Things never get too touchy-feely on Seinfeld, but there sure is plenty of talk about touching and feeling. Jerry and company have tackled taboo subjects such as masterbation and oral sex without ever naming such acts. Instead, they've addressed delicate subjects with a myriad of masquerading terms (perhaps in order to get "hand" in their relationship with those pesky NBC standards-and-practices bluenoses). The following is a list a lexicon of lust, Seinfeld style.
Are Those the Panties Your Mother Laid Out for You? (episode 46) Jerry's lame attempt at talking dirty while seducing Elaine's secretary. (Shockingly, it ruins the mood.)
Backed Up (79) How Jerry is feeling because he hasn't had sex since his parents have come to stay with him.
Buck Naked (49) Name George would call himself if he were a porn star
Changing Teams (96) Refers to homosexuals becoming straight and, presumably, vice-versa; despite Elaine's efforts, a gay guy decides to stay in his old stadium
Cleavage Peek (54) What George gets when NBC president's teen daughter bends over
Do Everything (115) An oral performance Elaine's saxophone-playing boyfriend refuses to give; when he finally does, he can't perform (on the sax, that is)
Fornicating Gourmet (152) What Jerry calls George when he is able to combline his two passions, food and sex
Fugitive Sex (137) Mind-blowing sex George has after his convict girlfriend Celia breaks out of jail
Home-Bed Advantage (10) Benefit one has when making love in one's own surroundings; what Jerry worries he will lose if Elaine moves into his building and drops by unannounced
It (77) Elaine's term for a particular part of a man's body (you know: it)
It Didn't Take (105) George's explanation for Susan's fleeting lesbian experience
I Want to Slide My Tounge Around You Like a Snake (25) Annoymous erotic message Elaine leaves on Jerry's tape recorder, exciting George, Jerry, and Kramer
Makeup Sex (106) Jerry's favorite kind of sex in a serious relationship
Master of your Domain (49) One who can abstain from masterbation (the longest, if in a contest)
The Move (101) Jerry's masterful bedroom technique that Puddy adopts, satisfying Elaine; involves a headboard
Mulva (58) What Jerry guesses his girlfriend's name is, knowing only that "it rhymes with a female body part"
My Boys Can Swim! (33) George's joyous cry when convinced his sperm impregnated his date
The Naked Station (14) The dirty channel Jerry and Elaine watch, boring them into having sex; a channel that George says he knows better than to sign up for because he would never leave the house
Nip (51) Elaine's nickname after co-workers discover an embarrassing detail (her nippple) on her Christmas card photo
Put In (88) Amount of time one must devote to a relationship after it has become sexual
Sexual Camel (135) George's term for his ability to go without sex for a long time
Sexual Perjury (62) Jerry's term for faking orgasim. After Elaine claims she "faked 'em all" with Jerry, he begs for another shot (and gets it)
Shrinkage (81) Physical reaction George is having after swimming in cold water
Slip One Past the Goalie (86) To impregnate a woman
Sponge-Worthy (113 and 115) Quality one possesses if Elaine decides to sacrifice one of her precious, discontinued Today contraceptive sponges for sex. See: "Do everything"
The Switch (93) An (always ill-fated) attempt to go out with one woman, then dump her and date the roommate
The Tap (62) Dissatisfied date's signal for George to stop his attempt to "do everything"
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*Thanks to TV Guide, Special Edition, Spring 1998*