THE VIEW FROM HERE.
by Edward D. H. Tash

I called my mom up a week after the FOSSILS election. My mom lives in Florida and like all good sons I call my mother every month or so (and if I forget my wife reminds me).

Mom and I went through our usual conversation- what my son is up to, how work is going, which of my siblings have I talked to, which of my siblings am I not talking to (my brother), the latest hurricane to hit Florida, and how hot it is in Florida. Then she added "I hear you're president of a beer club". The tone she used to say 'beer' was the exact same tone that I use to say 'Lite' (Mom was not impressed).

At this point I could make some jokes about mothers, but my sister1 is, as you read your copy of the ’dog’, at a Xerox machine making a copy of this column to send to my mom and since I plan to remain my mother's favorite child I will refrain.

Mom did say that she could see me as a president of a computer club, but not a beer club. My mother is the white sheep of the family. Both of her parents are of German descent,(Gelhbach and
Waiz). Also, her mother (my grandmother) used to help her younger brother brew beer during prohibition. I know this because my Great Uncle and Grandmother told me. My Great Grandfather once made a still for a local moonshines (see View 13).

Mom then asked 'what do you do as president of a beer club?'. I replied that I get to help choose the beer we drink at meetings, help with the raffle and spend the club's money on equipment and beer.

After talking with my mom, I decided I should do a little research and see what other club's presidents do. I found a copy of 'Rules of Parliamentary Procedure' by Mrs. John F. Lewis. It was the revised edition (1923). On the back it says that many clubs and organizations use this as a manual to help plan a meeting.

Here's an real example from Ms Lewis' book - SPACE 12 represents the motion to Take a Recess. This Motion is Privileged only when made while other business is pending. It cannot be debated but may be amended but the amendment cannot be debated. If made when no other question is pending it is a Main Motion. It cannot be Reconsidered. (huh)

In the section of Nominations of Candidates for Office, it leaves out the best way - wait until a potential candidate leaves the room, then hold a special election. This is how we got our first vice-president Mark Keeler.

After skimming this book, I noticed a serious flaw- nowhere in it does it recommend picking the beer of the month or even a beer break. Now I ask you, how could any effective organization get by without beer as the lubricator of free thought and opinion. I
could understand if this was a manual for communists or Fascists, but not Parliament. I don't have any evidence, but I suspect the founders of Parliamentary Procedures- namely the Vikings- drank a horn of strong ale before and during their meeting and we all know how cool the Vikings were.

I've came to the conclusion, that if I had to live by the rules of parliamentary procedure, I'll become an anarchist. The book was a waste, on the other hand I have something for the next raffle.

And Mom wanted me to tell everyone hi.

"Yes, but I just dismissed it as a normal risk that any red-blooded American boy has to take."
Adlai Stevenson

1My sister and her husband are FOSSILS members.


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View From Here 24 - Guinness Book of World Records