Welcome to My Newly Redecorated Website!

Living Openly Transgendered

I have recently been meditating on the fact that my femininity comes from within; it is not something that I put on, or do to myself. And I am happy. Would I be happier if I were biologically or surgically a woman? Actually, I would be no happier, and no less happy. Some things would be easier, some more awkward. Sex would be different (duh!) and I would need a different partner. Since I am deeply in love with the partner I've got,
there's a reason not to change.

So if I am not a transsexual or genetic woman, what am I? I'm really the same person whatever I wear--same values, same assertiveness, same creativity, same friends, strengths, weaknesses. I am more comfortable in women's clothes, and I think they are more expressive of who I am. I tend to mix my wardrobe both ways--there's menswear when I present as a woman, and there's a lot of womenswear in my male wardrobe too. A lot of garments do double
duty.

What has happened in the nearly two years I've been dressing openly as a woman is that I have really come to accept my own femininity. I don't say "feminine side" because it's not that distinct. Femininty crops up throughout my being--at work, in lovemaking, in my love for cooking, in the music I like (Chopin, Tschaikovsky, Laura Nyro, the Eagles, Queen), and so on.

In crossdressing, I have progressed to the point where I can be accepted as a woman anywhere. I have a good wardrobe, nice femme voice, my deportment is fine, my body movements though masculine are not out of range of female. I have gone to government offices, straight 12-step meetings, classes, and church dressed. I am active in 3 support groups and am the minister of a church with several active transgendered people. Shopping, restaurants, and
bathrooms are no problem.

I am out to my wife (supportive), mother (does not approve), and to my neighbor (wife overheard him talking to his girlfriend about me). He's the neighborhood gossip, so probably everyone knows. No crosses burning on my lawn yet.

Recently my focus has started to shift, from passing as a woman to being openly transgendered. "Passing" implies that a person is fooling someone, pretending to be what they are not. During a tryout stage, passing makes sense. My femininity, long suppressed, burst free. It was new; it was scary. I wasn't sure I wanted to do this; I was trying it out. Now the tryout stage is over. This is real. Intuitive friends (who do not know about my
dressing en femme) are starting to call me Rikki even without being told. I am Rikki. Rikki is me. Rikki isn't "the real me" to the exclusion of Rick; Rikki isn't just for fun or for the challenge. Rikki and Rick are really just the same person. A person I like and am. A woman as well as a man.

I went to my first Tri-Ess meeting the other day. Met Virginia Prince. Used my male voice for the first time en femme. My reason was to make the statement that I am openly transgendered. I seemed to be better accepted at the group for doing that. When we left the meeting and crossed the hotel lobby, I returned to my femme voice; that surprised people from the meeting.

Yesterday I went to a Codependents Anonymous meeting. I often go dressed. This was the first time that I talked openly about gender issues. I talked about the frustration I feel because so many people from my past want me to be male. The people at the meeting accepted me even after I spoke, and that felt really good.

Let me know what you think about my page. Send mail by clicking here.

Additional Pages in my Website

Would you like to know more about me? Then read my Bio Page . As an added bonus you'll see the rarest kind of transgendered photo on the internet! (*giggle* If that doesn't pique your interest, nothing will.)

Want info on going out in Los Angeles? Please click on Out-N-About in Los Angeles

Want to know more about the church I'm involved in? It's The Joan Of Arc Ministry, a grass-roots ecumenical fellowship. We currently have a worship services twice a month on Sunday at 10 am in the Los Angeles area. We sit around and talk after, maybe go out and get a bite to eat. Most of the members are transsexuals, crossdressers, and their family and friends. If you would like to find out more, follow the link.

Would you like to join me in prayer? You are welcome to, whatever your religious tradition. Just click on this link to read (and submit additions to) my prayer list . There's also a short prayer (one of my favorites) and a picture that just had to go on that page (giggle).

Links to Other People's Websites

Here are links (in alphabetical order) to some of my very bestest friends (who are also some of the greatest people) on the whole wide earth!

Darya is the local "bad girl" with a heart of gold. It's an honor to call her my friend.

Diana has probably the best fashion sense of any of my friends. She is also the most cheerful and compassionate person I know.

Hope is gorgeous, and as warm and unassuming as she is beautiful.

Jade Catherine Devlin is perhaps the best authority on reconciling being transgendered and Christian. Like me, she is both, and is an inspiration to me and countless others.

Kathy Camfield is warm and friendly, genuinely one of my very best friends online.

Lori Leah is incredibly glamourous and nice too. What a woman!

Megan is very intelligent, and knows a wealth of information about transgendered issues. She also has a wicked sense of humor!

Michelle Lee has a definite style and verve. She has an incredible way of teaching poise by example--I learned a lot from her!

Mikki is probably the best conversationalist I know. She is warm, witty, and genuinely cares about other people.