O What'll We Do When The Virgins Are Gone?

O what’ll we do when the virgins are gone;
When the dragon’s devoured the very last one?
O how will we keep him from toasting the town?
O what’ll we do when the virgins are gone?

Yes, what’ll we do when the virgins are gone?
Not a cat nor a dog can be found in the streets,
And the rats he’s consumed -- like a kid swiping sweets!
O what’ll we do when the virgins are gone?

We’ve plenty of matrons on hand, as you know,
A half-dozen widows that he could pick through,
A handful of spinsters -- a madam or two --
But as for our virgins -- our stock’s running low!

The salesman told us he only ate sheep,
Plus a goose once a week when his nostrils turned blue;
He’s a warrantied, guaranteed one-dragon crew
For landfill and trash-burning -- neat clean and cheap.

But he went on the rampage around the town square;
He boiled a reporter for lunch in the well;
He roasted the sheriff in front of town hall,
But the book says he’ll stop for a virgin done rare.

We stalled him a week with the Sister from church;
Then a milkmaid a day kept the dragon at bay,
But with only a housemaid or two left to pay,
The salesman’s gone, leaving us in the lurch.

When the woodcutter pulled out his pipe in the wood,
The dragon politely extended his lighter;
But the blast from his lighter enveloped the blighter
And charbroiled him medium-rare where he stood!

Then the dragon went down for dessert in the swamp
Where he cornered three boys in the cranberry bogs;
He just wasn’t hungry for berries or frogs,
So he roasted those marshfellows all on one stump.

O what’ll we do when the virgins are gone;
When the dragon’s devoured the very last one?
O how will we keep him from toasting the town?
O what’ll we do when the virgins are gone?

                                                R. S. Carlson