NOT THE VIEW FROM HERE.
by Lawrence P. Delmont Jr.

Ed's having a busy month, he's trying to persuade Nissan to trade his monthly truck payments for advertising space in the 'dog'. That's why I'm writing 'THE VIEW FROM HERE'. He let me use his computer, a book of quotations, and a thesaurus (Did you knowthat the word thesaurus is not in a thesaurus?).

First of all, I hope those none of you believe any of the lies Ed has written about my brother (Buddy) and me. For example Buddy and I did not use a slim-jim to break into to a Floyd County Police Car, it was already unlocked. Therefor the slim-Jim was unnecessary. Also, my second bachelor party did not cause to cancellation of my second engagement- the rabbit only had a near death experience and is doing fine these days.

So, now that I have straightened out my misunderstood reputation, let me get on with the subject of the month -- the Great Beer & Pretzel Truck Disaster.

Due to legalities I can not tell exactly when (or where) this took place, but it did.

Buddy and I where on our way home from the Indy 500, up ahead of us be saw a Beck's beer truck make a lane change and clip the side of a Pretzel truck. This ripped the side of the pretzel truck open and caused the load on the beer truck to shift on and overturn.

Traffic came to a screeching halt, drivers got out of their cars to help the truck drivers. Both drivers just walked over to each other and asked how the other was.

After we saw that everyone was all right, we noticed that several of the beer kegs had broken open. Buddy and I ran back to the truck to get our beer mugs. A crowed started to form around the broken beer kegs. Everyone scrambled for drinking vessels I saw McDonalds coffee cups, thermal mugs and several weizen glasses. We just tipped a broken keg and filled our mugs.

I think it was one of the truck drivers who opened up the first bag of pretzels, but once he started everyone joined in. Someone even put AC/DC (Have a Drink On Me) on a boom-box and cranked it up. The merriment only lasted about fifteen minutes, that's when we heard the first siren. Buddy and I decided to head back to the truck and keep out of the way (and out of jail). When we got to the truck we saw that 2 kegs had rolled down the side of the highway and onto an access road. We got into the truck, finished our beers and wait for the State Police to get traffic moving. Then we went to find the access road (and the two escaped beer kegs).

We found a full barrel of Beck's Dark, a half-barrel of St. Pauli Girl and two cases of pretzels. We threw all of our find in the back of the truck and covered them with a tarp.

When we got back into town we borrowed a cold-plate and CO tank from a restaurant owner we know. We tapped the St. Pauli, called a few friends and had one hell of a party.

The next day I read about the wreck in the paper, a State Policeman was quoted saying 'Why couldn't they have been donut and milk trucks'. The truck driver was also quoted as saying 'There are going to be some thirsty and hungry people at local bars tonight’.

The Beck's Dark was hidden in a refrigerator in Buddy's garage. We waited two day days for the beer to settle down and cool off. While we waited we decided to drill a hole in the refrigerator (but, I'll save that story for the next time Ed's busy).

"I drink, therefore I am."
- Anonymous (from H.L. Mencken's Quotes, page 311)


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View From Hier 18 - Heavy Water