I really need to think through some things about who and what I am.

I also know I need to do this musing with others listening to me, agreeing and disagree with me, reflecting on what I've shared and how it resonates with their experience or doesn't, and gently pushing me to wade through the crap I've thrown up until I get to the core issues I may be actually neglecting.

Where do I start? What I need to think about is my owning myself as a Witch. It's only been in the last year that I have owned this and I know it has a lot to do with my previous owning of myself as a feminist woman. That's why this is the kairos moment for me- my feminist journey affected my spiritual journey and just as it had led me to embrace myself as a Witch it has now began to "shake me up".

I guess what I want to say is that for me, being a 'Christian Witch' is not a settled and stable thing, it is not something I have 'defined' sufficiently. I am finding myself in process and the process is confusing, scary, thrilling, and confusing! I switch back and forth within the same hour.

Sometimes I feel I am stable in my being a 'Christian Witch', other times I feel very unstable and I see possibilities of saying, "For me I couldn't be both Christian and a Witch so I have to say I'm just a Christian"!

But then I also wonder "Am I changing religions...is this what this is...am I ceasing to be Christian and becoming Wiccan? Is that what is happening to me?"

But then I go back and tell myself, "No no no, I am not ceasing to be Christian, in fact I still want to be a Christian Minister."

Then I become confused again, "But can I be a Christian Minister and own myself as a Witch? Maybe I should just use my old term for myself, go back to saying I'm a feminist, mystical, post-neo-orthodox, liturgical, ecumenical Protestant Christian with a Creation Spirituality focus?"

I feel like I am on a roller coaster. I am slowly climbing up to a great height, and then I sweep down with a rush into a low place. I am one moment filled with awe from my experiences as a Witch. At other moments I feel that it was something I had to do, but it isn't me...it isn't Christian enough for me....its symbols and rituals are too foreign from my Christian heritage.

Why should I be doing these 'Pagan' things when I have all the wonders of a Christian spirituality...the wonders of the Eucharist and the great hymns of the Church and my Christian meditation. Why should I be exploring this other heritage and abandoning my own? I think to myself, "Why can't I just be Christian alone? Why can't I observe the wheel of the year as a Christian?"

Then I think, "Why even observe the wheel of the year? Why not just follow the Christian Liturgical Year. I've always loved it with its greens and purples and whites and reds." I seem determined to just chalk all this up to a good education and just be Christian alone, without any Wittiness.

But at other times I wonder "What have I done? Have I de-Christianized myself? Can I go back and even worship as a Christian, much less be a Christian Minister?"

So here I am, still musing along and I don't even know if I have really gotten to my core issue. But then maybe I have. I don't know.

Who am I anyway?

So, I approach this issue and hard question as a person who has struggled with it personally. My response to it is a one that came from my own journey and my own ongoing quest to answer the question "Who am I anyway". One of the results of my journey is the existence of this very website and the whole in-depth examination of the hard questions raised about Christian Witchery.

So why in the end do I and other Christian Witches not choose to be just plain Christians? The simple answer is that no one is a plain Christian! It is impossible. As soon as believers begin to explore the ramifications of their understanding of their connection in Jesus Christ, they are in a process that forces them to be more than just a plain Christian.

Questions come up about the spiritual path in Christ and different folk, for different reasons, find different answers. These different answers create a distinction between one Christian and another. It is a form of hubris for those who answer a question one way to assert they are the plain Christians and those who answer it the other way are adding to or subtracting from Jesus!

For example there is the question of whether Jesus calls his followers to non-violence and pacifism. Once this question is asked it can not be avoided. Whatever one says about the issues, one is taking a stance and one becomes either a Christian Pacifist or a Christian Just War Advocate or a Christian Holy Crusader. Which is the plain Christian? Which is adding to or subtracting from Christian faith?

The answer is all are Christian and the ideal of a plain Christian is a fallacy. Instead what we must recognize is that Christianity is diverse and different Christians will have different and sincere convictions about how one lives out being a Christian. It is not as if we say that this issue is unimportant or that it has nothing to do with Christian faith, the Christian Pacifist will instead assert that the call to non-violence is an integral part of following Jesus Christ and being connected to Christ, while those who answer the question differently will assert the same thing for their understanding.

It's not as if this issue was completely divorced from Christian faith, such as for instance how one answered the question of what style of music one enjoys. The person who enjoys Jazz is not saying his faith in Jesus requires him to love Jazz. But the Christian Pacifist is saying exactly this.

The Christian Pacifist who is convinced that Christ calls him to non-violence does not have a choice to be a plain Christian or a Christian Pacifist, for to him rejecting the Pacifism Christ calls him to is rejecting Jesus. Of course the Christian Just War Advocate would assert the same thing about his call to use force to resist evil.

These different Christian perspectives can accept each other as validly Christian and honor each other's connection to Christ. This is a different issue then their disagreement over how Christ calls us to live in the world. It is totally possible for them to dialog and debate the issue of how a Christian relates to war, with all seriousness, and still accept each other as seeking to follow Jesus as they understand Jesus. They can even assert that the other's understanding is faulty. But honesty requires them to admit that none of them are advocating a plain Christianity.

So it is with Witchcraft. Since Witchcraft is a threefold spiritual journey of Nature Mysticism, Spiritual Feminism and Psychic Ritualization, the question for the Christian is whether Jesus Christ, as the crux of their connection to the Divine, calls them to the path of Nature Mysticism, Spiritual Feminism and Psychic Ritualization. For some of us these aspects of the spiritual life are not optional. For some of us these are necessary aspects of the journey if we are to follow Jesus as we understand Jesus. For us being in connection with Christ explicitly makes us embrace ourselves as Nature Mystics, as Spiritual Feminists, as Psychic Ritualizers.

So the contention that Christian Witches are saying Christianity is not sufficient is fallacious. What Christian Witches are saying instead is that their faith in Jesus is sufficient, but that faith includes aspects that make them properly understood as Witches.

Of course one could argue whether these three aspects of the spiritual journey are aspects of following Christ, just as Christians disagree about the issue of war. But it is important that it be recognized that one can not be a plain Christian on these issues. One is either a Christian Feminist or a Christian Patriarchist. One is either a Christian Nature Mystic or one is a Christian Supernaturalist. One is either a Christian Ritualist or one is a Christian Anti-Ritualist.

However, another question could be raised, one I raised in my musings. It wonders why one can't embrace these aspects and just avoid the controversial terminology of Witchcraft. Why not just be a Eco-Feminist Christian who values ritual in prayer? Why not just avoid the word Witch? So many people, the argument goes, have a bad connotation of that word that it just acts as a red flag. Also, another argument runs, more and more the term is being used by Wiccans to mean and only mean Wiccan that it might be better to just let them own the term and avoid the confusion.

So some would say go ahead and be a Christian who understands Nature Mysticism, Spiritual Feminism and Psychic Ritualization as vital aspects of being connected to God in Christ, just don't say that makes you a Witch. Go ahead and use rituals in your prayer and psychic life, just don't call it magick or those ritualized prayers spells.

For some of us this may work a large part of the time. Unlike some we may not find it necessary to wear our spiritual path on our sleeve. As we mingle with other Christians we may see no reason that we have to walk around and begin every conversation with, "Well as you know I am a Christian Witch and as a Christian Witch I think..."

There are times when discretion is not just okay but is the wisest course. But there are also other times- Times when to avoid the term Witch is not acceptable for those of us who walk this path in Christ.

One reason I own the term Witch is because when I started sharing my faith as a Christian who embraces Spiritual Feminism and Nature Mysticism I started quickly being accused of being a Witch by some other Christians. When I would describe my private ritual life the accusations would fly even faster.

My initial reaction was to protest loudly and clearly that I was NOT a Witch, just a Christian with a differing understanding of my faith and my path then those who were attacking me. The more I denied being a Witch and explained how what I believed and practiced was Christian, the more they would vehemently proclaim I truly was a Witch.

Along side their accusations were viscous attacks against Witches. Over and over again were the lies that the Bible condemns Witchcraft, that Witches are serving the Devil, that Pagans are evil cultist, that all of them are going to hell and that Witchcraft is incompatible with following Jesus.

At some point I began to realize that in distancing myself from Witches to please some Christians, I was in some sense seeking to avoid the hatred that these Christians had for Witches. The total unfairness of these accusation and their viciousness made me feel that denying I was a Witch was in some sense acquiescing to the persecution of those who did own the term. It was as if my silence in owning the term Witch for my Nature Mysticism, Spiritual Feminism and Ritual Life was saying that it was fine to attack and hate Witches and spread these lies about them because after all I wasn't a Witch!

I believe that Jesus identifies with the poor, with the oppressed, with the outcast and with the victims of injustice. I believe that when we fail to act with compassion to support and stand with those who are victims of injustice that Christ considers this to be a failure to stand with Christ. When we act for justice for "the least of these my brothers and sisters" we also do it unto Christ.

As a follower of Christ I am called to justice. I am called to speak against oppression. I cannot stand by and let persecution of people happen and not act against it. For me to do so would be to deny my Christ.

Witches have been one of the scapegoats of the xenophobia and superstitious hatreds of Western Society. A Witch is the same thing as a "Wisse", the Wise folk of the common people of ancient Europe who connected with Nature, and did so not to harm others or to gain power, but to aid and serve. They were the Doctors, Midwives, Psychologists and Weather Forecasters.

But in the later part of the Middle Ages a demonization of the common Wise folk of the villages occurred. This demonization really began to take off when the Black Plague swept Europe in the 14th Century and people began looking for folk to blame.

They found three easy groups to target: Jews, Witches (who in the Middle Ages were Christians), and Heretics (who were Christians with non-orthodox views). The myth developed that these three groups of people had made covenants with the Devil to gain power to harm others and the Plague was their fault.

The results of this demonization are a blight upon our Western "Christian" Civilization. The persecution of Heretics lay behind the Inquisition and it also lay behind the mentality of the post Reformation that considered it right to wage religious wars. The persecutions of the Jews continued until the 20th Century and the Holocaust.

The persecution of Witches had its own holocaust. In the 16th and 17th Centuries untold thousands of folk were burned at the stake as Witches. Little evidence was needed. Anyone who had ever shown at anytime in their life any connection to folk wisdom or medicine could fear that someone would accuse them of being in league with the Devil.

Today we live in a time that is supposed to be past such intolerance, but it still exists, just in more subtle forms. Hatred of Gays, immigrants, and Witches is the fuel of the Religious Right. Radio Preachers spew forth a constant stream of invective and lies. There is a good case to be made that this rhetoric supports a climate that excuses hate crimes against "unaccepted" groups.

Since this hatred was done in the name of Christ in the past and often is done and excused in the name of Christ today, I, as one who names the name of Christ, feel a special responsibility to stand against it. I, deep inside my heart, feel that to ignore the persecution of any group of people in the name of Christ is to ignore a persecution of Christ.

For me, finally, it came down to a reality that to continue to deny being a Witch was to excuse and support the persecution of Witches in the past and the harassment of Witches today, and thus to "do it unto" Jesus himself, to fail to stand with Christ, and thus to deny Christ. In the end, I could not deny I was a Witch without denying Christ.

Of course other Christian Witches will have other reasons for their need to own the term. For each of us it is a very personal choice. Some of us are Witches because of a family tradition. For us to deny our being Witches is to put a lie to our heritage and the Witches who went before us.

Others of us are Witches because our Feminist journey led us this way, and for us to deny our being Witches is to deny the injustice done by the Patriarchy against all women. For us our affirmation of being a Witch is a political statement against Patriarchy that is simply necessary.

Similarly some of us embraced our Witchcraft due to our journey along the path of Eco-justice and our commitment to the Earth. For us the ecological crisis of the crucified Mother Earth is the ongoing crucifixion of the Cosmic Christ and for us an ecology that is divorced from spirituality is the root problem. We find a need to clearly speak for Nature Mysticism and the language of Witchcraft is the clearest way to do it.

Finally, for some of us, our own personal connection to the Divine in Christ is so wrapped up in our private psychic ritualization that we just cannot avoid the most natural language of Witchcraft to describe it. Many of us found that our spiritual journey in Christ only began to make sense and to work for us once we embraced ourselves as Witches. If this is our story why should we be embarrassed by it or seek to deny it by avoiding the language of the Craft?

Many who read these words will not be able to understand us, we who so strongly cling to Jesus of Nazareth and also so strongly cling to the threefold way of Witchcraft. We may be confusing. We may be to many an oxymoron. We may be disturbing.

Some of our fellow Christians who are not Witches often think we have denied Christ. But we see their hatred and fear of Witches as the real problem. Perhaps they need disturbing.

Some of our fellow Witches who are not Christians often think that Christianity can only be lived out in the xenophobic ways of the bigots. But we see their allowing the bigots to define the way of Jesus as the real problem. Perhaps they too need disturbing.

But I would rather see us Christians Witches as a bridge, as those who stand between worlds and can touch both. I would rather see us as those who draw a large circle that includes the many. We reach out to other Christians and claim the same sovereign. We reach out to spiritual people of other faith systems who embrace the same Craft. In the crux we stand and say to all, our differences are never as great as our similarities. It is far past time for us to stop dividing and hating, and start uniting and caring.