THE VIEW FROM HERE.
by Edward D. H. Tash

I'm innocent, I had nothing to do with the disappearance of the County Police Car (that was later found in my garage). Okay let me start at the beginning, since that were most stories begin (and the only way I know how to tell one).

The Delmont Brothers were over, on the night in question. Buddy had recentily brewed his first all-grain batch of homebrew and it was time to sample it (Author's note: it tasted great). Kira and Ben where at her mothers house watching a marathon of Disney movies (Fantasia, Cinderla and bootleg copies of Snow White and Bambi). I didn't plan to see them until morning.

About midnight Larry wanted to get his sleeping bag out of his car (Buddy and Larry were to drunk to drive). He told me he had a case of homebrew for me, so I went outside with him. When he tried to open the car he found that he had locked his keys in his car. I said "No problem, I've got a slim-jim", and opened the door up in 15 seconds. Larry was amazed that it was that easy to break into a car. I showed him how to do it (my first mistake) and he practice on his car. After watching him open his car 5 or 6 times. I went into the house to get another homebrew and go to the bathroom. While I was gone he must have gotten bored and started opening all of my neighbors cars. He later told me that he first had to open the car up and lock the door just in order to use the slim-jim (sometimes Larry isn't to bright).

When I went back outside, I grabbed Larry and told him that a County Cop lived just down the street, the car was parked in the front of the house (this was my second mistake) and it's illegal to use a slim-jim on someone's car without their permission. I told him to leave my neighbors cars alone and come back into the house, and 'Relax and have homebrew'. On the way back into the house I put the slim-jim back in the garage. Not hiding the slim-jim would be my third and last mistake of the evening.

A few homebrews later I found myself sleeping quietly, peacefully you might say, not bothering a soul, at peace with the world. When all of a sudden I heard a police siren coming from my garage. It seems that after I had fallen a sleep, Buddy and Larry wanted to try the slim-jim out on a police car. One thing led to another and they pushed the car into my garage.

When I got into the garage and asked Larry what the hell he was doing, he calmly replied "Trying to turn off a siren". Just as he got the siren turn off, we heard in a deep, commanding voice "Larry, what the Hell are you doing with my police car?"

It's seems that my neighbor (the cop) is Larry's brother-in-law, and Larry knew that it was his car all along. Larry confessed to the whole thing saying it was payback for his brother-in-law having towed his car way last April. He let us off the hook as long as no one drove home.

I should have just killed Buddy and Larry right then, I was tempted to ask the Cop to lend me his gun. If my neighbor hadn't been such a good sport, I would have. Instead I took all of Buddy's home brew (3 cases), threw the car keys on the roof of the house and went to bed.

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View From Here 16 - Neon