Oldsmobile presented TV's Jon Stewart in their Celebrity Circle.
The transcript was edited for ease of reading and to correct typographical
errors and was prepared in standard ASCII by emcee BobXR:
OnlineHost: Copyright 1995 America Online, Inc.
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OnlineHost: Your host tonight is CSEmcee5 (JackDL)
OnlineHost: One of America's hottest young comedians, Jon Stewart is the
host of the late-night nationally syndicated talk/variety show, "The Jon
Stewart Show."
OnlineHost: Featuring a variety of celebrity guests, Jon brings to
television his unique brand of humor and slightly off-kilter view of the
world. Watch for Jon's live stand-up performance on May 6 in Atlanta at the
Center Stage and for Van Halen's appearance on "The Jon Stewart Show" on
April 27.
OnlineHost: Oldsmobile and America Online are pleased to present Mr. Jon
Stewart!
CSEmcee5: Welcome to Center Stage, Mr. Stewart.
StewartJon: Hello!
CSEmcee5: Here is your first question:
Question: Do you think your show is geared toward the teens,
twenty-somethings, or older...who are your fans?
StewartJon: It's geared towards 6 to 10 year olds.
Question: Who was your favorite guest that you had on the show?
StewartJon: Musically, recently, I loved Our Lady of Peace.
Question: Jon, how do you feel about Cindy Crawford?
StewartJon: Warm and tingly! And I bet if I were taller she would feel the
same!
Question: Who would you like to have on the show that you have not had the
opportunity to acquire yet?
StewartJon: Drew Barrymore.
Question: How did you decide to become a talk show host? Where did you come
from?
StewartJon: I grew up in a small fishing village [NJ]. I didn't decide to be
one, it sorta happened. It was a consolation prize for MTV's win a date with
Prince contest!
Question: How did you get started in television?
StewartJon: I started with Comedy Central as a writer.
Question: What would Jon drop on Dave Letterman if he could?
StewartJon: Rose petals!
Question: How do you feel towards Howard Stern?
StewartJon: I think he's very funny although I did once wake up in the
morning to "Yeah, Jon Stewart sucks!". That was a drag!
Question: Hey Jon, big fan here! Want to know what up with former co-host
Patty Rosborough? You guys had great chemistry, want to know if you're still
in touch?
StewartJon: Patty got pregnant and now she's got 2 kids so I don't see her
much anymore.
Question: Hi Jon. How can I get tickets to your show?
StewartJon: Call the number that you see at the end of the show!
Question: Jon what kind of projects if any do you lined up for the near
future?
StewartJon: I'll be doing an animated children's show called Beaver and
Friends. My big wish in the business is to educate.
Question: Define off-kilter view?
StewartJon: No. I don't know what it is!
Question: You have such great talent! Can we expect anything on the big
screen from you?
StewartJon: I was in Mixed Nuts as rollerblader number 1, which received
grand notices. Right now I have no plans; I'm pretty busy with the show.
Question: Jon, love the show. Will you be releasing a tape of the May 6
Atlanta performance?
StewartJon: Probably not.
Question: Are you happy with your new syndicated show or do you miss MTV?
StewartJon: I miss MTV a bit. I used to follow Beavis and Butthead every
night. Now we follow anyone from Letterman to Real Stories of the Highway
Patrol...infomercials.
Question: Other late night hosts wear suits and ties, did you get much
resistance from execs to wear your casual attire?
StewartJon: They suggested jumpsuits. I knew right off the bat that they
were !@#$%^&.
Question: Would you consider taking over Conan O'Brian's post?
StewartJon: I've never been asked.
Question: Are you going to have Robin Quivers on for her book promotion?
StewartJon: Only if Jackie will read from it on the show!
Question: John, are there different expectations between doing the show on
MTV and on "regular TV", other than ratings?
StewartJon: Not really, I'm still not supposed to suck!
Question: From an insiders standpoint, is Hollywood really a jungle as many
people depict it?
StewartJon: Maybe, I live in NY. Hollywood seems all about showbiz, to sit
in a local bar and talk to people not involved with the business at all is
sort of refreshing. People in NY will tell you what they really think...then
punch you in the face.
Question: When did you start doing stand up?
StewartJon: I started about 8 years ago at a place called, appropriately
enough, The Bitter End.
Question: Who has been the toughest guest?
StewartJon: Hmmmm, Eric Roberts was kinda tough. He wasn't really facing me
in the interview. The back of his head was cooperative!
Question: How has success effected your life in general?
StewartJon: I now bathe in tubs filled with liquid gold!
Question: What's the worst blooper/screwup you've ever had on your show?
StewartJon: I do a lot of stuff where I call the people by their wrong name.
Once I told a woman "Good luck on the Emmys", she had already lost!
Question: Do you prefer talk-showing, writing, or stand-up? Which is your
favorite?
StewartJon: I like the talk show because it is a bit writing, standup and
acting. When I am doing the show I can live in my Apt., whereas when I'm on
the road, you're in hotels getting drunk with travelling salesmen who hate
their families.
Question: Are we gonna see more "Talk Show John" segments in the future?
StewartJon: Yeah every Friday will be a new Talk Show John. And then FOX
will probably spin it off starring an up and coming rapper as me!
Question: Who is the person you disliked the most during an interview?
StewartJon: Usually myself for some amazing screwup!
Question: Do you choose which bands come on the show?
StewartJon: I work with the music coordinator of the show, Bruce Gilmer.
Question: How did you get involved with Earth Day in D.C.?
StewartJon: They called. My choice was Earth Day or peep shows and I was
sort of out of tokens.
Question: Is there enough room for all the talk shows that are out there
now?
StewartJon: No, and that's why I feel the other fellows should back off! Let
the new guy have his fun although I feel that there's room for Rolanda.
Question: Jon, just curious why the show takes so many breaks? Seems like
that would kind of get regular viewers out of the habit of watching the show.
StewartJon: Yeah, it's hard. I have to go by a syndicated schedule which is
different from a network schedule.
Question: What hobbies do you have?
StewartJon: I like to wax the asses of small boys...oh wait, I'm sorry,
that's MJ! Uh...I like to whittle! Really, I listen to a lot of music.
Occasional game of hockey. Glamorous huh?
Question: How much of a surprise was it that very attractive recent guest
didn't know who Ernest Borgnine was, make you feel old?
StewartJon: Surprised! How could...the man is a legend! He's a modern day Ed
Asner for God sakes!
Question: Who's your favorite writer (author, poet, etc.)?
StewartJon: Right now, Jack Finney, Graham Greene, Camus and the Penthouse
Forum.
Question: Where do you stand on the OJ Simpson trail?
StewartJon: Uh with my remote control clicking it off!
Question: Jon, is your show being syndicated outside the US yet? They'd love
you in Sweden
StewartJon: Yes, we're very big in Sweden. Chileans are the ones who really
have a passion for the show. I'm known there as "El Stewart"!
Question: It seems like the show is a little more "straight" now. Does that
bug you?
StewartJon: I'm not sure I know what you mean by that!
Question: Hi, Jon. If you could go back in time, where and when would it be?
StewartJon: I'd go back to when Jane Fonda was making Barbarella and she'd
go out with me, and I'd also save John Kennedy from dying...nah nah
nah...just to Jane Fonda.
Question: Which guest has left you speechless?
StewartJon: I think Elle McPherson., Claudia Schiffer, and Naomi Cambell. I
couldn't believe that I got to talk to them for more than ten minutes without
having a drink thrown in my face!
Question: What was your "Big Break"; Was it SAST or the Young Comedians
Special?
StewartJon: I think being on Letterman.
Question: What guest have you had the most fun with on the show?
StewartJon: We had a lot of fun with David Carradine, Jennifer Tilly.
Question: Do you watch Melrose Place?
StewartJon: No I'm not usually home in time. I'm too busy taping naked
public access shows!
Question: Is there a guest that you will never invite back to the show? If
so, why not?
StewartJon: Nobody's lit the place on fire, there hasn't been a huge
transgression.
Question: Do you have a formal direction on how the interview is going to
go, or is it anything goes?
StewartJon: We have a basic structure but when you're out there it's
anything goes. Definitely not like McNiell Lehrer.
Question: Is taping the show a full day of work, or do you have a lot of
free time?
StewartJon: I show up piss-drunk at 5. Roll tape at 6. Done by 7:05. My days
are pretty much 12 hours. I put a lot of work into it.
Question: Do you like Rap music, Be honest!
StewartJon: Depends on the artist. I like Digable Planets and Spearhead.
Question: Where did you come up with your interviewing style? You seem so
much more at ease with your guests (especially the actresses..hehe) compared
to your late night counterparts.
StewartJon: I just try and treat it...it's such a contrived situation
anyway, like a blind date. I try and make them feel as comfortable as I can.
I watched hours and hours of Mike Douglas tapes!
Question: Would you ever go out with Ricki Lake ?
StewartJon: Uhm, yeah but only to a steak house!
Question: Did you see the picture of you they put up here? Kinda shady
lookin.
StewartJon: Nah I didn't see it. Not my best side eh?
Question: Arsenio was syndicated and he died a long slow death. Would you
consider networking to avoid that?
StewartJon: I'd love to get on network. I don't know if it's in the cards
but it would be great. If you're going to kill me make it quick and painless!
Question: Have you ever interviewed a guest, then had to scrap the interview
because the guest was too rude, incoherent, etc.?
StewartJon: No. Once we did a sketch where I interviewed a writer but we
never aired that. The crowd didn't get the irony of what we were doing. They
just booed because they saw Hitler and didn't realize that it was two Jews
just playing the role[s].
Question: Have you ever been watching TV, you flip the channel and there's
an empty couch and you slap yourself on the head and say, "Whoops!"?
StewartJon: No but sometimes I turn on the TV and I see Wheel of Fortune and
think the same thing ...dammit, it could be me turning those letters!
Question: Okay, I have to ask, Boxers of briefs?
StewartJon: Crotchless Leiderhosen!
Question: Jon, how can I submit material for your show?
StewartJon: Just mail it in. I'm actually not allowed to open it. It has to
come through an agent.
Question: Are you going to have Kato on your show? What funny tricks will
you have him do, if so?
StewartJon: I wouldn't have Kato on the show. There so many talented people
that we don't have room for on the show. I can't see blowing six minutes on
that lunkhead!
Question: Are you coming out with a Jon Stewart interactive CD-ROM, like
Entertainment Weekly reported?
StewartJon: I don't believe so. We have enough trouble affording pictures of
David Hasselhoff!
Question: Hey Jon, I was in the audience for a taping of one of your shows
when you were on MTV. Rachel Hunter & Jennifer Tilly were guests. Jennifer
Tilly was absolutely nuts! Did you, will you ever have her on your show
again?
StewartJon: She's been on three times since. Rachel Hunter has never been
back.
Question: Hey, Jon, what exactly do you call that walk you do in circles?
StewartJon: I believe it is known as the moron walk. Aptly named for Ronco
who invented it.
Question: Are you married, single or dating?
StewartJon: Single, dating.
Question: Jon, do you have any interesting tattoo's. and if so where are
they?
StewartJon: On my arm I have a bar code for twinkies! It sucks though cuz
when I go to the supermarket it beeps and I have to pay extra!
Question: Can you get Joni Mitchell on your show?
StewartJon: I'm not too familiar with her recent music. After we have
Donovan maybe we'll have her.
Question: How would you improve the pitiful Saturday Night Live?
StewartJon: It's a puzzle to me because they have some really talented
people over there. Maybe we're all just used to the format.
Question: Jon, have you ever worked in radio?
StewartJon: Never been a DJ or on-air person. I took woodshop in
high-school!
OnlineHost: All good things must come to an end. Our time has run out for
this event.
CSEmcee5: Thank you for joining us tonight, Mr. Stewart.
StewartJon: Thank you! Enjoyed myself on the Internet.
CSEmcee5: Thanks for joining us tonight, audience. Good night everyone.
OnlineHost: Our thanks to Oldsmobile and Jon Stewart for stopping by the
Bowl for this event. Don't forget your transcript which will be live within
24 hours in the Oldsmobile area, keyword: Oldsmobile. And don't forget to
stop by tomorrow at 10pm ET when Oldsmobile highlights yet another
personality in its Celebrity Circle. Thank you, good night!
OnlineHost: Copyright 1995 America Online, Inc.
Transmitted: 95-06-08 19:40:18 EDT