A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be waited on.      A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today.      The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?" The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef. He then said, "Anything else?" The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, "How many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of four pork chops.      The dog walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse and take out the appropriate amount of money before tying the two packages of meat around the dog's neck.      The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the dog. The dog walked for several blocks and then walked up to a house where it began to scratch the door to be let in.      As the owner opened the door, the man called to the owner, "That's a really smart dog you have there."      "He's not all that smart," the owner replied."This is the second time this week he forgot his key."		A three-legged dog walks into the bar slinging a shotgun.      "Barkeep!" he says, "I'm lookin fer the man who shot my paw!"
	There's this fella with a parrot and the parrot swears like a sailor. He can swear for 5 minutes straight without repeating himself and this bird's foul mouth is driving the fellow crazy.      One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird, shakes him, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.      Then the guy gets mad and says, "Ok, that's it for you," and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with another stream of vulgarities!      At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks & claws & thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet.      At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.      The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."      The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.      Then the parrot leans over to the man and says, "By the way, what did that chicken do?"
A man runs into his Vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.      The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and "meows". The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too".      The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and "woofs". The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too".      The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes?      The vet answers, "$650.00".      "$650.00 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man!      "Well", the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50.00 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600.00 was for the cat scan and the lab tests."