Changes -- Love and Tears, Part 1

I lay there in the dark. Thinking... thinking about nothing. Just trying to get to sleep. I heard Mica's bed creak, but didn't bother to look over. I jumped a little when I felt her hand touch my arm.
"I'm cold." she whispered. It was wintertime, and the sewers were awful cold. I realized I was cold too. That was probably the reason I was having trouble getting to sleep. I lifted up my blankets and invited her to lay down.
She smiled and crawled in with me. I felt her plastron against my side and her hand creeping across my chestplate, examining each crinkle and crevice as it went. I put my arm around her and held her hand with the other. She sighed happily and soon her breathing grew steady and rhythmical.
I felt very content. I leaned down and gently kissed her on the top of the head. A smile grew on both our faces as my breathing slowed to match hers.

***

When I awoke the next morning, I was aware of a warm form next to me, holding me close. My eyes opened wide in shock, then I remembered.
I snuggled in closer to Mikey, wrapping my arms around his shell. I didn't want this moment of closeness to end.
I'm usually an early riser, but I didn't want to get up this morning. I wouldn't mind staying like this forever, wrapped tight in the arms of my Mikey.
Slowly, Mikey's breathing grew faster as he awoke. I looked up into his face. He leaned down and pressed his lips gently against mine.
I closed my eyes, thoroughly enjoying the close contact with him. I felt his other arm go around me and pull me closer as he shifted his body slightly towards me.
Suddenly, the sliding door to the car screeched open. I quickly yanked out of Mike's embrace and sat straight up.
"Rise and shine, boys and girls!" Raphael declared, "Time's a-wasting!"
When Raph saw us, a gasp that ended in a chuckle escaped his mouth "Heh heh heh heh. I see you're busy, Mike, you dawg you! I'll come back later."
I felt myself turn beet-red as I got out of Mikey's bed and began putting on my gear.
A glance at Mike showed by his red face that his emotions matched mine.
Raphael chuckled again and smacked Mike on the shell, "Good work, Mikey." Mike grew a shade redder. Raphael looked pleased with himself then left.
I didn't dare lift my eyes from the floor. Instead, we got ready for practice in silence.
Raphael smirked at us as we entered the practice room. Leo and Don both gave us questioning looks, signaling that Raphael had told them.
I picked up my broadsword and began my katas. It was a long and tedious practice that I usually completed when only Leonardo and I were up. The others' chatter and Raphael's snide comments distracted and sidetracked me so I often had to restart.
By the time I was done, it was 9 O'clock. The others were finished long before me. My arms and legs ached like crazy, and my stomach was demanding to be fed.
I walked into the kitchen, hoping that no one had finished off the fruit salad Mike and I had made yesterday. Mike and Raph were sitting at the table, talking.
"Hey it's Mikey's lover-gal." Raphael teased, making smooching noises at me. I answered his teasing with silence.
"Leave her alone, Raph." Mikey said with a tint of threat in his voice "What is it of your business anyway?! I don't bug you about Mona, do I? And hell knows you've probably gone a lot farther with her than Mica and I have!"
"HEY!" Raphael said, "Okay, okay, I get the point. I won't bug you about you and Mica's 'blooming romance', and you don't bother me about Mona and me, kay?"
"Deal" Mikey said. I took a bowl of the fruit salad and sat down to eat.
"Mike, you can't seriously think that Spiderman could take out Batman!" Raph said, continuing the argument my entrance had interrupted.
"What? and you think Batman could beat Spiderman? You expect me to take that seriously? I thought I knew you pretty well, Raph, but you're obviously an idiot. No offense. Spiderman would annihilate Batman!!"
"Two words, Mikey, Body Armor. The body armor on Batman's Batsuit! Spiderman's webs wouldn't stick to it!"

***

I finished packing by throwing some of my comics into a battered carry-on bag. Looking around the room, I didn't see much more that I needed. I noticed Mica was taking quite a lot of her stuff. I wondered why she needed it all, after all, we were going to her house.
I grabbed up a Spiderman comic and flopped down onto my bed to read it. Klunk came and rubbed up next to me. I reached over to pet him. He purred and arched up into my hand.
"Hey Mikey." I heard Mica say.
I looked up at her. The look of her today... she seemed to glow so radiantly. She looked so beautiful. I wanted to hold her in my arms and press her against me and never let her go. I gulped nervously at my thoughts.
I watched her as she lay down with a book. I studied her features. Though modestly built, she had some curves. Her eyes were black, but there was a thin tint of jade that I had never noticed before around the outside of her pupils. My heart did a queer little flutter.
Why? What has come over me? I've known Mica almost a whole year. She was one of my best, and closest, friends. So why now was I getting these new unsettling feelings about her? This new awareness of her?
I stashed the comic in my bag and stood up. I stretched, then asked "Hey Mica, I'm going out to the van, you want to come with me?"
"Sure." she said with a smile that made my heart do a little flip. She stood up and slung her backpack over her shoulder.
We went past Donatello's lab. He and Rose were working on something. I poked my head in "You guys almost ready to go?" I asked.
"Yea Mikey." Don said, "We'll be out in just a few minutes."
"Okay, Mica and me are gonna wait in the van."
"Okay."
We said good-bye to Leo and Splinter then headed out to the van.
I opened the back door to the windowless van and helped Mica in. I closed the door and sat against the wall of the van.
Mica sighed and lay her head on my shoulder. I felt my breath catch in my lungs nervously, but then I let it out and relaxed. I put my arm around her shell and saw her smile.
Soon her breathing slowed, mine did too. I looked down at her then closed my eyes.
I must have fallen asleep, for when I opened my eyes again, we were moving. I looked up, Mica was still sleeping, and someone had spread a blanket over us. Don was driving, and Rose was in the passengers seat. They were talking quietly.
"No kidding?" I heard Donatello say, "They thought the Sphinx was from Martians?"
"Well, yea." Rose replied, "Some people still do. Many of them say the building of the Sphinx and the pyramids would be too large of a task to do with just labormen."
"What do you think?"
"Well, I don't know. The farmers in the seasons when the Nile River Valley flooded, or maybe slaves could have done it. They did have advanced tools such as the lever and the pulley. I'm not sure though, I've studied Egyptian mythology, and been to Egypt. They may have had help from some of the spirits in that area."
Mica stirred slightly against me as she woke up. I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.
She smiled at me, then pulled away and yawned, stretching her arms.
"Hey Rose." Mica said, moving up towards the front, "Wow, I must have conked out."
"Yea." Donnie said, "You two were snoozing when we got out to the van. So Rose covered you up. That means you two are taking the night driving shift. I'll pull off in a couple miles and we can switch places."
"What state are we in?" Mica asked.
"Illinois, we just got out of Chicago. We've been making great time."
Donatello pulled to the side of the road and we switched places. As Mica merged into traffic, I watched Donnie and Rose get settled in the back, still discussing the pyramids and the Sphinx.
I looked over to Mica and smiled. She returned it whole heartedly.

***

I lay in my bed. Staring at the ceiling. I was exhausted, but I had too many different emotions and thoughts going through my head to rest right away.
We had gotten in late that night, or early that morning, depending on your point of view. My parents were still awake though, waiting up for us. Seeing my parents and the farm had made me realize how much I had missed it all.
I breathed the scent of pine in deeply, remembering the huge Christmas tree in the living room. My parents knew that the Christmas tree was my favorite part of the holiday, probably even more than the gifts. A warm rush of caring for my parents came over me.
With a small feeling of shock, I realized that Mikey was included in these thoughts and feelings. I had always liked Mike, and had stronger feelings for him than for the others, but now I realized I loved him.
I thought about the night before. How could I have done that? It was just gonna make the news a lot harder to break... it was already making the news harder for me to bear.
Remembering his warm, gentle lips on mine, I almost cried. Would I ever feel that way with him again? Would he be able to forgive me?
I felt tears roll down to my pillow. I sighed then forced my mind to stop churning and fell asleep.

***

"Hmmmm... I don't get it. It just doesn't make sense." I said to myself, reading the book over again for what seemed the millionth time.
"What doesn't make sense?" I heard Rose's soft voice ask.
I looked up "Rose, you startled me." I said.
She smiled slightly then sat on the edge of the bed "I thought you couldn't sneak up on a ninja."
"Well," I admitted, "sometimes I get so absorbed in what I'm doing that I sorta block the rest of the noise and stuff out. Probably out of habit, ya know, living with such noisy brothers."
"What are you working on?" she asked. She smelled nice, like lavender.
"Well, this is for my Western Studies credit, but I don't get it. I've re-read this section a ton of times and I still can't find the significance of air shaft placement in the pyramids." I said, looking through the book again.
Her bluish-purple eyes lit up behind her steel rimmed glasses. She slid next to me and started explaining how the ancient Egyptians worshipped the skies, and how they placed the shafts so that the moon and sun and certain stars would shine down them at different times.
It was like she had let me into a little bit of her though. I got a small peek at the bubbly, wildly animated, wonderful person who hid beneath Rose's shy exterior. I was also amazed at her intelligence. She was exceedingly brilliant in this subject.
"Now do you get it?" she asked.
"Yea." I said, "Thanks."
"You're welcome." she said, "Good luck." She squeezed my hand and smiled at me.
I smiled back at her. She slid off the bed and left the room.

***

I looked out onto the white landscape behind the barn. It was sure cold. I shivered a little and pulled my scarf up a little higher on my face.
I heard the snow crunch with footsteps and saw Mike, warmly bundled, walking towards me. He sat next to me on the snow covered hay pile.
"Hey Mica." he said, "Whatcha doing?"
"Thinking." I replied, turning my attention back to the snow.
"About what?"
"Life, Mike... Nature..."
"Pretty encompassing subject dudette, any thoughts in particular?"
"Just about our role in it all. I mean, we're mutants, right? So are we part of nature like a human is, or like a turtle is? Do we have to live by the rules of nature, that reproduction and passing on your genes is the ultimate goal? Kill to eat? Kill or be killed? Survival of the fittest? Or do we live by the rules of humans? That love and reproduction are sacred, that killing is wrong, that hurting others is wrong? Or are we something completely different, who must live by a totally different set of rules, Mikey?" I sighed and looked at Mike.
Mikey looked like he was sorry he'd asked. "Well, gee Mica, I don't really know."
We sat in silence while we both thought it over. I felt a little sorry for Mike. I knew he would have rather been debating Spiderman verses Batman with Raph.
"Well, I guess we're a bit of both, Mica." he said after a while, "I mean, while we value human life, we sometimes have to live by nature's rules. You know, kill or be killed. We try to live by human's rules, because we figure those best, but sometimes nature has ultimate control, ya know?"
"That still doesn't help much." I said, "That just means we're somewhere in between... Still partly wild animals... doing whatever it takes to survive and trusting our instincts... and partly civilized, if you could call it that... trying hard to adjust and conform to rules set by a world that can't, and won't, ever accept us. Maybe something more than a wild animal... but not quite human enough to actually be one..."
"Well Mica, that's what we are... somewhere in between... the power to decide between wrong and right is ours... but we still have that strong pull of natural instincts." He put his arm around the back of my shell and pulled me closer to him.
I moved up next to him, putting one of my arms around his shell and resting my other hand on his thigh. "You know, you're pretty smart sometimes, Mike." I said with a slight smile.
He put his hand up and caressed my face, pulling down my scarf "Just sometimes?" he asked, then he leaned over and kissed me, enveloping my mouth in warmth.
I moved my arm up and encircled his neck as I felt his strong arms go around my shell and pull me nearer.
We kissed for what seemed forever, I never wanted him to stop... I wanted to stay like this forever... and yet... my heart was breaking.
Finally I pulled away from Mike and looked at him with a longing like I had never felt before.
I looked up into his eyes and saw the burning lust and love in them. I let my arms drop from his neck, and turned my head down.
"What's wrong Mica?" Mike asked, concerned.
How could I tell him? I didn't have to tell him right then. Oh how I wished I'd never have to tell him.
I didn't answer, I pulled out of his arms and headed towards the house, leaving a confused Mike behind.

***

I walked the short distance across the driveway into the trees that the farm used as a windbreak. The snow felt cold to my bare feet. No boots big enough for me in the house, I guess that's the price I pay for having big feet.
It was chilly out. I pulled my coat closer around me. I looked ahead and saw Rose, she was kneeling over something. A bird of prey. It's wing was bent crooked, maybe broken.
"Oh Donatello, you scared me." she said, "This poor bird has broken it's wing. I'm not sure if I should pick it up though, I don't want to hurt it more."
I showed Rose how to pick up the bird and we carried it back to the house. As I showed her how to care for it, I was amazed by the amount of kindness and gentleness with which she treated the bird, even though it was trying to bite and claw her. We bandaged the bird and put it in a cage to keep until it's wing healed.
Then I went to my room to get ready for Christmas dinner. There had been smells of turkey and cranberries and pies floating through the house all day. The kind that made my mouth water. I put on the itchy sweater and the creased dress pants.
I looked in the mirror "I do look dashingly debonair if I do say so myself." I said to my reflection, slickly smoothing back the hair that wasn't there after removing my eyemask. I laughed and left the room.
'Wow!' I thought as I saw Rose come out of her room in a short gray crushed velvet dress.
"You look lovely" I said.
I winced. I'd sounded way too sincere. I mean, what was I thinking? Rose is a human. I'm a turtle... Boy, and I had thought Romeo and Juliet were doomed, just coming from families that didn't care much for another... Well, I guess you can't get any more doomed than caring for someone who isn't even the same species.
But, what could I do? I had fallen in love with her. Even if she didn't return my feelings, I had fallen too far to claw my way out now.
I smiled softly at Rose and went to escort her to the dinner table.

***

I went into Mica's room later that night, expecting to find her asleep. She wasn't there.
I wandered around looking for her. I wondered why she had seemed so sad after I had kissed her, why she had been so silent this evening.
I finally found her, she was in the barn, scrubbing down the smaller of the two horses.
"Hey Mica, didn't you know? Santa doesn't come to little girls who aren't in bed." I joked with her.
"I don't believe in Santa, Mikey." she replied, not looking at me. "The only stout short man that might visit me tonight is green not red."
I laughed a little and walked up behind her and draped my arms over her shoulders from behind. I dropped a kiss on her cheek.
To my surprise, she ducked out of my embrace and continued scrubbing the horse. "C'mon Mike, not now, I need to finish grooming Penny."
"Phht!" I said, "You give that darn horse so much attention. I'm starting to get jealous."
"Oh Mike." she said with a smile, "I'll give you some attention as soon as I'm done with Penny. Do you want a scrubdown too?"
"Actually..." I said with a smirk. Mica giggled. I watched her finish grooming Penny then lead him into his freshly cleaned stall. Penny shook his head and made a little noise before heading to his food tray.
Mica put a few things away before she came over to me. She looked at me with an unusual look of seriousness. "Mike, I'm not coming back to New York with you."
It took a moment for me to realize what she had said "What!?" I said "Why?!?!?" Oh, gawd I hoped it wasn't something I had done. Had I come on too strongly?
"Mike, my parents want to go on a trip." Mica said "They want me to stay and take care of the farm."
"What?" I said, "Aren't there people that they can hire to do that?"
"Yes there are." Mica admitted "But even if my parents weren't going on this trip, I can't go back to live in New York, Mikey. As much as I love you and will miss you, I can't live that way... Packed into a city like sardines... the constant noise... living among rapists and murderers and a million strangers... risking life and limb just to get a breath of fresh air, which there isn't much of in New York, I might add... I... I just don't know Mike. I feel like I'm loosing touch with my roots... with myself in a city as huge as New York."
I gasped, half of the things she had mentioned were the parts I loved about living in the Big Apple. "I.. I didn't do anything wrong did I?"
"OH NO!!!" she gasped, "Don't you ever think that! It's not you Mike. In fact you're the only thing that has kept me from completely cracking up these last months."
"Do the others know?" I asked, trying to swallow the lump that was forming in my throat.
"Well.." Mica paused and bit her lip, "I left a letter for Leo and Splinter in the lair, so they probably know already know, I told Mona and Raph before they left for Mona's parents, and I told Rose and Donatello yesterday."
"So I'm the last to know?!" I raved, "Is this how you love me?! Sheesh, you're dumping me and I'm the last to know!"
I stormed out of the barn, I heard Mica call after me, but I didn't look back, I slammed the door on her and went to the room I was sharing with Don and locked the door.
I heard Mica talking to me from the other side of the door. I heard the fear and sorrow in her voice. I sneered and popped on my headphones and turned up my CD.
Never before had I felt so betrayed.. so afraid... so venerable... maybe that was why I had lashed out at Mica, I wanted to hurt her the way she had me.
Growling, I picked up a comic and allowed myself to worry about Peter Parker and Mary Jane's problems instead of mine and Mica's.

***

I sat at the table with Donnie, talking. Mike stormed through, knocking a chair askew. Mica came rushing after him a few moments later, nearly tripping over the overturned chair. I heard the door to 'Mike's' room slam and Mica pleading to him.
"Well I guess Mica told him." Donnie said, righting the chair.
Soon Mica came into the kitchen and slumped down into a chair, she lay her head on the table and sobbed. Don looked very uncomfortable.
"I'll deal with her." I told him, "You go try to talk some sense into Mike."
I patted Mica's shell soothingly. Slowly, her sobs quieted. I gave her a tissue. Sniffling, she mopped her wet face.
"I... I didn't know he'd react this way." Mica said, "He's usually so accepting. Doesn't he realize that this is incredibly hard for me too?"
"Mica," I said, "He doesn't mean it. It must be just killing him inside, or else he wouldn't act so out of character."
Mica heaved a great sigh. "Oh why can't he understand? I love him... but, oh Rose, why must emotions be so confusing?"

***

I pulled on the door handle, it was locked. I retrieved the key, then let myself in. I found Mike reading a comic, a sour look on his face and ear phones clamped over his head.
I hit the stop button on the CD player and yanked the comic away from him. He sneered at me.
"Listen." he said, "If you're here to lecture me then you can just stuff it asshole."
"You know Mike" I said "You are acting exactly like Raphael!"
"Oh shut up Donnie!" he snapped at me, "You have no idea what I am going through. After you've had someone lead you along on a string only to rip your heart out mercilessly, then we can talk!"
"Don't you give me that shit!" I said, "You know Mica cares for you. You know she didn't do it to hurt you!"
Mike growled at me, but I continued anyway. "And maybe after you stop sulking and being such an ass, you'll see that too!"

***

Mike, Don, and Rose had left late Christmas day. Mike was still mad at me. My heart ached when I thought of him. I doubted he would ever forgive me.
My parents had tried to ignore the angry looks and cold shoulder he had given me all Christmas day. I think they were afraid to approach me about it. I was so much different from when I had left them. I was darker... more ninja-like... wilder... angrier maybe. I had felt it too, in New York I had gained some things... but I had lost irreplaceable things... my innocence... my love of life... just small parts of me that seemed to be missing.

END PART 1

<~~ "Shattered Consciousness", part 2 Series art The Mica Series Profiles "Changes -- Love and Tears", part 2 ~~>

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