Write your way to 1776 or Ancient Rome in our Annual Author Time Contest. Honeymoon with Helen of Troy, Hang with Henry the VIII or lose your head in revolutionary Paris in our latest subscriber contest. All you need to know is that U.F.O. Jones is the drunk alien you see running around up there. He has been putting on a little weight because, as we all know, the density of an object increases as velocity approaches the speed of light. Other than that, we know U.F.O. Jones travels a lot, his favorite phrase is "Don't get shook," and his nickname is "oofo" (pronounced "ooo-fo",) so when he hangs out with Oof and Voof, it's "Oofo, Oof and Voof." With enough new winners and chapters the book will be published as "Too Drunk To Saga," the sequel to the popular, "Somebody Go Back And Get A 1957 Chateau Rothschild."