Egg" unless you're absolutely sure there's a slow kid behind you.
* You can't start over just because you're losing the game.
* All libraries smell the same.
* If you want someone to listen to you, whisper it.
37 Ways to scare the shit out of someone sitting next to you on a Greyhound bus.
2.(Pretending to cry) say: I just got out of prison, and I lost my bitch. (Look at the person and smile evilly)
3.Ask the person if (s)he would mind if you shaved your pubic hair.
4.Open a magazine, cry out "YES", pick your nose, put the booger on the page, slam it and say
5.Sit there with a tablet and a pen and ask for suggestions for your new book, "101 uses for old chicken fat"
6.When asked about your name, if a guy, respond "Mary...The doctors really did a good job, huh?", and if a girl, respond "George...The doctors really did a good job, huh?"
7.Fart loudly, immediately jump up and sit on the lap of the person in front of you, wrap your arms around him/her, and say "Hold me mommy, He scares me."
8.Sit there with a copy of _The Crimes of Charles Manson_ with a high liter and say repeatedly, "Ohh, this is good." and "I gotta remember this."
9.Scratch yourself incessantly, and complain about fleas.
10.Complain about not being able to go to sleep, smack your head on the seat in front of you 5 times, and knock yourself unconscious.
11.Clip your fingernails, place them in a baggy, and offer some to the person.
12.Pretend to fall asleep. Pretend to have a wet dream. Call out the name of the person sitting next
13.Place a can of shaving cream in your pants, reach down your pants to scratch yourself, and squirt shaving cream all over him/her.
14.Take your shoes off, pick your toe jam, and eat it.
15.Offer him the opportunity to pick some of your butt lint.
16.Every time (s)he starts to fall asleep, get up to go to the bathroom, screaming "She's gonna blow!!!"
17.When (s)he gets up to go to the bathroom, turn on the light above you. When (s)he comes back, tell him/her to leave the light on because "They" are coming.
18.Start to write a letter, while spelling it out loud. Say, "Dear Sweetheart: Baah, Baaaah, Bah, Baaaah, Bah." Then ask if he/she knows the sheep word for squeeze.
19.When things get quiet, scream obsentites for no apparent reason.
20.If the person is sleeping next to you, wake him/her up by screaming "DON'T TOUCH ME THERE YOU FUCKING PERVERT HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!"
21.Pull out a rubber glove, and tell him "I am a proctologist. Can I have a peek?"
22.Eat something vile.
23.Pull out rubber dog shit and suck on it.
24.Introduce yourself as "Dragonmaster Breijak" Ask if he/she would mind a little sacrifice on the armrest.
25.Burp loudly, pull out a salt shaker, sprinkle it on his/her leg, and talk about how hungry you are.
26.Pull out a picture of a dog, shove your hands down your pants and pretend to masturbate. Smile lovingly.
27.Complain loudly that you have a disease called C.H.I. When asked about the meaning, say "Crotch Hair Inferno" and scratch yourself violently.
28.In a soft, feminine voice, ask if (s)he likes leather and whips.
29.Say I love my pet rat, and for $5 you can too.
30.Introduce yourself as Cabin Boy, say "Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"
31.If your stomach gurgles, pat your crotch and say, "Whoa there big fella, only __ more miles to go."
32.Say "My asshole is an inlet AND an outlet. How about yours?"
33.Stash an extra pair of underwear in your pants, fart real loud, say "Oh, I think that was a doozie." Reach into your pants and pull out the pair of underwear.
34.Excite yourself orally.
35.Stuff dollar bills down your underwear and say "Ain't no pickpocket gonna get these."
36.Say Hello Sailor or do the actions, which ever you prefer.
37. Tell him/her about your best friend Toll Booth Willy.
"Mike Tyson Excuses"
50 Fun Things to Do At Wal-Mart.
Top Ten Sexually Suggestive Lines in "Star Wars" Trilogy
Ways to Be Annoying in a Public Bathroom Stall
and below is a list of 30 fun things to do in an elevator....
30 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator
2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, damnit, all of you just shut up!"
3. Whistle the first seven notes to "Its a Small World" incessantly.
4. Crack open your backpack or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
5. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.
6. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
7. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
8. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogies patrol coming!"
9. Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
10. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
11. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
12. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
13. Meow occasionally.
14. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
15. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
16. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
17. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
18. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
19. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
20. Burp, then say "mmmm..... tasty!"
21. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
22. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
23. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
24. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
25. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "Personal Space"
27. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
28. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
29. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
30. Wear "X-ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
"There, my page is kept."
to you.