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CAUTION! CAMPFIRE BANDITS AT LARGE! CAUTION!
A relatively new type of bandit is threatening the security of America's campgrounds. These bandits, posing as young and hungry teenagers, come into camps just after dusk and con unsuspecting campers out of their S'mores, marshmallows, and hot dogs that have been roasted over the campfire. The above image is the only known photo of these bandits at work. They manage to keep their faces hidden with their shirts using the ruse of campfire smoke in their eyes. Your best and only defense is to feed them while talking about the importance of a college education and how much tougher things were when you were a kid. They will quickly leave in search of other less boring camps.
TIPS AND HINTS
Whenever possible, always check and test any new equipment at home before you take it on a camping trip.
Make a checklist of items you need to take camping. The first few times you go camping take along a pen and paper to write down anything you discover that you want to add to the list. Always use the checklist when packing. Even the experienced camper can forget some items. Not having that roll of toilet paper with you can be a bummer.
Always pack a pair of long pants and a hooded sweatshirt. Although it doesn't happen very often in Missouri, it can get cold at night in July and August. On those rare occasions when it does get cold, you will sleep much better with the hood on your head.
You can reduce the number of critters that get into your tent by keeping the entrance zipped.
After you've cooked your hot meal, fill up the pot with water and let it be heating up while you are eating. When you are done with your meal, your water is hot for dishes.
Take along a small back pack or fanny pack. They come in handy for carrying a water bottle or snacks.
Remember when purchasing your first tent, dark colors absorb heat and light colors reflect heat.
If it's going to be a cold night, fold your next-day clothes, put them in your sleeping bag with you. Your clothes will be nice and warm in the morning.
Don't go near a wild animal that looks or acts sick. Many wild animals can carry rabies: raccoons, skunks, bats, even squirrels can be dangerous if infected with the disease.
DEET-based repellents are the most effective on the worst bugs. Although DEET may damage varnish or polyester fabric, the number of side effects people report is very small. For my money, DEET is the only effective repellent for ticks.
Make your own "custom" blocks of ice by freezing water in various sizes of Tupperware style containers.
CAMPGROUND ETIQUETTE
1. Be respectful of the other campers. Don't stay up until all hours of the morning partying. By 11:00 PM most other campers around you are trying to sleep. If you want to party all night try backpacking with your group into the wilderness and setting up camp there. That way you'll only be disturbing the creatures of the forest.
2. If you bring a dog or other pet with you, please bring a pooper-scooper. Those who use the campsite after you shouldn't have to worry about where they step or what they step in. Not everyone is an animal lover, don't let your pet run loose through other campsites.
3. Plan your trip so that you arrive at the campground before it gets dark. You're only making it more difficult for yourself by trying to set up camp in darkness. Also, don't drive around the campground with your high beams turned on looking for that perfect campsite. Most campers really DON'T want to use your headlights to make shadow puppets.
4. Please watch your language. Some campers may have small children with them. Just because you came unprepared to deal with camping, your kids, your wife, the bugs, or what have you, it doesn't give you the right to curse loudly.
5. If you're drinking alcohol, please do so in moderation. A loud and obnoxious drunk irritates everyone.
6. While shooting bottle rockets at your neighbor's campsite may be entertaining, it's a definite no-no.
7. Don't bring painted or stained lumber to burn as firewood. Most people are at the campground to escape the smells and polluted air of the city.
8. Don't cut down living trees for firewood. Green wood doesn't burn very well anyway.
9. Clean your campsite before you leave. Those who come after you don't want to camp in your garbage.
LOST IN THE WOODS
Weekend campers probably don't have to worry about knowing survival skills but it doesn't hurt to know "lost" signals. Any time you're in the woods you should have at least a whistle with you. You can signal with a mirror, whistle, or even by shouting. Signal three times, pause 10 seconds, signal three more times, pause, etc. It also helps to stay put and build a smoky fire.
Here are some relatively unknown "lost" quotes and the author:
"Getting a "D" in navigation is good enough for me."
Amelia Earhart upon completion of flying school.
"Hey, I think you guys are headed in the wrong direction for the restaurant."
Jimmy Hoffa
"I love building cities in obscure locations."
Architect for the city of Atlantis
"Ah, here's a safe place for it."
Keeper of the Holy Grail
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