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We've watched Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer for nine years, witnessing thousands of social interactions among themselves, countless New Yorkers and others. It has been a cavalcade and faux pas, each one instantly nailed by some self-appointed arbiter of postmodern manners. Here's a handy guide to gracefully navigating the Seinfeld world.
* Don't double-dip the chip you already bit. (episode 57)
* Scoop small food such as corn niblets or peas with your fork. Don't prong them one at a time. (105)
* If a guest brings food, such as a loaf of bread, to your dinner party, serve it. (115)
* Don't degift (take back something you gave), regift (give away something you received), issue an unvite or nonvitation (to someone you hope won't attend your function) or overthank (by calling with a day-after thanks if you said thanks the night before). (115, 29, 156, 103)
* You need only keep a thankyou card for two days after receiving it, unless you have a mantle. (85)
* Never stare at cleavage (it's too risky). Think of it as looking at the sun: Get a sense of it, then look away. (54)
* Never term a friend's relationship "hot and heavy" unless he or she has given you the permission to do so. (115)
* Be sure to ask a woman her name before you make out with her. (58)
* Even if you know her name, don't make out with her during "Schindler's List" (79)
* After sleeping with a woman, you must date her for at least three weeks. (88)
* Don't order the same breakfast as your date. It's just one small step from the couple that dresses alike. (78)
* Romance does not mean sharing your toothbrush. (100)
* Doctors, dentists: Do not sully the clinical atmosphere of your waiting room with magazines such as Penthouse. (99)
* Don't refer to little people as midgets. (77)
* The longer you know someone, the shorter you have to wait for him or her on the street. (137)
* When in a movie theather, observe the empty "bufferzone seat" between you and the person beside you. (112)
* Spare a sqare in the rest room. (73)
* Don't pee in the shower at the health club. (78)
* And for goodness' sake, don't remove a TV GUIDE from someone's home -- it may be part of a collection. (71)
* Don't double park! You might block someone in. If you do, leave a note. According to George, this is how dictatorships start. (Thanks to jmd8658@labs.tamu.edu)(Janice Drabek)
* If chickens have individual personalities, we should not be eating them. (Thanks to jmd8658@labs.tamu.edu)(Janice Drabek)
* If you are invited to a dinner party, bring something such as wine and cake (not pepsi and ringdings). (Thanks to jmd8658@labs.tamu.edu)(Janice Drabek)
* Never throw away a present, say a watch for instance, that your parents gave you. (Thanks to jmd8658@labs.tamu.edu)(Janice Drabek)
* Remember to give proper punctuation in taking a phone message down. (Hence: Your friend had a baby!) (Thanks to Ian_Fleming_MI6@hotmail.com)
* Don't sell your fathers cabana clothes, he might need them for a vacation.
*Thanks to TV Guide, Special Edition, Spring 1998*