The coffee-table book about coffee tables...the "Bro" bra for men ...beach-scented Beach cologne--yada yada yada. Like we haven't all heard about Kramer's greatest hits. But the K-man's an idea factory, churning out schemes and scams and kooky concepts faster than you can say, "Giddy-up!" In fact, there's such a fertile mind lurking under that "Eraserhead"--via--Don King hairdo. Here's a list of some of the carzy things that Kramer has done on the show.
* Operating the Peterman Reality Tour, based on J.Peterman's bestselling "biography" based on anecdotes from Kramer's life. (147)
* Using butter as an aftershave moisturizer, then accidentially frying himself while sunbathing on the roof, thereby acquiring a special Newman-tormenting scent. (149)
* Suing Java World for millions after suffering cafe-latte burns. (106)
* Selling George's interoffice envelope bearing the signatures of New York Yankees star Don Mattingly and manager Buck Showalter. (108)
* Instructing fireman on using shortcuts to reach fires faster (the radio scanner bought at Leapin' Larry's appliance store tells him there's a crying need for his help). (111)
* Training Little Jerry Seinfeld, his own cockfighting champion. (137)
* Putting Kramerica Industries to work developing a rubber bladder for oil tankers to prevent oil spills. (150)
* Adopting a highway and cleaning it himself, even washing the traffic signs in Jerry's kitchen sink. (142)
* Making gravel in a blender. (154)
* Cashing in on recycling by traveling to Michigan with Newman in a postal truck full of soda bottles, because the bottle-return rate is a nickel higher there. (124)
* Insisting he deserves the $100 prize because a bank's everybody-gets-a-hello policy was violated when he got a "Hey" instead. (126)
* Running a dinner for 183 Jewish singles and cooking delicacies like kreplach and tzimmes with Frank Costanza. (132)
* Slicing his own meat, extra thin, with his own meat slicer. (156)
* Hoarding his own blood in Newman's meat freezer to avoid the blood bank's service charge. (152)
* Saving time by doing everyday errands in the shower, including preparing radish roses for a dinner party. (157)
* Making sausages with Newman in Jerry's apartment. (152)
* Suing the tobacco companies for ruining his face after he ran a smoking lounge in his apartment for three days. (135)
* Installing a hot tub, with its 16,000-BTU heat pump, in his living room. (109)
* Chaperoning Miss Rhode Island on her date with Jerry--as called for by Miss America's pageant rules--and then becoming her personal consultant. (83)
* A roll out tie dispenser. (5)
* Levels--a radical design concept that will transform his apartment into a pillow-strewn "ancient Egypt" (later used as a scene in the NBC pilot Jerry). (7)
* Faking a ski lodge in his apartment with eratz wood wallpaper. (58)
* Dispensing with his fridge and eating only fresh food. (89)
* The Bro--a Bra for chesty men. (98)
* Da Vinci Sleep--20 minutes every three hours, based on Leonardo's supposed slumber patterns. (121)
* PB&J's, serving only peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches. (121)
* Wearing only hot-out-of-the-dryer clothes. (123)
* A car equipped with a periscope for urban navigation. (126)
* Asserting that 94 percent of communication is nonverbal, he resolves never to speak again. (161)
* A fleet of rickshaws pulled by New York CIty's homeless. (165)
* Hello and welcome to movie phone. Please enter the first 3 digits of the movie you want to see....Why don't you just tell me the name of the movie you want to see.
* The raincoats, the EXECUTIVE. (82)
* The cuban cigar rollers who turned out to be Dominicans who took the idea of communism and wore Castro type clothing and ended up rolling crepes. (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* The time that Kramer ran for president of Del Boca Vista and was giving out these fancy schmancy calculators a.k.a. Tip Calculators which ended up to be counterfeit. (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* "The Beach" cologne that was later stolen by Calvin Klien and then Kramer went in to complain and ended up modeling in his underwear. (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* Schemed to get Jerry's Van. First he told Jerry what to write, then ended up responding to the ad himself. (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* The time he converted his apartment into that old talk show and treated everyone like guests. (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* When he spent all the Japanese guys' money and they ended up staying in his drawers. (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* His "Mental alarm clock." (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* When he had 600 golf balls in the trunk of his car and hit them into the ocean, but only got one that ended up in the blowhole of a whale. (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* His Anti-Mail campaign. (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* He was mistaken for a pimp because of his pink cadillac and funky robe he was wearing. (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* "Don't you see what's going on here?...No boxers, no briefs." "I'm out there Jerry and I'm LOVIN' every minute of it." (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* When Kramer fell in love with that woman in the wheelchair but he bought her a defective wheelchair and she ended up rolling down a hill. (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* The one where Kramer test drives a car for Jerry but he tries to see how far he can go without filling it up...and he gets the car dealer into it...and at the end of the episode Kramer just ends up leaving him in the middle of the highway with no gas. (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* "They're choclate, they're pepperment, they're very refreshing"....When that Junior Mint fell into the guy who was being operated on...and I just loved how Kramer was waving to the doctor to move over because he couldn't see the surgery. (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* When Kramer and Jerry switched apartments and swtiched personalities because of Kenny Roger's Roasters. (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* Assman. (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* During the Puerto Rican parade Kramer was running from a bunch of people when he went into an apartment where he pretended to be this wealthy industrialist, A.P. Pennypacker. (Thanks to TOIVI ACE@aol.com)(Rob)
* Kramer started swimming in the east river. (Thanks to iambatman5@juno.com)
* Kramer stopped at an office to use the restroom and then just started working there. He was "TCB" - taken' Care of Business. (Thanks to Doug.Young@ins.gte.com)(Doug Young)
* Kramer was taking Karate lessons and was the best in the class. It was later discovered that his class was with children. (Thanks to Doug.Young@ins.gte.com)(Doug Young)
* The reverse peephole on his door, so that he could check in his apartment before entering, thus avoiding an ambush. (Thanks to Doug.Young@ins.gte.com)(Doug Young)
* The Junior Mints (during the surgery). (Thanks to Lehman20@aol.com)(Brian Lehman)
* Getting Joe Dommagio's attention in dinky dounuts. (Thanks to Lehman20@aol.com)(Brian Lehman)
* Kramer hiding the key to his strong box in all those stupid places. (Thanks to Lehman20@aol.com)(Brian Lehman)
* Turning his front door into the "All American front porch." (Thanks to Lehman20@aol.com)(Brian Lehman)
* Renovating the restaurant on top of the Chrysler Building. (Thanks to Allie52927@aol.com)
* 2.9 Financing on Toyota One (Thanks to Allie52927@aol.com)
If there's any that I left out that you know of, please e-mail me and let me know. Thanks!
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*Thanks to TV Guide, Special Edition, Spring 1998*